bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134741
 14.10.2016
>In general, blinds and homophobes are surprisingly unanimous in terms of "they themselves invented in an empty place - themselves over-excited"

Oh, only the blinds quietly over-excite themselves in a narrow circle of like-minded people, and the homophobes climb with their over-excitement where it is not worth climbing.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №134740
 14.10.2016
Why is it bad when it is called by the wrong name? There are no evil witches. After all, you always need a real name, only DNA is not enough

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134739
 14.10.2016
News: Cozdan is a nanomaterial that produces alcohol from air.
The comments:
1st We have such physicists in every yard. They don’t have money, but the alcohol comes from somewhere, apparently from the air.
2nd And if you drop this nanowire into a glass of soda without syrup, you get vodka right away!
And if with the syrup - different "openings" Allo!! The patent!! to
Three Everyone is coming together now...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134738
 14.10.2016
How to look at 21 years old

I am a student of 4th grade. About two weeks ago I shaved my hair under the unit (just so, wanted). A week ago I broke my eyebrows on an antresol, there was a scar. Yesterday I went to school for my brother, showed my passport, I was missed. I pass by a bunch of nine-grade girls and I hear: “I thought they were paid to not let them come to us.” and sad.

~ ^∆ ^~

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №134737
 14.10.2016
NT: I have an ultimate idea, to name the programming language ‘take it off’, it will be a language for rapid prototyping with static typing.
NT: What are you writing about?
to fuck.
NT: And at the thematic conferences the speakers will tell "I recently started writing on the fuck, but already noticed a noticeable increase in productivity"

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134736
 14.10.2016
XXX Training at Work
The lecturer says: “I have two favorite activities: process analysis and optimization and strategic task setting.” Fuck, how boring I live.
I sit and think "And I love eating..."

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №134735
 14.10.2016
At about the first grade, when the girls were sending each other letters of happiness in packs, I received one from an excessively romantic person. The meaning of it was that it was necessary to send this girl in response a male name, and what will be received somewhere there on account will be the name of her narrow. The cynic born in me sent her Sruel... We didn’t have close friendship.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №134734
 14.10.2016
Situation: Tatiana Nikolaevna persuades me to hang our flag on the wall in front of Marina (above the place of Yura). He said to inspire.
Better a rope. with soap and soap. To be, so to speak, an incentive to work
I: For the stimulus is better a carrot (meaning the popular picture where the carrot hangs in front of the donkey, he runs to it, but since it is there on the hood attached to the donkey, the carrot runs with it, etc.)_
At the end of the carrots is a rope. With soap!
A carrot with soap!
Uncomfortable pause
Marina: Light, you are cruel

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №134733
 14.10.2016
All evil in this world is created by the silent consent of deeply decent and good people.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134732
 14.10.2016
In the oceanarium near the swimming pool with turtles stand two of our compatriots - a very fed daddy, the neck smoothly moves into the shoulders, and a boy 5 years old. The cashier can buy a glass of food and feed the turtles, which these two actually do. In turtles, the feeder causes a stormy enthusiasm, the boy, respectively, too. Then I hear this dialogue M-boy, P-pa.
Dad, can I try food too?
No, this is for turtles.
It smells so delicious, well.
P – No, I said it. can not. The hell knows what they put there.
M – Well... please...
P – I can’t tell you. It smells delicious, and so fucking something. I have already tried.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №134731
 14.10.2016
Boy stand up. Let’s go and dig potatoes.
Dad, at 4 a.m.
Get up, get up, my son. I need to dig potatoes.
Dad, we don’t have a donation!
That doesn’t mean we don’t need potatoes.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №134730
 14.10.2016
A joke about the updated UAZ Patriot: the course of the gasoline tank and the gasoline pump in the original version were not provided. They were twisted after the car was assembled, when they understood why it wasn’t driving!"

[ + 26 - ] [6 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134729
 14.10.2016
Jerry found the boy’s name on the diagram lying on the table, but, unable to read it, repeated the question:
What is your name?
“Stanislav Valentin Drenckevdodewicz,” the young man replied.
Name by letters.
The guy listed a bunch of voiceless and consistent with such a speed that Jerry involuntarily permeated with respect for his language.
Okay sit down. So you are Polish?
I am a real American. I came to America when I was six months old."

(c) The Fourth Spine, or the Slave Cheater, by Marty Larney.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №134728
 14.10.2016
We discussed last year.

Reveal the secret, who knows! Since childhood the question has been tormented, what are the full names of Chuk and Hek?! to

Vladimir and Sergey
Vovchuk and Sergeyka> Gaika
A hundred years ago, it looked differently.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134727
 14.10.2016
I recently found out where the sensations came from.

I have a chief - a heavy and family member of a well-known official in our region, a few years ago with a pathos sentenced for corruption crimes (in principle, there is nothing surprising here, and the name and surname - gently speaking, not artificial). Recently, as a result of personnel changes in the office, the comrade received a new position. Some gifted journalists excavated this information and made a sensation, writing a pathetic article about the cursed corrupt. Of course, to check the information - no need, they have the fried fact is cold, not before that...

In short, all the articles came out, one day after three, when they were already able to discuss even those who do not use the Internet and read the paper version of the newspaper, I began to call acquaintances - I heard, to say that you in the office is happening, how corruption thrives! And you think someone believed me that this is a completely different NN, I have worked with him for five years, and the one who was jailed, I never saw in the eyes? It’s just a circular message and everyone covers crimes, and in fact, it’s...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №134726
 14.10.2016
XXX - Can you eat your mass?
YYY – That’s what a black hole says to a neighboring star! and r

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №134725
 14.10.2016
Good morning, and the poems are interesting.

I love Nietzsche. I know many of his poems. When I am lazy to tell my son a fairy tale, I read his favorite poems. And here in the garden on the New Year’s Morning, my son, instead of the learned verse about the tree tree, begins with the intonation of a man beaten by life: “I voluntarily put on chains, became a reproach to the damned family...”. The silence in the hall lasted forever..."

~ ^∆ ^~

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №134724
 14.10.2016
From the VK quote:
Three hours of night! Who are you?
This is the father of your student, Elena Vasilyevna. Do you sleep?
Of course!
- And we chestnuts drink, chestnuts sweep - we prepare a deal for the contest "Goodbye Autumn"...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134723
 13.10.2016
Per, even if you explain to me, why to help children for a man is boring and shameful, but to dress up with Georgian tape and stick to people on the street is prestigious and honorable?
I’m also wondering... All these which "Contra..." – why does none of them help people in real problems? Do eagles catch flies? Or, on the contrary, they just understand that it is safer to cope with a camera with a little reasonable alcache than to spit out any old man from black retailers? Should children change their butterflies?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134722
 13.10.2016
One day, the parents cooked a condensed meal, the father anointed on the bread - Na, try.

I didn’t eat anything more delicious.

And here, I’m alone at home, in one hand a condensed bank, in the other a pot with water. I think I’ll make a party for myself.

I put the bowl in a pot, lighted a lighthouse in a conforcation, I wait.

It took 15 minutes to stop. A spoon broke the pot in the pot.

Thirty minutes. - Yes, maybe it's time, sausages that, out, ten minutes are cooked.

I pulled out the bowl, knocked it with the opening, and from the bowl I pulled it onto the ceiling, onto the closets, onto the head.

How much to cook it? I asked my mother a few days later, scratching my blue left ass.

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