bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №127498
 28.04.2016
The Friday. End of working day. Send a fax. In the other office fax on the machine. After the fax seems to have passed, I call to find out (at the same place, but by another phone), whether everything is okay, whether everything is visible on the leaflet, etc. And there already turned on the auto response - said, the working day is over. and OK.





On Monday morning I call back early to find out what happened. The cable is taken by the secretary. The dialogue:

Good morning! A company like that? How was it on Friday?

How... they ate.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №127497
 28.04.2016
I bought an apartment and lived apart from my parents. A month later I got the account. I paid for it and now I get new ones every month. What did I wrong? Maybe they didn’t have to pay first, or did they think I was bad?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №127496
 28.04.2016
My grandfather served in the war as a commander of the artillery battery. He told me this story:

Once, after a hard night, he slept to rest next to the weapon, and slept unnoticed for himself. And when after some time I woke up, I saw the guns rolling from the shells next to the weapon.

When asked where this dirt came from, the soldiers replied that the order had come by several raids to drive away the German tanks that appeared to be in the distance, and for such a nonsense they did not wake the commander.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №127495
 28.04.2016
I go into the bedroom and they are doing counter-exercise.
The words “Contra-Ibuction” are written through “I”.
I know, but what they did was written by “E.”

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №127494
 28.04.2016
If your interlocutor makes spelling mistakes in the text, then most likely he is not a bot.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №127493
 28.04.2016
Discomfort in the years
I am not ready to suffer.
Going to the toilet at night.
I killed three cats.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №127492
 28.04.2016
I think your new colleagues find you very strange.
I think they definitely think of me as strange, not suspecting that I am fucking.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №127491
 28.04.2016
Zadolbaez No.20192 "Mommy, we are in heaven!" You either breathe pizza or you live in Belgium.
Have you ever been to Europe? When you go, go to Bauhaus for interest.
The roof is not sold, it is not sold.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №127490
 28.04.2016
I don’t understand this fashion, today in the transport I was beaten in the face with my tail of hair, and how do you think who... a guy, of course a guy.

Ahahahahah
Where is this beautiful man

In the stand

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №127489
 28.04.2016
There are gravitational anomalies in dog cats as well! I went to bed, pulled the blanket up on me, and it was heavy, did not get up and all! Well, I think, this is what I trained, this is what I am good, straight, right, right, I have no strength in my hands. She got up and found a dozen of our cunning collie, who thought to push the edge of the blanket on the floor to sleep on it.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №127488
 28.04.2016
In my childhood, in addition to all kinds of fairy tales, stealthily and with expression, I read medical Talmuds. He says, especially under the inertia cut well. Of course, you do not learn at once, you have to study.
We discuss this case on the phone, from the series "It’s in your blood" (I went to the veterinarian). Education is a terrible force. I am not a neurologist. At the lectures on anatomy under these topics, I slept Very sweet. : r

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №127487
 28.04.2016
The neighbor in the room, b%t, earned a laptop...
I gave the precise definition that he was dead, the intant gave the precise definition that he was dead and needed a new mother, the people to whom he was wearing him before the intant said that the note was dead, but it was something resurrected, honestly I am afraid guys, I think this consequence of terrible and terrible necromancy will kill us at night...
If I am not in the pair tomorrow, know that it has swallowed us with darkness to live on!

[ + 39 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №127486
 28.04.2016
In two years, China produced more cement than the United States produced in the entire 20th century. (4.9 gigatons, google yourself how much it is).
Length of roads: 4 million The kilometers.
300,000 bridges across the country, of which 1,000 are more than a kilometer long.
The fleet is increasing by 20 million. You can only enter Beijing if you use the last digit of your registration number today.
100 airports are built every year. A hundred airports. A hundred. A hundred pieces. Count from one to a hundred and imagine an airport every time. The Bats! is built.
Giant viaducts with a length of 150 km. The Widows! I only saw Viaduck in Simcity. Or, for example, a 28 km long tunnel.
The train from Guangzhou to Guangzhou passes 510 bridges and 236 tunnels at a speed of 250 km per hour.
In 30 years, the Chinese have increased the residential area of the country by 8 times! My companion for a month can not find an apartment, and in China they are distributed for free.
In 10 years, China will have 220 cities with more than 1 million inhabitants. of man. How many of these cities will remain in 10 years?

And all this statistics is because of one simple number. Since 2000, 10,000 people have been executed in China. of officials.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №127485
 28.04.2016
Here you say - the Chinese, say, do badly, curly. I have a story like that. As a child, I had surgery, gips, to-se. As a result, the right foot is larger than the left by 2 sizes. With winter shoes is still normal, and summer shoes usually have to buy 2 pairs. And then my husband and I were in the shoe, Chinese shoes looked like cast seats! On both feet! Half open, and with holes in front, on the sides, with a heels closed only. The husband and so, and so watched, knowing my problems, could not believe that they were not two couples. She is the only one, the last. Per the only one that is sewn with careful Chinese hands on my different legs :)

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №127484
 28.04.2016
A woman crossed the Ural for 50 glasses of beer.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №127483
 28.04.2016
A bad idea was to sing in a police car "Bring me a deer into your country as a deer".

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №127482
 28.04.2016
About the cats.
Everything is much easier than you think - the probability of hitting a cat is 50%. Either you come or not.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №127481
 28.04.2016
Why was the director of the Library of Ukrainian Literature in Moscow arrested? Which of the librarians is an extremist?
You don’t understand the seriousness of the situation! Librarians try to find the most sacred thing for every Russian. On the TV!

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №127480
 28.04.2016
The news:

“The giant ball found last month in Bosnia has seriously stunned scientists around the world. According to the researchers, the ball with a diameter of 1.5 meters and a weight of 30 tons is made of iron, but its purpose is not yet known. His age is also unknown. According to some scientists, the ball is a riddle to ancient civilizations that we know nothing about.”

The commentary:

We know this civilization. Look further, there must be another like that, broken.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №127479
 28.04.2016
Plato is my friend. Vladimir Putin (c)

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