This morning I heard on television as an expert on Feng Shui broadcasts:
If you know clearly where your mess lies, it is no longer a mess, it is your personal order.

Any lamb considers the shepherd a brilliant leader and the dog a protector of the herd, although they eat more sheep than wolves.

kAIST: Reminds the history of creating Viagra – made a cure for heart problems, and got a good side effect)
Izac: Aga or LSD, made from migraines, got an entry into another reality.
Ankh1989: the entrance through the carpet? and :)

Chat with accountants:
XXX: Disabled for failure to pay. Since the accounting office is only open on Mondays, they will send a bill of consultation from July and bills for payment on Monday. Please check the payment and subsequent activation of the service. an incomprehensible situation.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

XXX: Do you have a cat on the keyboard?

ZZZ: What is it?? to
zzz: It looks like it’s soori (((
zzz: We are not at home (((

XXX: The wife of a friend of щас came overwhelmed.
YYY: what happened :o)
XXX: she works with social surveys
xxx: I approached a young couple, answer a couple of questions, those are - let's. Is it your profession? They are: the pimples. She: What is it? Then you will know (laughs).
This is stupid, and what?
The wallet was pulled out of...
yyy: o mayn got :o)

The irony is that by prohibiting the search for extremism in religious texts, we are subtly hinted at the fact that extremism still exists in religious texts.

I walk on the shore, curl into the city, I meet a young couple. He has gloves and a cognac.
It was cold, the satellite said.
Hold on, the man replies.
And then I go for another twenty minutes and guess what he offered her: gloves or cognac.

xxx: And we (the accountant) at the team building drank cognac, hiding behind chairs in the dressing room. with the logistics department. Officially, it was not possible to drink until the evening, but the logists had. This really united, not jumping on the plates anyway.

Denying evolution, science in general, and genetics in particular, the Russian Orthodox Church, in order to establish the authenticity of the remains of the Tsarist family, turned to genetics for help.

xxx> According to rumors, for such in hell prepared a separate entertainment.
xxx> The black jump is firmly attached to the black and well-known longitudinal product of the industry "18+".
xxx> On top is planted and fixed, in fact, the subject himself who has been funded.
And the devil-piloted railroad, even without particular cruelty - at the speed of a tired cyclist - just rides on all the "built" and "repared" roads of this type for life.
xxx> In their condition "after a couple of years of operation" XD

In the chat:

I killed Kennedy!

I am Batman. You are breathing!

ZZZ: In the houses! The Doctor is coming!

It is immediately clear that Ren TV, broadcasting "Game of Thrones".
Five minutes ago, drunk men broke the snowman in a dude, shouting: For Winterfell!

Q: Who loves you at all?
YYY: The cat!! to
All the fibers of the cat’s soul.
At least until I put him to the veterinarian tomorrow.
Q: What about my husband?
Your husband does not need to go to the veterinarian.
Q: Did you not castrate him?
YYY: O_o
Damn, don’t write so fast.
YYY: Requesting a message
Oh yeah, all...

Cybernetics: In the winter, it is so nice to walk, squeeze a little, and then come home
Drink hot tea with a simple sandwich.

Winpooh: It can be without the last five words.

Ishadrin: It can be without words from fourth to eleventh. Just like without the first.

XXX: I see on the swamp cats
Large Phosphorus Dogs
Tell Holmes and in the phone exactly.
The tobacco?

Yyy: No, it’s in the tube – Chui’s wire.
Breathe in, Batson, you have the strength!
He is Baskerville Mamedov.
I was driving.)

to this

Russia’s main problem is that you can steal a lot of money and buy a cool jeep, but you can’t buy a good road. And so in all areas.

Of course, where will you get a good road if you stole it yourself?

Q33NY: More from the same series:
A police officer approaches the newspaper:
Is there truth?
- Truth is not, the homeland was sold, there was labor for three pennies and rural life.

DEVILNEST: Then already "Technology of youth"

Licemer61: What is Smart? Young people "foreigners bought, take what they ate until they bought it.

The story of the plunging into the cry came to mind: our research and development department was in the same room with the supply department. And just on Friday before the baptism, Vova (a young supplier driver and a former athlete) wrote very enthusiastically - Boys (!!) Tomorrow is such a day! You need to dive in any way, it is health for the whole year! And we, those who were a little older, listened to him halfway, and two of our young colleagues, Pasha and Leonid, were very excited and lively discussed how and where one of them could dive into the ice water.
Monday has arrived. The first came Pasha with a red face, coughing - he sat down until lunch and asked and went home sick... Leonid just called and said with a chilled voice that he had a fever and he would not be there for a while...
But Vova, who was somewhere on the go, appeared after lunch - like a cucumbers healthy and active. Well, I think, the athlete did not get through the ice water and asked - Since you have sunk Vova - tell me!
“Yes,” Vova says, smiling confusedly, as it was: my friend and I came to dive on the stack – there the cutting was already ready. But for courage, they decided to stumble in front of the river. We sat on the bench near the stack and first a hammer, then added a little, and then as it fell - shortly we understood that we were already well without diving)

Ideas for the New Year’s Party:
Everyone pulls out a paper with one of the deadly sins and the whole night impunely surrendered to him.
Yyy: For example, the disappointment.

Doors, hammer, squat...I was seven years old, my grandfather squeezed a pair of walnuts in his fist and broke them apart. He said he didn’t respect men with the "shit hands". I have hardly eaten nuts since then. The strength in the whole body was only enough to split a couple of nuts a day manually, but to lose the respect of the grandfather was very scary.