The authorities unnoticed the introduction of an air tax: to breathe through a mask - 20 rubles, without a mask - 5000 rubles.

That was in 2001 or 2002. I served, but my poor D.D. did not allow me to exist normally. Just to exist. But it is not about that.

I arranged to work for security at CenterTelecom (there was such an organization, then it was absorbed by all of us loved Rostelecom). We “guarded” the ATS, the work is not dusty. Check passes, and after the working day expel the "earned".

Since everything related to IT has always been interesting to me, I joined up with local people. It is not necessary to tell in detail, but in order to continue the story it had to be stated.

At about 15 kilometers there was one of our branches, where there was no 24-hour guard. At night, all employees left the ATS building. But the Aitishnikovs had one hemorrhoid, which was an old server who loved to hang at night. What he was responsible for, I already forgot (or did not know), but the duty of the Aitishnikov was to explode at any time of the day and night, and come to this ATS to press "Reset". But first they had to come to us to take the keys and remove this building from the guard. After that, everything started to work, and they could continue to rest.

In my turn, they often asked me to take a taxi and go back and forth. Naturally, taxis were compensated, and there was usually a present in the form of a pair of beer or chocolate.

Since we were two at the facility, we could afford to do so in violation of duties. Sometimes I had to ride a couple of times a night.

Then somehow it all stopped. And I decided to ask the Aitishnikovs what happened. I thought the money was allocated for a new servo.

It turned out easier. They worked in that building, and at the same time they worked with the energy workers there. Something was removed on its line. After work, they decided to sit on an adult with strong alcoholic drinks. And we broke up with them. In a drunk conversation, I complained to the server.

As a result, it all went so. If the server was hanging, then our айтишники called the power station. The duty energy officer cut off the light in the entire micro-area, respectively, in the building of the ATS, the light also disappeared. After five seconds, the light was given, the server loaded safely and worked until the next hanging.

Fifteen years ago, a commission was held in a district hospital. Everywhere there are people who just ask who is with the child, whom the health care provider with such an appearance as if the chief physician would pull out who without a turn plus the mafia grandma who just come to the hospital to talk, etc. Shortly before the end of the commission burned a cap like. Surgeon and therapist. I sit with the surgeon waiting for my turn and another smart man tries to jump to ask. I stood up at the door, sitting in general probably 2 hours, as the doctor apparently wasn’t there, and I didn’t let go. I tell him I’ll go, and then come in all the time, ask. He’s quiet, I’m standing at the door and 5 minutes later, some thin tall alchemy is trying to knock on the door to the surgeon. I am where you lie drunk, I am standing for two hours at my turn. He was a little confused and then betrayed. I work as a surgeon here.

If you are not chosen anywhere, don’t be upset, maybe you’re just a decent person.

- You will be driven out of the kindergarten with a wolf ticket, and everything will become porcelain! The grandmother said.
What is “farfolene,” I did not know. But that was not what interested me.
Where do wolves go for a ticket? I asked.
In the bathroom! My grandmother screamed in my heart. “No, this child was designed specifically to bring me to the Swordlovka!
“I don’t need a wolf ticket,” I told my grandmother. I go to the bathroom without a ticket. So I probably won’t get rid of her, I reassured her.
The fact is that I refused to read in the childhood morning general educational poems such as “Our Masha...” or “Tyros” and insisted on something from Yesenin.
At that time, Sergey Yesenin's poems were not very published, but his grandmother knew a large number of them. I loved to declare. And now we have reaped the fruits of it.
Teachers would also go to Yesenin, if I agreed, for example, on the barrel, but I would definitely want to perform "Mother's Letter". The preliminary listening made the babysitter and one of the educators faint. The second lasted to the best lines in my performance. And when I cried out, “I’m not such a miserable propyza...” I tried to slip along the wall.
Thank God, normal children don’t hear this. She cried when she recovered.
Well, here she squeezed a little. That case! Will I read my favorite poet without the audience? Wait to!
In short, I specifically opened the door to the playroom and spoke as loudly as possible.
What is a heavy fool? – asked, the teacher barely entered the playroom, girl Rita.
It is heavy! I corrected it.
– Marina Andreevna, why are you crying? I asked Rita this time.
The parents got back again.
After a serious conversation with his dad, during which he was proposed the version that to give a couple of times to some disgust in a soft place - the measure is still educational.
As a person very interested in the outcome of the discussion, I raised a number of objections, citing such authorities as Grandma, Korchak and Uncle Grish. (Uncle Grisha had four daughters, so he loved me so much.)
How will your older brother look at this? I asked my father, pedaling the word, the elder.
The case ended with something like a pact. That is to say, I promised not to publicly declare any poems!
It is no-ka-ki! I asked for papas.
I promised. And suspiciously willing.
Except for those who are teachers. Dad got caught.
I had to go to that too.
It cannot be said that for kindergarten teachers came some resemblance to the Renaissance. In addition to me, there were nineteen other “presents” in the group. I bothered them at least. And the forces accumulated... Oh, Dad... How I was tormented by the word given to him!
Then came a big celebration. And all parents should have come and be amazed at how we have grown and become smarter. I was asked to read poetry.
Which ones? I asked.
What you want! The teacher who lost his alertness.
Could the Marshall?
Of course! She smiled. For her, Marshak was the soft and thin books of Dethiza.
When my dad came to me in the evening, I brought him to the teacher and asked her to confirm that I should read Samuel Marshak’s poem in the morning. She confirmed and even struck me in the head.
What poetry? The vigilant dad clarified.
The Marshall? – she was surprised and taughtly added: – Marshak poems can be read to children any! It is time for you to know!
My confused dad took me home.
Then came the morning. Everyone read poetry. The parents were friendly. It was my turn.
“Samuel Marshak,” I announced. The Queen Eleanor.
Without expecting anything bad from Marshak, everyone smiled. Except for Dad and Mom. Mom even wanted to stop me, but dad looked at the teacher and did not.
“The Queen of Britain is seriously ill,” I began, “her days and nights are numbered... and the people immediately became interested. Inspired by the attention, I continued...
When it came to the picky situation with the confessors, the people did not have fun, but began to be very surprised. And I continued:
– I had two sons in marriage... – I spoke with the weak voice of the queen.
The eldest son and good and good.
Opinions are divided. Some asked me to stop. Others were interested...and they demanded a continuation. But I wanted to read something. I went to my mom and dad. to cry.
On the way home, I was very afraid that I was about to be announced some sort of repression. His father was suspiciously silent.
“Yes, by the way,” he said, “you haven’t read it until the end. Read now, or my mom and I forgot what happened!
And passers were surprised to listen to the poems, which, going by the pen with their parents, declared a five-year-old boy...

by Alexander Birstein

Are you stealing from the budget?
Yes, and what then?
What if they find out?
Here you found out. and what?

Women’s fun is like that.

To ask directly is to be responsible for your request.

to point out:

- I understood the hint correctly - it was not I asked, but you did it yourself.

I did not understand the clue correctly – I asked, and you did not.

In 2008, after the completion of the theoretical part of the railway engineering program, I passed a practice, after which I had to officially obtain the qualification of an assistant engineer of a heat truck. It must be said that our group studied in its own way: it was not a full three-year training, but courses exclusively with specialized subjects. People gathered together adults, even matriarchal, but very, very simple, and spent their free time not on snoring, but on strengthening the symptoms of alcoholism.

As a result, the graduation exams we all passed through money, because no person in the group was found who could do without it. The teachers asked for a very small amount, so everyone was comfortable. Unfortunately, because of this later on, on a serious railway field, to master everything again, and it was hard, but this is the price of laziness and emptiness.

So, the practice has begun. It was divided into two parts - repair and operation. At the repair we were given a lot of the most unpleasant and dirty work that the workers themselves did not want to do, in whose jurisdiction we entered. I returned home whole and full as a pipe cleaner.

This practice continued for a month, and then, in the second month, the so-called "exploitation" began - finally riding a train. I was handed over to an experienced and competent engineer with an unusual surname (if you read, hello you and thank you for everything). He immediately understood everything about me and treated me as if I should be treated as an unlearned man, that is, not very well. But the time went by, we learned poorly to coexist in the same cabin, and sometimes even talked about abstract topics.

Why did you decide to go to the railroad? He asked once.

I do not know. I have liked it since I was a child, I said.

Do you like it now?

In general yes. and now.

The machinery stumbled.

Why did you go to school instead of school?

I told how we "learned" and how we passed the exams through money.

It cannot be so, he said. There is no such thing in our technology. Who took the exams?

I thought and remembered:

My grandmother was like that. One of the main ones. Thick as a barrel. She was so dumb that she could barely get into the office. In what! I painted with my hands.

The engineer thought about it. I got the phone, knocked the buttons. He showed me a picture on the screen and asked:

This this?

I’m watching – surely!

She is, I say. Who is this?

It turns out to be my wife, he said.

told a colleague. I saw in June in the entrance an advertisement written with a beautiful flat handwriting. Say, dear neighbors, if you have unnecessary glass pots, please leave them on this window. And the signature is Zoya’s grandmother from such an apartment.

So why not leave? In the coming days, new banks were constantly appearing on the window. A friend also washed a few of theirs and put it.

Later the announcement disappeared and everyone safely forgot about this story.

The breakdown came somewhere at the beginning of September.

This same window suddenly turned out to be housed by banks with various salts, compotes and other types of country conservation. Bottle 40-50 per view. And above them a new announcement of the same author: Dear neighbors, please take your banks.

You know, it is not necessary for everyone to benefit society. Enough so that it does not hurt.

© Police

One day a young man recognized his teacher in the passage. He approached the old man and asked:

Do you not remember me? I was your student.
I remember you as a third-class student. What are you doing now?
I am teaching.
What led you to this choice?
Not what, but who. and you.
Let me wonder, what was my influence?

Do you really not remember? Let me refresh this in your memory. One day my classmate came to the classroom with a beautiful watch on hand that his parents gave him. He took them off and put them in a box. I always dreamed of having a watch. He did not resist and decided to take them out of his party. Soon the boy approached you in tears and complained about the theft. You looked at us all and said, “Those who took the clocks belonging to this boy, please return them.”

I was very ashamed, but I didn’t want to break up with the hours, so I didn’t admit. You went to the door, locked it, and told us all to stand along the wall, warning, "I must check all your pockets on the one condition that you all close your eyes." We listened and I felt it was the most shameful moment in my short life. You moved from student to student, from pocket to pocket. When you took the clock out of my pocket, you kept moving to the end of the row. Then you said, “Children, it’s okay. You can open your eyes and go back to your sides.” You returned the watch to the owner and did not say a single word about the incident.

That day you saved my honor and my soul. You have not defiled me as a thief, a liar, a child of nothingness. You didn’t even dare to talk to me about this episode. Over time I understood why. Because, as a true teacher, you did not want to defile the dignity of a young student who has not yet formed. So I became a teacher.
Both were silent under the impression of this story. Then the young teacher asked:
Since you recognized me today, did you remember me in that episode?
The old teacher replied:
I also looked at my pockets with my eyes closed.

The idiots, for a year, have been looking for where the air leak on the ISS. Drown her in the ocean and see where the bubbles come from!

When I was a child (about 10 years old) a friend of mine, Max, came to visit me, and we cut the grid with him at C&C. They sat in different rooms.

And at some point, suddenly, his attacks become extremely violent, the harvesters take me down first, then begin to pass through the defense of the main base and take down my "nick" base, which was in the steel at the corner of the map. I can’t stand it and shout disgustingly, “Maaax? “!” With the intonation WTF? ! to “”

In response, I hear the roar of Bati. Max has been home for a long time.

The neighbor complains:

- Ask to go out at night, pay 5000. Nothing was paid, there were violations.

They didn’t find violations, they just didn’t want to pay.

Maybe maybe...

Why are you going out at night?

They pay well!

Once upon a time, after a date with a girl, I ran away from her to my home in order to get time for another epic in LA2.

That day, my mother asked me to buy some shit at the pharmacy, and there were only 10 minutes left before the event.

I go to the pharmacy and see a line of six men in front of me. I think, “Well, don’t let me participate in the distribution of epic bijee.” The clan’s policy was quite unambiguous on such issues.

I take from the shelf what my mother asked and look down on a pack of condoms. I understand that they still need them and dusted, and then at three streams I get up in a row. One of the men (M) turns to me, sees in my hands a packet of Gandons and asks:

M: Are you in a hurry?

How did he know about Raid? ! to »

I am... yes at all.

M – The men! He said to the crowd and they turned around. A guy runs out to a girl! Let’s miss it, or it won’t break down if it’s too late! The case is young...

Everyone broke up, understanding Kiev with the heads and I broke my purchases.

He smiled and ran home to stumble.



P.S Ride was done.

[ by

I had such a classmate. He was constantly injured: then he swung his hand on the ice hole, then he ran away on the slope in the village, and his foot stumbled on the armor. I went to the same doctor all the time. One time the surgeon even asked Lesha’s parents, “When will you get it?”

Aaa: The main thing is that there is no one behind the wheel of the poor car. He squeezes and says, “A few more times and give me a lexus.”

BBB: No, nothing terrible will happen. I will explain why. She sucked you and took your lexus, so you must already suck her out and you can count on her lexus. A loop appears. To rule out the appearance of cockroaches in this column, nature ruled out the heterosexuality of men who believed in the correspondence of the cost to the status of a cockroach.

CCC: Hello to you. I am a professor of applied biology of Voronezh GvPFGU. Please leave your contact details to contact you from the department of research deviations, we are ready to offer you cooperation on mutually beneficial terms.

Ddd: Do not agree, man. Should be placed on the approved table.

No matter what you call politics, it will still be ugly.

Ricochet

It was a long time ago. At the entrance of my acquaintance Katie began to gather teenagers. They drank vodka on the stairs, cuddled loudly, smoked, and, judging by the smell, not only tobacco, but, and not only smoked, cried, junked and all sorts of pigs. They were heard from the first floor to the last. Katya tried to cut them in a good way, saying, here babies sleep, the old people want to rest, and in general people live, would you go to someone's house or at least stop weeping. Of course, she had no success. Young people, smiling, told her that one of them lives in the same entrance, has the right to be there not worse than her, and they are his guests, but on the stairs they like more than in the apartment. Apparently, the parents of this flower of life were not delighted with his friends.

The other would despair. Katya worked as an engineer for years. Young people gathered two floors below. Throwing potatoes into them would be counterproductive, and membership was not part of the catch of intent. She found a dirty but whole plastic bag, filled it with water, tied it up and quietly stepped to the flight. On the third floor, laying their backs on the periphery, two smoked and swallowed, the others next door passed a glass around. Katya targeted and threw a bag into the company. The calculation was that he would not harm anyone, but that pleasure will no longer be, wet citizens in the winter on the staircase will not throw.

But not everything went according to plan. Although in general, Katya was a sporty woman, she did not get above the three in casting. And here her hand trembled, the bag flew past the third floor, knocked on the perimeter of the second and jumped back onto his platform. By chance, a second earlier there came out a neighbor in a training suit - whether he could not stand the scream of an honest company, or just decided to smoke. The neighbor was a mighty, thick-headed man under two meters tall with a tender expression of the face, you will see at night - you will lose your sleep. Katya, who noticed the neighbor after her targeting, watched with horror how the baget flyed past the third straight into his face, whispered something, but behind the screams of teenagers nobody heard her. The meeting of the neighbor with the packet was very effective. There was a sprinkle fountain, at the same time a fountain of pronouncement erupted from the man. Wiping out the straws from the skull, the completely wet neighbor with a roar: “Oh you... so you’re broken! I am you now! I am for you!Purposefully and lightning-bearing, like a bear up a tree, rushed to the third floor, deciding that it was a greeting from the hoppies. Who would think otherwise?

All this happened in a couple of seconds. Katya did not follow the development of events, which took such an unexpected turn, quickly rushed to herself and closed the door to the castle. From the stairs, screams, mat and somewhat exhausting pulling were heard. Five minutes later there was total silence. No more company was there.

The first wave of a pandemic: doctors are trying to convince people that the covid exists.
The second wave: people are trying to convince doctors that there are other diseases.