bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №116832
 02.08.2015
We have a driver working, a woman over 50. She once went to the village with her husband and friends to a bath with vodka and meat. And on the way they met a herd of sheep, without a shepherd. Not thinking for a long time, they grabbed the lamb, drove it into the trunk and went on, dreaming of shells and arguing who would score that lamb. We arrived at the place, opened the luggage compartment and wrecked it, because the lamb was crawling all the way, no, no, it was crawling. Everything was done, from cover to cover, and the animal itself from tail to head. The sheep were thrown out with a pinch under the ass, the car was thrown into the river with the ass and washed all weekends. This is how the thirst of the hollow can ruin the weekend.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №116831
 02.08.2015
ply
What was the shit here if contextual advertising offered hair wholesale?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №116830
 02.08.2015
I go along the market, along the meat line. The seller from a distance begins to seduce me: “Sister, buy meat from the strawberries!” Here is the breast, here is the bacon! Buy it sister! See also! The system is athletic!"

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №116829
 02.08.2015
An interesting fact: about 3% of all Antarctic glaciers are made up of frozen penguin urine.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №116828
 02.08.2015
“Look, this package of sausages came out of the conveyor an hour ago in a distant Estonian town. Bats – and it’s already on your shelf!
_________________________
It’s a great cake that travels in time. You can buy it in the supermarket tonight, baked tomorrow morning :)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №116827
 02.08.2015
My neighbors knew Zen. Do repairs in the style of "drunk master" - and let's swell up, and get stuck

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №116826
 02.08.2015
[14:40:32] +Cats: The Pitchman
[14:40:44] + Cat: We went for a walk
[14:42:18] Kitty: I approach the house, I see two bodies out of the car, put on berets, get two huge bags with bottles and enter the entrance...
[14:43:29] +Cat: I am approaching my entrance, in front of the car, there are two more such bodies - in berets. They sit, rush and watch me try to pull the wheelchair into the entrance.
[14:44:01] +Cat: A woman came up, came out of the car and ran to me, helped to pull the wheelchair...
[14:44:19] +Cat: these are the "potsreots"

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №116825
 02.08.2015
We live in a post-industrial society. If production suddenly fails, sellers will begin to sell snow to the Eskimo, sand to the Arab Sheikhs and air to each other. And a mountain of doubting services to each other. In the meantime, you, dear technicians, will die of hunger. Your age has passed, your century has passed.
------------
It is difficult to guess that without production there would be no post-industrial society, but any society that is not a cave.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №116824
 02.08.2015
The acquaintance dropped a link to the Akinator. I went in, I guessed "Sysadmin", I answer questions. On the 16th question, this virtually unfinished Freud suggested that I had guessed a perverse exhibitionist. I look at my profession from a new perspective.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №116823
 02.08.2015
Discuss the video, in which various metal objects are burned with high current:

XXX: How much do you pay for electricity?
YYY: Rubies for 5 for the whole video burned :)
xxx: Thank you, I think this piece will pay off if you take the metal figures of deputies, for example, and burn it with a low-voltage switch on order.
Zzzz: And if you take real deputies, you can still earn good money.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №116822
 02.08.2015
Netneladno: in peelings as in sex - the main thing is to get rid of it in time!
Ig276: The pirate, thou shalt live thus, burn them.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №116821
 02.08.2015
One of our former bassists said:
I have nothing to do in the MTV.
I went to the toilet.
Suddenly - I hear that on television let the clip Immortal!!! Well, I think it’s a niche for yourself!! I run into the room...
My mother came to dust the carpet.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №116820
 02.08.2015
If all the classics of Russian literature rise from the dead, who will lead this zombie crowd?
Tagged: Nekrasov

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №116819
 02.08.2015
by Opennet

aaa: After the update, including the default browser settings are removed, and instead of the previously selected Firefox begins to run Microsoft Edge. 

bbb: Just yesterday upgraded from Win 8.1 Pro to Win 10 Pro.  During the update process, I was asked whether I wanted to change any of the defaults. I removed the box, and FF as was a quiet browser before the update, so it remained. I see no problem.

ccc: I tried to upgrade from ubunu 8 to windows 10, failed. The Cheddar? 

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №116818
 02.08.2015
Manufacturers and salespeople, you are in charge!

I am the right wing. No plane will fly without me.
What are you upset here! Without me, without the left wing, you have nothing to do!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №116817
 02.08.2015
At a certain age, the massage of the back becomes preferable to the massage of the member.

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №116816
 02.08.2015
Actions at the gas station: "Send a full tank, we share 5 l for free!!!" Where are you? ? ? ?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №116815
 02.08.2015
White Sun of the Desert 2015.
The Customsman looks at the table covered at work:
Again, these damned joke, Mozarella and Norwegian Salmon!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №116814
 02.08.2015
The only pederast at the pride parade in Jerusalem was a religious eblan who cut six people with a knife.
Interestingly, he got out of prison for a month, where he spent 10 years in prison for having cut off two, and yes, also at the Pride Parade in Jerusalem in 2005.
This is the Pidor.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №116813
 02.08.2015
Because the raw new OS to put the ordinary user - the story will come out about how to entrust tenants to test the unbuilt house. Someone will enter the elevator mine, although there is no elevator, someone will not be able to get out of the apartment, because the door is not in the usual place. Someone in the shell would hit because the toilet in the old house was of the same color.

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