bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №116632
 29.07.2015
Olga T.
Mile Ru writes that during a thunderstorm you cannot use mobile phones, umbrellas and other electronic devices that attract lightning ))))

Olga T.
The umbrella should not be used and should not be wet in any case.
Do not play sports during the storm.
Especially running
hiding under what rises above the earth.

Olga T.
In short, a thunderstorm has struck you on the street - close your umbrella and dissolve yourself in the air.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №116631
 29.07.2015
A visit to the Sberbank or the tax / or PFR etc. is like returning us to the old Russia.
With the words "drawing" and "innen" I think of the matrosks and the Gypsies.

[ + 25 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №116630
 29.07.2015
My relationship with my wife can be described in one of her sentences:
Q: Are you lying on the floor of your bed?and "

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №116629
 29.07.2015
Maxim: That is what I think. As a professional celebration.

Olya: And what ideas?

Maxim: For now, the most banal: Nature, shale, throwing keys, throwing mice, collecting keys. Here is the hz.

Oh, and it is fun! It was the day of the programmer.

Is it the system administrator day?

This is the day of Sisadmin.

Olya: So I was right.

Honestly appreciate me! I know that Sisadmin and a programmer are not the same thing.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №116628
 29.07.2015
Again, the vodka is cheaper - it is a dog pretending to be white.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №116627
 29.07.2015
HH: What did we talk about? I went to the toilet and lost my mind.
I am afraid to guess where it was stored.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №116626
 29.07.2015
And our boy in the toilet dropped the end of the roll of toilet paper and dropped the water.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №116625
 28.07.2015
The female logic:
dmitreewa.darja: in India, cows are a sacred animal in Muslims, pork is not eaten but on the hippodrome of horses, so they blasphemed in front of the barrier of the icalbos from them and painted cats are fun

dmitreewa.darja: and sausage nail in the keyboard stuck

The guest is 93.95.* is ha. If you judge by your posts, then in the keyboard, you are stuck with all your nails. And where the head stuck – I’m even afraid to guess...

Dmitreewa.darja: I think you are a brunette

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №116624
 28.07.2015
Please forgive us for the size:

How many centimeters do you have?
Twenty Five Without a Little
You are a giant, and if so, how much?
WOW: sixteen
Nothing, no little, 9 centimeters lying!
Well, if I had 9 centimeters, would it be too little?
HH: Of course not much!
Well, I say, I have 25 without a little.

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №116623
 28.07.2015
My mom went to the store. He tells us:
- I came, I look at the vitrine with cabbage, and so suffocating I say to the seller - give me, please, a plate of borst :lol:
Now I know who I am :crazy:

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №116622
 28.07.2015
Even young children know that a large family is not a place where they help each other, but where they don’t click. Because the valleys, no matter how steep, are one - and they are common, which means the one who first grabbed. There is a right to valence, but there is no valence.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №116621
 28.07.2015
A friend called me, told me the insult, could not decide whether to cry or laugh. Her girls (three), while her mother was sleeping, broke the silver chain on which her mother carries a cell phone. In order to correct the defect, they decided to silently glue the chain. They scratched. The office cloth. And the chain, and the entrance to the charging, and the layer itself. My mother woke up when someone called me on the phone. I couldn’t answer, I was sealed!! to

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №116620
 28.07.2015
The Religious Dispute:
Do you go to church yourself?
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №116619
 28.07.2015
here here :
Happiness is not in money (c) Rich people
The appearance is not the main thing (c) beautiful people

Size doesn’t matter if you know what I mean.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №116618
 28.07.2015
My cat drinks water only from the roof (I previously baked goats in it), and first scratches imaginary leaves in it with his feet, and then lacks water.
YYY: Is the small tar not our method?
XXX: Against the small container she protested: she wet her legs in the toilet or licked the dishwasher in the bathroom. Or extracted water from a three-liter bowl for irrigation of plants.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №116617
 28.07.2015
Let me write the spirit of the dead cat here and hope he reads?
Simba, I loved you, you were like a brother to me, you lived a pretty long life, I hope you are at peace now.
– – – – –
Nothing here, they feed, walk, float. and simba.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №116616
 28.07.2015
When they brought the animals, they started crawling under the monitor and tapping the touch buttons.
xxx: It is very angry when you play and here the animal slips and turns the brightness settings on the screen and rotates them.
While thinking about what to do, the rats themselves solved the problem: they spied an unknown combination of keys and blocked them!
HHH: Now they are crawling and not setting up anything!
You say stupid animals.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №116615
 28.07.2015
Meeting with colleagues (faculty of IT). We discuss who worked where (by the word, I - by specialty).
The Student:
I went to work at XXX. She has a normal human position, not a programmer.
I caught up with tea.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №116614
 28.07.2015
Technical support is on fire.

Instead of a consultant, a robot responds. For example, if you have this problem, press the key 1, and if it is, press the key 2.

Within five minutes of pressing the keys, I get to the desired topic. And the robot gives out a flash for twenty seconds, from which none is understood. Type - insert the splitter A into the hole B, wrap the deck on the proxy, then lateralize the turn C, restart the computer.

Then: "Thank you for the call". I put the phone.

That the bank would pay them a salary!


[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №116613
 28.07.2015
Actor Tom Cruise has said that he wants to play in the sequel of the film Top Gun, but only on the condition that the shootings will be involved real fighter jets.

Near the coast of the U.S. state of California and the island of Guam in the Pacific Ocean, Russian aircraft have been noticed. Well, now you know, they are flying to the casting.

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