Just in the match Kuban - Valencia commentator: "Gazon on the field is very good, it was changed either this year or last year. Moreover, they brought grass from Mojave, interrupting the fashion of carrying grass from the Netherlands.

An elderly lady comes into the store and asks us to take a photo of her. A photographer who is passionate about his work says, “Go, dress up.” After a while, he approaches to photograph the grandmother and, suddenly turning back, falls. She was sitting on her belt naked.

What about Russian rock?
Viva: I don’t know, I’m probably old-fashioned, but the last time I heard Kipelich singing “I’m a freedom” I felt a motorcycle growing between my legs and a bottle of jigulbas materialized in my hand.
Alex: 0 0 0 OK

You understand that it’s really cold in the house when you walk with your dog in the same jacket you’re sleeping in.

to this:
"Maybe I am Benjamin Button?"

Such cases are not rare. Once he watched a scene in the store - a young man brings two bottles of beer to the box and there is a dialogue between him (M) and the seller (P):
Do you sell me alcohol without a passport?
Q: How old are you?
M (modestly so, look into the floor): thirty-four...

To the question:
And WHY the inscriptions on the roads "Happy Birthday!!", "Your forgiveness... " and so on. It lasts longer than the mark????? to

Gro: They are made with love.

xxx: I didn’t get your article for some reason (((
I read it twice to understand.
XXX: I didn’t come by mail!!! to

After the re-examination, I entered the data transmitted by the seller (a 24-year-old girl) in the computer.In one of the lines, a strange name of the product hits my eyes. Long broke my head what is "Mur Dick 65x2".You will not believe. It turns out "Mur Dick" is a (bubble crush) of the Mur Decolon. In the how!

The Italian rescuers:

The head of the administration of Lampedusa, Giuseppe Nicolini, said that rescue work is continuing, and therefore it is not excluded that the number of victims will increase.

to this:

<yagova> In every country where I find a carpet store, I wildly fuck on the backdrop of its work.
<yagova> So I just got a carpet at work!!!! to
<yagova> With the phrase, "you love carpets, you take pictures with them everywhere" :))))
<yagova> A great birthday present for trolls.

For 2 minutes, he could not understand why he ate onion on the backdrop of the carpet, and even took a picture.

Political correctness sometimes gets strange shades.
You are about what?
I was looking for truckers. Here is the assessment:

1) The tariff "Uzbekistan". The price of the 1st loader is 180 rubles. The Hour.

2) Rate of sale "Ruby of Russia". The price of the 1st carrier is 200 rubles. The Hour.

3) Tariff "Grease Elite" The price of the 1st carrier is 250 rubles. The Hour.

by XDD

to this:

Today, for more than 20 minutes, he stood in a row in the district military committee, and all this time the RVK guard listened to the loud communication, which was turned on the fax machine, and recorded on a paper the text of some command... People! Anyone who has acquaintances with the military, tell them in secret: the fax machine allows you to transmit this command in a couple of minutes simply without dictating! Tell them that email was invented in the last century!

This is called a telegram, an archaic thing, but it has a place to be... and yes, it is transmitted verbally by telephone under a record.

In Ukraine from next year will be a contract army.
x> and what about you?

y>A we have gas in the apartment.

xxx: I, of course, understand that scientists have proven that communication with oneself allows you to bring in order thoughts, restore in memory consistency and generally constructively perceive the surrounding and yourself. But shit, not in the chat.

DeadLord [52]: the stitch calls a man from work and asks the question that is indicated in a third-class child in the textbook: "What electricity is used in your home?"
DeadLord: I have two higher education, I have been working as an energy engineer for 5 years, about electricity and related things I know overdose. But that question put me in an impasse...
Doom 2: DeadLord: Do you know what kind of electricity is used in your home?
DeadLord[52]: No...
doom2 [199]: the deer The State
DeadLord [52] is a shit.

by habr:

But, after writing a few dozen mobile apps for top smartphones, I came to the conclusion that you need to focus on users whose IQ is not very different from room temperature.

You have been single for six months, how do you get single?
YYY: 4 months
YYY: and 2 days :)
Q: Do you make cushions on the stick?
Or on the table?
YYY: No, the stick feels it itself :)

XXX: It’s a feeling when your mother is sent to a meeting and you know you have two in all matters. And you sit so in front of the computer, you think in order to finally play?

If we don’t learn to control our own lives, we train on other people.

“You cry because you’re fat, right?”
My sister is also reading your stories. Today I called, asking me for the lack of time to scrap a couple of lines about her shame.

Three years ago, my then six-year-old nephews-twin sisters gave a similar, but more elaborate, verdict to an annoying neighbor, when she once again began to complain to my sister-wedding, "with grief for a cup of champagne in one face," about the terrible female fate and the male crabs encountered on her life path.
Running out of the kitchen, allegedly not hearing the conversations of adults, two "Apostles" - Elijah and Peter, slightly delayed in the door. Children's hearts are not a stone, but a pebble on the sandy shore, and therefore they can't withstand the murmur of an elderly lady.

“Aunt Len, are you so ugly and disgusting because no one is fucking you? Ilya breathes, calming her on her leg.
- Yes, no... - pushing him to the side, Peter thinks (evidently in advance afraid of moral blasphemy for a bad word). – It’s she’s just scary, she’s painted and dressed like a crap (“he’s whispering to his brother on the ear”).
... the silence. My mom has a towel out of her hand.
“Well... you don’t worry about aunt Len, and they get married... sometimes,” adds Petya.
- Yes, and mom and dad are exactly what they say, - hits the last nail in the relationship of neighbors Ilya.

Children continue to play with a sense of duty. The neighbor silently stands up and leaves (for ever from this apartment).
And the mother goes to the sons, kisses them and says, “Thank you, sons. Although it did not work well, but how great!

Fuck No. 1
Never leave the door to the kitchen open, even if you put your children to sleep.
Fuck No. 2
And it is best to talk such conversations when there are no children in the apartment, not at all, in the sense that they are either walking, or at grandmother, or in kindergarten, etc.

In short, when you are alone. These rules the sister is now eating holy.