At the beginning of the school year, all schoolchildren were driven to some extracurricular event. Four friends quietly dropped from him. A good leader, a woman of 30, decided to react harshly in order not to repeat this again.
She swallowed these guys herself, called the director and swallowed with him, and then everything repeated itself at the board. It was great for both the travellers and their parents. And as an apophysis, she promised them unsatisfactory estimates for the year on behavior, with a high probability that the children will be left for the second year because of this.
The eight-class friends rightly considered the punishment excessive and therefore unfair. For six months, the money spent on lunch and movies went to the treasury. And on March 8, they ordered their class leader the most elegant bouquet of roses that could be found in the city. And they put a postcard there with the text: “I will never forget those passionate and hot nights with you! I love you goddess!“I sent it with a courier.
Why Why? Then, while the teacher was surprised to look at the bouquet, the postcard, with furious eyes, was read by her husband standing next to her.

Rabinovich, you are the chosen people, and Israel is the promised land, but there are only 6 million of you.
We have an office there!

If everything is fine in our homeland, it is not patriotism, it is blindness.

The pistol
In 1949, for the first time after the end of the war, my uncle Peter Ilyich M., a fighter of the Second World War, came to Popovku with his family from Leningrad – for him the war began in 1939 in Finland and ended with the defeat of Japan in 1945. I don't remember anything about it myself - it was still too small, however, one episode has been preserved in the collective memory of the family.
One day, Peter Ilyich together with his wife Anna Borisovna went on business to Boguchar. We went on foot because there was no bus service. The road is not close, five kilometers on the highway, paved with a rock. In Boguchar, the couple was delayed, returning home was dark.
On the deserted section of the highway, almost in total darkness, two figures with clearly unfriendly intentions appeared to meet them. In short – ordinary robbers, who after the war could be met in any corner of the country.
Peter Ilyich was in officer uniform, next to his wife, the meeting with the bandits promised nothing good.
Seeing that the danger was not to pass by, Anna Borisovna asked Peter Ilyich loudly:
– Petya, do you have a gun with you?
– Of course – he answered.
Unknown people, hearing this short dialogue, walked away from the road without touching a couple. They knew that after the war, officers were allowed to carry personal weapons for some time, and the bandits did not want to check their presence on them.
Peter Ilyich, by the way, did not have a gun, but the ingenuity of Anna Borisovna worked.

“Shalom, brothers,” said the wolf, and three pigs wanted to open the door.
- Let the scroll in the gap show, suddenly the clever Naf-Naf guessed.

There are stories about stupid criminals, and I will tell you the story of a benevolent victim. A criminal case was considered in our district in court against several minors accused who stole cars. As they explained later, I wanted to drive, and there was no car, and the right, too. Among the victims was a 70-year-old pensioner. His car, Oku, an entrepreneurial little boy stole in the winter right from the garage, bending the roof sheet.

At the question of the judge, when the robbery was found, the victim told the following. In the evening, when it was already dark, he looked out the window, saw the guys stuck in the snow and pushing the car, well decided to hide. The fact that Oka was exactly the same as his own, he noted, but did not give it any importance. He dressed, took a scarf, went out, helped to push the car out. The guys thanked and left. And only in the morning when I approached the garage saw that the door was open, there was no car. Here he realized that he helped to push out his own car. Grandfather saw poorly, did not immediately realize in the dark.

As a result, the car was found abandoned and stuck on the road a few kilometers from the village. The thieves are sitting, the grandfather car returned in integrity and safety. He also asked them not to punish them severely, good soul.

The country of fools is leading in the implementation of artificial intelligence.

In the “lichies of the 90s” it was considered a special banditic chic to give money to monasteries and temples. And, here, "maline jackets" come to the Pskovo-Pechersky monastery, bring another briket of money and lead them to the steward to brush and sweat in the dining room. Since the steward is a non-drinker, he is helped by a fully drunken and all-choking father. After it was drunk for the well-being and health of the sacrificers, the happiness of their relatives and loved ones, the song "Many summer", the tired master says to the father: "Let's say a toast!" And the rebellious helper said to his brother, “No, good luck to you in the terrible judgment!“...

Those who invented separate garbage collection want us to throw out three different packages instead of one.
In fact, they want to devastate our main treasure – a package of bags.
Be careful.

Today, I and two of my colleagues were entrusted to pack gifts for women. There are 52 women in the group. I bought for each of the crystal figs something in a box (I don't know how to identify it), a small bottle of champagne and a linen towel / towel with all sorts of drawings that were placed inside this crystal fig. We also bought 52 sheets of wrapping paper for the holiday packaging.

Have you ever wrapped boxes in gift paper? This is not paper, but thin plastic.

We honestly watched on the internet how this is done. None of us have talent. In six hands, these 52 gifts were wrapped in gift paper for three or five hours simultaneously mocking the mat. Because there was a shit at all. But at least the last box got wrapped up at all.

Only we wanted to breathe out when we finished, as we notice that one linen towel / towel is superfluous. Didn’t someone put it? During the process of packing, we took the price cards off the towels and glued them to my table. They counted – they really didn’t put anyone.

But this same perversion now all the gifts to unpack and look for who has not. The gifts are given by chance.

I, forever lazy, pulled behind my towel to soak up to soak up (by the way, similar in color). Suddenly, I did not find him on the spot.

“No, guys,” I said, “I’ll have to unpack.

In short - another 3, 5 hours, until found and repackaged (experience, shit). You can pack your gifts professionally.

Theory without practice is a backpack with textbooks on swimming behind the back of the drowning.

YYY: Practice without theory is a gun directed at the shooter.

At the age of 5 somehow woke up, and at home no one, wrote the announcement of the disappearance of the parents, it turned out they were in the store, the letter is still kept.

I worked as a student in a store. Vodka has been sold since 11. Alkashi bought it at 10 with overpayment.

I asked why they couldn’t wait. They were surprised. It is obvious that they cannot.

Then I asked why they didn’t buy this evening. They looked at me like an idiot.

Every normal housewife knows: in order to have enough money in the budget, you need to watch for those who replenish the budget and those who spend it.

One of his colleagues remembered his youthful years after a couple of drinks at the corporate.
I didn’t like to go to school and I studied very badly. Mom said she was ready to work with me, to drive to instructors, only if I started studying well. My father didn’t say anything, but took me the next day to work at the mine, where I had to run almost like an adult. At the end of the shift, he brought me almost insensitive to the dressing room, tired down to the store and with father's warmth said, "Look, son, how healthy here and you will be here all your life to work, as I do, if, of course, you will not be studying well."
I never had a teacher in my life, my mother never helped me with my studies, my parents didn’t even check if I did my homework.
But my portrait, with a gold medal on my neck, hangs next to the teacher’s, as a man who has shown the best performance in all the time of school existence.

The most successful SpaceX launches irritate the priests of Baikonur.

One day my companion went to meet his girlfriend at her house, they did not meet for a long time. Meet, hugs, kisses and all the shit. Here, her father runs up, grabs her friend’s chest, and asks you a man what to do with my daughter.

Comrade Pride of course. After all, at his eighteen he was quite tall, roasted-pumped, bearded and hairy. Father learned that he was the same age, and she apologized and everything was normal. It has been about 4 years. and married.

YYY: Has your daughter got married?

I have noticed the advertisement from MTS for several years and for some reason in the center of attention are some bald men... First Valuev, then Nagiev, and now Kristalov. Is it something to do with the MTS logo in the form of an egg?! to

Suharto and I served together. We were peers, he was able to finish the institute. They were in different combat calculations, so we rarely managed to talk to the soul. Only when cleaning the potatoes. by VRA

Suharto and I served together. We were peers, he was able to finish the institute. They were in different combat calculations, so we rarely managed to talk to the soul. Only when cleaning the potatoes. During the next cleaning, I put on a rotten potato:

That’s why they buy it!

“They buy normal, they store incorrectly,” Shukhrat replied. In the army of soldiers full, you can clean each tuber from the ground, dry and carefully lay for the winter. If the vegetable storage is normal, there will be no rot. And so with onions, carrots, and cabbage.

So offer your services.

“In winter it is too late, in summer it is necessary to do everything,” Shukhrat replied.



And somehow he was allowed to bring the storage of vegetables in order. Not immediately, but gradually rotten potatoes when cleaned were less and less. He was delighted and the workers of the kitchen. Percentage of marriage can be used. Shuhrata wanted to encourage a vacation, but he refused. He was called into the army with his younger brother, and he did not want to leave him unattended.



But the professional interest of Shuhrat did not end there. When he returned from his dismissal, he said:

There are no fruit trees and greenhouses in the gardens. It is strange.

Is it soil or nature? I asked.

The brains are like that! The beans are growing!



When Shuhrata served and the day of departure came home, the garden was broken in the desert for about six months and a greenhouse was standing. Shukhrat left detailed instructions on how to take care of trees. And no one doubted that sooner or later the apples and pears will bloom.



Such a memory of himself left Shukhrat, an agronom from the Uzbek city of Shahrisabz.

Every normal housewife knows: in order to have enough money in the budget, you need to watch not for those who replenish the budget, but for those who spend it.