The husband after the “Children’s World” went to the market for meat. The seller shakes it into a bigger piece.
He gave up and said "Okay. They persuaded. You know how to...".
She: "And that!"
And, kiwa on a huge pack of diapers he has in his hands:
"You, I see, have also persuaded somebody".
O_O

I’m usually empty at home. So empty that I am not.

Soloviev says that the terrorists took banks in Donetsk-Luhansk and bought weapons from Ukraine for that money.

Apparently he still looks at the cartoons about Scrooge McDack and thinks the bank is such a huge deposit.

And generally striking fools, who first bad diet "for the benefit of the child" buried their own health, gain weight and break their metabolism, and then wonder that the husband left and no one needs her.
-
And the husbands who left, "because the wife gained weight", are not surprised? When they got married, they thought that the wife after giving birth and after 50 years should look like on the day of the wedding. Everyone gets old, everyone gets dumb, and she doesn’t. Or "to let go if I take a new"? Sooner should be warned. Either there would be no wedding, or there would be no "children", but the wife would remain as new for a few years and would become "no naphyg not needed" and after a while, when the gray and wrinkles will go away.

I was ridiculous when they demanded the "expiration period of the passport" in one case. (These are usually used abroad. I only had Russian.
Are they out?
Are we in Russia if we are in Russia?
When does the Russian end?
and never.
When... forty five?
It was already!
– E...
I do not know the date of my death.
They wrote something terrible, they found me a hundred years of life.

Cat names in our family have always been given by distinctive signs:
Pankrat - because it is black;
The palm is because the eyes are forever stuck.
Serly and Perdy’s sisters were very different too.

I have a very inventive son. He loves cartoons, but we limit him in them so as not to zombie too much. So he came up while watching to make a screen on his camera :) and now he can watch them from the camera at any time :)

Why when in the innet a guy writes "I have a very large penis, what to do?" - no one believes him, and if he writes "I have a very small penis, what to do?" - everyone rushes to comfort him and give him advice?

How proud you are, and I read it.

If you feel like someone’s voice is in your head, check if you’ve removed your headphones.

Brotherly assistance

You want to believe it, you want to believe it – no. And this secret story was transmitted from mouth to mouth among the sailors of our expeditionary fleet. I was personally absent, a few years before my arrival this “heroic” story happened. But it is written from the words of wolves - veterans in full health, and so on.
In the 70s, it was the last century. The expedition ship, it is also a spy ship, according to the terminology of the local newspapers of those western ports where our ships entered. We then studied all the corners of the world ocean, dropping into different depths all kinds of clever devices and much more for the benefit of Soviet science and the defense capacity of the country.
So, our vessel worked at the time in the area of Oceania. The islands there - that shit scattered on the stormy map.
Worked, worked and this is the problem. Fresh water is over. And dehumidification plants only work when the ship moves. What to do? Economic consumption of water. 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening, nutritious moisture for “clean washing” flowed by an uncertain jet from the crane. And the clever things in the ocean still down and down...
After all, it is not humans who live with wild people around. Contact the nearest inhabited island. We enter the port, but there is a harbour. In principle, the state situation. Any vessel, any State may request assistance if necessary. According to the law, refusal cannot be made. The situation is standard, I repeat, but a whole delegation of disguised and discolored Aborigines rises on board and asks for audiences with the captain...
They sat for a long time. The crew was confused. All things - throw away the drinking tubes and chew.
After two hours, the delegation departed, and the captain of the loud communication asked everyone to gather in the cabin company.
Such a seafarer has never seen. The eyes are disturbed - shaggy, rotted hair and nervous gesture. He warns of the seriousness of the situation and asks the crew to deal with the situation with all responsibility and understanding.
Oh all that! They swim! War is what? The time was worrisome...
But the seriousness of the situation was in her insignificance... Confusion?
In short, it turns out that there was a serious demographic problem on the island. Given its limited size, the born children had developmental abnormalities and health problems. The degeneration is ours. And the king of this island (and that he was with a swipe in the delegation) simply reduced the captain to release the crew for two weeks for a "worthful rest", in exchange for promising to overflow the ship with fruits, supplies and gifts from the keyl and to the straw.
Don’t forget what time it was! For “moral!” could also be obtained in “form”. Report on every turn!
“So I can’t give you two weeks, but you can rest for a week...” the captain gave his tormented decision.
The story deserves a good script. The crew rested, “waiting for a violent storm” to report to the base of the fleet... They ate and drank at the same time so that the condition was fantastic. Ecology, probably... or swept something... And women, as it turned out, were selected specifically young and beautiful. You will do nothing! The Royal Will! The fate of the people!
The crew tried. I did not shame the pride of the Soviet seafarer. We are always happy to help the brotherly people... to solve any demographic problem on such human conditions.
He did not fool the king. In the food chambers there was not enough space for all the fruit goods and the boxes were spread wherever possible. And the crew worked out this long half-year flight. And overseas fruits are eaten for half a lifetime. and returned home. And not even the regular "tombers" knocked, because only a male representative with no primary sexual characteristics would be able to refrain from such a feat. That was the captain’s calculation. It’s all done, Chichi!
And it would be nothing, but thought this happy king, in a noble impulse to knock off the telegram! And then I went to Moscow!! Meduses to all spies! With immeasurable thanks to the heroic crew from the hard-working people of the sunny island! With a description of the unlimited movement!! With a compelling request to the heads of state to mark the most distinguished!... Namely...! There he is with the whole royal roof!
And noted! As I asked, forgive God, King. They flew with big heads.
And if you wanted, how better... And how are you there now, a distant island?
Bothman

The DPR government has said it does not recognize the self-proclaimed United States of America.

My husband has an older brother. He has three children, but he has never been large. Two girls from the first wife he divorced when they were young, from the second wife a son was born when they were already adults. He lives in Kazakhstan and has visited us a couple of times over the past few years. From the boy (he will be 14 this year) a double such impression - stupid, interested, but absolutely underdeveloped. Well, elementary things does not know, does not read anything, on excursions in 5 minutes sleeps. And I don't know, maybe there the mother can give nothing (I don't know - I never saw her), but the father (brother of the husband) can quite well - and in / o, and read something, and knows a lot. Just some time-spending except for feasts and fishing in principle is not accepted.
When my husband tells us about our children - that they went there, went to a museum, worked there, won the Olympics (although my children according to my standards and the standards of the families around us are not the benchmark), he is always with a shade of indulgence - well, this is Olya (I) - a type of foolishness.
And now I know we’re waiting for the fifth. Reaction: "What are you doing? You have to think with your head! It is easy to give birth (ah, he gave birth : crazy : )". We say "What is not easy? The state has provided us, thanks to him. Eating and feeding" And he said: "And what is there to feed - it is necessary to engage with children, and to give education!" :facepalm:
No cognitive dissonance.

Wife: broke up the underwear after the dryer... confused his T-shirt with the cushion... is it time to lose weight?
I: Wait for the dealer

The birthday of a friend fell on a celebration, at which in our district is not allowed to buy alcohol. I bought a few bottles of wine in advance. And then on the job, a colleague, a fisherman, sold smoked fish. I took two large lenses.
I’m already entering a friend’s house, as she calls and asks for bread. No problem, I buy it.

And here I clinged to her: with wine, two fish and five pebbles.
Guess what they call me now :)

xxxxxxxxxxx:
You know what was
I go from the change home, and in the entrance the maniac pressed to the wall and his mouth with his hand.
She whispers to me, I will kill you.
I almost got rid of fear, but I thought I could do it.
I pull his hand and say.
Well you’re like that, fuck you want to, so here, I didn’t have a man for two months, let’s help each other to satisfy.
So he threw me down the stairs, called me a fucker and fled.
Maxima, am I really so terrible?
WOW :
It’s really shit :DDD

It is said that the mayor of Kiev, Klitschko, is outraged that some pidos disrupted the gay parade in the city.

In the office of the boss is a closet. A box in the closet. A piece of shell on the box. On the sheller a bottle with some purple shit. In the throat of the bottle tightly wrapped a piece of the handle from the swab. And this whole hoot supports the broken square of the hanging ceiling.
XX: The boss sits at the table, admired this horror and smoothed his stomach.
XXX: The Fucking Company

I went to the metro in Moscow with a man who was here for the first time. He gets the phone, he sees wifi there. There is dialogue.
He is: Oh wifey. I connect to.
Do not try, registration is required.
Is it in Moscow?
Bars_RB

It was a warm autumn day, I was sitting with a friend in the kitchen at the table on the street, we peacefully and talked about something. When I suddenly noticed right in front of me on the back of the chair walks a whore and looks straight at me. The man was small, looking young. And then I was drawn to check my sharpness, I first slowly raised my hand up and sharply threw my hand forward and grabbed the spider in his hand, grabbed not quite successfully he had time to start to straighten his wings and also slightly crushed it when I was not able to calculate the strength, the poor spider as he began to whisper with such a noise that I myself was scared and abruptly released the spider, he continued to whisper in panic uncomfortably flew down the road to the neighbouring table. A friend looked at me in shock with a slightly panicking laugh, the girls from the neighboring table looked at me scorned, and I looked at the pen lying in my hand and thought, “Poor whore!” I have never felt so guilty before.