bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №53084
 09.09.2011
Listen, and if there is a profession of a florist, then you must also be a florist?

[ + 60 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №53083
 09.09.2011
831PROg: We are sitting today on a pair of Databases. The whole group has been writing for more than an hour, everyone is terribly tired.

831PROg: And the prede does not stop - it tells and tells. Here, the students began to look at the clock, stumble, and so on.

831PROg: and here is such a loud whispering whisper so long and complaining: "Pisdeyeyeyeyeyeyeez..."

831PROg: So the priest immediately replied without any confusion: "What did you think?!"

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №53082
 09.09.2011
The young man gave up his seat in the tram, politely refused, in response he shouted and barely stumbled at the seat. The rest of the day I’m lost in guessing whether he’s a gentleman or a fool.

He has a tough algorithm. In unusual cases, it is lost.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №53081
 09.09.2011
It was urgent to make a special chart for guidance, in Excel, had to go: tutorial, chapter "Inner world of Excel charts". It is CHO! And I go directly to them, in a proletarian way, and there is an inner world and a complex mental organization!

[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №53080
 09.09.2011
A man under the age of 50 comes to the store. Order a sheet of plastic, cut strips of 3 centimeters. Half an hour later, he returns to pick up the order and begins to be upset: "Why are they so wide?" and the seller: "Where are they wide, you said, three centimeters! He takes an ambulance and moves to the lane. The man is shocked. - And you are measuring from zero?

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №53079
 09.09.2011
Apparently my neighbors originally had an apartment entirely filled with concrete, so they are expanding their space.

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №53078
 09.09.2011
RAS: I was playing with the Sphinx, a funny cushion
RAS: it can be painted with a mark ))
Do you have USB?
It depends on gender :D

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №53077
 09.09.2011
She is (11:56) :
The greeting! I read a couple, talked to a charming Colonel of the FSB, I am expecting a child;). How is your working day?

he is (12:10) :
Are you expecting a child from the colonel? So far it is normal...

[ + 49 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №53076
 09.09.2011
He threw his phone on the bed from the psychic so that it didn't break, and he jumped away from it, fucked on the wall and crashed on the floor... epic fail

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №53075
 09.09.2011
A friend is someone who can borrow you money at any time, but never does.

[ + 33 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №53074
 09.09.2011
I continue the stories of citizens with strangers who sometimes visit our parliamentary reception.
Grandma is coming. The sight is clear, the speech is clear and connected, the questions are answered confidently, the date of today and his name (needed for the accounting journal) is known. very well. On this light test, 3-4 people per month are cut off clearly. The appearance of the grandmother is clean, cats and natural discharges from her do not smell. So there is no zoo in the house and there is the strength and desire to look after yourself. I listen to you carefully.
“You know,” he said, “I don’t know where to go. I have a problem with
The neighbors. I live in a public apartment and they want me out. They
They decided to seize my room and throw me out.
I make a combat stand. In fact, the situation is not so rare. When an elderly person has no relatives who could advocate for him, but there is a living space on which the teeth of the hammered fertile family living through the wall, a variety of techniques go on. There were cases, old people were locked in their rooms without food and water, they were not allowed to go to the common plate, they were not allowed to use the toilet, they took a pension on the day of issue. I don’t even mention the usual threats and beatings.
My grandmother’s story is a direct path to the police. And I am not surprised if she was already there, the statement was sent down to the district, he went into the apartment, "tried a conversation" and everything returned to its own circles. That is, the grandmother continues to be whipped and threatened to be burned alive while she sleeps if she does not agree to sell her room at the same price. And in these situations, you need to beat the bells, write to the police chief and to the prosecutor's office, explain to the elderly how to record the beating in the injury point.
In short, we need to act decisively.
Therefore, for such cases, I have developed and ready in print a clear step-by-step instruction on what to do. It also contains addresses, phone numbers, as the names of the required officials. I have already pulled for a rescue paper, and in the meantime I ask:
Tell me, please, what is going on with you there? Are you beaten?
No that you!
Are they threatening?
They are not threatening, they are clever.
What is the trick? Could money be stolen? Do you play loud music at night?
It does not eat! They are chewing!
What? what? In what sense?
The bread, the bread...
Are the dishes crazy?
Not just chewing. But very loud. All the night. I hear it all until morning.
I cannot sleep. Help Herod to find the governor.
So... just that? Do they do something else?
Yes, they are thinking.
Meaning is? All people think.
They think loud. The whole family. I hear all their thoughts. Only eyes
I close, they immediately begin to think of how to get me out of the light. Then the bread.
They chew. They think again. So loud and loud. I asked for them, and
I say, I say, you Herodes, think at least of the silence of the abomination.
Everyone... No, they laugh... And the police laugh...
A difficult situation. Directly send a sick person and somehow cruel, and you will experience trouble. Commence to complain.
I mean, you really have clever neighbors. must save
The situation. The police will not help here. Have you tried blockers?
No, and this is what?
These are medicines, a recent development. They are not in the pharmacies.
They have sold, but have produced very little. On a large slope, po
A special recipe. Now we will think about how to help you. I have
A friend who was involved in the development is now in our hospital.
just a doctor works, you know how scientists are paid, not what
The past time. If I agree with him, can you come to him?
Please make an agreement, I will not be in debt.
No need for anything. Only you must come in. Or he is a man
busy, constantly on business trips. Miss him and all, he left for six months.
to America. You stay with your neighbors. Not in the long box.
Please postpone.
I call the number. And Igor Nikolaevich? Hello, a very nice woman will come to you from me now, she has a problem with her neighbors, they think loudly behind the wall. Can you check it, pick up a block? Yes, of course, I warned her not to spread the secret development. Thank you very much, please write my name.
- Here is your address, in the reception hours go to the registration, take
Puppy, do as you do. So that no one knows anything. His po
The head will not be swallowed if they find out that it is working on the left. and necessarily
Do whatever he says. Let your neighbors now suffer themselves.
Let their heads hurt from their thoughts.
Thank you very much, God give you health.
A winged grandmother leaves the nursery...Life continues. The next!

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №53073
 09.09.2011
Advertising in the Kindergarten:
“Dear parents! Don’t believe everything your child says about kindergarten. In turn, we promise you not to believe everything he says about you.”

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №53072
 09.09.2011
XXX: So let’s say the photon is moving.
YYY: A photon cannot be said to be moving. Suppose it exists.
XXX is OK. Suppose that in a certain direction with the speed of light there is a photon.

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №53071
 09.09.2011
X: Can I go to Pivendry?! to
I’m drunk, I’m fucked!! to

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №53070
 09.09.2011
One of my friends on Skype changed his nick. I almost drowned when I saw the notification "Smart Pure from Mars appeared online"

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №53069
 09.09.2011
On the food slowly rolls a full mom with 2 children. One - a baby sits in a wheelchair, the second - a boy, 5-6 years old, goes next door. The guy (P) grabbed the package tic-tak stretches to the mom (M) with the words:
It is only 22 rubles.
(M) Put the nah@y!!! to
A: Yes, it is really expensive.


[ + 84 - ] Comment quote №53068
 09.09.2011
In Croatia, a boyfriend named Mario came to meet. Apparently eighteen years.
I tried to explain to him that I was ten years older than he, and I used all the words I knew, but nothing helped.
Tired he I have no strength, from hopelessness told him with a “mechanical” voice:
Sorry, Mario, but your princess is in another castle!
I’m upset, it doesn’t fit anymore ?

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №53067
 09.09.2011
The accountant hurts.
In the coming year, the new law will become more and more flexible.
Is it how?
Well, they will want to get stuck...

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №53066
 09.09.2011
by LuLu-tyan
By the way! We had a computer schedule today. Three pairs of x))) this fucking difficult, but interesting:) Prepod at the lecture: What color is it (writes the code in rgb)? I call it. And this one? Again I call him... He: How do you know everything? One of the designers: X

[ + 54 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №53065
 09.09.2011
Russia is such Russia.

This looks great in the quarter:
Cleaning the roof from the ice for August
And the amount...

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