bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №157537
 28.01.2022
Why did Miller be awarded the Hero of Labor?
Well, judge yourself: a person has a monthly salary of 158 000 000 rubles. Anyone else, in his place, would get such a salary once and in a month and would be fired. And this one – and goes to work and goes and goes and goes and goes...

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №157536
 28.01.2022
Xxx: Sometimes you need to turn the hoodie. And you go into the warehouse, there was definitely a wire. Hera is there. Anything that is. But there are no wires. And you start crawling all the stuff and crafting something. And I have forgotten what the wire was and what you wanted to water there...



Yyy: The next day, you go to the shell for passages and get stuck in the wire that’s fucking everywhere.))

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №157535
 27.01.2022
I visited my aunt in another town. We haven’t seen each other in person for many years but only talked on the phone. And here we sit at the table, she looks at me carefully and says, "How long ago I haven't seen you!

I smile: now you will tell me how beautiful I am, and I really looked good that day.

And she nodded her head and longed like this:...

[ + 31 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157534
 27.01.2022
We are discussing with my wife the next record of covid in Moscow, she says to me:

Do you remember yesterday at the local chat of the mother-in-law? So today one writes "We were put into quarantine by the whole family because of a positive test, advise a fun catwalk with a rental or a taxi with a good playground, or the kids at home are bored. Not far from the metro.” They are advised!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №157533
 27.01.2022
My sister, when she was 12, came home from a drawing group (worked hard, wanted to become an architect). Sitting at the table for lunch, Dad asks her, saying, What did you paint today? The sister pulls out the soup and calmly answers, “The naked man from nature.” Father, I have to say goodbye, but I was slightly drowned. It turns out, the head of a man of a gipsy nature - Plato or Aristotle, I do not remember. The painting was beautiful

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №157532
 27.01.2022
No matter how many times you have fallen. It matters to what level you have been able to get up.

[ + 39 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157531
 27.01.2022
So, imagine a semi-empty route slowly plotting through the streets of the city. At the stop comes a pretty, in my opinion, thirty-year-old woman. I will not describe her in detail, I will say briefly - everything with her. And after her, a man of about the same age jumps up with a large and, apparently, heavy bag. The route crashed sharply, and by inertia this man went forward to the same woman and stood on her foot. “Well, you’re like an elephant,” she said, “can’t you be more careful?” The man looked at her with guilty eyes and apologized. But she didn’t say, “I had to keep up.”
And then this man said the words in which he tried to put the maximum of pain and sorrow: "Woman, but you saw that I was not intentionally, especially that I apologized to you, well, what else should I do to make you calm?“”
I personally expected any response from her at that moment, but even me, with my innate cynicism and soldier’s rudeness, could not come to mind what a female mind is capable of. So are you ready?
What, get married to me.
The driver stopped the bus, and there was a grave silence in the cabin. Even the five-year-old girl who sat behind me and whispered something all the way, remained silent. It lasted for a minute or so. (I would like to note that there was not even a hint on the woman’s face at the time.) And now I can’t stand it anymore (well, how without me), I say:
“Listen, man, you answer something, look, the audience is waiting.
He looked at me, then all of us, turned his eyes at the woman and said:
I’m coming next, are you with me?
“Yes,” she answered with a loud voice.
and bravo! I shouted, and the whole route without any team began to applaud.
They really went out at the next stop, and I heard her hand on the exit, she said, “My name is Ludmila.”
The doors closed...

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157530
 27.01.2022
I don’t understand why so many protein organisms around want to have a football team that you can be proud of. Do they not want to be proud of advanced science, world-competitive education, advanced and affordable medicine? After all, it would make our lives much more colorful than football.

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №157529
 26.01.2022
xxx: Alpha-PVP (this is the salt) is a hard thing. If you hear from someone this word - run and try to make sure that person does not fall into your field of sight - never. It is the same electrode in the center of pleasure that involves the rats until they die of dehydration and hunger. Heroin addicts with experience say that this is “the road to hell.”



PVP or Sassal?! to



Zzz: Why is it so funny?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №157528
 26.01.2022
The Constitution has been changed, but heaven is not.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №157527
 26.01.2022
I climb up to the roof of a 9-story house to fix the antenna and fall into a stupor - on the very edge of the roof an uncertain suicide guy stands. He notices me, but does not show sight. Okay, I go away, get the phone, turn on the camera, ask:
Because of the grandmother?
Yes, he responds with shame.
“Well, go,” I say, “I’ll take a picture, and she’ll look at your brains.
A minute of confusion, and then with the words, "But fuck her," - the guy tears and proudly departs.
Not my day... This video broke up)))

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №157526
 26.01.2022
Three people stand in Paradise and see through the fence the devil of the sinner dragging into hell.
And the sinner rests and says, “Do not dare, I am a hero of labor!”! to
Three come closer and one asks, "Dearest man, why are you dragging this to hell? He is a hero of work, just like us, and we need him to go to heaven.”
The devil is a hero, not that. When and why did you receive your awards?
The first was I in 1944, for evacuating for 16 hours without exit weapons for the front to protect the homeland.
The second - and I in 1950, for what after the Great Motherland was restored.
Third - and I in 1961, for working at the CB together in Kraljev.
That’s why you’re all in heaven. In 2022, he was paid for selling his homeland. In hell, only in hell.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №157525
 25.01.2022
I once sat in a drug clinic to get a certificate of rights. There my aunt was sitting with my son and showing me told about the horrors of drug addiction, but in the future I did not give up and sat down on the pitch)

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №157524
 25.01.2022
I once bought a man in a car smell in the form of a fish, and the smell turned out to be just disgusting, sharp chemous. We tortured for a couple of days and her husband hid her in a mess. It smells anyway. Okay, they were thrown out. Since the cultural - thrown houses into the cage. It smells to the whole apartment! The man went in the middle of the night to take a can of garbage into the rubbish pipeline. In the evening on the other day we come back from work, we enter the entrance, looked around and such in one voice: "RHYBKA!.." Three days later, the smell stood on the stairs until the garbage was taken out.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №157523
 25.01.2022
I climb up to the roof of a 9-story house to fix the antenna and fall into a stupor - on the very edge of the roof an uncertain suicide guy stands. He notices me, but does not show sight. Okay, I go away, get the phone, turn on the camera, ask:

Because of the grandmother?

Yes, he responds with shame.

“Well, go,” I say, “I’ll take a picture, and she’ll look at your brains.

A minute of confusion, and then with the words, "But fuck her," - the guy tears and proudly departs.

Not my day... This video broke up)))

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №157522
 25.01.2022
As a student, he brought to the class two completely identical round expander, but their similarity in appearance and ended - one was very light, the other - could be compressed by force no more than 10 times.



There was no pre-created insidious plan, it arose on the move, when a classmate (athlete, fighter) offered to compete. Immediately outlined the conditions - who will last longer, repeating one after another the compression of the expander.



The result is obvious, isn’t it? Immediately after my victory followed the exposure of the foundation – it was painful to watch a man who thought he was strong enough to break down.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №157521
 25.01.2022
One day, I go out from the corner of the house, and on the outing of the basement sits a gorgeously beautiful cat - furry, colored, like a siamese, the eyes are blue in half-face... I say to him so from the heart - "Well, what a beautiful you are!" The man who stood next to me smoking, surprised looking at me...Damn, the man I didn’t notice...

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №157520
 25.01.2022
I once had a bar. Well, sometimes at the beginning of the shift I stood up for the DJ controller. There is no one yet (at night). I worked with a girl then as an officer, a pipet, all such a devout, right stereotypical nun, you will never hear a matte word from her, shorter than Mother Teresa. Well, here, I sit behind the controller, playing all kinds of music. I play loud. Here she quietly approaches me from the back, bends over her shoulder and pronounces, “Dolb**b.” I, slowly, scaryly, slowly turn my head, simultaneously twisting the volume to zero and so upset: What? and silence. And she repeats with a smile: Who sings?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №157519
 25.01.2022
Pharaoh gave the high priest the title of Hero of slave-owned labor.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №157518
 25.01.2022
Today at the entrance. A little girl comes out of school and calls the cellphone.
Who is there? Respond to a female voice.
Delivery of Five!

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