bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №157337
 20.12.2021
I once, when I was five years old, listened at the tourbase as a mother of one child told one story to her son at night. I realized that this was their favorite story for the night. And it was this story of how the fascists caught the guerrilla and there for a long time cut something, cut, then put on the back of the hot iron.

My son probably slept well. I hadn’t slept for years, if I remembered. Unanswered questions still remain, how the son grew up and what with the head of that mother.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №157336
 20.12.2021
Often the way through the thorns to the stars is a road through a spike in the urticaria.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №157335
 20.12.2021
It is forbidden to indicate the position and nationality of criminals.

When, after loud crimes involving Southerners, a bill was submitted to the State Duma prohibiting the indication of the nationality of criminals, all citizens thought that the bottom was already reached. But at that moment they knocked down from the State Duma itself. The entire Deputy Chairman of the Committee on Security and Counter-Corruption said that in crimes without intent it is not necessary to indicate the position of the criminal.

And as an example of such a criminal was a drunk Tyumen investigator, who shot down to death two road workers cleaning the snow. It turns out that the killer, intentionally sitting drunk driving, has no intention of bad, no. And the principal thing is to prohibit saying that a detective was driving. He does not think to report to law enforcers that riding a buchy is harmful to the health of others. We understand that the investigator in the rank of a major has no idea about the effects of alcohol on the body. This knowledge is only possessed by Colonels and above. Maybe to educate them?

Obviously, citizens who drive drunk driving do not do it once in their lives, but regularly. And their dangerous business colleagues know this. And all pocket. And when it leads to a logical summary, do not write the place of work, do not spoil the reputation of the organization! Reputation is not ruined by the criminal, but by those who talk about the criminal.

It is not a matter of reputation, nor is it a matter of inciting inter-ethnic anger (as in the case of indicating nationalities). Simply in criminals, most criminals see themselves. The thief’s hat is burning. When a crime is committed by officials (or persons without nationality), the attention to them increases by order. And it is logical: if a person was shot down by a drunk sanitary, it is bad, of course, but what to take from it? And when the same thing is done by a person who is depicted in power and represents the state, it is very different. Once he goes to such a job, he has a greater responsibility. Demand from him too.

But the increased attention of citizens makes it impossible to resolve the issue quietly, as the prohibitors are used to. When a crime is discussed all over the Internet, the people involved are basically afraid to take the money, because they can go with a trailer. And the criminal, horror, will have to be punished according to the laws of the Russian Federation! But for prohibitionists, who are accustomed to saying that everyone is equal and they are more equal, this is completely unacceptable. And they try their best to make the attention of citizens avoid such crimes. After all, yesterday came for a drunk investigator, today for a criminal without nationality, and tomorrow what, for the banker himself? He lives according to the law, right?! to

So these forbidden most likely burned bandages, which have reached the power and the high cabinets, if you dig them, there will be a lot of things, and with this many and protectors involved.
Here as if the whole investigation has long been blurred and knows who will come out.
Therefore, it is better to ban everything and keep it secret.
Why are the archives not disclosed? Someone will be very uncomfortable. The houses protect themselves.
All these pop-up videos from the FSIN say well about it, and how many are not revealed?
Maybe I’m wrong, but then disclose what you’re hiding?

It’s like cockroaches that go out into the kitchen at night and start to eat everything that’s not stuck. They are most afraid of lighting. Because after that, the night will cease to be dark, and they will begin to beaten in the most intimate places. And the cockroaches with a whisper run to hide in all the gaps, only to escape the betrayal light. Just like the prohibitors are hiding from the light of the media. Only the cockroaches can not forbid the lighting in the kitchen at night.

For prohibitionists, a revelation, but on the calendar 2021 year. For many decades, they have become accustomed to the fact that if something was not said on the First Channel and not written in the Moscow Komsomolsk, then it is not. Controlling several media bans is very easy. And now it turns out that everyone in their pocket has a phone with a mega camera. And anyone who passes by can remove the crime and at the same time post it on the social network. And he can also identify who exactly committed the crime, what nationality he has and where he works. And write about it. The world is very close. Everyone has become a small media. You can no longer control everyone. Times have changed, their prohibitions do not work and they will never work again. But they don’t want to believe it, as they want to live according to the laws. Therefore, they struggle in agony, demanding that everything be forbidden and everyone be jailed, so that no one will hear about the crimes. At the same time, the easiest option to do so that you are not told - not to commit crimes - is not even considered.

But if the marasme again wins and we are forbidden to write nationality and place of work, then everyone will write “persons without nationality”, “born in the city...” or “persons with a job forbidden to indicate.” The law is 100% enforced. And 100% of readers understand who it is. And what next? Will it be forbidden to write “persons without nationality”? well well. And it could not be stated all this if law enforcement agencies worked as appropriate. But often the only way to make them work is public resonance. And the citizens want to take away the only legal instrument. The worst part is that no one is concerned about crime prevention. The only concern is that no one knows about them. Don’t fight with criminals. We will fight those who talk about them. We will win!

P.S

What do you think, dear reader, and who was the main fighter with the indication of the nationality of Italian criminals in the American media? Well, not to incite national hostility against the Italians and eradicate the American habit of considering them as bandits? Joseph Colombo is the head of the Colombo family, one of the New York City’s Five Families. That is, not just a bandit, but the most top ethnic bandit. This is information for reflection.

[ + 39 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157334
 20.12.2021
In the government’s fight against the coronavirus, most Russians are already on the side of the coronavirus.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №157333
 20.12.2021
XXX: Do you smoke?

Only after sex.

Xxx is out?

YYY: not started

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157332
 19.12.2021
After all, almost all rooms have rectangular angles, so why are robot vacuum cleaners round?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №157331
 19.12.2021
and Alina! Are you disappointed in your profession? I read you for the second year, and I see a complete emotional burning out! What do you do to resource status?

Oh how! This is how I find out to make an impression on readers. Let us understand...

I have a colleague instructor who loves to take a voice and talk about self-sufficiency, self-confidence, the easy overcoming of all life difficulties, and all through hi-hi-ha-ha! You are girls! Like cows, through the fence moved, and further, coke, coke, coke!

The girls fly a long flight across the ocean. And if at first the overall temperature in the hospital cabin is quite calm, then after 6 hours, people switch the tubler, and the hammer! From the chair stands a two-meter ambal. Of course, he needs to swallow the mammoth, and he turns out, unscrupulously, fisting another, not the very, psychologically stable passenger, and not yet sober. The third, just boring and not a hero to do, he, of course, considers it his duty to fit:
What about the boy?

A couple of minutes, starts treasures, in the best traditions of criminal news compilation on REN-tv. Connect the wives who behave like these, the last passengers. One of the screams:
Fuck him full!
The Other:
You are a dead man! We will arrest you!
The third, just voicing hysterically on the whole room.
From the back rows already scream that there is urine:
Call the boat guards to stop this shit!

Well, if other passengers join for help, and pull off at the corners of the debosshiers. Definitely, the worst will be brought to us in the kitchen to provide the first pre-medical. And in general, get stuck with him afterwards, on all vacation photos to be captured with a lamp under the eye, and scattered eyebrows and upper lip.

Or, a person begins to die naturally in flight. I remember two instances when our actions were led by resuscitators. Both, the first time and the second time. I do not condemn them at all, because they were quietly drunk, and they also have the right to relax after their, in something similar, with our work. At the same time, I was the first, and probably the last time, to see what a precardial stroke looks like in reality, and clear resuscitation measures.

The truth that opened up to me. For real professionals, alcohol is not an obstacle. The hands remember and do (the eyes probably no longer fear)
or...

Fire in the left engine, conjunction from the runway during the acceleration, a cracked fortress in the cockpit, a failure to build the chassis after takeoff, prepared emergency landings. The same when you have to take yourself into your hands and prepare a whole salon, explaining to people in wild panic, how to survive in a blow, in a fire and live on,... such a long and happy life.

Everything ended well...Here only coc, coc, coc doesn’t work.
After such flights, colleagues quietly crawl out of the airports, and can not say a word. So many words and emotions in this silent silence.

After such flights, colleagues start smoking, drinking, and quarrelling.

After such flights, colleagues still go to work, and in flight are reborn like a Phoenix bird. Or otherwise no! If not us, then who?

and yes! Psychological terms do not exist in my picture of the world. The summer psychologist plays us abundantly with such concepts as exhaustion, emotional exhaustion, reduction, deformation and other labours, which I easily replace with one native verb – joke!
Is everything right away in place? Agree with?

@aerostory

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157330
 19.12.2021
That the retirement age would be raised, I was told by a taxi driver in Peter in the 90s.

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №157329
 18.12.2021
Xxx: I am a man, I am 59, I have 5 years to retire.

and suddenly! I felt like a woman and wanted to change gender de jure.

Attention question: Can I retire in a year with a successful change of sex "de jure".



Yyy: As children are small, we already have a zero mechanism at the federal level. Cut off time and that’s all. As a woman, he did not work for a day. A man no longer exists. elementary as well.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №157328
 18.12.2021
Expensive medicines do not help the sick, but they help their doctors well.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №157327
 18.12.2021
A friend from Peter Sergey Dedinsky told about his adventure.
So from his words.

After training, I walked in a hurry along Maratha Street, obediently stopped at the lighthouse and suddenly heard someone shout desperately: Phila! by Phil! Filed to!
A girl with an orphaned leash approached rapidly from the side of the Young Spectator Theatre Park:
Did you see that there was no small tax here? Here’s one, – demonstrating the size of the pet with the big and pointing fingers, she asked.
“No,” I answered honestly, “and we ran together.
- And what happened, - a man joined us on the march, - who are they stealing?
- We pursue a taxi, - I say, - this is one, - and I show with my fingers which one.
Are there signs? He asks, what habits, what characteristics. Is it on your left foot?
“R does not speak,” I answered, “the most harmful, the legs short, the character calm, but unbalanced.
“Of course,” said the man, “my aunt, one in one, we’ll find. Those fucking people are not lost. Who is owner?
I stood on the side of the girl.
“Calm,” she said, “Madame, how do we call it?
Phil answered the girl.
Very pleasant to me, Nicholas. You run in the street, and I will run into the courtyard. I know all the gardens here.
We run on, the girl screams, I look at the sides, the man is studying the hole.
Suddenly from an oracle:
I found! It is crazy, shit! Fuck, you bit me.
And comes out of the darkness of the courtyard with a hairy cat in his hands.
“Here,” he said, “I found it in the laundry and ate dinner.
First of all, it is not a tax. Second, it’s not a dog at all, it’s a cat.
"I see myself," he replies, "that the cat, there was not seen, I hear somebody whisper, and I caught it. I’ll keep it for myself, even if it’s not a tax, and it’s not worse.
They continued running.
The girl asks all the passers about the subject of a taxi, someone answers that she has not met, someone points forward with her hand, there, she said, went.
- You hear, - asks the man, - maybe she ran into the store, a hundred meters later "Red and White" will be, I have a discount there, let's go?
“Then,” I say, “you have to find it first, the girl won’t survive.
And this is how we run, the girl in front, we and the man and the cat just behind, we breathe loudly, but try not to lag behind.
Suddenly the man stops, breathes and says:
- I remembered, there from the drainage pipe, two hundred meters back, just in the direction of the store, someone's ass rolled with a tail, but I didn't give any importance at first.
We shouted the girl and ran back. And exactly the pipe, and from it the back of the taxi rolls, as I did not notice it, I will not mind.
The girl grabbed this part right behind the tail and pulled it out. Phila seemed dissatisfied at first that they were taken away from the matter, but then she even rejoiced and began to lick the mistress. Clearly tears, hugs, thanks, vows, that never again.
- You hear, - says Nikolai, when the girl left, - I do not repeat twice, but once again I pay attention to the fact that the store to ten is functioning, go cat wash. I am catering. Do you have money?
Go, I agree, the cat is sacred.
Today, in the center of St. Petersburg, this heartbreaking story took place, which ended as all the stories that take place in the world’s most good and responsive city should end.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №157326
 18.12.2021
The anecdotes that all taxi drivers know how to run the country turned out to be a lie.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №157325
 17.12.2021
One day I put on a new sweater for “very expensive” (for me). He felt like a god of attraction. Two girls came to me and asked me to take a picture. To say that I was in shock is to say nothing. But you won’t surprise me, especially I was on such a rise in self-confidence! Of course, I did not refuse them. Then there was a big mess and misunderstanding. They wanted me to take a picture of them, and they didn’t realize when I stood next to one of them. and. and.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №157324
 17.12.2021
He was so economical that he didn’t even tell the whole truth.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №157323
 17.12.2021
The Criminal Cat



This cat was absolutely black, smooth like a panther, beautiful and apparently of good blood. But she was not lucky in life (likely, someone drove her out of the house) and she was making food herself. In the summer in the nearest landscapes, and in the winter in the surrounding laundry in the village. People were not afraid, but they did not seek, and they did not give in their hands. She fought fiercely in the surrounding cats, who were highly respected by her. A sort of tail "Lady Mafia" in black, with a revolver behind the belt, which does not fight, but in case of shooting, without blinking the eye.



In the winter, it is difficult to live in the village, all the holidaymakers are displaced, only a small number of locals remain. Among them was my father, to whom Chernuka occasionally appealed for material help. She did not ask, but calmly came, sat on the fence in front of the window and quietly looked with a heavy, unmoving look. One hour sitting, two hours sitting. Dad silently carried out the sauce. The cat came down from the fence and ate the sausage immediately, on the trail, and did not take it away, which was a demonstration of trust and gratitude.



So went the winter. I came to my dad, cleaned the paths, and the cat was sitting on the roof, black and unmoving, and watched my actions. On attempting to touch her hand, she just walked away and from there again shone with huge green eyes. Horrific spectacle - in the shadow of the swallow at night, a black cat is not visible, only two round eyes are demonically illuminated.



The following summer, the cat broke out. She sat on the doorstep for an hour, and then crashed into the doorstep and sat on it, not entering the house. The kids arrived, and the cat was noticeably healed by their efforts. She became soft, elastic and loose, and spent half the day on our site. And then he began to crash, to crash, into the house, and in the hands was still not given. They were expelled with the help of a venice. She thought it was her home, and we were just the occupants who were obliged to feed her.



She loved her dad, but she didn’t let her go. My mother was in a quiet war. The morning. We only changed clothes in the evening. On the bed got a black washing cat and furiously itches, and out of it like sparks from Bengal fire, black spots fleas fly out, and "spring" on a white plate. A magical wreath is coming, otherwise no.



The war ended in autumn with the victory of the cat and the children, without which they categorically refused to return. When I imagined that this monster would live in an apartment under the same roof with us, I became uncomfortable and I said, “either I or the cat.” I chose a cat.



And here is this elderly (she was, in my opinion, ten years old) bandit at our house. The feeling of her presence is as if you live with a guy who has recently "pulled away" from the zone. Do not believe, do not fear, do not ask. To starve itself does not give, does not bite, but cleverly escapes in a millimeter from the hand. He does not bite or scratch, but sometimes looks so that it becomes scary. She does not ask for food, no matter how hungry she is, but she sits on the sidewalk and waits silently. And he looks. The green lights.



(Don’t believe) All cats, when eating or rolling around a bowl, pull out their tail, thus showing that it’s their territory. She ate, pressing her tail and sitting on it. It is never (never!) He did not allow the tail to lie carelessly, always carefully picking it under him.



(Do not ask) Realizing that in silence food will have to wait for a long time, she began to steal socks and change them for food. You wake up in the morning and have no socks. You go to the dish, you call the Blackwoman - and she goes with a socks in her teeth, and with a socks not bitten, not saliva and not pierced. What she takes, so she gives.



(Don’t be afraid) Knowing what the street is, she didn’t just go out the door of the apartment, but even to the balcony. The attempt of the children to take her out for a walk ended in the fact that the cat stuck in the doorstep and did not let it go until the door was closed. And once we opened the door at the same time with the neighbors who were taking their dog-taxi out for a walk. Hearing harmful sounds from the room near the home door, the cat jumped out, sat on the threshold and said something to the dog in his tongue. She didn’t get stuck, didn’t get out of the threshold, didn’t squeeze, and didn’t squeeze, but just blinked for a short time, and the dog was enough. Taxa rushed home with a whistle, scratching her nails and bumping on the laminate, and stuck under the refrigerator. I didn’t know that the taxes were flat and could climb into narrow gaps from which it was impossible to get out. It turned out that they could, and the owners then long mocked our bandit and their tax.



And then the cat mastered, began to allow itself to glide (but it didn't go on the fingers), and engaged in raising children. She strictly controlled the scattered things, watched them fall asleep and woke them up to school. From a retireed criminal, the cat turned into a kind of Freken Bock, who runs the household, breathing and insulting. Even to the country began to drive in a transfer and led the farm there, not a step without leaving the house (it is in the country!)



After a few years, she was quite old, her eyelids fell out and she had hair on her head and back. She died in the country, in the summer, from old age, and we all cried because we were very attached to the black bandit.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №157322
 17.12.2021
And the parliament of Chechnya, at times, does not want to submit to the Duma a bill, according to which in that case, if a Chechen man wins a medal there for some morbidity, then his nationality, name / surname and his hometown are not named, but simply say: "Russian morbid"?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №157321
 16.12.2021
I currently work in Jakarta. I live on the 25th floor, this morning I eat in the elevator down, on the 18th floor there are two Chinese or Singaporeans (we live in the Chinese area) aged 8-10. Looking at me for a long time in complete shock, because here the European is not such a common phenomenon, so the fingers are shown, and even asked to shoot, I have become accustomed, but these two guys were completely stunned and scanned from foot to head with a penetrating look. Then the older man said to himself, “Where are you from?” I answered Russia. The boy hanged for a couple of seconds, remembering something and then shouted: Suka blyat!

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №157320
 16.12.2021
We used to think that there were members in the Duma.
But now we are becoming increasingly aware that they are her members.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157319
 16.12.2021
A friend in her adolescence was resting at her grandmother's house, running with her company every day to swim on the river past a long-abandoned, semi-destructed church. It is the mid-1980s somewhere. And one day they return late in the evening - and the temple was seen from a distance, the whole lighted, brightly burning windows and holes in the walls. They entered, there were hundreds of candles burning, and no one around. Who put it and why - unknown, around the deaf. The next night this little miracle did not repeat, forgotten for years.

When the girl grew up, she enrolled in the MSU filfac because of her love for literature, but found there full abomination - tobacco smoking and cannabis, alcoholism and disorderly sexual relationships. It was the beginning of the 90s. The shocked first-time student gave her certificates, and where else in Russia besides the Moscow University you can get a high-quality philological education without the temptation to fall asleep, shrink, crumble, mad and pick up bouquets.

At that time, the center of the collection of the surviving Forces of Good, including quite atheistic, became the Moscow Orthodox Academy. This is where the first student moved after the first semester. I was thrilled by these people - what teachers, what students. She has a best friend. They talked about miracles. My girlfriend remembered:
I had only one miracle in my life, and it was perfectly explainable without any divine intervention. At 10 I got a cold, something like rheumatism began. No matter how much I went to the doctors, nothing helped. Someone advised the grandfather's parents, he put the bites of bees, and they seemed to be healed. I was taken to him for a week. I was forbidden to swim in the woods. Among the children there were only the holidaymakers of Moscow - naughty, noisy, I avoided them. I loved walking by the temple on the shore. I prayed for it to be finally healed. I regretted this temple – it stood empty and dark. And then one day, as if a voice in me sounded out, “You’re sorry that the temple is dark?” Take it and light up!

In fact, the grandfather had so many candles that he did not know where to put them. Grandfather, according to his law, lived - exhausted honey, sprinkled candles, let somebody please. I asked, I gave injection. She went to the temple, dismantled and set fire to everything. The fire was not afraid - everything that could have burned there has long been burned. But it burned so much that it became scary. She returned to Paseka, when it was already dark, looked around from a distance - and the temple was shining, seen from a distance, beautifully so. This is all my miracle - that the candle itself lit, and that the sick has not returned since then. Most likely, it was just a coincidence, and he cured his grandfather with his bees.

The girlfriend looked at her astonished. Finally she said:
Sandy, early August 1984, the day of the prophet Elijah?
... well yes. How do you know?! to

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №157318
 16.12.2021
From the Women’s Forum:
Girls, tell me, or I am so worried! I am eight months old and I need to remove my tooth. Will it not affect the baby, will it not be born ugly, can something happen to the face? Has anyone removed a tooth during pregnancy? I am in panic!
From the comments:
My friend removed a tooth during pregnancy, so the baby was born without teeth.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna