bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №157137
 05.11.2021
You will laugh, but that was the case. The headquarters dropped on fuel and my excavator dried up 4 hours before the end of the shift. For half an hour, three "Big Bosses" in the choir told me: "Vladimirich, we need to complete the change. “Blood from the nose, shit from the poop.” Okay, I say I agree. I work overtime, I am enthusiastic. Now explain to this iron fool what it is right to do. And then the chief unfolds his main caliber and enters the excavator. It is silent. still is silent. Then he screams, “Now we bring the solarium,” and he leaves. Half an hour later, under the amazed eyes of my colleagues, I solemnly poured 5 (five) liters of solarium into the 600-litre tank of my Komatsu. NDA...

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №157136
 05.11.2021
In order for the lockdown to reach the goals set, the blockposts should not be placed at the entrances to Sevastopol, but at the exits from Moscow.

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157135
 05.11.2021
Once sold the car, the buyer brought the money in $ (for Belarus standard practice). I came to the nearest bank and say the type please check the real or not!

We do not have such a service.

Can you exchange me for smaller bills?

Yes we can! 1% of the commission.

(I am still a Jew, cried a lot)

Okay, let’s do it (I think about myself, so be, $15 so $15)

The cashier takes the money and starts checking it there under these bank lamps and some other device like the lighthouse when all the banknotes have passed through her hands.

I changed my mind, give it back.: )

What could be done. jpg

[ + 30 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157134
 04.11.2021
Analexpert87: An unprepared virgin anus will not allow you to engage in this midnight. He had a skeleton in his closet.



Invulnerable44: Rare moment: nick corresponds to the content of the comment.



bambook81: And 87 is not a year of birth, but a breakthrough.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №157133
 04.11.2021
I walk in the street, I don’t touch anyone. Meanwhile, there is menta, starley. It moves in such a way that it prevents me from passing. He stood in front of me and said, “Hello!

I said to him: Good morning.

Sorry, good day...

I didn’t even think about what: What was it?

MENT: Yes, you are on the orientation, but that guy is not...

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №157132
 04.11.2021
A man at the box office of a shop selling motorcycle equipment asks the seller... who sings this song... white roses, white roses... the seller says laughing Yuri Shatunov... the buyer is sure... I need a shooter of shatuns...

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №157131
 04.11.2021
To think that the State Duma is doing something good for the people is like believing that the economy of a country is filled with money by the State.

[ + 44 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157130
 04.11.2021
In Japan, a railway station worked for one passenger for three years.
For several years, at the Kami Shirataki train station on the island of Hokkaido in Japan, a passenger was waiting for a train - a schoolgirl, who was going to study. The train stopped there only twice a day to pick up the girl and bring her back after the school day.
In 2013, the Japanese Railway Administration decided to close the Kami-Shirataki station because there was no passenger traffic and there was less freight in the area.
But when it became known that the girl needed to get to school on this train every day, it was decided to leave a virtually deserted half-station. And every year it was repaired, and in the winter the peron was cleaned from snow.
The schedule of transportation was directly dependent on the school schedule of the girl.
The Kami-Shirataki station operated until March 2016, after which it was closed as the girl graduated from school.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №157129
 04.11.2021
First they will be asked to show the quar code, then everyone will be lazy and will only be asked to have a quar code or not. Then they will ask:
by Ku?
by Ku.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №157128
 03.11.2021
xxx: A regular family, in the nineties bought a video magnetophone, on the first day the whole family watched cartoons, fighters and horrors, the next day to watch the shopping came grandmother with grandfather, grandson, 6 years old, with a clever smile now I scare you, charged a cassette with the signature of "horror", on the screen the man knocked the assy grandmother in the anal, the grandmother cried, the grandfather stuck, and the grandson did not understand what is happening with a clever smile asked, well, it is scary?



YYY: And then grandfather’s backbone – you see, and you can, and you – I’ll die, I’ll die...)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №157127
 03.11.2021
Years around 94-95, like 5th grade. I lived, gently speaking, not very well, and I also started studying to scroll into troubles. They offered me the option: for 5 - +5 rubles, for 2 - minus 5. And I just wanted normal human roller cooks at that time. Well, the second quarter passes, then the third, I am normally so in the plus, I just think, by the summer of the norm. In the spring, Daddy says, “Let’s go to the store.” I am so full of joy, we come to a sports store, and he sits in a boxing pear and gloves. It was fucking as offensive as they imposed their hoodies on the next generation.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №157126
 03.11.2021
What the pessimist has a ass, the optimist has an elastic ass.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №157125
 03.11.2021
Today in the court he was charged with a physical who proudly unfolded the passport of a citizen of the USSR and stated that he did not refuse citizenship and demands that the judge judge him as a citizen of the USSR, and since there is no obligation in the law to return the credit, he forgives everyone.

The judge announced a technical pause, turned off the recording and said, roughly as follows: "Ivan Ivanovich, according to the submitted documents, you have opened accounts in dollars and euros, in accordance with the article. 88 of the Criminal Code of the RSFSR currency transactions are punishable by imprisonment for a term from five to fifteen years with confiscation of property and with reference to a term from two to five years or without removal or death penalty with confiscation of property, you still judge as a citizen of the USSR? We, together with the secretary, can make the verdict right now, and the officers will immediately execute it in court!"

A citizen of the USSR was accepted into the womb of the Russian Federation directly in the courtroom, by presenting another passport.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №157124
 03.11.2021
I repeat, I’ll go to the veterinarian.
Why only half?
So much faster!

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №157123
 02.11.2021
I don’t remember this story myself, since I was 3 or 4 years old then, so I recall my mother’s words.

One day my mother took me to a logopedist. The logopedist asks me:

How does the cow cry?

My mother says that’s how she formulated her question. Apparently, the word “mocking” would be a too clear hint. Therefore, in full accord with TZ, I replied:

Aaaah aaaah!

The logopedist, strangely enough, remained dissatisfied. I still do not understand why.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №157122
 02.11.2021
One of the most shameful memories that emerge before I fall asleep is about my phenomenal “simplicity” and unthinkability.

5 course of the universe. The Companion. I happen to encounter in the hallway an ex-boyfriend of a former neighbor who practically lived with us in the room and we had a friendly relationship.

He was already released, but came to his friends and hanged in communion. We broke up a couple of duty phrases and here I am purely of politeness (hospade, I thought! ) I say, okay for now. If you want, you can come overnight.

And I went to myself, thinking that he would most likely stay somewhere all night and spend the night there, and I just showed kindness and care.

He stopped sleeping at 10 p.m. Nothing bothered me here. I think, fucking, I’d better not come, but okay. He is lying next to me instead of the next bed. I was a little stressed here. He puts his hand on my hip. I remove his hand from his hip. He puts her on his shoulder. I am cleaning.

In general, the guy quickly realized that I did not call him, turned away and fell asleep. I apologized for the rush in the morning. And I almost cracked my face from shame when it came to me that I invited the guy to stay overnight and... stay overnight.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №157121
 02.11.2021
The irony of fate



The Law of Abomination: As a lockdown, so abnormally good sunny weather!



© Dmitry Sviridov

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №157120
 02.11.2021
The stupid...

The 18-year-old student of the Russian University of Transportation Mikhail Akimov was returning home in the area of the CSKA station. It was about two o’clock at night, and suddenly a stranger called him.
They quickly shortened the distance and hit the student in the stomach without warning. After beating and robbery (they took the phone and a bag with documents) tried to leave.

But Misha quickly recovered, he already had an idea. The guy pursued the criminals and asked them to give a mobile phone (mol, it is very needed for studies) in exchange for translation through the Sber app.
One of the fraudsters dictated the mobile number and received 26 thousand. After that the robbers fled, and Akimov recruited the police.

The holder of the number was caught after 6 hours - they turned out to be 20-year-old Arslanbek Ešenaliev from Kyrgyzstan, with him was the second robber (18-year-old Bakbergen Madanbekov). A criminal case was initiated against a couple for theft.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №157119
 02.11.2021
Are we waiting for a widow of laws with orphaned laws at Malakhov?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №157118
 01.11.2021
Judging by the news, Russians are most concerned about sewstream2, spot market, ukro transit, Moldovan energy crisis, shale. Income of 10 to 12 people.

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