bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136121
 21.11.2016
A freezing student.
What does it have to do with onion? The layers!
Even the New York bombers guessed to lay up the jacket with a newspaper.
Here is the advice from a very poor student 15 years ago:
even in cardboard boots will be warm if they are two sizes larger and worn on a dog socks;
The shirt, hat and scissors of your dreams can be bound independently (once in a lifetime to straighten up and take care of the match) from a sweater purchased in a second and dissolved on a tie;
For a piece, you buy a set of floss thermal lingerie, and the employer will never find out about it!
or sew / tie the shoulder that you remove together with the shoulder (you can cut the same shoulder from the shoulder banally under the length of the shoulder);
officer guard female (surprise) towel from military trade - the best friend of a man in -40C


[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №136120
 21.11.2016
Anonche, when a wife beaten with her fists and legs, unable to resist the drunken man of the hand, grabs a stalk, a bowl, or even, falls the sky, for a cutting knife - this is really called the "woman attacks, condemns the modern man." For husbands, the consequences - in the worst case, the wife will simply escape (theoretical administration, but the militia and services will do everything to not accept such statements), and for the wives who resisted, it is immediately punishable.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №136119
 21.11.2016
Specifications for Mac Pro:
I didn’t think he was so small.
That’s what girls usually say :)
I've never heard anything like this from girls :)
Sla337: Well, not all and not always 100% honest. By the way, the female phrase “how huge he is” in 99% of all cases refers to spiders.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №136118
 21.11.2016
Irina scored 1373 points in the Indy Cat game.
Now I know everything about Irina’s personal life.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №136117
 21.11.2016
Description of the charger:
This is not any Chinese counterfeit, it is a real domestic product, which is confirmed by lead sludge on the plate, hanging on wires transformers, yellow sludges of an incomprehensible substance and cannibals, as well as a missing microchip in the installation, instead of which carefully inflated stabilitron.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №136116
 21.11.2016
Discussion of the construction field on a popular forum on the Internet.
A great expert in thought:

I don’t know how others are, so I’ll tell for myself. The deeper I dive into the specialty, the more I get disappointed. First, it is not exactly the same from the inside as it is from the outside. Second, the burden is more and more, and in the monetary equivalent it is somehow not felt.

In general, I sit in front of the evergreen and evil compost, and these out-of-the-clock alkashi under the windows of the gardens, always full, drunk and satisfied. Maybe that’s what I’m doing wrong..."

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №136115
 21.11.2016
When Jonathan Swift signs "The Snooker" – this is called "a pseudonym".
When the dressmaker signs "Jonathan Swift" it’s self-calling.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №136114
 21.11.2016
xxx:...today instead of "full bags of hands" I wanted to say "full bags of hands", but stopped in time and immediately wanted to recover... as a result, "full bags of suck" came out;

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №136113
 21.11.2016
Once I slept at home in the middle of the day on the couch in the hall. I wake up - it is dark and silent, the time of the day is not clear at all. Being in a light space, I hear from the bedroom a disgusting whispering voice: “I want to eat!” Hardly making bricks, I remember that this Chinese-speaking doll of my sister began to swallow and communicate with herself.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136112
 21.11.2016
- I bought today in Shchelkovo liver shrimp for 92.90. Opened, and there are fish tables.
My friends bought a red caviar instead of mackerel. They ran back to the store, picked up more mackerels, about half were with caviar)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №136111
 21.11.2016
Den Stranger: The daughter is watching Fixikov, my wife and I are sitting next to each other. At some point, the wife can't stand and gives:
“I seem to be beginning to understand why our military equipment is being attacked by the Quavalda. Because such a blow immediately awakened a drunk fixic and he was going to fix another malfunction.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №136110
 21.11.2016
<><><>> <> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> He was discovered by a Negro, the best guitarist was an Indian, and the best vocalist was a Persian.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136109
 21.11.2016
Dr. House: "This is how I am a fool"
Patient: "What are you, you are very kind!"
Doctor House: "I don’t see any contradictions"

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136108
 21.11.2016
The gender chauvinist:

Today you buy Apple, and tomorrow you walk with the boy.

Well, I’m walking with a boy, and what’s unusual here? I would also buy Apple, and I need to subvert a little - it hurts a large company.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №136107
 21.11.2016
Never before has Stirlitz been so close to failure.
YYY :?? to
xxx: I wanted to compliment a nice Canadian Tire cashier...to tell her that she looks like a famous actress. He stopped on time.
YYY: What is it?
XXX: It would be nothing, but she looks like Sasha Grey.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №136106
 21.11.2016
The most important thing in life is not to give up.
I would love to surrender to someone.
With pleasure, it’s another matter.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №136105
 21.11.2016
Comments on Articles about the Defenders:
Cat Behemot: This is what creature you need to be to throw out retirees.
Lohha local: Ask our officials from top to bottom! ))))

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136104
 20.11.2016
Husband and wife on social media.

If I had no children, my house would be clean and my wallet would be full. But my heart would be empty.
If I had no children, my house would be clean and my wallet would be full.
You forgot to copy the last sentence.
M: No, I have not forgotten.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №136103
 20.11.2016
(postmodernist dialogue about birth, about hamster and about elections)

Brad, throw it in, it just can’t be.

I’ve seen so much in my life that I can even believe it.

WOUL: Because you are writing fiction and you think: "To add a flying toilet to the text? Oh well shit. What’s the point?" You get up from behind the compass, you approach the window... And behind the glass the "Fayans throne" flies.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №136102
 20.11.2016
X: I believe you will be able to blow up the untouchable!
Y: As you know, in order to infuse the uninflatable, you must first inflate the inflatable... And we don’t have money.

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