bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №135881
 14.11.2016
In the United States, the black strip ends and the red strip begins.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135880
 14.11.2016
I live in the city of Zaporozhye, we have a bandit district with the glorious name Pavlo-Kichkas, further from the words of a friend. By the way, he works in a wholesale food warehouse, that is, he spends every day in the car, transports the goods through shops, kiosks, etc.
We drove on orders, went to Kichkas, while the partner unloaded the goods - I was sitting smoking in the car, where I watched the whole picture. The kiosk to which we brought the goods was directly at the tram stop. Nearby, in the 50s, there was a semi-dival institution with the proud name "Stopka", in the common people called the gentle. Here I sit, I smoke, and I see a menta bean coming in to this "restaurant", from there the mint comes out, the driver remains in the car. The sergeant fixed the cardboard and went down to the same stop. A minute after 5 comes out, but no longer alone, but he leads some grandfather, well understood. The grandfather does not resist, goes calmly, gradually. Here they approach the car, mint opens the "booth" and tries to get the grandfather there. The grandfather said to him, “Our grandson, you see, I’m already old... come in first, give me a hand.” Mint jumps up, does not have time to turn, as the grandfather quite sharply clamps the door (for those who do not know, it does not open from the inside), knocks a fist on the board and with a loud voice says, "STOP!!!" The driver without a back-thinking begins to drive, the grandfather sits quickly in the tram that has arrived and drops. Within 15 meters, the bottle brakes, the driver falls out of it, in terrible seizures barely adds to the back door, opens... I thought, now the grandfather will be a huge crash... I was wrong, the second mint was broken no less. And grandfather, if I meet, I will personally feed, drink, and give more money.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №135879
 14.11.2016
Russian scientists with the help of an electronic microscope read the notes in the loan contract.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №135878
 14.11.2016
The visit to Tretyakovka did not go without discussions about whose ticket.
On two were depicted "Grachi arrived", and on the third, which fell into the hands of Kate, "Black Square" of Malevich.

Katya, outraged by injustice: I have paintings, but I do not eat!
Katya, you also have a painting – Black Square!
You have a cardiac, and I have nothing painted!! to

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №135877
 14.11.2016
XXX: There are no unwanted ones.
YYY: Right by Freud reservation.

[ + 17 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135876
 14.11.2016
As long as optimists feed you with myths about “somebody else is worse,” you won’t notice how you’ve gotten worse than this mythical “somebody else.”

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135875
 14.11.2016
Today, they have been boxing a long time trying to get out of the yard. I pushed, and people passed by: someone was watching, someone stopped for a short time to give a very “valuable” advice. But at the same time no one hurried to help me push, although I did not ask. And then a guy passed by, got out of the car and just started pushing with me) It was slippery, it was very cold to the hands, for 10 minutes we didn’t do anything and I already became so uncomfortable to hold him (he probably thought it was a matter of a couple of pushes) that, thanking him, offered to leave us, because he has his business. But not! He did not abandon us and, taking my shoulder, began to dig the snow under the wheels. After a few minutes the car left. So, simply, on my own initiative, without my requests for help, without advice and whirls, when all this was delayed, Man came to help us)
Thanks to you, man! It’s so nice to see that there are a lot of good people among us.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №135874
 14.11.2016
Forum on the construction of bridges and bridges in Peterburg
XXX: Open, build, then let’s see why we’re going to venture.
YYY: It was well done. First they open, then they build. As it usually happens to us.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135873
 14.11.2016
XXX> Where are you?
XXX> We're waiting for you for more than an hour
yyy> I cut the vermicellum
XXX> You calmed the shit. With you in the Quest Room.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135872
 14.11.2016
Maybe work from home a few days a week.
Oh, on Saturday and Sunday.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №135871
 14.11.2016
He was in Theodosius in a camp from the university. The housing conditions there were not ahti, but at night to sleep on a table in the form of a parable was quite possible. As you can understand, the toilets also did not shine in terms of convenience and were just a hole in the floor (in the people, a point). It would be fine, but there was one nuance. When there were gaps between the holes, there were no doors that closed you. That is, you go in, for example, to brush your teeth, and you willingly have to contemplate three bodies in the position of a goat a little busy. It was the morning of a new beautiful day, I, like an early bird, went to make my needs into one of the holes. During the process in the door separating the toilet from the corridor knocks a cleaner and asks if there is anyone, what I answer her, what is, say, wait a whisper, I almost everything. What this creature answers: “Yes, I’m fast,” goes to the toilet and starts, looking at me in not my best posture, wiping the floor. I would not say that I had a childhood injury (I was 17 years old), but this grandmother left her footprint.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №135870
 13.11.2016
I gave my wife a compliment. He said that she is wearing things very carefully and that the shirt we bought 4 years ago looks like new and she will be able to wear it for 10 years. She was upset.

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135869
 13.11.2016
Electric bicycle discussions at Hicks
xxx> Well and more... At the speed of 80 on the bike on the track you will say a huge thank you to the well-set fork )
yyy> 80 on the track - it needs to have a horse 10. Three steel eggs.
If the track is straight, and the Uber car with a rider weighs a little, three horses are enough. Only these steel eggs need all 10)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135868
 13.11.2016
Yandex contextual advertising offers a vacation in Kurshavel with children. I am a simple teacher. The children are really three. I don’t know where I could get stuck...

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №135867
 13.11.2016
Billgilbert: I remembered the old verse...

Tom is a pathologist.
He takes home work.
Because of Tom.
Lots of people at home.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135866
 13.11.2016
[13:25 04.02.2013] sergyu> I heard you have a son born! Congratulations to the man! Tell me how ))
[08:19 13.11.2016] Vasily_L> Later, there is no time
[08:21 13.11.2016] sergyu> This is what I noticed

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №135865
 13.11.2016
XXX: How to contact a police officer?
ууу: "Dear police officer, will you be so kind to repair my door as soon as possible?"

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №135864
 13.11.2016
The hairdresser. He enters and sits in the chair a man who looks like a stereotypical sitadmin from anecdotes – a dwarf, a nest on his head, a beard system “which has grown – it has grown” and a sweater purchased, probably, in the tenth grade. His answer to the question "How do we cut" I can’t hear the sound of a haircut.

Half an hour passes, the same person at the box will be recognized exclusively by the sweater - it is straightened, the beard is cut, the hairstyle is fine, and even the glasses are as if wiped out. He pays and leaves. When the door behind him closes, the barber says to the cashier:

He asked to make him look like the boss... He even showed a photo of the boss on the phone!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135863
 13.11.2016
I sit and wait for my wife next to the dressing room on the beach. A man is looking for his wife. I screamed to the side of the dressing room "Who are you here"? Someone cried out that she was not there. The man broke up "The cows broke out" and went on to look for them.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135862
 13.11.2016
by Castor Troy
Well, that’s the matter before... you come to the studio, you hair your clothes, you fix, you sit, you don’t move, then you wait a couple or three days, you come – xyevo came out.))))

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