bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №134179
 30.09.2016
[14:57:19] xxx: Colleagues, there will temporarily be no coffee machine on the fifth floor. Sorry for inconvenience
Ladies and gentlemen, I will sell the car.
[15:02:16] zzz: A coffee machine?! to

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134178
 30.09.2016
Truly I say to you, they will take away what was holy to their fathers. They forget about kilograms and meters. For the seducers have come, and their names are Giga and Tera, and the word of power will go away and be forgotten by them. And they do not know the enjoyment of the ‘grrrrrrrrr-jzzzh-iiyi-brzdyn-bdyn’ from the Zuhel connector. And not knowing what the discet will save and preserve, they will save and preserve the blue square. They will not be able to pronounce the word of hope "Coaxial", they will throw down the dream "optics of the house" to dust under their feet. And they will pin it and walk on it as on the leaves of autumn. And the number 23 will be for them as flat as 15 for their fathers. And Erafia will not be reborn to them, and they will not catch a fish on the water chip. But I know that the Korean Vitya introduced IDDQD and we shouted "Hoy" and became their fathers. Those who have denied, but I believe that if they reject, they will go ahead.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №134177
 30.09.2016
I understand, of course, the selfishness of the eye is frozen, but you do not understand that everything you say works in the opposite direction? Smokers have a right to care about non-smokers.

Listen, cat, if I don’t smoke next to you, is it a problem for you? If your neighbors don’t make noise at night, is there something wrong with you?

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №134176
 30.09.2016
If I like a guy, I’ll give my phone to a friend who’s burned up in a podcast to girls. Half a day my phone was in his hands. Then I go to "our" with a guy of correspondence and he is crazy of me)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134175
 30.09.2016
Fisher is not the first time he is being discussed because of his role as a second pilot. In 2009, at a rally in Yuvesküla, Finland, leaving without a second pilot, he forcibly put a homeless wanderer into the car, thus fulfilling the condition of "two people in the car."" The trick was learned after viewing a camera recording installed in the car, which shows how the Finnish second pilot instead of reading the legend repeats again and again "Here is shit!", sometimes inserting phrases such as "Care, home!" and "Slower, you are a fool!";

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134174
 30.09.2016
Today, in a café with a cracking ear, "van Pis of Cake" learned in an elderly foreigner a German. I spoke a little with him in human language, greetings, all things. and also :

I: What are you doing here (in Russia)?
He: And what about you?

and rye.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №134173
 29.09.2016
Yesterday’s fat.
Girl, don’t spit on your weight. I have a company of four friends. Body structure, hair color, growth are different for everyone. No one has an obvious excess weight. One of them is very, very thin. But! One of us is beautiful. Of those that without exception are very beautiful and attract everyone’s attention. Attention is not always pleasant. And very often, as you described - there is some unpleasant individual who does not understand any words of rejection. And one day we all in the four could not drive out such a “beautiful man” because of our table. "Work is there, I go to the hall, I am confident". That he may be someone not interesting in his head does not fit.
Your girlfriend attracts your attention. You have nothing to do. Do not reinforce your complexes, many girls and women face such unpleasant situations, regardless of weight. Do not take other people’s behavior on your own account.


[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №134172
 29.09.2016
Continuing the topic of Luntik:
He is a lunar bee. Apparently male sex. So, it is the moon’s trunk, which was driven out of the oak.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №134171
 29.09.2016
I am something. From the moment I got in my car, I was picking up the alarm out of the corner of the house. Recently, she started screaming at me. In the real sense. He does not allow inside. I approach, knock on the door, and she hurts. I am in panic that I am now heart-hearted old ladies will be handed over for the theft of my own car, I begin to press all the buttons in a row on the alarm barrel. After 15 minutes of shame, I get inside. And so every time. And today I went out, approached closely and whispered, “We are of one blood, you and I, I regret it, and, o miracle! She has opened! I, inspired by Kipling and my own ingenuity, went on business. I call my husband and announce that I have won the system. And he rocks. It turns out, I have a battery sitting in the blade, and I need to open it from a closer distance. Everyone was waiting for me to come...

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134170
 29.09.2016
A portion of the printing of broken New Year’s leaflets ordered by the “Capital of Mercy” fund was sent to Samara, where instead of the phrase “do good” it was written “grass of bonbons”.
"The printing industry says that no one will notice this and that it is worth giving out the leaflets in the form they are now. The size of the marriage is less than 5% of the sheet occupies, so it has a place to be according to the GOST of the USSR from 1963", - commented the zoologist.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №134169
 29.09.2016
>>> And only when you have really grown up, you understand that you just need to give a list of literature of 20-30 books with the note "to learn by hand" and good such lilies with the words - Why are you, fool, wasting my life?

Where is the book list?

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №134168
 29.09.2016
Please do not involve God in the actions of the popes.
2: What is it suddenly? If the owner of the franchise does not monitor compliance with the terms of granting the franchise, he is either in share or not.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №134167
 29.09.2016
Alcohol is evil. I got drunk and lost my phone.
WOW: It is fine. Yesterday I stood on the light, I crossed the road. And on the other side, a drunk man throws a girl under the car, does not allow him to pass. The girl came out, struck him between his legs and pushed him to the side. As they pushed, the man’s bag fell. The girl sat back and went. He went away and gave him a bag.
Here I am green, I pass, I go past the package, there was beer in the banks and eggs. And the man is standing. He was not lucky with the eggs, in every sense.
This is the harm of alcohol, and you say, the phone lost.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134166
 29.09.2016
Closed the cat in a cage. Maine-Kuna touches the tongue and looks cloudy. I am scared.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134165
 29.09.2016
Wut: - Old and sick memes go to die in the classroom

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №134164
 29.09.2016
I restore my arm after an injury, I go to physical therapy four times a week. There are a few of us there, most suffered the right, often jokes about how uncomfortable it is to work on the left.

Yesterday someone noticed that a new girl is recording something right, decided to joke about this topic, and she began to hick. The left is just as uncomfortable.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134163
 29.09.2016
I think someone is stealing our socks.
It is a bubble.
She: I am serious about you.
He says, “You believe in religion. You believe in signs of all kinds there, and in the drum, because of which the socks really disappear in the house - don't you believe?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №134162
 29.09.2016
Pavel
AliExpress translations are pleasant as always.

Pavel
Main characteristics of smartwatches:
Screen of 1.54 inches per second

Maxim is
Documentary film about the coupling of lazy people

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №134161
 29.09.2016
Training machine - with a scattered cartridge and engraving "LEARNING".

The training spoon is also scattered and engraved (an ancient army joke).

The upgraded iPhone is also, obviously, a training...

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134160
 29.09.2016
In the last ten years, I have changed jobs three times. Every time there were different people in the team, but definitely, necessarily, without options, a miniature perhydrole blonde named Olya fell. For the puppy, each has the very same specific way of speaking. When one Olya resigned, and a week later another came in her place, I realized - they are being made somewhere on the conveyor. It remains to be understood why.

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