bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №130439
 08.07.2016
Oh, the Internet is all-powerful, how many wonderful discoveries we have...

Thai romantic horror Krasue Valentine tells about the love of a young man and a girl-spirit of beauty, that is, flying female head with hanging intestines with lungs and heart. On the poster of the film - the heroine in all its beauty ) surrounded by petals and hearts.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №130438
 08.07.2016
I am in the hospital, today I am operated.I write to my wife:

11.4 The Luck

16.29 to arrive
16.38 by Ri
16.40 Arrived, the general archos

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №130437
 08.07.2016
Are you like little children? It is clear that no one drinks because of his wife specifically and personally, but drinks because of his own dissatisfaction with life. Whoever then after a sudden change in life (read: divorce) becomes better, someone does not. That is all.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №130436
 08.07.2016
The little boy found online courses, studied programming and received a certificate of developer. He was caught by a hedgehunter and drawn to a timid interview. Timlid looked at the boy and asked him a question. Boy, do you know what incapsulation is? Do you know what decomposition is? The boy looked at him and said, “Uncle Timlid, I’m not a real developer.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130435
 08.07.2016
The story of a distant years from the adolescence of my friend. Evgeny was 16 years old at the time. He just finished 10th grade and the holidays have just begun. One day, a classmate invited him to his house.

I went with the friend’s father. At the village they were already waiting for the mother and sister of a classmate (17 years old), as well as a family of relatives. First he helped them in the garden. Then they went swimming on the river with the whole company: there were swimming, and music, and entertainment.

In the evening, Eugene and his friend were laid on the floor on the first floor. Nearby - in another room - his parents slept, and a friend's sister remained on the second floor (the family of relatives had already left for the city). He could not sleep for a long time because the mosquitoes were biting him. When he woke up a friend, he told him to go up to the second floor and take a mosquito remedy in the form of a spiral to burn. She was supposed to lie on the bedside of her sister’s bed.

To avoid noise, he quietly climbed up to the second floor. When he opens the door, he discovers that the sister of his friend has masturbated in the light of the lamp. First there was a pause, then this girl wrapped herself in a blanket, covered her face with her hands and apparently wanted to run out of the room. But my friend preceded her with his phrase:

I see nothing shameful. Everyone is masturbating. I just wanted to do this before sleeping, but only mosquitoes got it.

After that, he approached the cellar, grabbed the remnants of the mosquito spiral and went down to the first floor.

After that incident, they began dating, and their relationship lasted for four years (the move caused the separation).

[ + 23 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130434
 08.07.2016
In those years, video magnetophones were a huge rarity, and to watch the video from the cassette, you had to either go to the cinemas, or look for rich acquaintances with the video magnetophone. There was a girl in the yard. Her father was a businessman, and could afford an unprecedented luxury - a video magnetophone. In those times, intimate shops began to open everywhere, and we went in the crowds to see the huge rubber leaks and other overseas locks. Among other things, pornographic cassettes were sold in the salon, which I really wanted to see. One day we walked through the whole yard and bought such a cassette. They hit the girl's house with a large fun eagle and watched the movement of naked bodies. When the cassette was taken to the hole, we wanted more spectacles. The brilliant idea arose immediately - to carry a magnet on the tape of the cassette and hand it over intimacy, like marriage. At first, the seller was willing to exchange our "missed" cassettes for others, but then, after 4 exchanges, he began to look at us somehow... So we used free of charge the porn film book of the favorite store.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №130433
 08.07.2016
I went into the elevator today, and he silenced and showed overload by weight (there is a limit of 1 ton) - such an insult I had not yet received...

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №130432
 08.07.2016
10 minutes. An unknown number calls back. I take a phone.

See also: Allo

Hello, can you please Nathan?

I: You probably mistaken number.

Anonymous: Natasha * Some name * gave me your number

I: I do not know such a man.

Anonymously yes? Can you tell me how to contact her?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №130431
 08.07.2016
The most harmful thing with diarrhea is cough.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №130430
 08.07.2016
I read a note about footballers with champagne for 250,000 and I remembered a long-forgotten story that initially added me gray hair.

I needed to "wash" $10 million at the dawn of the 90s, don't think of anything bad - no crime. Honestly earned, honestly earned. How else in our country? If the engineer who made the invention and successfully sold it to a Western company, according to the laws of the time, had to pay to the treasury of the total payments of 116% of the sale of intellectual property. This is what happened in the legislation at the time. Try not to pay. Of course, there were other options – through bandits, for example. Then you lost not 116%, but only 100 and guaranteed a bonus to get a free pit with views of the forest.

To leave for me at the time was virtually unrealistic - family, children and lunch from what they gathered in their landscape. Since before I started looking for a buyer in the West, I had the stupidity of offering my solution to domestic enterprises, then after going through all the circles of communication with officials, I was unable to sell them anything, but I quickly fell into the area of attention of interested persons. Foreign economic activity was supervised by the relevant persons and during the negotiations I was passed so that the whole essence of our pursuits became clear - it is terrible to chase the bandits, it is much easier to pretend that you are "passing" the engineer-headpiece.

Letting go of the details of my correspondence with potential Western companies, I can say: I found buyers quickly. But since attacks of brain activity periodically happened to me, I understood that after receiving the money I would immediately lose them and then in the contract instead of money I asked as a payment for the collection wine for the specified amount.

Representatives of the buyer’s firm came, invited me to the restaurant of the hotel, where I signed a contract with them, received barter documents with their Moscow representative office (there was such a popular type of transaction in the country, not taxable) and two wine boxes. With whom I went home.

Taxpayers came to me, authorities, bandits came to me. They looked at the documents and could not accept that they were fooled somewhere here in the shrouded two-room Khrushchev and instead of money behind the refrigerator next to the garbage barrel there were two wooden boxes with wine. Two boxes of wine for a $10 million contract. Everything was so unusual that neither the organs nor the bandits even tried to resort to the stake or the solder. To those who behaved decently and without shame, I placed glasses right on the kitchen table and opened a bottle from the box and offered to taste. Over the course of two months, the examining walkers drank all 12 bottles. I think they still talk about it in their narrow circles, if they are alive, of course.

Later, in the late 1990s, I reconciled myself to science and became a simple car repairman, earned money, traveled with my family to Geneva and turned my ownership documents into money for the Two Boxes of Collective Wine, a subsidiary of the old Swiss Investment Fund, which I read about in the Economic Periodicals Department of the Library of Foreign Literature.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №130429
 08.07.2016
And I’ll go to the MTS office tomorrow and tap on the carpet in front of the door, under the pretext that they “have not refused this service.”

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №130428
 08.07.2016
It was somewhere in the 2,000. We were 14-15 years old then. Happy years of youth. A company of 10 people. And one day I came up with the idea of going into an abandoned mansion in the evening to try my straw. The estate was a two-story house, which did not collapse, but has not been functioning since the 1980s. Of all the inhabitants of this estate, the main contingent was represented by the Alkashi, the Bomji, other teenagers and occasionally a guard. Therefore, the options to meet someone, and especially at night, were sufficient. The color in the theme of fear was added by the presence of the female half of the companion and the memories of all the imaginable and unthinkable village horrors, the stories of friends about the encounter with the unknown shit, etc. In general, the horrors were chased.

I decided to go at midnight. But my friend and I decided that in order to a meeting with ignorance, we need to prepare the soil in advance. The old cell phone was loaded as a song to ring a baby's cry and placed in one of the rooms on the second floor of the mansion. They themselves repudiated the march by the fact that it is not eager to receive from the guard the lullaby and that there is nothing to catch there and we stand on the pit. We were presented with a claim of the type of "bzite", but we wanted to look at an experiment on "darehoods".

And then a group in striped swimsuits with lamps went to ball around the night house of the estate. When the lights blinked on the second floor, we called a hidden phone. The quiet night was filled with male and female whistles, and from the mansion from all the windows as witches after the shabash our seekers of adventure flew.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №130427
 08.07.2016
He totally went crazy.
People are measured by ancestors-alkashes on the male line and masochist ancestors on the female line.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №130426
 08.07.2016
I’m glad I don’t have a mommy like you. He planted potatoes, digged potatoes, and was free. I don’t know what you’re doing in the garden all summer.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №130425
 08.07.2016
The unopened fistakes are like virgins, maybe, and so for themselves, but you are the first of them. How pleasant it turns out to be sure that no one has eaten your food before you!

Wow, I haven’t found where your mol is nesting?

HHH: Yes, I seemed to have found... Who could have thought that she would go on a bag of salt fistakes?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №130424
 08.07.2016
Good morning dear comrades. There is a proposal of this kind and nature. There are 1 server capabilities. The owner has no desire to do anything. I invite all the other participants of this conference to take an active position on writing the PHP design of the website host of radio stations type Volnorez. The main idea is to make a profit on the beer by providing hosting services to users who will open paid websites on this host. I suggest setting the amount of 99r per month.
YYY: You call me a comrade, but you write the word PHP next to me.
YYY: There is no respect.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №130423
 08.07.2016
x: All designers are stampers and live on stamps, even they have stamped.
y: rectangular, with retracements under the circumcision.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №130422
 08.07.2016
xxx:"In Russia began to create a “backup copy” of Runet"
YYY: You can soon download it on the flash.
Free version of the Internet without SMS and registration?
YYY: And with the Russificator.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №130421
 08.07.2016
The whole degree of stupidity of the custom of pouring water on July 7th, I realized today, when
In the Siberian metro on the radio among other announcements said something about the meaning of about this:

"Companions of the type be people do not water even the drivers of the suck!"

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №130420
 07.07.2016
When I was small and the world around me was big and understandable.

I was once asked.

Boy, what are your parents doing?

My mom is working!

And the Dad?

Dad makes money!

I still cannot prove the opposite.

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