bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №130319
 05.07.2016
There is really no contradiction. Children need to be taught that there is sexuality – and that such relationships are private, personal, so that the Aunt and the guy who is attached to her on the beach – just behaved non-cultural.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №130318
 05.07.2016
He said: I have seen!
Have you changed your glasses?
He did not have an operation ?
She is fucking! Now I will have to paint when I walk with you and you will not take off your glasses.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №130317
 05.07.2016
>> GMOs do not produce seeds

Programming is like that. The problem with GMOs is not in mythical health hazards, but in the fact that it is a fierce ownership like Windows 10 in the hands of impure corporations.

The worthy answer is not a ban, but an opensor. And it will appear as soon as the technology gets a little cheaper and simpler. It is said that modern methods of editing the genome leave no traces, and are indistinguishable from natural mutations.

Technology is waiting for its Torvalds and Stallman.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130316
 05.07.2016
The child is resting in Leningrad. He sends a picture of the stuff:
My son, guess what?
My mother is Shaurma!
Daddy is Shaverma, thief!
Son - Matreška, cookers

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №130315
 05.07.2016
I go to work, the window is open, I smoke, the music plays, the stream moves quietly. In front of the left row is a military truck, and there are soldiers in it, obviously timepieces, guys at all. The form is new, not blurred, sitting like a cow, whoever served - will understand. And one, when looking at me, had such eyes that I immediately understood - I want to smoke, and not. Well, I guessed for a moment, and threw them a package started in the body. Oh, you would see their faces! I broke the package in a moment, smoked all at once, swallowed my hands, licked. A soldier is needed for happiness.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №130314
 05.07.2016
In fact, I decided to get in the first class. The school then was on a good account, so in order not to take anyone there, the candidates for the place of the student should have passed a competition in the form of a simple exam - to tell the alphabet, copy a couple of triplets and tell a fairy tale (likely, to check the vocabulary). I managed everything easily, because by that time I was already able to read and write. Then came the story. The commission asks, “Well, young man, what kind of story are you going to tell?” I answered, “A story? Why a story? I will tell you the myth. “” It must be said that I studied to read from A. Kun's book "Myths of Ancient Greece" (many,, known), so my choice fell on the myth of Teseo and Minotaur. While I was broadcasting, my vocabulary was evaluated positively, and it was clear to the members of the commission that I would be taken. But! After telling the myth, I remained with a thoughtful appearance in front of the commission. In response to the question of what thought I was so loaded, I said, “No, I understand everything except one thing: how she gave birth to him, because he has horns! “” The commission lay under the table, the mother did not know where to go.

P.S I was still taken to school.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №130313
 05.07.2016
My sister once told me:

“I watched two series of My Beautiful Babysitter, and then I got bored, but I was sorry for the time spent on them, so I watched another 140 series.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №130312
 05.07.2016
I have a friend, Yuri, a rare man. At his expense, we drank – let’s remember when – well, right, we never drank. Sometimes he comes to me to play football, and I accept him. After playing, Yuri goes home, but definitely pulls something from the table. It can be a pack of seeds, a pair of apples or even a piece of sausage. Well, it would be okay to eat during the game, so no - well, he has to take with him.



Recently he called me, “I’m going to play football! » Knowing his peculiarity, sweets and chocolates I hid. He played and approached the table by habit – and there was nothing but medicines. But it could not break a long-standing habit.



This person takes the eye drops and with the words, "I feel like my eyes are hurting," spills half a bubble into each eye. Shame on, shame on!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130311
 05.07.2016
When I was 6 years old, I was taken to the entrance exams (or as they are called there) to school. It was at the end of the school year. The interview itself I passed successfully, but when we (I, my mom and the student who examined me) came out of the office, a bell sounded.

The bell itself hanged right near the cabinet and was apparently either one of the descendants of the Tsar-Call or a sign of civil defense. That is how I remembered him.

I felt like a grenade had exploded right above my head, and I did what any man in my place would have done – I sat down and covered my head with my hands. I’d even lie down if I didn’t have a clean shirt. And I knew that the punishment for a dirty shirt was much worse than the explosion of a grenade.

Looking at my reaction, she said that I was too early to go to school, because I am so crazy about the phone call.

I went to school next year, but in another year. I went to this school a year later, in third grade. And all the remaining school years, when I saw people, regardless of age, crackling from that call like I once did, I felt like I was fooled somewhere.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №130310
 05.07.2016
And I will go to the office of MTS tomorrow and tap on the carpet in front of the door, under the pretext that they "did not refuse this service."

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №130309
 05.07.2016
- Comrade Beria, I was about a funny story with the graduates of your NKVD school. My colleagues and I consulted. It is unfair: some are running, others are not. For such a glorious release, the Gelendvagen are too small cars. Replace them with Gazenvageny and drive all your graduates through Moscow. So that no one is offended.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №130308
 05.07.2016
Family sessions, a break between hot and dessert, a conversation with relatives. Uncle Garic (an energetic man over 50) proves that food from multivarka is a soulless combination food and can not be eaten, without the soul is prepared! Aunt Marina (his equally energetic younger sister) proves that nothing like this in the multivarka can also be cooked with the soul. Aunt Katya (wife of uncle Garic) says very quietly and thoughtfully: "It is necessary, and the doširak yesterday evening so spiritually ate!", and there is silence at the table.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №130307
 05.07.2016
The news:
Scientists predict that humanity will die out in 6.5 billion years

Commentary on her:
I am going to pay the mortgage!!! to

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130306
 05.07.2016
And if all the problems from the "permanent standing", then why do girls paint, pick up clothes, emphasize the merits and hide the shortcomings? Is it to attract the attention of men?

Do not throw up your already inflated css.
A woman who likes a mirror.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №130305
 05.07.2016
Today, the relatives once again sat on their ears, talking about God and religion, and gave this:
God puts the mind in our brains.
When asked why most of the scientists who made significant discoveries in science were atheists, I was asked:
They made a deal with Satan by selling their souls.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №130304
 05.07.2016
The Sado-Mazo Party
The Swiss threatened.
With our blue ones.
cannot

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №130303
 05.07.2016
The news:
Hollywood star Lena Hidi (performing the role of Cersei) has become a mother. Note that this is the second child of the actress, since from the first child she already has a 5-year-old son.
The commentary:
In the article of the mistake, it must be "... since from the first brother she already has a 5-year-old son"!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №130302
 05.07.2016
From Skype:
I got the news - in Dubai built a giant armor, shoot people with parachutes - for a fan of the latter) I immediately made a race proposal, oriented to the meat consumer - to build against the same, only parachutes not to give, shoot the deputies - to squat in the bottom) well and take money for shooting) those wishing will immeasurably - shoot)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №130301
 05.07.2016
Unknown, unfortunately

It is necessary to tell the children where the children come from and why sex is needed.
You also need to talk about contraception so that there are no children aged 14-15 years.
But the fact that sex is needed not only to have children, but also to get pleasure, can not be told before the age of 16. Even until 18.

The child will ask why you need contraception. Because if we don't know about sex for pleasure, then you don't want to have children - you don't have sex, why contraception? Not to mention the fact that under the influence of hormones children will guess themselves: tell not tell, and to the opposite sex draws.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №130300
 05.07.2016
Because even through pink glasses they look like shit. Only the pink.

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