Look at pictures of cakes. The picture is a cake in the form of a large cozy bed, on which under the blanket a bear.
Marfa: fucking what are the cakes))
Kir: just have to replace the mouse with the aunt.
Kir: with titles
Marfa: with a false imitator in your hand?
I’m going to celebrate divorce with this cake.
Kir: then by the falloymitator in each hand must)
Tagged: fucking
Marfa: I remembered the man of the knife hand.
Marfa: and introduced the human hands-phalloimitators
Kir: the perfect lover))
Marfa: Yes, not bad
Kir: they should not be the same, but all 10 different.
Kir: for all occasions of life in any mood
Marfa: removable fittings
Marfa: if necessary, the member can be fixed, attach the drill...
He is not an ideal lover anymore.
The Ideal Husband
Marfa: the new meaning of the expression "for all hands master"

In the collective consciousness, Mel Gibson’s film “The Passions of Christ” left a strange aftertaste – due to an excess of violence and mild anti-Semitism. But the 612 million worldwide fees are not jokes. It’s time to think about a sequel to the 2004 film. The very time!

This time for Jesus everything will end better—He will rise again.

Fuck the spoilers, right?

Sometimes users call me with the words: "Everything is gone. The base collapsed. The program does not work. All data is missing." I answer them: "Caps Lock disable".

I just got a seller in the store on the box: hello, Dmitry!
I: O_o (in the thoughts - figure yourself a telescope of the 89th level!)
calculated in cash, I take the goods, the seller: all good, Dmitry

And only after a minute of arriving in shock I noticed that I didn’t remove the badge (happycry).
Great mood after the shopping.)

Emmy

The new design of the social network. Explain to me why, if I don’t like bread in store A, I go to store B. If the car doesn’t go from gasoline A, I’m fueled with ethanized C16 on gasoline B. And only when it comes to programs and sites, it starts back! Create a petition!! The Return!

How to say. I had a case. I bought an app for the day. I really liked everything in her. And then it all broke up to the harem! You see the update. Instead of a work plan, I have a work plan. I received an old version. Only social networks do not do so. Social networks filled with people and functioning like nothing. My friends are all in the UK. If I go to FB (he is the same store B) for me it will be a breakdown of all convenient connections. And how do you suggest dragging into FB groups with interesting content to me? I don’t want to create everything again, I want to feel comfortable again.

XHH: Maybe my cat can take lessons of acting skills. She is able to make from 10 to 20 different expressions of mords from "I wonder, sir..." to "Now absolutely oh**li!" with different nuances.
WOW: So you, that’s, then the advertisement is like an actor’s master class.
xxx: Ah, and intriguing with the title "50 Shades of Grey..." Because the mouths.

This is:

In 1975, Academician Sakharov was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. That is, the man who invented the hydrogen bomb was awarded the world prize in the name of the man who invented the dynamite...

You’re still small, falling, and you don’t know that every rod has two ends. Throw a hydrogen bomb on the country – there will be war, death and destruction. Give a country a hydrogen bomb and it will never be attacked and it will never need it. What is peace. Man wants to fight, but he wants to live stronger.

Mind is not erudition, not the ability to get into any conversation, on the contrary, or, as one prime minister said, not at all!
Mind does not mean being able to talk to scientists.
If you are smart, you will realize that you do not understand anything.
The mind is often silent.
The mind feels shortcomings or unpleasant moments for the interlocutor and bypasses them.
The mind foresees the answer and silences if it doesn’t want to hear it.
The mind will offer something.
Stupidity does not offer.
Stupidity does not ask.
The stupidity explains.
Smart is better.
With him you are free and lazy.
You’re busy with idiots all the time.
You work in the face.
He contradicts you and contradicts... Because he is sure!
And from these meaningless objections you lose the strength, the endurance and the cleverness of which you were so proud.
You can’t agree with a fool.
You feel how bad you are.
Relax with the smart!
Rest with him, my dear.
I pray!

The officer did not serve in the army type for ideological reasons. He proved to the military committee that he was a pacifist and could not be a soldier, passed an alternative. And all would be nothing, but to know this person in the collective can be by forever acquired expression of the face and attempts to resolve any dispute about "happiness in the mouth of the ladies."

Dude, a detective

I sit at night with my back to the door. I write with a girl. Behind the back I hear the door open and a woman enters. I lightly press al + tab and I have time to close the window. In the incognito mode, history is not preserved. The window leaves, but the wife feels awkward approaches and says:
Q: What are you there just that turned around?
I: Yes, I played in tanks, I finished and got out of the game.
J: You did not do anything else. Open the browser.
Opening and there porn site (forgot to close last time)
Are you watching porn again?
A stone fell from my soul.
I am happy to see a little.
A: "good " and he goes away.
For the first time in my life, I admitted that I was watching porn. Pornography saved my life.

Divorce your wife, don’t torture her. Why do you need her at all if you watch porn, then you talk to girls?

zzz: From the outside it may seem that a miracle happened today in Omsk.
The news hardly reports murders, robbery, robbery and fraud against pensioners.
What is it? Did the Omics enlighten and begin to do good?
No is.
Just the UMVD website broke, the info to take from nowhere ;)
AAA: Do you mean that as soon as they removed the old boss, their site fell?
Zzzz: No, it lasted almost a week.
AAA is AAA. That is, now the MVD does not know what is going on in the city - their website has fallen...

A former student of law organises a meeting dedicated to the 5th anniversary of the day of issue. In the description of the encounter in contact - a full-blown "we will discuss adult life, boast of achievements".
We evaluate the idea in a narrow circle of friends:
The description is obviously delayed, but I have to go.
- Oh, I was presented at this moment with a crowd of lawyers who drew husbands / wives and children to check-in, property listing and a copy of the labor tax :)

[18:57:20] <[iZet]Stargazer> will find trolleybuses. It is time to introduce an automatic tracking system for trolley wires. Modern CNC machines are quite able to track not only the state of left-to-right pressure, but also to take into account the state of the road.
[18:58:24] <[iZet]Stargazer> but the position of fools in space-time no system can estimate
[18:59:42] <[iZet]Stargazer> exactly so. When machines can predict the actions of fools and idiots, it will end human civilization.
[19:02:07] <[iZet]Stargazer> from here the conclusion! Fools and idiots are the last stronghold of human civilization.

I had a friend named Short. Of all the names in the world, they named the daughter Love, and the son Roman. There is now a short love and a short novel in the world... and how do you not love your children? (c) the

Looking at a bottle of whiskey:
Young man, please a document!
by presenting a passport, mindfully
Oh, Zbs, they don’t know me here yet! =) is

I grew up in the village myself, but by the time I was 10 years old I didn’t know how to cut/cut/suck/beard carefully grown in the backyard. It taught me to grow. He fed, drank, and cleaned the shell. But not about that.

So I am 10 years old. He was alone at home, as his parents went to the market to shop. My neighbor (at the same time my aunt) asked me to cut a couple of chickens, well, or cut (in general, by my choice). Since he was a “eager man,” he did not say that he had never killed.

In general, I chose a tail tool, because even at such a young age, I thought that the animal would suffer less.

So, who caught the chicken (Broiler). I guessed with my legs to step onto the body, and with one hand to stretch out the neck (not my own).... and cut off... immediately released the body, and the head in my hand remained. And then it started... The body first ran a couple of meters to the wall, turns and begins to run to MY side! E is E! Here I went crazy, I ran to the right to the calice, and what do you think? The body begins to tickle into my side again and intentionally run against me. I don’t know how the stars came together, but I felt at the moment that the body was running to avenge me! At that moment, I also flew to a two-meter fence (after trying to climb it without panic, I could not).

Picture of oil. I sit on the fence, and the body stands next to it and goes nowhere! I don’t know how long it lasted, but in my inflamed childhood brain, it was very long. I noticed there was something in my hand. This is the head of the body. I cried and threw my head away from me. After a moment, the body of the broiler falls dead. It probably happened in 30 seconds, but for me it was an eternity.

Since then, I have not broken the chicken anymore.

Translators are translators
Universal Studios, series

In the list of crimes committed by the wanted - "malignant outsourcing" (literally)
Is it how?? to

In 1975, Academician Sakharov was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. That is, the man who invented the hydrogen bomb was awarded the world prize in the name of the man who invented the dynamite...

The products are better than people. If they don’t like the temperature, they start.

Smell of silence.

I joke about the news. I stop laughing at the headline: “You can sleep in Obama’s bed for $4,500.” And immediately behind the back is a female commentary: "And Obama himself will be in it, or is it even more expensive?".