bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №139303
 03.03.2017
XXX: That is the question. Where are so many Koreans (Japanese, Chinese, I don’t know) in the center of the city? I often see them in supermarkets, they talk on their own. And in general, a lot of foreigners are now walking around the center to photograph, even mexes seen on the fifth. How did Murmansk suddenly become attractive to foreigners?
YYY: Yes, this is the delivery service with AliExpress

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №139302
 03.03.2017
What will fit any average girl
XXX: “Darling, you are so average!”
Here you see the bottom. The bottom of the cage)

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №139301
 03.03.2017
XXX: And I won it! You won’t believe what the reason was!
I had to install a driver for the cable.
Driver for his mother, CABLE!!! Soon the wood for the mouse carpets will start clamping!!! to
Two connectors, four wires and none, not the processor, even the microcontroller - but the same. Driver is needed.
Humanity is degrading so rapidly that even I can’t catch up with it.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Then these wood (to the cable, to the carpet) will rewrite, they will require to constantly update the frameworks, for reports - the latest web mods, settings will be stored on the cloud server.
Carroche - without injection and certificate, neither music on the body / player to drop, neither to move the mouse.

But the most hideous mouse will have a two-core processor and 4 GB of operatives. What would load wood on mouse, mouse memory, buttons (for each one), wheel and laser. And another cable. And all this for the purpose of moving the cursor on the screen. Fichi - vibration in the tact (by thought) of the sound events of the wind and out-of-the-sight flow of colored LEDs. The mouse will load from 3h to 15 minutes. And this is only the client part of the wood. Because "for increased convenience and security, as well as privacy" mouse actions will be processed by the server part. Yes, on a cloud server. Therefore, on a slow (up to 10 Petabytes) inette - the mouse will thumb. Without the network, we can’t work at all.
And do not forget about the compatibility of certificates and versions of mouse and carpet wood.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №139300
 03.03.2017
About the screening "Chapaev and Emptiness"
Comment from the router:
I remember that there was such a "story" about the mystical shit around the attempts to film Master and Margarita, as if the key figures of the filming were dying / dying / disappearing - actors, directors, the author of the novel. With the filming of Pelevin, everything can be much more dramatic: actors can not die, but spectators.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №139299
 03.03.2017
Every time I come back from Facebook, pulling something different, I feel like I got out of the laundry in the public eye. The tail hangs from the ear, the clothes in suspicious spots, and everyone smells, rattling, hoping for a very, very convincing explanation. behind the keys. The wallet sown. The body was finally hidden.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №139298
 03.03.2017
In Stanislav Lema’s book “The Star Diaries of Iyon the Quiet,” the story follows that Iyon the Quiet comes to visit aliens, communicates with human experts and they tell him that human women paint their lips with a red mask to mask the traces of the blood they drink from their men.
After 15 years of marriage, it doesn’t seem funny anymore, maybe they were right.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №139297
 03.03.2017
Why can’t you just not put on the onion if customers ask for it? Why is it so dirty in the soup? Without it, it is much more delicious, and most importantly - there is no unforgettable taste of sweaty grandmother's buttocks!

The messenger knows a lot about perversions.
If the grandmother's cheats smell like onions

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №139296
 03.03.2017
We regularly watched it on TV. And sometimes there was a session of flightplay on the dancers or the gallage, without comments and with authentic interference. Long before all these tweets. True, I’m not sure if it was the influences of the neighbors or the local TV ballerina.

It was a "Dendy" console, or a similar NES clone with an IR modulator, which worked on the 10th channel of metric waves. In fact, it had to be connected to the antenna entrance of the TV box with a complete coaxial cable, but it was usually lost and replaced with a piece of wire. And at the exit there was a bad power - millivatt 50, if not 100, and the wire served as an antenna. Sometimes such a preset of meters for 300-400 could be caught in color and with sound.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №139295
 03.03.2017
Nowadays in most families you can tell babies an old fairy tale in a new modification: "Did there be a rabbit dad, a rabbit mom and a rabbit son from a previous marriage..." <c>

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №139294
 03.03.2017
As the poet said
Our king is a stupid murderer.
AAA: Blind poverty

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №139293
 03.03.2017
The story happened to my father 10 years ago. His mobile phone calls, at the end of the search inspector reports that a / m similar to yours has committed an accident and escaped from the place of the accident. The driver was a 35-40-year-old man. Could you describe yourself. At the time of all this story, his father was already in his 60s, and in order to get rid of various kinds of adventures he described himself. At the end of the conversation, the inspector asked to come and provide the car for inspection. But when it appeared in the department of GIBDD, it turned out that no man was 35-40 years old, and the documents on the accident indicated... I think I guessed: 60 years and so on. The lack of traces of the accident on the car, the testimony of witnesses that during the accident he was in the country (by the way, he went there in another car) did not help.

This story lasted very long, there were 24 hours of arrest and further removal of guilt in the accident through the court.



Why am I telling this? I want to warn you once again: if someone calls and appears to be the police, do not report any data about yourself and wait for an official call.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №139292
 03.03.2017
Small 5 years. The standard situation before lunch “I don’t want, I won’t.”

I say, "You'll be writing Venzel with my mom, with me it's easy. Soup means soup. It is very important for your body.”

Son: “Things are more important than soup.”

I: And what then?

C is a choice!



He doesn’t sit on the internet, he doesn’t watch news on TV. It seems like democracy...

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №139291
 03.03.2017
From comments to torrent with annoying advertising...
XX: I used to want the bus with the participants of the House-2 fell from the bridge on the Anshlag heatway. And now I still want to burn all the casinos along with the release groups that put ads into the movies.

[ + 46 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №139290
 03.03.2017
We had a disaster employee in our company, in speech – a man-pipe.



Sleeping off the train to a business trip and catching it by a taxi is easy.

To rise from the bridge to Nevada a diplomat with a newly signed blood contract for several lamas is not a problem.

Being in Naberge Chelny to lose the return tickets for a plane with a transfer in Kazan and get to Peter for a few days on dogs by car stop and trains - nothing at all.



It must be said that the "adventures" that occurred with him were not only a consequence of personal discord, but also a set of circumstances of force majeure - floods, hurricanes, road congestion and forest fires occurred precisely in those regions where he went on a business trip.



But everything comes to an end. Once this frame sat behind a working comp to play in Dota, and so. sitting quietly and not attracting attention to itself, was closed in the office for the night. Three times in the night, the alarm was running when he went to drink water and to the toilet. Three times he was hiding in the office from the guards. “I wanted to play.” At five o’clock in the morning he was caught and put out of the office for the cold on the street. But he did not go home, because he did not want to get a lull to wake his wife, and the rest of the night he was hanging in the shelter with the guards.



The leadership's patience finally broke out, and due to all the circumstances this man-orchestra was fired.



This would be the end of the fairy tale, but his dismissal had tangible consequences for the whole team. All the squid and force majeure that this comrade accumulated on himself, a thin layer distributed to the employees. As a result, the overall coefficient of scattering remained unchanged, or even increased slightly.



In general, if you have a pipet man in your company - take care of him, maybe he is a thunderbolt man.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №139289
 03.03.2017
Today in the phrase "served me for many years" Google Docs highlighted the word "me" in red, offering to replace it with "you".

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №139288
 03.03.2017
Let’s ban the hole on the asphalt!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №139287
 03.03.2017
Do you remember your babysitters and teachers in the kindergarten? Those who dressed you, fed you, wiped out your clothes and cockroaches, led you to walk in pairs, taught you to share, not to covet and not to covet, the boys not to offend the girls, but the girls to help put up the dishes and clean up behind them, who read your fairy tales out loud, and if the garden or the basement were five days, then he put them to sleep and woke up, gently swallowing their heads. Those most educators whose soft hands embrace your shoulders on old photographs. You actually became relatives to these ZinPetroven, Mari Ivanen, auntNatasha. And as adults, you joyfully ran to meet them to share your successes and achievements. It was with them that your fathers were always gradually greeted, and your mothers whispered about something on the side.
Remembered you? has been? And yet like. This is your life. She was. And there will be no more. None of anyone.

Do you know what your grandchildren will remember? LaHudra with a gadget and a nipple (a chupa chops in the house and a cigarette on the street), chatting and cuddling, while the squeezed and squeezed children with a fight take away each other’s toys.
A fool who answers the questions "what, where, why" is the mother of his question. They will remember her notes to parents with lists of their own needs for the holidays. and all.

There will never again be ZinPetroven and MariIvanen. The reformers of education dismissed them as inconsistent with the requirements of the reform: lack of publications and higher education. And they recruited outspoken fools with diplomas and a complete lack of love for children. and Amen.

[ + 43 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №139286
 03.03.2017
If Patriarch Kirill believes in God, then why is he driving an armored Mercedes under the protection of the FSO at the expense of the budget, and not hoping for the patronage of his heavenly chief?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №139285
 03.03.2017
Another man from NSK is working with me. So he once saw how the wind broke the banner at the cafe in the yard. Then he saw how it went and where it went.
So, after the hurricane, O goes after the sign, goes into the mud, gets it, comes to the cafe and gives the girl a sign. She is so happy, thank you.
And he said to her, “Where is my amulet of abundance?” The girl looks at him confusedly. Chel continues: “Well, you haven’t played in Diablo? The barman's badge was stolen, he was willing to give this amulet for it. Here is the sign, where is my amulet?and "

This very amulet of abundance doubled the cost of goods in the stores.))) Jab would not refuse to do so either.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №139284
 03.03.2017
Galatea23: "Nastia, pick us some music"
Galatea23: MWA-HA-HA!!! to
I like it "what"
Galatea23: For this occasion, I have a wonderful mix of Swedish synth-punk, medieval February music, Korean hip-hop, heavy Germans. In conclusion will be Agatha Christie - "Star Gestapo"
Cassir: I knew that.
Galatea23: I can dilute Neuromonas by Theophan
Galatea23: A great discovery

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna