told a friend. He studied in forestry.

I was sitting somehow, relaxing in the community on Saturday night. Suddenly there is a group with him.

WOW, it’s a million. I want to put an eyelid in my ear before the disco.

Shut my ear! – Shut my ear!

I didn’t shake my ears, and I don’t know how.

I have everything with me!

And this guy gets from his pocket a nail of two centimeters in length, a bracelet, a decolon and a healthy hammer.

I will put my ear on the window and you will test it with your nails.

Do you understand what you are saying?

- Yes, everything will be okay, only the beam is stronger, once - and the hole is ready. A matter of seconds.

Look, you have to live.

This fool puts his ear on the window, Vovan slightly knocks the hammer into the ear. The ear is reliably and qualitatively attached to the wooden window - the nail entered the hat. The client eats, the blood flows.

Take off the nail!! to

What is?! to

The Lord! Find passengers faster! and ores of pain.

Where to get the passports on Saturday evening? Well, Vavan went to look for them. Looking for 40 minutes. It brings. This piercing lover is waiting for him, shrinking over the window (he did not know how to put Vova). The knees from tension shake, blood flows. Ten minutes later, the nail pulled out - afraid to damage the ear even more. He poured an ear column, inserted an eyelid. A man on shaking legs stumbled at the disco - to boast.

The customer returns in half an hour. Roja is sprinkled, sprinkled with saliva:

What did you do to me, Peggy?

In what sense?

You broke my ear! In this ear only the blue eyebrows hang. (These prejudices were in the province in the late nineties.)

You put your own ear on the window! I have your ear to the light bulb.

Break the hole in the other ear.

Are you sure?

I am sure!

Look, I have warned you.

The client puts the other ear on the window, Vovan with the usual movement knocks the nail. Blood again and scream.

Take off the nail!

What is?

The passengers!! to

I gave them back.

Look for it!

He went again to search for passengers. Where I used to go, there is no one. Time even later. He was looking for them for an hour and a half. Try somehow to attach the ear to the window and stand the clock. Remember the horrors of the Gestapo and Lubyanka. Pulling the nail turned into a popular entertainment for the whole community. The Attraction. He pulled out the nail. The tortured piercing lover was able to say only one thing:

You went on... with your eyebrows!

Not very intelligent terminals at Sber. I pay the penalty (now with a 50% discount!!!) He proposes to make a car payment!! Black humor... Can there now be any more discounts for the regular customers of GBDD?! to

Telephone conversation with students:
Hi, we have arrived!
And you are who?
It is me and Petrov.
Okay, and I am who?

<Pv>: yesterday at the daughter at night the temperature was 39.5... quarreled with the wife in full, called an ambulance.
<Mozyan>: the fuck! What a diagnosis? Did the ambulance say?
<Pv> is the emergency? No crew at the moment. You stay here! Good mood and good health!
<Mozyan>: here are the shots (

PS2 Businessman - he is either successful or quickly no longer a businessman

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and grand!
that is. Either you are currently writing in your own plane’s seat or stuck in a dirty chair in a dumb state office.

Another funny joke on the subject:
You psychic...
And you plant potatoes for 150-200 grams. mosquitoes and the mosquitoes eat you in vain. You laugh and think. Well well. I have 2 liters of salt in the refrigerator in the morning... but here you, Scuchi, tomorrow from the bowl go... go to the sea to fly...
......................................................
The fucking! What do you drink after 200 grams of salt in the morning?

"Oh the bartender!I am the same as this gentleman!!!" (from an old anecdote)

To get drunk, I only need one drink.
Is it serious? Only one?
and yes. It is usually the eighth.

Interested in:

On the occasion of "the aunt went to the decree - took another"
There is no problem while there is a place in the state. And when you have 5 employees in a decree on permissible SMP jobs, it becomes somewhat uncomfortable.

What is SMP? Only in wiki values 40 found...
Are the detectives in the state? We take them out of the staff and take new "for the time of maternity leave". When the first returns, the second is dismissed without any problems.

Because this demon was standing by the door with a squid...

? to

The Demon of Maxwell?

What self-criticism

And to do the work of others for free, so that the state gets cannon meat no one wants.

Go and tell mommy, “Mom, I understand, I’m gun meat for the state. And you stupid ovulation gave me birth. For you, by the way, normal men-men worked while you gave birth and raised me. I’m ashamed of you."And fuck up the wall to death. Or you can just show your mom your tailor, she will appreciate it.

Consider the cost of banking services. Almost any bank payment is a percentage of the amount of the transaction. Fixed can be, for example, annual service commissions.

///////////////////////

And, you know, in different banks in different ways - somewhere for every payment of money they want, somewhere for receiving cash they ask for a rage interest, and somewhere 100 rubles for allinclusiv per month. This is a big city where there is a lot to choose from. But most of our homeland is a small town of varying degrees, in which there are a par-three branches of federal banks and there, oh, there can be absolutely immeasurable tariffs. I agree and sympathize with you.

I – employee of the state office
My husband is a small businessman
I call it now "class enemy"

And if you at work to your duties will be added to the duties of some Masha-protoquash, what would you say?

I’m a man, but I honestly don’t understand what Masha you’re all the time rushing to work for? Which decree has passed? You have to take someone in her place. If not, who is to blame? Masha or Masha?
Or the time she goes to the clinic? That is an amazing little thing. In any team (with rare exceptions) many employees go somewhere and what now? You cannot hide a colleague. Again, if you have such a meat machine at work that the missed 2-3 hours of working time is a nightmare! All gone!", thank the boss, and not Masha at all

from ZH:
In this sense, I especially liked the SpeelChecker Lexicon. He was convinced that the word "handshake" is sloping "handshake, stream", and he did not know the word "child", but the word "child" was quite suitable for him.

I will add:

20488: Those like you are called "crabs", and you are furiously, furiously bored!
No, I don’t want to get up at four in the morning, even if I call it eight, nine or ten. And most people, as far as I understand, don’t want – that’s why "instances and shops don’t work.
And as for the evening - discover a terrible secret for yourself: in those regions that are souther - in summer it darkenes earlier. For example, it’s always dark at 8 o’clock, it’s already evening, although many people are just coming back from work. And nothing, it is normal. No dogs jump out because of the bushes.

And if you tell him more about Zapolarya, the popcorn will explode.

News: In Switzerland will launch the world’s first plant for the production of CO₂ from the atmosphere.

aaa: The price of gas, on CO2, the day before was 10p / kg. $600 per tonne is not overwhelming?
bbb: pure natural CO2 from Alpine air
ccc: pure natural eco-organic gas from alpine air.
ddd: does not contain GMOs and asbestos
No of cholesterol.
FFF:... and without sugar!

I need to pick up a friend on his car. She tells me on the phone where she is waiting. the appearance is very spectacular - 5th size, narrow waist, blonde, blue eyes, but not fragile, such blood with milk.

He says on the phone: “Yes, here to the left... ah, right, past the signs... sorry, a second [to some bad guy] SHOULD NAHUY [back to the phone] sorry... left"

News: Tetris screenwriters promised that the plot of the film will be epic

I want Keanu Reeves to play the role of a long stick!
yyy: And all the action will take place under the 8-bit "Korobejnik"

The Habr:

How hard it is to be a web developer. Already at the interview, they are forced to write code, as for the prodoxene... with comments and tests. It is even scary to imagine what to do when the real work begins...
- And then on the actual work you have to fuck in the ancient legacy without comments and tests.
It is fun. It turns out that an interview is like a boy before a wedding. The last chance to feel human.

The cat is covered with cement. To wash or not to wash, is that the question? Suddenly, when it gets into the water, it completely cemented?

The driver said from work:
I drove on a sunny and pleasant day along the road along the park, a duck passed straight along the road with a leash. Of the 10 cockroaches, 7 quickly jumped on the border and behind the mommy, and three failed. Well, our hero decided to help, the mood is good. He stood up on the side of the accident... the first quickly caught up and flew in the direction of the duck, the second had to be chased for three minutes, but he was also transported in the right direction. But the third decided to run, fast, rapidly stepping, until after 5 minutes on the way encountered a hole, into which he safely slipped. On the road already gathered a crowd of men, who caught the small, the whole crowd opened a lounge half-filled with stinking liquid. Our driver, holding behind the stairs, began to catch the runner, but a small-sized: water - it means you can dive... When after half an hour a team of volunteer rescuers caught a dirty ugly bird, only the mother who was drowning nearby did not let the small one be stifled))))