bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №128078
 14.05.2016
Combine the last movie you watched and the last game you played in order to come up with a new game or movie.

I have musicals hairspray and doom. The astronaut dances and sings for the equality of demons with humans. All in the style of the 60s.

- and if the opposite - a fat girl under fun dances and music, with a gasoline and a shotgun goes to Mars to clog the portal with blacks.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №128077
 14.05.2016
I go one day on Fedoseenko street on my then-Oke and look for house No. 54. I have been here and there several times, not to see at home and remembering the proverb the language to wherever it will lead, I decide to ask the people. I go to the common stop. Transportation, in order to hurt the people, I open the window and shout according to all the rules: -Hello, sorry, do you not tell where is the house No. 54 on Fedoseenko street?!!! Three of them, who stood closer to all, said, “We don’t hear.” They say. I scream louder the same, even the music turned off entirely. To be heard. They say, “We don’t hear!” Okay, I think, I shut up the car, I go out, I close. I approach them closely and angrily: DO YOU NOT KNOW WHERE ACCIDENTY HOUSE No. 54 BY UL.FEDOSEENKO!!! And they say to me, “We don’t hear!” We are deaf!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №128076
 14.05.2016
[21:53:15] besic88: My hot water will not be turned off either
[21:53:29] Loiso_Pondhova: she doesn’t include her
[21:53:38] besic88: here are the little things

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №128075
 14.05.2016
Early morning message from ASCII:
Server orientation, I want you to believe... I want you to cry!
After the game-control, before the general trouble, you did not make backpacks!!!! to

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №128074
 14.05.2016
But the external blocks of the air conditioners heat the surrounding air and because of you, the bourgeois, we, the normal people, are hot!
WOW: WOW, and the engines of the cars are heating up, someone is cooking something on the plate,...
And they are shooting more...

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №128073
 14.05.2016
<xxx> This is a crazy idea!!! I wonder if suddenly!! Human beings will defeat gravity, will it be possible to bring submarines into orbit, equipping them with manoeuvres and main engines, of course, and a little of course re-equipped for a new environment? I am in the sense if the body will withstand them especially and do not need to rework.))))
<yyy>Put off a little...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №128072
 14.05.2016
When you hear again from the authorities about another “brotherly people”, you involuntarily want to ask, “We are you?”

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №128071
 14.05.2016
I read in ideer.ru:

The story #53823:
One day, with 300 rubles, I managed to go to the city of my dreams, St. Petersburg. I just got a call from a man we met a week ago and invited me to this stunning city. He didn’t take a penny from me, he didn’t hint on sex. At the same time, I lived in a beautiful apartment, every day had a delicious meal in the cafés, traveled around the city, visited many museums, returned with a bunch of magnets. Since then we have never seen each other. He fulfilled my dream, the most selfish good man)))

The story #53892:
I met a girl from a rural town. We talked for a week and I jokingly suggested: come to me at Peter! What do you think, it was on the first train. As it turns out, absolutely no money. I took her to museums, showed the city, fed and drank, lived with me for a few days. Intelligently I did not stick, I thought, even if the spark did not fade, she would be grateful to me for the time and money spent on her. She went to Urupinsk and hasn’t even called since. I was offended by something.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №128070
 14.05.2016
The most reliable passwords for illiterate people

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №128069
 14.05.2016
XXX: No, but not he, he is naughty
YYY: He is normal, why is he naughty?
xxx: he bought an onedrive subscription and holds images of pirated windows compilations there, because it’s convenient to store ISO files in the cloud.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №128068
 14.05.2016
When I started breastfeeding, I began to understand what a lot of aunt's fun was about.
He sat behind the compass, and then he started going crazy. The hell knows what he is doing! I really didn’t press anything!!
Then I looked at it, and I pressed the gap...

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №128067
 14.05.2016
On the corporate radio:
-And for the chief of the transportation shop we will put the song "Lysy Chumohod" of the Roxette group (on the backdrop of the start-up songs "Lyssen to May Hot")

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №128066
 14.05.2016
M: Oh, and I also took Sergei from the cracks!)
M is fucking))
M is Sergey!
M is fucking
M is spraying! and gt; (
M: The word fucking means we already know.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №128065
 14.05.2016
The breath is Whitney Houston, Celine Dion is Eurynexton. Oh young people...

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №128064
 14.05.2016
Midnight: We have a sleeve with sleeves in our office - you can curl if you freeze. I sit and sit. The Dima comes, says "O! I’m talking to you with a hat on your head – and you’ll be like in this movie, about the wizard boy.
and Harry Potter? I’d rather have a magic stick", I answer.
"Do you know any magic?"
One thing I remembered. "Avatar Kedavir" – I say. "And what does it do?""E, well... it kills all living things".
Dennis interferes in the conversation:
We will not give this man a magic stick.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №128063
 14.05.2016
On May 5, Russian Communications Minister Nikolai Nikiforov announced the start of work on the creation of a domestic mobile operating system.

EYEaM: I also decided to do sports. I buy a gym subscription, sportswear, shoes. I waste a lot of money. And then I do nothing.

The difference is that you spend money and he gets it.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №128062
 14.05.2016
And we had a colleague whose calling song was Pugachev "Opeyaja meteor..."
The colleague often spoke on the phone, and the melody never played up to the word "metel".

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №128061
 14.05.2016
Fifteen years ago my father told me.

The neighbor has two young children, 3 and 5 years old. He works with his wife. He regularly leaves children with his younger brother. and wicked.

Once I go out to smoke, he passes by.

I ask him, “Why don’t you look at the kids?”

Let them sleep, he replied.

At 11 a.m. how did you sleep?

- Usually... the age of the star smiled, the eyes closed themselves.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №128060
 14.05.2016
I read the book about the Three Musketeers and find interesting things there. In particular, it is mentioned that from the outskirts of Paris to the royal palace of D'Artagnan had to go ALL twenty minutes. Apparently, then the whole of Paris was less than one micro-district of modern Moscow.



At the same time, I remembered a funny fact. Anyone who has read about Robin Hood probably remembers the enormous and mysterious Sherwood Forest, in which there was a shelter for robbers, a small camp that no one could find. The area of the Sherwood Forest was 25 square miles, i.e. an area of 6,400 hectares. Have you been to the Queen? Its area is only four times smaller, that is, the forest is not so large. And here in this square for many years hid a crowd of people, who were constantly trying to find, but never succeeded.



Funny things open up when you start looking at numbers in books.

#room_of_Vasya

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №128059
 14.05.2016
I work in the same organization twice. I am officially organized in it and at the same time I work there anonymously as a freelancer. It was fun when the second was set as an example to me the first. But when a freelancer offered me to go to the office for my job, it wasn’t even funny.

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