The sticks you put into my wheels become spikes.

Medusa journalist Svetlana Reiter participated in the testing of the Sputnik V vaccine, after which she kept a diary with a detailed description of very unpleasant and prolonged side effects - fever, rhinitis, pain in the spine, weakness. Eventually, she was given a placebo.

Have you heard: the Federation Council is considering the idea of amnesty of Russian loans?
I am sure that the Russians Sechin and Miller will be amnestiated for all loans. For the rest of the Russians, due to the insignificance of the sum, they will not even freeze.

It was under Moscow. I approached the light from the zebra. Road - with bilateral traffic, in each of 3 bands. Light before the cross. The red light burns. I wait and wait for the green. An unfamiliar grandmother approaches me and says:

Can you help me cross the road?

Yes, yes of course!

He takes me by the hand and pulls me to the passing part. The light is not even yellow. I am surprised:

The red is still burning. Now the green will burn and we will go.

She responds disappointedly:

and A-A! I will pass by myself!

He releases my elbow and goes forward.

He served years ten years ago in the military unit, and part in the forest, 13 km from the city. I bought a car, drove a colleague, and did not refuse anyone. One day, after the classes I stand on the parking lot, I wait until it warms up, here I see - a team of contractor girls in the amount of 6 pieces moves to my side with a request to take. Kashkaj +2 not against, 7 modest, but places! He unloaded the seats, put them all down and went. The girls talk, they talk. I drove to the city, landed them all in one place and went home. While I got, I parked, climbed to the fifth floor - my wife was waiting for me at the door with a claim - what kind of h*** am I a bunch of young girls catching? And no, she couldn’t see me from the window, the sarafan radio worked out for fame.

A few years ago I had a companion who truly believed that if you ask a girl: do you need a bank? She will say, I need it. Then her wife will become the housekeeper of the home.

By the way, he himself was a little dispersed, and he faithfully believed that the cranes in the apartment should be repaired - a sanitary, and to change the sockets - an electrician.

And he could not find the one that the bank needed.

Then he calls and offers to drink. I ask: What happened?

There was a conversation with a cute girl in the park. Traditionally, do you need a bank?

The answer is: I need it!

I said, marrying her almost called in the same second.

And she replied: Do you need a screwdriver?

With a smile on my face, my friend.

At the beginning of the decades, when we were younger and not fully grown with the fat of family relationships, our company had a tradition once a year, in the beginning of August, to go for a couple of days outside the city on the shore of the Gulf of Finland. We talked, listened to music, cooked something and swam there. It was fun, we still remember.

Being in the midst of nature is harsh and ascetic. We tried, as we could, to bring some comfort into this wild life.

And one day, arriving on the place on Friday, one of the first, Egor took over the arrangement of the camp. Among the main tasks was the equipment of the toilet and to solve this problem he took up with all possible responsibility, using false means and natural cleansing.

Having chosen a place, he first excavated the appropriate size of the pit and strengthened the edge, and then even built an improvised chair. The pit was located between several young trees, which allowed to surround the debris with a polyethylene film. The walls were ready. After that, Egor took care of the details. I invented a fastening for a roll of toilet paper. Cut out of the film the valve for the entrance and attached it properly. I did not forget to wash my hands. And finally, remembering that the party would last until the very morning, Egor elegantly resolved the issue with the lighting. On the way were hanged lamps indicating the way, and in the clozet itself was fixed a good walk lamp, allowing the visitor to navigate inside at any time of the day. Satisfied with his work, Egor lowered the entrance valve and went to do the rest of the preparations.

The Dinner. Cars came in one after another. People came out of the cars, pulled out their bags, set tents, sat down at the fire. They made toasts and drank. The fun burned up every minute.

When it was already dark, Anton decided to explore a newly built place for isolation. He entered, turned on the lighting and sat comfortably, intending to make full use of the toilet. There was a loud party nearby. played music. Several people left behind and, standing next to the cars, had some conversation. One of them looked deep into the forest and died astonished: in the darkness of the night a plastic rectangle shone brightly, inside which the silhouette of the sitting man was clearly visible. Theatre of Shadows. After a moment, absolutely everyone in hysteria observed an improvised representation, visibly showing all the mystery, but without extra details. Egor deserved a portion of applause for his engineering creativity, and Anton went back to the fireplace and asked the attendees: "Why are they rotting?Bringing us back to tears.

He pulled the goddess into bed, so fit.

Chile always knew how to make good wine, and the crew of the Galactica (the name changed unrecognizable) CRT, sent to help the progressive regime of President-Marxist Salvador Allende, was convinced of this immediately upon arrival in the port of Valparaíso. There was the usual socialist mess, there was neither fuel nor supplies, so instead of exploring the fish stocks, the vessel stood by the wall, and the team, enjoying the absence of a commissioner (there were usually no vessels in this class) day after day tasting wonderful and, most importantly, fabulously cheap wines in the port establishments.
But everything good comes to an end, and one day the fuel, fresh water and supplies were still received. The crew was somewhat disconnected from the tasting, the steam boat departed, and moved towards the sea. The third assistant, standing on the wing of the bridge, tried to take the peleng to the nearest lighthouse. Peleng he took, but, because of the alcohol mist, for some reason told him to the driver. The driver was also in alcoholic fog. Having decided that this was the route to exit the port, he paid all his attention to the compass, and was little interested in others. As a result, he precisely drove the steam on the stones at the foot of this same lighthouse.
It’s called swimming. Arriving trailers of the Chilean Navy removed the steamboat from the stones and took it back to the sailboat. In anticipation of repairs, the team relieved stress with increased doses of wine in the same facilities.
One morning, a military patrol approached the trap and announced that a military coup was taking place in the country, but it is an internal matter, and the crew is not affected. Everyone was polently asked to stay on board, so as not to accidentally fall into unrest, if any. At the outrageous screams "we have the pipes burning, we are only to the nearest bar and back" the patrol did not respond, and when the most outrageous organisms went to breakthrough, they were slightly beaten, after which the entire crew was locked on the steam boat. A few days later, they were all taken on a plane and sent to Moscow. They flew in a dark mood, preparing to respond with all strictness for everything they did: the steam ship was broken, the program of work was disrupted, and even arranged a debush in a foreign port. The future seemed unhappy - they will be expelled from work, the visa will be closed, and this is even in the best case. I tried not to think of the worst.
They were met in Moscow as heroes. Those who sprang out of the lips of the Chilean Hunt! Their resilience and resistance to the black forces of the international reaction were enthusiastically written in the newspapers, girls whispered on their necks, pioneers beat in the mountains, beat in the drums and gave flowers. No one remembered the crash of the mission and the abandoned ship.
I had to communicate with the participants of those events. Their stories differed in detail, but in one thing they were united – had it not been for El General Augusto José Ramón Pinochet Ugarte, their fate would have been sad. And, meeting each other, they slowly, so as not to hear strangers, exchanged greetings "Viva Augusto Pinochet!"

In my time as a student... oh, it was a long time ago... I was somehow stunned when instead of “take away” they said “take away”. Say, “From 10 take away 5.” It seemed not Russian. Then I grew up, and when taxes began to be deducted from my income, more and more varied, I realized that the word “deduct” was still more appropriate.

I am sitting at the barber and waiting for my turn. A hairdresser cuts a man. The man asks him to cut his whiskey evenly. The hairdresser, a handsome woman about his age, cuddly notes:

Can such beauty be ruined?

What a man without a question answers:

I, as a military man, say that everything can be ruined.

Working with people is the hardest. Sometimes you think, is it true that man is the smartest creature on earth?

Every second person thinks he is the smartest person.

Good to be the first with you.

Don’t ask what the Rotenbergs can do for you. Ask yourself: What can you do for the Rotenbergs?

When I was twelve... or thirteen, it doesn’t matter. I went to Bat.
Dad, what a fucking thing. My friends all have motorcycles, and I’m like a cowboy, chasing on an “orange.” Could you give me that thing? We went to the Riga-11 store. You make no bad money. and UPS! I probably thought so then. The boy recently asked for the iPhone, this is from his words and it was a hint. In fact, I said, Dad, I really want a motorcycle. My father looked at me very carefully.
Maybe it is time. You are a grown-up boy, and girls will have something to ride on. I will think. I hardly slept that night. A brilliant motorcycle, blinking at me at one end of the room, then at the other. It smelled like gasoline when I was driving it. When are you on winter vacation? Right after the New Year. That’s when we decide – coming from work, remembered our conversation, dad.
I did not sleep for a few more nights. Rather, I slept, but the dream was confused because of the motorcycle, he started, or not. All shit with the experiences. I didn’t have time to eat the Christmas presents as the holidays came. I looked closely at Betty.
Yes, my son, I remember it. Everything is already decided. Go to. I went to the store, but I found myself in the kindergarten. I didn’t understand where the motorcycles came from, even when we opened the stove and followed to the chief. So show it! When he greeted her, her father addressed her. And she took us to the cottage. I haven’t seen so many berries ever before, so in vain I tried to look after them by a motorcycle.
These are the six parts, which are four parts, which the head of a purge carried. There was also a noise on the street.
- Okay, I understood, - said the father and led the chief with a long look. Now I know what was there to carry. But then he distracted and asked me, and you understood it? - I did not understand them, of course, but in order not to get a backbone, unclearly something was wandered for the case. Now I will show you everything and explain it. Wait here. My father went to the cottage. I came back with the railroads, but not from the motorcycle. It is difficult to confuse the iron cliff, quavalda and column with the means of transportation.
Generally speaking, I was there for two full weeks, I can say without spreading my back. By the end of the second, I just scattered the chopsticks already in the folds. Added home by myself. My father grabbed my shoulder and calmed me.
Nothing, nothing is anything. Don’t forget to go to work tomorrow at eight. I fell asleep under those words.
But on the last day of the holidays, the father broke into his pocket and pulled out a hundred and forty-five rubles. That was the cost of the motorcycle. Do not argue with me. This amount was printed on my hands in the form of a mole.
Good things are forgotten quickly, especially in the summer and on the motorbike. on a new motorcycle. So one day when I walked into the house, I saw a battu on the doorstep.
As a child, are you riding? He asked him. I affirmatively nodded my head, and the girl is riding? I unreasonably shrugged my shoulders. I already then felt a bit of a smell here, but until now I did not understand where and therefore did not open my mouth again. - I wanted to ask you, there is Nikolai, well you know him, brought from Japan the Sony magnetophone, offers. Do we need him? And here I am like that crown with cheese.
It was a trap or a trap, I didn’t get it out until the end. And when? From morning until late at night, I was riding my motorcycle to the new houses, which I carefully wrapped inside with a blade under the plaster. Five two-apartment three-room houses, along with hallways and kitchens. They stood up and sat down, and I beat, regardless of anything. All the summer. All Japanese companies, including Sony, are damned. Until she played in my room. It was hard not to appreciate the sound. I listened to either the Beatles or Credence, and I was almost happy if The Change hadn’t broken. This is a camera, if anyone does not know.
“Of course,” I was thinking, “it’s not the Fed, and even less Zenit, that you’re photographing it. My thoughts interrupted my father.
Do you want to take photography seriously? When he approached and silenced the magnet, he asked. But I was already experienced.
Oh yes no! Well, his foolishness, it bothered me with that. It is not mine.
“Well, yeah,” he cried, “and we wanted to give you Zenit for the new year. Or maybe even before. But there is no court.
Well, if Zenit, it could be, of course, - realizing that I was flying over Paris again like a faner, I was trying to correct the situation, - I am in principle not against.
“Well, we agreed, so we’ll give you Zenit, only that, the autumn holidays are short, but I’ll pick you something. On a photo amplifier, baths, glitter, you will probably earn yourself?
I also told Patsano what I’d think about the iPhone. I wonder if I could tell him that by the time I was fifteen I had everything a boy could have dreamed of at the time.

“You hear, Petrovich, the president said that Russia is one big family.
- That is, now Usmanov is a relative and will let us ride on his yacht?

Remember that the person close to you is not God. He may not forgive anything.
San is

How to teach children to read

Once upon a time, my family had to share housing for some time with my sister’s family and her two offspring.
And I was overwhelmed by hanging young offspring in a class by hour, with smartphones (this is not permissible, because another five people are dancing a tick under the door of the sort/soul.

And then I decided authoritatively - to enter the sort of onli without a smartphone. And so that it wasn’t boring, and for the sake of courage, I printed an A4 sheet with 10 interesting facts about the human body, and a scotch glued it in front of the toilet. By the evening, all the residents, including my five-year-old child, lively discussed the length of the intestines, the area of the skin, and the rate of cell renewal.
Then I had to update the infotainment. A list of records of the world of animals. By evening, the results of self-education are available. and carried.
And a week later I came to mind a brilliant idea - to hang a table of multiplication in the sorting. It should be said that her nephews taught her unreasonably.

The phenomenon of air refresher. Verified and works.

In 2020, many medieval fun has returned to fashion:
Died from an epidemic.
Persecution of heretics
Destroying political opponents
Destroying someone.
Attacking the monastery

There was a comrade...

People are good, but sometimes stressful. Just then (six years ago) asked for $100 and naturally forgot, he did not respond to all the hints.

I borrowed $100 from him and I haven’t given it for a year.

The last conversation:

When can you give me $100?

I: No matter how I’m going... you owe me it.

Well, you give, I’d give, I just need a lot.

I: You won’t believe it yourself.

Well, at least the difference returns, now the course is another...

O_O

P.S I don’t feel like I’ll communicate anymore :)

A guy calls me here and wants a corner table for the kitchen. It is called size. I ask him clarification questions, make a calculation and write him a message:

The price is X rubles.

Installation of rubles

Delivery is ruble.

It is a ruble.”

The man calls.

Rusw, hello to you. There is no need for measurement and installation, cut off.

and well. Make it so. Send a drawing.

I will explain to you in words. See here. If we look at the table sheet from the left, then the right part will be larger than the left about 7 centimeters. The left is about half a meter smaller than the left.

It will not go so. Send a drawing that clearly indicates all sizes, angles and retractions. I will include it in the contract.

I am not a drawer!

- Then I can offer the departure of the freezer for N rubles.

I don’t need a freeze! This is a forced service!

- There are only two manufacturing options: either you send me a drawing of the product and we make it, or you order the departure of the freezer. On the phone, we do not coordinate the drawings.

And why? Are you special?

We do not agree and that is all.

The guy moved a little further, but sent a drawing. I asked another batch of clarification questions, received answers and sent the contract to the client. He insisted on a signed scan and launched the tablework to work. The table was made and delivered.

November 18 call.

Rusw, hello to you. The table is not set. How can I decide?

What is wrong with her?

And I know?! to

I was silent. The pause lasted five seconds.

Well so what? The client asked.

- The table is made according to the drawing, I checked it myself.

And what?

I put the phone. Talking in this tone takes a lot of nerves and time, so I avoid them. That there was no crap on my part, I was 100% sure, which means I was not obliged to tolerate the fucking phrases of the type "I know?“”

The client called again in an hour. I was right: the customer’s drawings incorrectly indicated the size of the cuts for the washing machine and the plate. The technique simply failed in them.

What solutions to the problem can you offer me? The client asked me.

- I can offer the manufacture of a new table at your expense, - I replied. This can no longer be corrected. With the departure of our freezer.

Absolutely excluded, I had the answer. This is another forced service. Propose another option.

I have no other options.

I think differently. There is the right option! Propose him to me!

An empty conversation with transfusions from empty to empty would have lasted for a long time, but the client, rushing to talk to the stupid me, just offered me to make him a new correct table for free.

“No, we won’t do that,” I replied.

Why is?

The contract was fully fulfilled.

I think differently. As you know, the customer is always right.

and possibly. But we will not do it for free.

For five minutes I was squeezed. I laughed slowly until my friend put the phone down.

The phrase "the customer is always right" was obviously invented by some pidoras.