bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №155635
 11.01.2021
Drew Barrymore began using banned substances at the age of 12.

I am 12 years old and I eat sand.



Yyy: Well, parents seem to prohibit children from eating sand, so technically you also used prohibited substances at the age of 12.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №155634
 11.01.2021
I went fishing with my 5-year-old daughter. It revolves around a bench with worms, gets one to "play". Taken and gone. It didn’t take five minutes, and I looked at the bank again. Why do you have a worm? The first where?

I broke up.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №155633
 11.01.2021
Seven years ago taxied, 12 nights, a call, a local cabbage. I came, three strawberries, I carried them around the houses. 4 in the morning, the challenge in the same cocktail. I’m coming, the same three.)

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №155632
 11.01.2021
Wonderful world of electricity and human, I don’t even know how to say it without insults, carelessness.

The essence of the story: my, then a girl, while she was studying, lived in communion.

Someday I go for her after work, and she has a clear smell of fire in the room.

I began to watch: the rocket from the load floated and burned a little.

Well, I think it’s not a problem: I went and bought a socket, took tools at work (good worked next door).

He made a sign from his hand: “Don’t include. The repair is going.” He hanged on a rubber in a shield.

He cleaned the room and with a calm soul went to change the rosette.

I immediately say: I have a habit, because I am not an electrician by vocation, and sometimes because of circumstances, even on wire wire I try not to touch naked parts.

I changed the socket, I went out to the venue, and there are girls from the neighboring room and smoking.

I look at the shield, and my sign is removed and the rubber is turned on.

I ask the girl: did not see, by chance, who turned on?

I get a good answer that they included it.

I came home and there was no light. Go and turn on.

They saw the table, but they needed electricity.

So the table is not a panacea.

We have problems with people’s brains.

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №155631
 11.01.2021
Here are some facts:

1st Most people are more normal than they think.

2nd If you want a good partner, be a good partner.

Three There is not only one “right” person that is right for you. The options are always more.

4 is Love is not only the heart, but also the brain. At the right moment, you need to make a decision to stop looking for the best options.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №155630
 11.01.2021
The most valuable Russian paper is the OMS policy. It is a pity that in six months I depreciated almost to one therapist.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №155629
 11.01.2021
Shortly after his arrival in Berlin, the famous creator of the quantum hypothesis, Planck, forgot in which audience he should be reading a lecture, and went to the office to find out about it.
“Tell me, please,” he asked an elderly man who was in the office, “which classroom is Professor Planck lecturing today?”
The old man kicked him on his shoulder. “Don’t go there, young man,” he said. “You’re still too young to understand the lectures of our wise Professor Planck.”

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №155628
 11.01.2021
The shooting of the unarmed Ashley Babbit in the Capitol did not cause any protests. It is clear that he is not a black criminal recidivist.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №155627
 11.01.2021
The man broke the water pipeline. There came to him a water trunk - a young boy, only after the PTU... And the owner's daughter was - a beautiful woman.

She whispered to the plumber:

- Will the father of wine pour overseas - do not drink. Money will promise – don’t take it. And ask him for a rugged nail... Wear it with you and you will be happy! ...

He stumbled on the guy, but he did so: he repaired the water pipeline, refused the bottle and the money, took the nail and left. The father hugged his daughter and said:

You are young, Annie! We fucking fuck him!

A week later, a report from the military came to him. But at the medical commission he told this story, showed a nail, the doctors quietly looked around...

He had happiness!

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №155626
 11.01.2021
It was in 1998, I was in second grade.

In those pre-smartphone times, I made candy by drawing cartoon and video game heroes.

For a candy, my clients received a painting with a pen with the image of Sabiro or Mikimaus, for a chocolate candy, the client received a colored painting of a favorite video game or cartoon character.

One day my classmate Dima approached me with an unusual request to draw naked women, and not a single drawing, but a whole notebook.

I was confused, my knowledge of human anatomy was scarce, but after Dima offered me Snickers for a job, I immediately agreed.

The next day my employer brought my school notebook and I went to work.

After every page of the notebook in the cage was filled with images of naked women, I got the well-deserved Snickers, which I was incredibly pleased with.

On Monday, to my surprise, Dima's parents came to school and brought me the same notebook, asking, "And you are not ashamed?!!?“?”

“Don’t be ashamed!” I answered proudly, “This is art!”! to

The teacher gently asked me not to perform such orders.

So ended my career as an erotic artist.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №155625
 10.01.2021
During my studies at the institute, I attended the military department. Then the reserve officers were virtually not called and it was a good chance not to go to serve after graduation.

I don't know why, but there were two girls in the military department.

And here somewhere at the very beginning of the training we were brought PM to teach him to disassemble / collect. It was a life-sighted cooled gun that has not seen any lubrication since it ceased to be combat.

First the teacher himself quickly showed us how to dismantle the gun, then thoughtfully how to collect. Then he called out from the first batch of our eternal distinguished Zobrilo, who at the same time was unusually thirsty.

Now you try.

The guy went out, pulled out the store, and then tried to turn the prison. But, as I said, the gun has not seen lubrication for years. In addition, the distinguished smoothly pulled the lock, which added difficulties.

Your gun is broken. The prison does not move.

I just picked it up and gathered it. The teacher parked. Breaking the PM is a very difficult task.

Probably it broke this time.

Hm, let’s get a dispute. I'll call one of the girls now and if she can turn the lock of that gun, I'll bet you 2 and she 5?

The gun is broken, I agree.

The teacher called one of the girls who was direct blood with milk. Not thick, but large enough with thick crust and red cheeks. She was called Marina.

Marina went out, took the gun, twisted it in her hands and with a powerful rush turned over the curtain.

They crushed everything, even the prey.

Then he explained to us that the prison should not be pulled, but rather pulled. That the sprint is strong enough, and the gun is not dirty.

As he promised, he put the girl 5 and the guy 2 want the one very upset.

Then we stunned him that he could not even normally move the prison.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №155624
 10.01.2021
Once in my early childhood, I was eager to battle the neighboring forests. Well mushrooms there, moss, berries, fun.

And somehow broke up. I went there only with a bag in my pocket. I found a bush of strawberries. And I, by the way, broke out the babulin reference of medicinal herbs. I knew how to distinguish potatoes. And a lot of it went out.

The bush of berries was clearly appetizing and unfavourable. It was broken into a package.

I brought it and threw it into the kitchen.

There are fucking many guests. of important.

All the shit, all the shit.

And my mom, what about the berries? Heracles put them in compot.

They bombarded the guests for a long time. Because the berries are more than laxative. Fortunately, there were two types in the house.

They all survived. But the berries were lacking.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №155623
 10.01.2021
Today in the gym met her friend and a neighbor, whom she had not seen since "last year", asked him how to mark the holiday... ! to

I will try to reproduce our dialogue:

Something didn’t want to be alone, so I bought a bottle of champagne, an olive with mandarins, four bottles of tequila and seven steaks.

and iiiii? What does it have to do with “not wanting to meet one”?

I ordered a girl for the whole night.

by Piz@#c...

“We drank tequila and ate meat all night, watched True Love, then Payment, Bodyguard and Bodyguard for My Daughter. I read the poems of Mayakovsky, and she proved to know Yaroslav Smelyakov and Rubtsov.

In fact, it is...

- So well sat, mentally, it was somehow not before sex. You know, I haven’t had such a wonderful time for a long time.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №155622
 10.01.2021
A modern "expert" is a person who knows how to make nonsense more convincing than others.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №155621
 10.01.2021
This story was told to me by her immediate witness, the incomparable Alexander Shirvindt. Somewhere in the late 1960s, a large Krasnoyarsk mine was awarded the Order of Lenin and some Transitional Flag. Miners are rich people – they wrote out an acting brigade from Moscow on this occasion. They sent a special plane to the capital, so that the artists could be taken right to the beginning, so that everything could be delivered without delay - a concert, a banquet on a full coil, then artists for one hundred rubles each (the ragged grandmothers were!) A special trip home!

However, the weather failed, the plane still delayed a little, and the direct order was broken: after the delivery immediately sat down at the tables. They were already walking around, and there was a scream: "The artists were brought! Come to the concert!” And the miners who are not in the guests, the owners themselves: what they did not drink, we will get after the concert! They fell straight from the tables into the hall. Five minutes of battle!

The concert was conducted by Oleg Milyavsky. “Come to us in Moscow,” he confidently burst into the microphone, “you will see the beautiful arbat streets and fountains of the VDNH, the famous University on the Lenin Mountains...” Suddenly in the middle of the hall stands a man who has clearly overtaken and says, “Hey! “Tell me about abortion!” “Ha ha ha! “Take the room, you give it!”

Milyavsky waited for the Gogot and continued: “...Famous University on the Lenin Mountains, you will walk through the Garden Ring...” All the same man from the hall spoke: “On abortion! “Tell me about abortion!” The hall just rolls out of the hood. Milyavsky: “...You will walk through the Garden Ring, you will walk through the beautiful Moscow Boulevards.” The man: “What do you know about abortion?” Milyavsky: “Dear friends, a comrade asks you to talk about abortion... Of course, I know about abortion. And you know about abortion, and everyone knows about abortion... It is a pity that only one person did not know about abortion...” And Milyavsky, knocking his finger in the direction of the screamer, severely concluded: “His mother!”

The room is not to wrap, but to wrap! The man, who at one point lost the success of the public and even insulted in his best feelings, shouted: "I will kill!" He was on the stage to beat Milyavsky. Well, here, of course, he was caught, dragged to the exit...

Milyavsky, pointing out the following, said: "Dear friends, if anyone else is interested: this is called "abortion!" The concert, they say, was an incredible success.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №155620
 10.01.2021
Trump said he wanted to see Biden in prison, but Biden replied he would not visit him.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №155619
 10.01.2021
Communism of programmers has already arrived.



1st Learning programming is free.

2nd Programming programs are mostly free (production resources)

Three Modules for programs are mostly free

4 is Consultations are mostly free. The answers to 99% of the questions can be found on the Internet in free archives.

5 is Income depends on ability



Disadvantages: You need to pay for the Internet, you need a laptop, you need to know English

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №155618
 10.01.2021
At school, a girl came to me and asked me, “Who can play chess?” I uncomfortable raised my hand.

“You will defend the honour of the school!” He cheered joyfully. The only consolation was that instead of classes I went to another school for a city tournament among schoolchildren.

There I met my acquaintance girl from the children’s camp, Angela. She also went to the championship. We broke the words and decided to play a game before the tournament.

Angela breathed, “Oh, I always lose against the boys. Whoever I play with is always a defeat.

Her words encouraged me, and the game was ahead of the PFF girl!

But we played two games and I lost all two games with a breakdown. Angela rejoiced, “Oh, thank you! This was my first victory against the boy. What class do you have? I have the second!”

And all my knowledge rested on the thin 25-page book "Chess for kids"

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №155617
 09.01.2021
The hair is finished - pump the muscle.



When you have relief muscles, you can be:

I lyed

Growing hair and hair.

Wearing glasses

Wearing a piercing.

Standing at a public transport stop

Riding a pink car.

Wearing strange shirts.

Cut the rocks.

Standing up in funny poses.

Being an Autist

Carrying any nonsense.

Walking the Utug

And you’ll still look upset because you fucking have relief muscles!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №155616
 09.01.2021
When I was a teenager, a girlfriend in the house noticed something and I woke up in their toilet. Her father woke me up, and I was ashamed.

Then they told me I was dragged from there to the couch twice, but I returned twice. Warm floors are sometimes too hot.



YYY: I have news for you... Maybe you’re a cat

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