I clarify:
I got the most reliable proof that I am a vegetable. - A goat tried to chew my hand.

Goats love branches, so you are not a vegetable.

Who does the list of errors? I couldn’t go by when I saw it. "The most astro smart thing?"

Here is science!
After collecting data on 2,600 cases of dog bites in humans, scientists at the University of Athens concluded that the phases of the moon do not affect the aggressiveness of dogs.

Take it seriously:

About Old Worship:
Luke Skywalker, being a descendant of a strong Jedi, studied Jedi in 3 episodes, barely defeated Darth Vader at the end of the trilogy, but was unable to defeat Emperor Palpatine, he was helped by Darth Vader himself.
And now, some girl-bomzhi, for the first time took in her hands a blue light sword, and almost collapsed the sit, prevented the rupture of the planetary crust. The man who was specially trained to kill a Negro was unable to do so. What awaits us in the next two episodes?

First, the girl-bomzhi may also be a descendant of a strong Jedi. Secondly, to compare an emo-boy with Darth Vader is a bit incorrect, not to mention that the boy at the moment of the decisive fight has a hole in the side of the weapon, which carries half a dozen assailants for a shot. Third, a specially trained Negro is specially trained only to shoot from a blaster; it is a miracle that he has not crossed his foot with a sword. Fourth, where is the story of Anakin, who in the first episode in ten years pilot a fighter and carries the enemy's linkor in one barrel without prior experience and not being, by the way, a descendant of a strong Jedi? Can the boys?

A acquaintance told a story. She works at the MTS call center. Hello girl, I don’t have a phone. What exactly does not work for you? I cannot turn it on! I have no hands! She was not prepared for such a situation. Thoughts rolled in his head, how he was calling? Let the nose press the turn button, or the foot. But here the man gives out: - The phone writes, enter your hand! The girl immediately calmed down, turned off the microphone and how let us laugh) She calmed down and told the man to go to the service center with a passport and you will find out her PUK code)

Small (8 years) after a tour to Pushkin:
Pushkin has completed the agricultural engineering.
The investigation showed: Tsarskoselski - the keyword "country", lyceum = technology...
With the current reality, you won’t argue.

misha_makferson: A strange advertisement "The Ring of All Power
Carbide of wolfram. It is 490 rubles. Fast delivery and self-export. Details by reference

the_stranger: The prices have fallen! It cost half a thousand.

khaa_alees: before the delivery was more difficult - four uncles dragged on foot

The client on the site, in the contact form as a jewelry was a millisecond head of a smiling girl. The client looks at her for a long time and then says:

You know, this girl doesn’t look happy. She smiles through the pain. Make her truly happy. As if her favorite dog fell under the car, but survived and continues to delight her with her existence.

The picture of the girl’s head was 5 by 7 pixels.

OrNix: I interviewed today. And I was not asked what my strengths and weaknesses, what joy.
BWH1te: It is incredible! Did you go to the interview?

Results of the week: A crumbling virgin cat and a sucking experienced cat in a gracious fire.

House type "tower" - one entrance, nine floors. Apartments at one time were given to employees of the same enterprise, so that all tenants know each other if not by names, then in person - for sure. In the conversation with the neighbor came the question - what, say, Katerina Pavlovna from the 19th apartment is not seen for a long time?

In the evening I went home, the windows were burning at 19. And Catherine Pavlovna is old already, she is no less than 85, or even all 90, little of what happened. I knock at the door...

In general, everything turned out to be normal: a grandson-student came to my grandmother, joined Katerina Pavlovna to the joys of the internet, she is not going for a walk now - she teaches French on online courses. I ask why French - so, she says, since childhood, she has read French novels, she wants now in the original!

I’ve been living with a guy for a year, but I’m still surprised by the characteristics of the male body. I wake up at night and feel a reaction of his body. He does not react to attempts. To the question "Do you sleep?" answer "Yes, he is not. Tagged with"

Hm... why hasn’t anyone written about inexperienced men and experienced women? My dad’s mom was the first and last woman in his life, my fiancé had no one before me, and my friend’s husband had no one before her.
I don’t understand what the difference is? Does sexual experience matter if you love each other? I’t think of saying, “Fu, you’ve had women before me, go, you’re ugly” or “Fu, you’re inexperienced, I want an experienced, go out.”
I think all these arguments are written by people who have never fallen in love, so the partner is perceived as a set of functions that fit or not.
I always judged each person individually, not as an object for my pleasure. For such items in sex shops you need to go, and not gossip that the partner turns out to be a living person and something does not know or behaves not as you like.

Are you serious?
Instead of joking, do we read how someone’s cats crash?
Let’s talk about who himself when "the empty intestine".
Well, and, of course, how someone’s kids are broken! It will be especially tired!

I bought a toilet paper with a cute mouse drawn on each part.
I’ve never been so sad with my ass.

This is:

XX wildly shouted that it was her, honest money, and that she was about to prove that she had earned them. "Prove it" said the investigator

The principle of the presumption of innocence is that the accused does not prove his innocence - it is the investigator must prove that the money is unfair. And if she claims that someone gave her that money, it doesn’t really matter if someone likes to go to the investigator or not. To find out and find evidence is an investigation. There is no evidence that the accused is a priori innocent. And yes, "sugging" is not a crime.
This is never funny.

Give us a cat for the New Year's holidays while the hostess is on holiday with the family for a week. The cat is a young and frightened British man. He slipped out of bed at night and could not find him in the morning. The apartment was never a penthouse, two, one room was closed. Interrupt it all! I was already a sinful domestic affair, and myself at the same time, in lunatism suspected, said in the night the door was opened and released the beast. In full trance, confused, I go to the kitchen again, checking all the corners and corners. I see the oven opened (the meat was baked late in the evening and left open for the night)..Yes, the cat was lying in the oven and tossed his big eyes on me!) The next day, literally for a minute left unattended - disappeared again. For 10 minutes, 4 people were looking for a cat in the room and in the corridor (he had nowhere to go). This miracle went into the closet with his shoes and pushed out a pair of shoes before him, behind which he was not visible. In general, we have come to the conclusion that the cat-masker 99 level)
I gave him a secluded corner, now you don’t have to look for it.)

You have such an interesting name! Where is it?
You won’t believe my parents.
Was it inherited?
“Yes, fucking, all my life I’ve been coping on a booklet, rejecting myself in every voice!

X: There is such a situation in the family when you just need to accept...
Y: Well Mom, I’m already full.

Are there often special cases in your practice?

Sometimes they happen. There was one thing that everybody still remembers and recalls almost like a joke. Our compatriot arranged to work in an international team of German and Russian builders. And it turned out that when there was no chief, everything behaved normally, but as soon as the chief appeared, a German took to strike ours. He attacked him, insulted him, told him that he was “arsloth” and “shayze”. The guy at some point did not stand up and replied, "Let's go on x**!" the Russians laughed, the German did not understand, and when he was translated, he was offended, filed the Russian in court for causing moral damage and demanded compensation. Our boyfriend was also not confused, went to the lawyer, and they filed a counterclaim. As a result, the court issued a verdict: to satisfy the Russian’s claim and to reject the German’s application. Now attention, why is it? Because, say, the German insulted quite specifically, calling the Russians "the ass of the ass." And the Russian — sent in a certain direction, leaving in the end for the German to choose whether to go there or not.