Brother is going to marry a terrible girl: tastelessly dressed coloured blonde, graduated from some institute off-site for money, not far away, loves scissors, cosmetics, shopping, dull series, has been working in a call center for several years, no prospects, interests - too. My brother is a smart, decent, educated man, and this is what it is.
I honestly asked him how it went, and he said that he was taken by clever, decent and valuable women. Everything is difficult for them all the time: then there is no mood, then they are tired, then deadline, they give themselves to work, dress up with a needle, sneeze, in their free time go to some training, courses, exhibitions, listen to webinars, want to develop (wherever - unclear). And with this woman it is easy for him, she has no complaints: she came from work, cooked dinner, made a massage, consumed nothing, turned on the TV, then sex without excess breaking. And will want a smart woman, so full of such at work, with them and talk to them in the lunch break.
That is where I thought. I am 34 years old. I am just like in the stories of my brother: the head of the department in the company, I love my job, I give a lot of strength to it, I carefully choose clothes, I read a lot. And I am alone. Men don’t stay for a long time, although I’m cute, with a good character, kind. I think there is a harsh truth in my brother’s words.

A man asks on his phone:
“Alex, tell me, why don’t I get along with the girls?
He hears in response:
and Siri! My name is Siri, idiot!

XXX is yes. I understood. Potato - berry, tomato - berry, cucumbers - berry. What about vegetables?

YYY: Come in the tick and see)

I don’t want to be a vegetable myself.

I recently moved from Holland to Germany. I just crossed the border, as a car of customs outputs me, and a manicure, a stunt, with red letters behind me somewhere to the side of the highway. We stopped at an abandoned parking lot. From the car from the driver’s seat comes out a cute blonde in a customs shirt, and from the right door an acne boy, dressed in the same green uniform, but without a cobra on the side.

They approach me. The girl strictly so demands to present documents, and the young man modestly shakes at the right window. Having seen that my papers are okay, and having learned that I am a doctor, the customs officer warms her eyes, smiles gently and is already relaxed, you can say as yours, asks if it is possible to explain his mistakes to the trainee on my example. I agree, of course. It’s nice when such a beautiful woman doesn’t want to break up with you. And the mistakes of others are always interesting, tea, not your own.

"You know, Jürgen," said my hand, "you have managed to get up so that, by shooting at him, she shows me, I can get into you. Get up right!

He looks somewhere through me. and smiles.

My sister worked in a clothes shop with horses. Baggage of 300k, cravates for 150k, in detail albums for drawing for 50k, regular sheets of paper for 12k rubles, for this store this is the norm.



A man came to them to buy a coat for 800,000. I chose the clothes, sample, liked everything, went to the box office. They break the amount through the terminal, conduct the card, and the payment has not passed, well, the terminal depends and all. Okay, we waited, restarted the terminal, repaid the payment, everything was successful, uncle pleased left. But suddenly, over the course of a day, a check for 800 knives just comes out of the terminal! Yes, that transaction at the hanging of the terminal decided to end.



Girls in the squadron. Well, in addition, a person with a card and a half mult with a tail to write down wrongly. He was called all day in anticipation of a fairy scandal, but the subscriber was not a subscriber. Then I called back the next day:

Good morning, did you call me?

Yes, [username], we apologize, but when buying a coat we took your payment twice! Could you come to us to get the money back?

Are you serious? One minute * checks the account * Oh, girl, and I didn't even notice!



There is no morality in history, it is just a funny case.

Women are like mushrooms: the most beautiful are the most poisonous.

I have been struck by these patriotist politicians.

A popular note. If you woke up earlier than the alarm clock, today is a holiday.

This happened five years ago.

I was near school in my neighborhood. The school organized a fair in honor of Maslenica. They sold barrachlo as well as cakes, blends and so on.

I noticed a boy, probably a first-class boy, sitting on a hose with an expression of universal sadness on his face.

I approached him:

and hello. Why are you so sad?

I wanted to buy clothes at the fair, but there was no money.

I remember like as a child I wanted some candy, but could not afford because of the lack of money.

I smile victoriously, here is my chance, I will give him money and tell him to go and buy what he wants and dissolve myself in the crowd like an unknown hero. I pull my hand into the pocket of the jacket. I see the expression of hope on the boy’s face. I remember that I don’t have money with me.

I say sadly:

And I have no money.

It seemed that we simultaneously issued a doomed breath.

and Taxi. I am with a girl of preschool age.



Q. When will I finish school?

After the eleventh class.

and Uriah. Then I will be free!

Then you go to the institute.

D – What is it?

Study for another 6 years. You will get a profession.

Noah, are you still studying? Okay, then I will do whatever I want!

Then you will have to work.

D is not! I just want to live! When will I be able to live normally? ! to



He breathed hard, the woman answered nothing. I breathed too.

Xxx: By the way, just for the future for your safety. When the truck is behind you, and you are near the cabin, just raise your hand and pass. Maybe someday it will save your life.



Yyy: With my height of 150 I'll just die in Hitler's posture



Zzzz: And led in court:

I am standing on the light, and right in front of the car, Hitler throws the zig-zag. I am on gas.

The former colleague after the cuts decided to do business. There was little personal cash and he tried to clean sofas, carpets, mattresses. The price for the procedure is small 1500-3000 for cleaning, but the service itself is quite in demand. Working without weekends. At one of our meetings he told a busy case at work.

Finish the cleaning, collect the tool. The client girl:

I forgot to take the money, maybe we can make a deal. (He smiles mysteriously, curling his curls on his finger)

How to?

You do me a favor and I do you a favor. (He blinks and smiles all the same mysteriously)

-No question, just let's go faster, I need to get the injection in the skin dispenser.

The money was found immediately.

Oh, by the way, as a firefighter - tell me, how dangerous is it to charge lithium-ion batteries at home?

And the second question - if you are careful and put the batteries in a sandbox during charging, how effective will this be in the event of a possible fire?



Yyy: And Fig knows him. I usually come to the end of the experience.

Xxx: Like in elementary school, I liked one girl from my class. I didn’t know what to do and decided to do it anonymously. The oldest brother helped to make a heart from a tree. I painted it in red and slashed it, pulling out my initials on it. On the change, he threw her into the wallet. and began to wait. A week later I saw this heart in my classmate, but already with her initials and the signature: I like you.

Members live in a different country. They have completely different laws on labor, on pensions, on medical care, on taxes. So what hell do they take laws for us and eat our bread?

Night of the Old Railroad.

I want to tell a story I heard from my teacher at real estate management courses.
They brought me to the courage of the mind and faith in a bright future. After graduating, I realized that I would never go into real estate.
The courses were under the Institute of World Civilizations, which is known for being founded by Vladimir Volfovich Zhirinovsky. The monument modestly decorated the entrance to the school.
The program of classes was divided into two blocks: commercial real estate and residential. If lessons on commercial real estate still included some of the basics of "management", the residential part prepared clean agents for the search and sale of apartments, sometimes houses.
There were also two teachers. Sorry, but I can’t remember the exact names. The commercial part was led by a crazy Tajik - a smart young man, who was really engaged in managing some warehouses in the Moscow region, and had a share in this business.
The residential part was led by Katya. Or the light. She was “a little over forty.” When you look at her, you could immediately say, "Katia or the Light. A little over forty.” Every time she looked like she arrived on a tram from Vladivostok, with seventeen times on her foot, and in the area of Chelyabinsk, the button just sewn on her favorite coat, bought during the crisis in the year 98 on the Cherkizovsky market. Eternal dissatisfaction and confusion did not prevent her from being a real professional, an Agent with a big letter, and even showing some teaching skills.
Students, which included me, the real estate shark business looked little. It was almost a complete set of losers of all kinds, whose amount of free time greatly exceeded the amount of free cash: retired military, housewives on the tenth year of maternity leave, widowed pensioners, students of some Academies-All-Academies, a teacher of physical education and a guard from the shopping center "Golden Babylon Mytischi-4". So it turned out that in the course of my short study I managed to visit in two groups and I can say that in both the students were approximately the same, so the sample can be considered a presentation.
It was an introduction. Now the very story told by Katie-Sveta at one of the classes, when she explained that there are no bad apartments, and everyone, even the most hopeless can find their buyer.
In the early nineties, she was a young naive girl, never married, and just started her journey in the beautiful world of real estate agents with endless rows to Rosreestr, favorite customers, for whom the best carpenters of Russia and abroad and colleagues at the shop, also, as it turned out, famous cattle, cried.
I ordered her to work. The option was interesting in all parameters: a prosperous area, a house of good planning, the right floor, a competitive price, an adequate seller and very good commissions.
What was the reason for Katya’s interest when she came to see the apartment. There were no furniture in the apartment, curtains on the windows as well. Through the slightly polluted glasses opened a wonderful view of the blue summer sky of Moscow. It is above. And down there was a wonderful network of rails of the Tushin Railway Depot. On the one hand, there was nothing surprising about it. Moscow was then a city with many factories and industries. The office Mecca, with the blessing of the prophet Yuri appeared a little later. The first seeds of bad anticipation appeared in Svetta, when a maneuvering heat car passed through the railway network, frightening local crows by knocking the wheels and a stretch. Then the manoeuvre repeated. For the third time, it seemed that along with the rails and wheels, the floor in the apartment was trembling.
She didn’t have to ask an uncomfortable question to the owner. They were decent people and told themselves that because of sound special effects, which was impossible to not notice, they could not find a buyer for six months. Apparently, therefore, more experienced comrades did not take this order and the "bad apartment" got a young inexperienced trainee at the last stage of the seller's despair, who was already ready to lower the price, but did not want to do so.
The next few days Katya went and thought how and to whom to sell the apartment in Tushino. Where to find a buyer?
Getting out of the subway on the square of three stations and headed toward the "Moscowsky" supermarket, she stumbled upon the poster with a scattered gaze. There was written that in a week in the Railway Workers' House of Culture will be held a festive concert dedicated to the Day of these most railway workers with the participation of famous and not very artists. The inscription on the poster miraculously combined with Katie's thoughts and the puzzle came together.
The week went on preparation, contact with the organizers of the concert and printing of advertising leaflets on the sale of the apartment.
In the pamphlets, as a special bonus, it was indicated that the apartment is located next to the railway depot, will keep the usual atmosphere of the favorite work and will delight the owner with the usual knock of wagon wheels and locomotives on weekends and holidays.
Arriving on the day of the concert at the railway club, Katya, with the permission of the organizers, distributed leaflets to all visitors, accompanying them with a sweet smile and bright glow of the girl's eyes.
And what do you think? A buyer has been found!
A serious man from the railway dynasty was looking for an apartment for his retired father. The railroad father could not accept retirement and the need to spend his time in passive rest away from his favorite work. The railroad son did not know how to help his beloved and respected father, and here is such an offer!
The apartment was sold very quickly. Everyone remained satisfied. Light received an additional bonus from the buyer and eternal gratitude of the railroad grandfather, who could now even at night listen to heart-pleasant sounds and naturally feel with his old bones the vibration of the rails that take the trains into the eternal nirvana of his railroad dreams.
Since then, more than twenty years have passed. A young realtor girl, having gone through all the paths of professional deformity, having been married three times, taught the neophytes how to find and sell apartments. Vladimir Volfovich from an inadequate politician of the Yeltsin era turned into a bronze monument, standing at the entrance to the educational institution with a loud name and a quiet watch at the entrance. Well, I wrote this story looking at the red diploma, which I don’t need at all.

Anything that doesn’t kill us just didn’t want to. I would have killed.

A friend told me. The summer. Worked in the militia, a evil man and a woman in tears, tears, a bleak in half-face enters the department:

The men! urgently! The search! A bomb with valens!

What is? The valley? In the summer? by Brady?

No is!! Valenko's wife gave a bomb, who was sitting in the entrance, and I had a snail there, 200 thousand!

Bomb was not found.

Something a day I remembered the case when I was studying at the universe at phys-mate.

We had a Russian language for a year. Purely formally offset/not offset. We had somehow the task of deciphering the words as we understand them. It turned out that many were mistaken, as their significance was associated in a narrow manner with some events.

For example: Impeachment - well, many have written that this is an intimate betrayal of the head of state (everyone remembers, of course, Monica and Bill). A dilettant — many, apparently, considered something like a sabotage, which was eventually described as a spy in the rear of the enemy, etc.

A few examples of the teacher brought us our mistakes and other students out of the stream. We then frankly crushed and it seemed like everything, but the hell was swimming there...

Later, she said that such mistakes are recorded in her notebook and accumulated. And later, when it accumulates to a certain limit, it reads to its students on the filfaq to cheer with them and named this notebook "The Untold Dictionary of Physics." And here we got stuck. Physical feelings were affected.

We complained to our professor of physics that the Nifiga did not behave in a human way, especially to an adult person, and roasted to the general view. Our predecessor came to her and she said that she saw nothing terrible in it.

Since then, our predecessor had a notebook "The Untold Problem of Humanities" and once in a certain period of time, when there was something to share with him, he told us how students from the filfak solve problems and we roared over them!

Xxx: Well, I remember when I was a child, when my grandmother suddenly told me that you can’t put anything in the socket. I would have guessed it without her.

And here, after hitting the moment when no one was there, I was precisely in the same socket that she pointed to when she spoke, first pushed one invisible socket, and when I realized that nothing was happening, then the other, respectively, in the other hole of the socket.

No, it wasn’t so bad, luckily! I remember, my hand just shrugged. I was sure of my grandmother’s truth.



Yyy: In the kindergarten, I heard the teacher reporting to another child, “Why is there snow?” And the light came down on me. You can eat snow!!! to

The next day I fell down with a sore throat.