Today is a significant date, Marty McFly arrives at us. Truth Mikhalkov believes that the date is significant for others, namely his 70th anniversary.
So, I’m sitting reading all kinds of newspapers. Everywhere "Back to the Future 2" and no news about Mikhalkov. Apparently 1:0

I was playing in the elevator. The younger was killed, and the older was an elevator. After the game, the senior asks:
Q: What will the elevator do if it gets stuck?
I will call another elevator.
Q: What if all the elevators are stuck at the same time?
I: Well, then they’ll sit for a long time. and :)
Q: Until a new elevator is born?

In the closet accidentally found half-spindle of clean DVDs, year edak since 2008 there were lying.
The first thought: "But from these discs Nikita 1% shit that got then!"

<pdc> you should pray for the well-being of the MMM 3 times a day and strengthen your faith in it
<Villi> ah, Mauddy will come and beat out all the shit from you
In the institute involved Sambo and very quickly became a candidate for the masters of sports, without losing a single fight (with a weight of 60 kg was the champion of Moscow in the absolute weight category.) I believe Wikipedia.
<alx0> already then Mavrodi learned to throw people

XHH: Right above the gas plate, and they cook at home at least three times a day
From the point of view of a smart home, it’s built somewhere in Africa because the sensor always shows +40°-+50°.
HH: Therefore, you don’t need to throw more.
The Giants of Thought, their Mom

Thank you, the air conditioner is not on for cooling :-)

Can HIV infected people be cured? Has the medicine been developed?
......
It is impossible to cure, but it is possible to slow down the development of the disease, giving a person 10-15 years of active life. One thing is to break away from infections in a couple of years, and another is to let on pills, but to live another 15 years.

Toha: On the world the camera stands, I've watched people strike in a pillar while stuck in the phone

A friend passes through the VC from the outsiders. Naturally, doctors are struggling with everything and prescribe a bunch of different tests. And so, he is directed to WEM (Veloergometria). For those who are unaware, the essence of the procedure is this: the patient is placed on a special cycling machine and the electrodes are glued to the chest, after which you need to spin the pedals for 15 minutes, while doctors monitor heart rates and measure pressure. A friend went to register for the reception, all so joyful, in anticipation of the soon-to-be bus to the border guard. And he returned to the darkest clouds, because there was (Oh horror!) They were asked to shave their breasts so that the electrodes did not fade during the procedure. Comrade is very hairy, and his chest has an acky sweater. There is even a joke about such as him: "Goggy, did you be born or bound?However, a friend is very proud of it. But nothing to do, the party said, “I have to!” and the next day I see him on the staircase, cracking cellophane buds. I ask: "Well how?" Publishes: "You know, Sanok, only now did I realize how clever and cunning Peter the First was"

I ask my husband:
Sasha, please change your butterfly.
I’m too old for that shit.

Memento_mori: I was once taken to class on one kind of Eastern combat. Worked for a while. She pressed, stood on her fists, stretched - tired, in general. Once I was placed there in a sparring: my 50 kg weight and 164 cm of height against a man 190 cm of height and 100+ kg of weight... This is all you need to know about the benefits of Eastern combat for self-defense. But the Kadochnikov system works in such cases unsuccessfully :-)

Dear deceived man! I feel sorry for you, but I envy you.
If you are in a hurry not to get enough sleep on the rare days of corporations, friendships and other one-time entertainment events, then imagine how owls are in a hurry that do not get enough sleep every working day.

13th_Ka7aHe4: And you also installed the motion sensors incorrectly in the entrance, and now when it is dark, you are like an idiot mastering your hands, running back and forth and jumping to light up and finally the door and well in it became visible?

Previously, when watching a match between fighters from the CIS experienced deja vu at a time when they did not work ahead.

When, for example, the coach cries to the fighter (and the coach in 99.9% of cases cries in Russian), he said, "be left in the liver" - the second fighter hears it too. I would put a block in the liver area. But no, the first fighter strikes.

I finally understood where deja vu came from. They are Pokémon.

"Picacu, a lightning blow!"

And if the second coach orders his Pokémon to run away, the lightning strike passes past the target. And if the coach is silent, the blow hits the beast.

alal: found in the section of comments in the programming category

I know many languages...
Even a goat to talk to people like you.

Today the pre-school son tried to "divorce" to buy a phone:

How old was your phone when you were a child?
at the 29.
No to E-T!! to

A cat is a very mercantile creature, and comes to a person only in two cases: if it is cold or if it is hungry. If the cat is cold, then it settles on its knees, drizzling them abundantly with wool and periodically stinking, which apparently should depict the caviar. If the cat is hungry, she becomes across the keyboard and presents the owner with an empty ass: "You see? It is nothing!"
A cat can be breastfed, spit, thrown down, spit - it is useless. Once I even pulled out a wet towel from the package at hand and wiped out the cat's ass, unsatisfied with the hygienic state of the cat, which completely broke the cat's pattern. But to get rid of the ass in the monitor could not. It silently leaps back, and at some point you suddenly realize that instead of text you have a butt in front of your eyes again.

Volha

When I got drunk about the "Martian". Mark Watney clearly has Russian roots.

"Yes, of course, the isolant works almost in a vacuum. Isolation works everywhere and everywhere. Isolence is a gift of the gods, it needs to be worshipped. and c)

In order for the cat, which has wrapped the nest in your blanket, not to hinder you from sleeping at night, whistling, moving and licking, sometimes mistakenly touching your hand with your tongue, you need to let him sleep. But it is not necessary to turn around yourself. I tried to sleep today without moving. In a dream, for some reason, I saw Obama, to whom I stumbled with a metal pipe packed with oil.

A real conversation with a lady from an unknown office. Oh... Oh... Li...

D: Hi, I can talk to someone like that.
Hello, I am listening to you.
Q: Who do you have Katarina... this?
Q: And for you, why? Are you who at all?
D: So who is she for you?
T: It doesn’t matter
D: Let us decide it.
T: I can’t allow you that. There is a ritual consecrated for centuries, a tradition established, you must submit a request in three copies, on a stamp paper, written with gold ink, then I will consider it.
Q: Are you inadequate?
I am the God Emperor of Duna.

For some reason, I did not call.

To the girl, who was sitting at the last party all the time, studied well and never interfered with anything, and who in her IT department was cut in salary, we report:

It is time.