bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №118892
 29.09.2015
The Treasure!
I have accumulated questions.
1st Why did you decide that parents need new wallpapers?
2nd How many wallpapers have you bought, if not a secret (given the rich experience)?
I mean, is the quantity enough? Or in an anecdote?
Three What happened in the office, did you have to remove the old wallpaper with a hammer?
4 is What is the situation with the ability to tint, if with the qualification of the repairman is somehow not very good?
5 is What kind of wallpaper is lying in the middle of the hallway with so many spectators?
6 is Why do parents not participate in this event?

The anecdote.
Neighbors ask neighbors who have a similar apartment.
How many wallpapers did you take in the room?
of 10 rounds.
After the repair.
- Here you advised us to take 10 and we have 3 rolls left.
We also have three!

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №118891
 29.09.2015
Can you change your password on your computer?
Director: And why then?
Yes, then that qaz is not a very reliable password.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №118890
 29.09.2015
A plane sitting on a closed lane.

They fly like the Carlson. The man saw, and sat down.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №118889
 29.09.2015
He did not drink, smoke, and treated women with respect. Those around me considered me a drunk and the most terrible lovelace.
He started drinking, smoking, not missing the opportunity to fuck. Those around me started to consider me a decent person, because: I drink little, I smoke rarely, I don’t fuck every joke.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №118888
 28.09.2015
“And my neighbor, a lawyer, the most intelligent woman, made my son shrink instead of screaming.
I checked out the youngest dictionary.
agreed that he will rewrite, and if he repeats the mistake again - 10 presses...

That’s 370 people owed to the country.
He will be smart or beautiful. :D

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №118887
 28.09.2015
Working in the press service of the legal office, I found out that there is a cavernous question in which lawyers and philologists will never find agreement: can it be said about a corpse, which, until it became a corpse, was a citizen of A., "The corpse belongs to a citizen of A?" Lawyers say yes.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №118886
 28.09.2015
From the discussion of the photo of the passport, in which the place of birth is indicated Czechoslovakia:

Snoosmumrick: A citizen of Russia, born in Czechoslovakia with the Tatar name Timur. Combo and Hole
Timurspb: Yes, especially in the military department. What should I write for admission in the column "Was you abroad, and if so, for what purpose?"Written that you were born. I do not know the goal.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №118885
 28.09.2015
Al-Namrood: How does a newborn know who he looks like?
I remember a sister was born. Everyone asks him who he looks like, and he answers honestly that he is Yeltsin. Six months later, she looked like my mother.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №118884
 28.09.2015
XXX: I thought about it. It turns out that 10 thousand years ago, the proteans could have been the same as us, made all kinds of huita out of boredom, suffered from hernias, spent their time wherever it came.
YYY: ZANUDA MOD
10,000 years ago, proteins were already dead for 40,000 years.
ZZZ: Here’s who played carefully and who fucked in Normandy))

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №118883
 28.09.2015
Google search query starting with the words "How to get to the world..." top 4:
How to get into the world of anime
How to get into the broken world
How to get into the world of people
How to get into the world of anime through the mirror!
I overestimated the adequacy of people. Well, or who is there around me (question number three still arouses concerns)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №118882
 28.09.2015
We go somehow with a friend from purchases from Poland, haishniki gave a fine, no mood. There suddenly a healthy cockroach crosses the road. I squeeze with all my strength into the brake and with the screw of the paddle I stop in front of the cock. He stood there for a few seconds, staring at the car, and then moved toward us. At first I wanted to get rid of him, but then I thought it would make him even more angry. Here a friend drops the glass, climbs, depicts a machine in his hands and screams: "Stop, I will shoot! and PIFP! Tra-ta-ta-ta!" Kaban stared at him confusedly, apparently mentally twisting a copt at the whisky, and ran into the woods, realizing that there was nothing to connect with us.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №118881
 28.09.2015
Interesting fact: Mouse milk is the most expensive milk in the world. Its cost is more than $ 22,000 per liter. To produce one liter of milk, about 4,000 mice are needed. Mouse milk is used in medicine. Females of mice synthesize human protein - lactopherrin, which is used in the production of unique pharmacological preparations. Medications containing mouse milk improve the blood formation process after blood transfusion. Now, if you have mice at home or in the country, you know what to do.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №118880
 28.09.2015
Ivanovich: a friend married a aunt, younger than him... a friend is the first wedding... and aunt-fourth... there are optimists.
Neighbors: Well here are both optimists :)))
I don’t know who is more optimistic.)

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №118879
 28.09.2015
The border guard on departure asks:

The purpose of the trip?

Sweeping by the grandmothers.

A piece of. He sets the stamp and opens the boundary.

I walk further and I hear him from his cabin saying to a colleague:

At least someone has answered honestly.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №118878
 28.09.2015
- Boss, here is the account for the purchase of iron and software for the new service. There are 400,000...
No shit to yourself!
We showed you the bills, we estimated that everything would be paid out in two years, you agreed to pay them.
I know, but that doesn’t change my assessment.
Is it... buying?
We buy, we buy...

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №118877
 28.09.2015
And one day you will come to a meeting of graduates, and you will be very happy that you did not break up with anyone then.

I thought about you the same ;)

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №118876
 28.09.2015
One nearby reader discovered the remarkable writer Kirill Eskov. And instead of enjoying them, he started quoting us here. But since he is a very distant reader, he quotes all sorts of pieces of theories that have been ripped out of context and are very unreasonable.
Be careful, the garner.
I read Eskowa. His last ring. And we will read. And you’ve already gotten all of it here, fail out of the resource.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №118875
 28.09.2015
The ideal city for the traditional holiday of Russian women is Novokuznetsk. Judging by the herb - there is everything you need to normally burn.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №118874
 28.09.2015
To the eclipse of the moon, correspondence. My sky is lengthy. I ask someone who was sure to lose this wonderful moment, at least so cheerfully.
Answer: Constantine, don’t be upset, I also had observations with adventures. First I met the police officers (it is not normal when a person stands and looks into the sky, probably disturbs, you need to check) and watched their flashlight for 20 minutes with a lecture on astronomy for them. And exactly at 5 a.m., as soon as they left, they turned on the lights, until the full phase. I spit and cried home.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №118873
 28.09.2015
I watch the Hobbit on TV. A friend from the neighboring room cries: "What’s going on there now?"
I: "They are going".
P: "A brief content of the trilogy".

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