bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №109829
 24.02.2015
I go, therefore, to the kitchen, there my mom lazanou makes, bought sheets special. I ask: "What about sauces?" She points to ketchup, I ask: "Is this a type of Bolognese?" She says yes. I: "A bechamel?" "What is it?" "It’s with cream" She is so confident: "Nose mayonnaise!"

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №109828
 24.02.2015
I do repairs. Wife reads the article how to put a bed in the house on Feng Shui:
It’s all about the importance you give to signs, superstitions and various kinds of fashion teachings. Believe me, if you gather them all together, then in the end it will be that you can sleep peacefully and fear nothing only on the ceiling.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №109827
 24.02.2015
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
What about the first borderlands?

yyy (16:02:12)
Let it

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
For an hour, not more.
xxx (16:02:35)
You need to do more cushions and curls.

yyy (16:02:44)
Ugo

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I have to say that from the point of view of study, today has not been very effective. and :(

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №109826
 24.02.2015
One thought on “I have something to say to people!” It would have to be replaced by the easier version of "I have something to remind people."

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №109825
 24.02.2015
I’m working in a movie, or “the boy”. And looks like his colleague from the cartoon "Film! The movie! The film.” This is an important detail for the story.



It was filmed in the deep suburbs in the summer.

The lunch break ended. Before lunch we filmed in the yard of a five-story house, and then we had to go to the street nearby. There, near the respectable two-storey mansion, was the place of the next scene.

The actors fixed the makeup, the lighting workers drank the compot, and I went out of the courtyard and approached the mansion. There, the “deceived shareholders” already laid the rails under the operator’s carriage.

There was no one on the roof. I sat down on the wide stairs and stuck in the phone – there were a few minutes until the main group appeared. Suddenly the door opened from behind and slightly stuck me. I cried out. A man in a light costume came out of the door. He looked closely at me and asked:

Did not hurt?

I shrugged my head. He made an impression on the boss. I was afraid that he would start to blaspheme: me for sitting on his stairs, and the trolls for the rails at the doorstep. There were precedents of aggressive settlers, so I tried to smile charmingly.

Sorry please. I thought here...

“It happens,” he smiled in response. What are you doing here?

We film the series.

And seriously? About what?

Conversation was engaged. Or rather a monologue. the mine. I started with a story about the series, and ended with my opinion about our general producer and the state of domestic cinema as a whole. The stranger cried, listened and even laughed in the right places. I began to look at him with interest.

Nuance: I am specifically over thirty, and I am not married. Not that it oppressed me very much, but... I was already registered as an old maid in my hometown, and this is annoying. And sometimes I perceive some men as potential candidates, so to speak, for the hand, the heart and cellulite. And this man – tall, in a great costume – looked good! I heard Mendelssohn’s march in my head.

The inner voice said, “In Ryazhsk everyone will die of jealousy!” I, as usual, told him to silence and continued to smile to the stranger.

I saw that there was no ring.



The group climbed. A metre from us, Sasha’s makeup maker got up in ultra-short shorts and began to act on my nerves – with his endless legs, figure and youth – but the stranger looked only slightly at Sasha and continued the conversation. Then he said:

I am time. I see, you too. You will call somehow. Or come, he stretched out his card and went inside. Near the door was a plaque: “Center “Optimist”. and all.

I turned a glance at the card. Name and name. The Optimist Center. The Director.”

Who is he and what did he want? I asked Sasha.

I shrugged my shoulders. She stood, wheeled the card in her hands, smiled confusedly and thought: if he gave me his number, despite a young blonde nearby (in very short shorts!Maybe I am really nothing?

It is strange, said Sasha. The Optimist Center. The Director.” and all. What the center is doing is unclear.

She took a card, read it. And then I turned her. On the rear side was written: “Let’s Get Rid of Excess Weight and Alcohol Dependency.” We will help you. Come here.”



And I’ve already managed to have three children, a golden retriever and a mortgage.

and no judgment.

Sasha then halfway ran away from me on the pitch. and laughed...

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №109824
 24.02.2015
The former sent a SMS: “You can delete my number.”
He said to her, “Who is this?“”

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №109823
 24.02.2015
I open somehow a packaging filler for the cat toilet and BAC! In a surprise package, a bowl of cat canned food "sardines in smoked salmon jelly". to protect! I have never tried sardines in my life, and in the jelly of smoked salmon I will never try. Lucky for the cattle, I think.
On the joys of the hideous acquisition, I decide to delight the above-mentioned animal with an unexpected delight. The case at night...
Living joyfully knowing the content, a puffy scourge, gathered on the side. The toilet pot at this time is filled, which is quite natural, with this very filler.
For a full understanding of the picture, I will say that there is a tradition in our relationship with cattle: ruining the filler, the cattle carries my brain for cleaning by all available methods, that is, mowing, friction and scratching all over the body.
By the night of the next day, I realized that it was a test drive of the filler. The puppy stumbled into the pot, with a frequency of once every 15 minutes, up to rattling for half a meter, each time during the defecation. Should I say that the 10-liter filling bag ended at 6 a.m.? I was hopelessly late to work. Yes, and the piss for the second day in the clinic, cleansing the stomach.
I think that sardines in salmon sauce, it is not only non-patriotic, but also convenient for the wallet.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109822
 24.02.2015
Andryuša: Today I will be late at the earliest time and be 100% crazy
You are OK. Are you celebrating there?
Andrusha: My partner's son was born, he fucked me from the morning
You: lol, do you want the second?
You are a man.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №109821
 24.02.2015
My daughter pulled a little furry cat six months ago. Fire is red. They called it Fire. Everything would be nothing, but the whole file we felt only when we took it to the country and it was a little lost...

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №109820
 24.02.2015
Cyan Real Estate Agency only associates me with poison?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №109819
 24.02.2015
xxx: death is considered forced liquidation of IP
YYY: If you die, you will also be removed from the universe.
XXX is heartless.
xxx: man has a problem, and he is also deducted
xxx: and the military committee will send the agenda, counting off, so the postponement has ended

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109818
 24.02.2015
xxx: He accidentally deleted about 4,000 company customer records from the database. My answer in the form of quoting the well-known phrase "Never be afraid to be wrong" did not quite satisfy my boss (

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №109817
 24.02.2015
Habr, article on the statistical processing of the parameters of girls-models PlayBoy.
The commentary:

XXX: Thank you for reading.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109816
 24.02.2015
Subject: In the Kingdom of Bhutan, houses are painted with images of fallos and hang their wooden counterparts over the entrance door as a shelter.

Comments: I think I live in the Butanese :facepalm:

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109815
 24.02.2015
There comes that uncomfortable moment when it seems that all the sellers consider you either a complete failure, who remained without a gift, or a sclerotic without fantasy, who forgot to congratulate someone from his family.
— — —
The uncomfortable moment should come from the realization that for some reason you don’t brag on the opinion of sellers (who, by the way, most likely brag on you).

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №109814
 24.02.2015
Example is incomplete.
Press, what is your name?
and Catherine.
So here is Masha [...]
And yes, Euphoria?
What kind of euphoria am I?
What kind of Masha am I?

The incident is exhausted.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109813
 24.02.2015
News: "Russians have become less smoking"

Comment: By the way, I started smoking more with this anti-smoking law. I could never smoke in the box before. And now as soon as I see these screenshots of the type "no smoking and you do not advise" I immediately remember that it is time to fuck.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №109812
 24.02.2015
Not all cats are mackerel.
No, it is all!

= ^ ^ ^

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №109811
 23.02.2015
Somewhere in 2003 I came to work on April 1st, and there our girls are struggling.
- We have already played Vasilich (bucha) three times that they are pregnant - so that he would make a decree for us!
The company is small and every employee counts. Well, and the papers Bush didn’t like us. And there they are, my...
And he goes to me:
“You, dude, won’t make such a foolish joke — lie that you’re pregnant?
– Victor Vasilyevich, how can you — over you — and joke? In addition, I already have three children, and I, unlike this youth, know perfectly well that the maternity is issued at 30 weeks, and not at the stage of "two stripes".
At that time, I remember, our bush was really pale.
In November of that year I got pregnant, by the way... Nothing, survived somehow... :D

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №109810
 23.02.2015
270 knives

This is the maximum hour of work.
A small example: The ceiling of one apartment takes about 1000 cartridges for G / K (One box)

anecdote

Mother takes her son on a journey:
“Here I put you oil, bread and a kilogram of nails.
But why?
I understand why! Smell the oil on the bread and sing!
And the nails?
Well, here they are, I put it!

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