bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 36 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №107889
 08.01.2015
The Poor:

I ordered the bed for myself, well, and agreed in the store on the delivery date. On the designated day, the delivery providers call, the address is clarified and heated "in 20 minutes we will be, we must wait on the street"and we resolved. I go out on the street guys wait, I see a truck coming in, two men come out and look at me, they stand to move something, they don't fit. I go to them and they go to me:
Do you have a bed?
I: Yes
D: And we thought your brother would meet us. Who is the little boy we talked to on the phone?
xxx: Now I want to lock myself in my room, sit in a corner and quietly read “I am 25....I am a girl....”
and----
In most Soviet cartoons of children's characters, boys were voiced by women, so it's normal when a 25-year-old girl has a ringing boy's voice, it's a sign of good health and tone, unlike procured schoolgirls, whispering with chilling voices.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №107888
 08.01.2015
> was the dwarf of dwarfs such a door?
Do the garage doors bother you? Do you have double doors in all the halls? Or didn't you when you didn't try to bring the furniture through the ordinary door-only-for-one-humanoid?
By the way, dwarves extract metals and oil and other things that make your iPhone. I could even show a little respect for them.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №107887
 08.01.2015
XXX: Your submissive servant
YYYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYY: That’s what my predecessor told me.
yyy: the fox that I then washed the windows at the expense.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №107886
 08.01.2015
In the FB:
xxx: And now I’ll ask a question that concerns all of us... How much can live... a silk under a coat...)))

YYY:...in liquid nitrogen – until the new coming, practically. True, the taste can give aluminum and a little iron.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №107885
 08.01.2015
The cat with a tremendous speed cut circles around the apartment, grim, top and falling with a frequency of about once every 15 seconds under my feet.
I screamed at him several times – zero emotions.
Then I stumbled on him, well, like cats fighting against each other in a fight.
I don't know what I told him there on the cat, but only the cat stood up, like a buried, licked his eyebrows on me, bended his back and wounded himself - and with a barrel under the couch went off.
True, a minute later he came out, but he did not hooliganize, but jumped onto the window, lay down and began to watch me closely. =) is

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №107884
 08.01.2015
I also had it, there was an old navigator lying in the closet, discharged, so one beautiful night, at 3 a.m., he is like us, he says with a female voice: Go back to the right, the satellite signal is lost.
NN: Your story was supposed to sound like this: I fuck my wife and there’s a woman’s voice out of the box:"Take the right".

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №107883
 08.01.2015
Repent sinners! A terrible trial is coming!
A terrible judgment, a terrible judgment.
Yyy: The worst trial is a court in a deaf province
yyy: where the prosecutor is the son-in-law of the judge and the lawyer is the wife of the prosecutor

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №107882
 08.01.2015
There are wretches and non-wretches, it is very hard with them, they hooliganize, do not listen, everything burns on them, but as a result, initiative, active and successful adults grow.

In the absence of education and the presence of a marginal environment of ten such children, nine will grow up criminals, and the tenth will become an initiative, active and successful adult.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №107881
 08.01.2015
In the blog: I imagined Holmes (Livanov), thoughtfully throwing soap bubbles out of his tube... Watson (Solomin), nervously throwing away the untouched cock on the stick before entering the mysterious shelter of the alleged villain ("The Baskerville Dog")... "Watson! The next time you want to cheat me, change the vendor!"

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №107880
 08.01.2015
As an option
– – – –
He grew up, left his parents, but never understood: why hang clothes on the spot? Is it as dangerous to life as running out of the road? I have had room for clothes all over the apartment for many years, and I am still alive. Thanks to a neighbor, she explained at one time why I was getting backbones for trying to run out on the road - a parent's fear for the child. But she was able to explain the backbones for "washing hands after a walk". Talk about microbes and sick stomach? No, it is easier to give a leaf. So is it?

and----
Would your clothes also have their clothes scattered? You wake up, you go into the kitchen to swallow a cup of coffee, and there is my mom’s luster, dad’s cowards on the table, dirty socks in the washing machine.
It would be nice tomorrow.
And, notice, this is only one option, you can also think of fun.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №107879
 08.01.2015
People are divided into two types. For those who love order in the house, and for those who love children.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №107878
 08.01.2015
In the Moscow Zoo Ration of eggs 84 rubles per day, donkeys 87 rubles.
The consumer basket is 86 rubles per day.
It is no longer Yogi, but it is not Yogi yet.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №107877
 08.01.2015
In Finland, the fine for excess speed is equal to 10 percent of the offender’s income. Even the oligarchs do not.
I’ve seen the rabbits there.
They are unemployed.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №107876
 08.01.2015
Makarenko, Korchag and Hippenreiter gathered together and knocked out all the schools from the site.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №107875
 08.01.2015
The law of Heydar: the more expensive oil, the more stupid the Russian government

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №107874
 08.01.2015
Aa: Handmade and handjob are very different in meaning?

BB : kgm How to tell you...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №107873
 08.01.2015
Japanese preschool students are not pressured at all. Here is the iron discipline of schoolchildren (even it is terrible to imagine such a sharp educational transition, if honest - how a child generally realizes the leap of demands). But Japanese children see a quiet polite mom and adjust themselves (after all, socialization of kindergartens is in many ways repetitive). And if the mother-in-law is explained by a matte, he uses the child as a universal argument to put on the red light, climb without a line, rush in a trolleybus to give up a place, etc. She can cheat the child as much as she wants for the use of motherly words, but as long as he Hears them as commonly used, he will use them. As long as he sees in his parents the only argument for all - or and fisting, he will resort to the same argument, no matter how much he is beaten. There is nowhere else to know.

A case from life: one mother responded to her daughter's attempts to slander something "And you don't want a naked Negro?", and the daughter, due to her age, did not grasp ambiguity, then in the garden used the phrase "And the head of Negro you don't want?".

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №107872
 08.01.2015
XXX: How did you celebrate Christmas?
YYY: It is great! Even the police came to cuddle (((

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №107871
 08.01.2015
There is a big problem in the first, because they are dissatisfied with EVERYTHING: the child in the cafe sits quietly with the tablet-ai-ya-ya, parents do not play with the child; rollers play, talk to him too loudly, distracts... smoke around-smells, do not smoke - and why then sit in the room for smokers?You go fast where you are, you slowly interfere; with loose hair you interfere, in a hat you interfere, with a tail you need to knock... in general, there is such a habit - to dig into the surroundings and get stuck, and here no actions of the latter will help.
____________________________
You won't believe it, but no one has anything to do with you until you invade someone else's living space: - A child in a cafe with a tablet, give him headphones so that neighbors don't jump from the sound of a game or cartoon;
Speak in public, speak quieter, do not interfere with communicating with others;
You disturb someone with smoking - go away, do not smoke next to others, sit in the room for smokers and get upset because you do not smoke - not a scandal, you are the fault of yourself;
Do not in the dense flow of people barely crawl in the middle and stumble upon others when you go fast.
- Driving in public transportation - don't go laughing, you like when someone's loops climb in your face? And your hats, probably not in the measure of loose.
If you often encounter someone’s dissatisfaction, it doesn’t mean that you can’t please people, but just that you don’t know how to behave normally in human society.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №107870
 08.01.2015
I dreamed that I stole a piece of bread and salt from the store.
XXX: Go and go
YYY: Could you stick with your diet?

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