I went to work with a man, 35 years old. We talked somehow, he came from the area, divorced, life did not end, but did not despair. I went out and searched for the second half. I found it on a dating site. There was a lot of free time, I went on dates with candidates, by the time of our conversation I had already traveled with a woman. Life seems to be fine.

It comes once to work dark, well with whom does not happen. I see, he needs to speak out, asked what was said, happened.

What do these grandmothers need? I bring money, I almost don't drink, she and her child were cooked with watermelon yesterday, and she walks darker than the cloud, dissatisfied.

Serena, maybe you don’t get along with your daughter? 14 years, a difficult age... Seroga, he says, everything is okay, she is not at home, will be out of school, will eat and a friend all the time.

What is there, can you advise? Try to talk about how dissatisfied your love is, I say to Serge.

The next day, the serpent came up.

She is stupid! What is missing? I also did the repair (but it is not moving smoothly yet, there is not enough money), and by the time I come, I will make dinner, and give her love! Talk, think, meet, romance, dates, then yes...

It turns out, Serega wrote with her, met, walked a couple of times, spent to the house, and... He came to her with things from the rental apartment, even a pudding curtain brought! )))

To be honest, I am in shock! And Seroga, he says, why did I spend my money on rental housing, since everything is okay here?

Here is such a romance, with giraffes and baulas... He stopped and did not drive out, may have regretted, or may have not immediately found what to answer... So he suffered with a stranger, in his apartment...

Sorry, for the fact that a lot of water is poured here, for mistakes, but the story is real.

P.S. Half a year later Seroga left from his "love", along with the guire. There are many beautiful unmarried women.

Many generations have been born, and the fairy tale has never been.

I went to my friend in the evening, he lives in his house. They sat down, drank a cup, and when the wives went away to communicate in the room, he stood up and said briefly:
Go to.
We came to the sarai, which stands in his yard. On the right were flooded fresh berry wood, and on the left were shelves with various crafts and supplies that could feed a small African village. The comrade approached the shelf, on which there was a battery of large and medium-sized bottles, grandly nodded at them and solemnly said:
The apple cider!
You are what! I was surprised and looked better. Inside the bottles was some mysterious muddy substance, and closer to the bottom was a thick layer of precipitation.
“Real, carbonated,” he confirmed, “he pressed himself, there are only apples and sugar seven kilos.
Then he removed one of the bottles from the shelf, with the label of lemonade "Ah!“He handed me carefully with the words “don’t thank me.”
I sneezed and did not thank, between close friends it was unnecessary. And to give half a cup of real carbon cider, as you understand, you can only a close friend.
At home, I realized that I don’t know exactly what apple cider is drinking from. Having delivered the high glasses for the chance, I opened the bottle, and an exciting apple smell spread through the dining room. The cider by this time has already completely swallowed and acquired a flat dark brown color. The wife, suspected of smelling the bubbling fluid, refused to try it and went to bed.
From the first swallow, I understood what the expression taste is known since childhood. Specifically, from early youth. Immediately remembered poker and "thousands" behind the garages, and the papyrus "Prim" and the three-liter bank around the circle, when on a daring question of what to eat, all the chorus of warts - so, out, on the wall the cock hangs! And after a painful morning sickness, terrible vomiting in the toilet and an unpleasant conversation with parents.
In general, the journey in time went so well that after the first glass, I suddenly poured out the second and, having plunged with it for another half an hour, went to bed.
But, unfortunately, this is not the end of the story, because life has always been richer.
On the night of the change in the coffee shop, where she served in the holidays, the daughter returned. Usually, when she works until late, we leave her something on the table, a piece of melon, a banana, or some bulk.
This time on the table she found half a bottle of lemonade “Ah!“”
Not thinking for a long time, she also poured out a cup and, shouting, drank a ball.
I woke up from the sound of the TV, which spoke at full volume. The daughter sat in the dining room on the couch and smiled:
“And my second tattoo,” she proudly, “was photographed yesterday by three.
After which she whispered drunk and, throwing herself on the couch, instantly fell asleep in the posture of a Vitruvian man.
Having realized that the irreparable happened, I poured another half glass of pseudo-limonade and after drinking a spoon, I went to bed again.
The fighting began in the morning.
How could you drink this baby? The wife asked angrily. - You understand that you are an alcoholic, and socially dangerous, you are also attracting your daughter!
I was silent like an Indian prisoner.
“It’s true,” confirmed the daughter sadly, “it pulls in. I even thought before that at the airport each passenger flight is called separately.
Why is? I badly asked.
“Because you’re always hanging in the cafe until the last time our name is announced!
Half an hour later, after reading a lot of notes and giving me a bunch of impossible tasks, they finally went somewhere. Half an hour later, a friend called:
So, has the Siddhartha tried it?
“I tried,” I breathed out, “only that, of course, is not a cider.
And why, he worried, seven kilos of sugar.
“It’s not a sidr,” I repeated again, “it’s... you at least got Calvados. Remark was such a drink.
The Remark? - He was delighted, - you know, and you go to me right now, I also have a bourbon! I did myself too...
I breathed again, but when I thought about it, I began to dress. Eat a real bourbon. Especially because in the event of new domestic violence, I can always escape from home and become a sailor.

If God created the sun only on the fourth day, how did he know that four days had passed?

XXX: I am in the same situation. As a child, I feel guilty. The day before, and the day is not very well. How to get the ejaculant back in place?

YYY: It is very simple. Swallow the sperm.

No, I won’t buy this advice again.

From retirees on a thread, to Rotenberg on a yacht.

There is such a guy...
Everyone from small to large calls him Glory. For fifteen years, he worked as a bus driver on the route from our village to the city. On the way of the bus, four villages, the glory is known to all. Glory to the broad soul of man. Over the years, he has fulfilled hundreds of requests: to deliver a package to a student in the city, to track the child if he goes to visit his grandmother alone, to pay a loan in the city, to buy medicine, etc. He is fun and companion. and modest.

We met with Glory many years ago. At that time, Sania and I (my husband, disabled in the first group) did not have a car and we just came from the hospital. It was necessary to continue treatment, and for this it was necessary to go to the city several times a week. With the money then was tight, renting a taxi was unreally expensive. Sanya virtually didn’t walk, could not get to the bus stop (and that’s about a kilometer). Glory took us near the house, and in the city, pulling out passengers made a hook to take us to the hospital and helped bring Sanya to the department. and. I did not take money for it. By twelve we were released, he took us and went on a daily flight back to the village. I think if the owner of the bus knew about it, he would have had trouble. Today I went for spare parts to the city (our car started to break frequently) on the bus with Slavia. We talked, I reminded him how he was driving us with Sania, and he didn’t remember. This was another good thing for him. It just helped and forgot. I respect such people, thank you!

“Dad, I’m an adult self-employed woman, I can buy potatoes.
Grab it, do not get distracted.

Xxx: I got rid of these creatures in the rental apartment as follows: I bought the cheapest powder-remedy for bugs, diluted not according to the instructions, and made a nuclear mixture. I processed all the furniture, all the tiles, all the cracks in the walls, all the things. Apart from mattresses, pillows, and other fabric. They do not live there. Closed the ventilation, closed all the windows. He made a design of the wire so that the dichlofos would throw as a smoke pipe. He threw two smoke diclophosks. Closed the door with Scotch. Two days later, he returned, ventilated, gathered all the dead messy things in a sink, did a wet cleaning. I lived there for two years and did not see any more.

Yyy: Guy, you are my hero. After your comment, you feel like a good fighter has watched. Maybe the imagination is good :D Rambo: The Last Clown.

I have a familiar couple in the states, Jews who immigrated 30 years ago. And they retained such a subtle colorful sense of humor, which makes, in addition to laughing from the heart, also gain some wisdom of something.



They told me a story:

On a wonderful Saturday, when you want to fall for longer in bed, at 7 a.m. the phone rings. A friend (Z) takes off the phone, and there some seller of some shit sloth begins to pair a learned speech. A friend listened to the speech and said, “Can you tell me your home number?”

The Seller: Why?

I’ll call you next Saturday at 4 a.m. and we’ll discuss everything you want.

Seller: I understand you, the testimony.

In one of the offices there was a wreck. The house had a lot of rooms. Cabinet, safe, warehouses, loft, garages, a pair of barracks, containers, etc. And from all this good he carried with him a huge bond of keys. The ligament was so large that it didn’t fit in his pocket, so he wore it on a large steel ring on his pants.

Here we are in the smoke. Admin, looking at the entrance, remarked:

The world is arranged. If you have one key, you are the boss. If two, then a big boss.

Завхоз so squeezed, waiting for the continuation, his mega-link whispered:

What if there are many keys?

If you have many keys, you are a cleaner.

“Oh,” breathed the master, “even here he did not feel important. I’ll go away from your barrel with the cartridges and lose the key, let the girls break you.

At my very young age, my mother was gone. Dad was all around convinced that it was impossible to raise a child without a mother, and a year later a woman with a daughter slightly older than me moved to us.

The most striking impression was the second refrigerator in the apartment. He was bound by a tape that prevented the door from opening. I did not pay attention to it, well, it stands, but one day the curiosity of the child took its own. It turned out that if the tape is raised up the entire perimeter, it releases the door.

Inside were ripe fruits and a large bag of good candy. The delights were for the daughter of this woman, and they ate her when I could not see her.

I couldn’t stand up and ate two or three candies without asking, which still made me a little embarrassed, and about which I was later purged. You can’t go into this refrigerator. He probably threw fantasies into the bowl, so they noticed.

The wife and daughter were soon taken home by the father. There may have been other, more serious reasons for this.

He no longer listened to the counselors and did not bring his aunt home.

Thank you daddy for helping me and growing me up.

The right roof before going gives a warning whistle.

Altruism

I was caught in the kindergarten. Something to break down, something to build, in general, poorly, but cleanly. When they talked about money, the manager traded like a Jew on the Driving. Some come together in price. Leading to me:
You are probably making money?
I do not complain. Do you have babysitters and teachers, how much do you get?
Eight to ten thousand runs.
Something is small...
Working with children is a vocation. You have to be altruistic!
He went out of the garden and sat in his 10th. Following me, the manager jumped into Tuareg. And they went away: I was working, she was looking for altruists.

Name your positive and negative qualities.
I can put everything on and then deny everything.

The phone rings. The unknown number. I take the phone, and from there a straight hysterical shout of nonsense "Pasha, I have been waiting for you for half an hour, when will you be? “” That I wrote so briefly, and in reality it was a sentence of 50 words, of which the censored only written above. I was sorry for the unknown Pasha and I replied in the tube, "Sorry, I loved another." No one called anymore.

The case was in the late 1980s. When I was a child (8-10 years old), my parents took me to a holiday base in Komarov (near Peter) in the winter. There was a local cinema and it filmed an Italian film with Alain Delon "Zorro". My mother brought me to him. And when I returned home, when my parents were at work, I cut the letter Z on our entrance door out of shit. My father was very upset, but he did not bother. My parents had to change the door. The next film that filled my filmography was the series "The meeting place cannot be changed." After him, almost on all the walls in our apartment, the image of a black cat painted by my mom's carcass was painted. Here my father no longer contained the emotions and I learned a lot about myself. The investigation is the overlapping of all wallpapers in the apartment. But the apogee of my acquaintance with the cinema was the comedy Gaidai "12 chairs. We had 8 soft chairs. To my disappointment, I did not find any diamonds in them. But my ass then shone red like a ruby.

It was a great movie before.)

You see a man and fall in love with your dreams of happiness.

There are two things I will explain in advance. Army and horse. An army where a man who has reached adulthood gives a debt to his homeland, gaining the skills to protect his mother, sister, neighbors, all those who are close to him and dear. And the horse may not be an animal, but a sports projectile through which you jump in the gym. He is also called “the goat,” but since this word is not very pleasant for us, we will stop on “the horse.” This is actually the story of this and that habit is still a second nature.
Listen, what is complicated here? Fitzgerald was nervous when he turned to the student. That fucking thing is here! He jumped on a bridge. - Shake up, shake up, wash your hands and you are already there. What is complicated? Give it up! - The cursant of sweat and red made a run, but in front of the "horse", right on the bridge, sharply hit the brakes and crashed the projectile. The officer clearly understood that now he would arrange an unconstitutional relationship. It threatened him with huge trouble, but the nerves gave up. And he found a way out. The student was wearing a belt to which two ropes were tied on both sides. Two brave high school students, taking in their hands the ends of which, as the student approached the projectile, dragged him so that he simply washed up and forward, flying over the horse.
“Not the MiG-23 of course,” the officer thought, “but it’s not bad too! Let’s go guys, go on! “Humbling,” he said, “within two days of giving up the school norms, they are at your disposal, he must do it! Do not break the wall!
Two days passed quickly, the responsible day came unnoticed. And it must happen that a few minutes before the jump of this student, the head of the school entered the gym. When I came to Phuket, I asked.
How about replenishment? I will see,, - the student began to run and the officer even closed his eyes, because there was no belt or rope on it now, and the high school students did not stand nearby, so in any case, he stumbled. I don’t understand, to repeat. He was removed from this state by the voice of the head of school. The cursant, who stood on the other side of the "horse", as he got there, of course cried, but the phrase heard from the general was embarrassing. The student made a circle and returned to the original. Hearing the command "go" rushed forward, reached the bridge, pushed, smote up and forward and without touching his hands, flew over the "horse". “Hear,” pushed the officer with his elbow, “I didn’t have a cognac yesterday? Did he go without his hand? Oh my son, do it again! "From the third attempt to realize that the cognac has absolutely nothing to do with it, the head of the school scratched the forehead. A good supplement! I wonder when the flight starts, will he need a shuttle?

How many girls did you have in terms of sex?
In terms of sex, there were 150. But I’m very much behind the plan.