I was sitting in the bus, in front of me was a woman aged 60-65. The dress was in a bright jacket and shoes. I thought it was a girl and decided to give up the seat, said, "girl, sit down" I turned to her and realized I was wrong. She was delighted, she shone.

All sitting with a wide smile. When she came out, she jumped out like a young girl.

A 20-year-old girl wakes up.

I bought my wife new boots. Good shoes from a well-known company. Upon returning home, my beloved decided to try the update and paint in it. Wearing her left shoe, she turns to the only critic nearby (to me, that is to say): "Well, what do you think of my new shoes?" Being, like all men, a purely rational being and wishing to evaluate the slim legs of the spouse in the complex, rather than in the form of a combination (shoe on the left leg and shoe on the right), I answer: "Pymer second shoe, please." I turn around and in a few seconds I hear a voice from behind my back: “Well, what about my new boots?” I turn around, there... The woman wore the right boots, but the left one, the left one, took off!

xxx: I will tell you this for the nutella: I have a kilogram bank going away faster than 350 or 630 gram. Is this how it works?

yyy: Probably into a kilogram head, and from a smaller bowl with a spoonful?

and allo.

Is that Takayevich?

Yes, I listen to you.

- You are called from the support service "Sberbank", transferred 6 minutes ago a transfer of the amount of 14 000 rubles?

Yes of course.

- The translation was made in the name of Sergeev Vladimir Nikolaevich?

Yes, it is absolutely true.

What is your relationship with Vladimir Nikolaevich?

We are sexual partners.

Jokes of jokes.

What a joke, we have love.

“Of course, we inform you that Vladimir Nikolaevich is on our blacklist.

Yes, I know, in addition, he is in international search.

We inform you that in 2 minutes your account will be blocked and you will be prosecuted.

Thank you very much.



Hanged the phone.





I have not had a Sberbank card for two years, on zero accounts.

In my eyes, two 6-year-old boys are crossing on a trail: one on a self-driving car, the other on a machine. The one on the selfie shouted, “Hello, let’s make friends! The second walked around and shouted, “I have no time! “” and pointed

I just want to know why the coat clings to the door pin only when I’m in a bad mood.

The door is trying to embrace you.

If you are surrounded by goats and lambs, is it time to get out of the bread?

Every time I hear Igor Cornelyk’s song “There is a ballet ticket, there is no tram ticket,” I remember a ballet trip in Düsseldorf. My wife and I visited a daughter who was working on a work visa. Once the cultural program of the visit included a visit to the local theatre, where a touring ballet group performed. So we go to the ballet! On the train!! And my daughter warns us not to buy tickets!!! “How so,” we are surprised, knowing that the daughter’s unlawful behavior is not characteristic. “We have tickets to the theater, and the public transportation is free,” the daughter explains. “What connection?” – we still wonder. “Everything is very simple and logical,” says the daughter, who seems to have already begun to break away from her native soil. “If everyone goes to the theater in their cars, there will be traffic jams, and there will be not enough parking. Therefore, the municipality and encourages people to travel by public transport.” In principle, it is clear that for the city authorities, the convenience of people is much more important than parking fees and fines. Could it be something else? “I have a ballet ticket.”

What is the power of electricity?
It is when there is no mind, but there is power.

I bring my daughter to kindergarten. We talk.

Dad, let’s talk to you?

Go to)

What do you want me to be when I grow up?

I want you to grow up to be a good person.

Am I talking about the profession?

Your daughter decides. I want the job to be fun and it was interesting to do it.

I chose this profession, but I don’t know how it’s called.

Tell me, I am curious 😉

I want to work in the aquapark. I come in the morning, I come from the hill and if the hill liked, I allow to ride on it. And I go home. And so every day.

Do you want to sell ice cream?

No, in the summer they normally buy, and in the winter who needs it? I need stability.

Well, normal work, I like it 😉

I remembered the story with my wife. Once a long time ago she worked in a office store, she liked everything, she always talked about the work with interest. And to see vanity, work with customers, with the product laid its footprint. And because she sometimes talks in her dreams at night, the conversation about the office did not make herself wait long.

by @$ “B” is 34. 20 rubles of rubles.

“Oppa, I got it!” I thought I.

Is it an office store?

Yes, yes... Hello...

I: What do you have?

A ruble of 20 rubles.

I: And what more?

The pencil... the pencil... the pencil... the pencil. Chapter 34: The Laws.

I: Do you have notes in a circle?

No... No... No... No... No.

And in the triangle?

I thought again... no.

I: Is there a globe of Ukraine?

And again, no... no.

I: Well, what do you have then?

A book of twenty rubles!



I couldn’t ask any more 😉 😉

Letter from a soldier of emergency service.

There is a belief that in the army, brom is poured into tea to reduce sexual desire. So for the first two weeks I was afraid that brom was added to the tea and did not drink it. And in the third week, he started drinking and hoping that he would still be added.

I never buy a shaurma in bushes, I do it at home, it turns out to be real, even a couple of times poisoned...

What amazes the Japanese in Europeans is their ability to handle such uncomfortable items as a spoonful and a fork.

Just just...
At the entrance to the mini-market a car crashed, a driver literally jumped out of it - a 20-year-old boy. Lovely, fast in movements, all like a sprinkle, such as they say "the spark is flying." Melting to the shop door, he opened them and measured, holding. Dancing with impatience.
From the front seat came a dwarf. With a stick. On poorly listening legs, flattering and flattering, he shakes in the direction of the door...
The little one (and the little one).
Daddy, please hurry up! We are so late!
Grandfather raises his young eyes on him and, smiling with all his wrinkles, says:
Grandchildren, believe me I am running inside!! to
It is warm for the whole day.)

Give me back the past, there was such a wonderful future.

We also brought some girls to someone's birthday, and we shouted from a friend's room, "Borja, go to the kitchen, there are babies," and in response, "As a naker babies, I can't buy up vampires."

PS: He was playing HMM3 at the time.

Babes come and go, and the third heroes are eternal.

XX: For a long time, I wanted to ask someone. Why Stylus on a Smartphone?

yyy: In the line of samsung note - to draw, well and chips of all kinds are implemented with a stylus.

zzz: Used note 3 and note 4 all the time, once got a stylus in order to forge the meat out of a broken tooth

YYY: Do you have anything to do with visual art?

Zzz: When I was a child, I painted a cock at a party

In her daughter, the cat brought another cat into the house and allowed her to eat from her bowl. The daughter said that now about represents the feelings of the mother-in-law when dating a bride...

xxx: I bought a Liebherr refrigerator, there is a Shabbat mode - on Saturday the bulbs do not light up...

yyy: Then there should be the “Ramadan month” option when the refrigerator does not open during the day)

zzz: Then you need fasting when the refrigerator is not opened. at all.