In the company, I definitely “overwhelmed”. I go down in the subway, I walk through the turniquet, trying to keep up with all the remaining forces. And I see how a police officer does not miss a drunk in the subway.

Well why? The man is angry.

You don’t look like a sober person.

What does a sober person look like?

“Well, that’s about that,” the policeman replied and pointed to me.

The woman’s name is Men. When the child was breastfed, he called him Ludojed.

Yyy: And when the wife goes to the store, becomes deserted?

Zzz: The kitchen is a popular place?

Yyy: And when he fucked the secretary before he returned home, it was a prelude.

How to explain to the government that they are afraid not to work until old age, but to remain without work until old age and not to live.

It was necessary to print 20 copies of one file, one page, went to the local printing, print 20 tenge, photocopy - 10 tenge. I asked one sheet to print and make 19 copies of it... Aunt was angry for a long time, but I am not guilty))

Grandfather comes to the polling station, approaches one of the members of the commission and asks:
Can I know if my wife voted?
Now let’s look at the lists. Yes, here she signed up for receiving the ballots. Do you live together, grandfather?
“No, she died 15 years ago, but every time she comes to vote. I cannot catch her all.

I am at the Institute of Traumatology. My leg broke. Half an hour ago, they placed a newcomer in the chamber - their boyfriend in the board, in a Hawaiian shirt, shorts with paparazzi and mirror glasses. The diagnosis is a rupture of the ligaments in the shoulder. The doctor explained to him that the operation required a bandage for subsequent fixation of the arm (we call them helicopters).

Sanya, so called the guy, quickly found on the Internet among the ads this bandage, slightly b/u, and asks a neighbor, a former colonel:

Uncle Cole, call me and make an arrangement. Or I am not very capable.

Uncle Cole took the phone and called the number:

Hello Hello good day. Are you selling bandages? What price? Can you deceive yourself? very well. Go to school, 12, I’ll go out, I’ll take it. What? How will I dress? Like a puppy, fucking.

The guards stopped in the morning. Check the docks. As if they were asking:

Q: Did you use it yesterday?

I : No.

Why is the face red?

I: You see, I’m a non-drinker, so I’m ashamed that I don’t meet your expectations.



Purchased and released.

At the next table a little girl cried and cried very loudly, the parents had zero reaction. She returned with the phrase, “Why are you crying, you want me to be your mom, I and your dad liked it.”

I’ve never seen the kids calm up and leave the cafe so quickly.)

And another story, which I heard as real: one man rented a house to tourists in North Transvaal, and he lived in Pretoria.

One day, neither light nor dawn, his mobile phone was called by other guests, Americans, and with a panic voice began to ask for advice, what to do - in the bathroom! As it turns out, it was a big varan.

The man, cursing about himself "these dumb people from the stone jungle," advised to drive out the squabber's donkey and fell down to sleep further.

But he failed: the guests called again. “The caterpillar has taken the swab from us, what should we do now? “!”

They say “reform,” we mean “they will steal.”

In 1955, the first secretary of the Central Committee of the CPSU Nikita Sergeevich Khrushchev during a trip to the country visited his native village of Kalinovka in the Kursk region. By this time, in honor of the outstanding landlord, the local collage named Chkalov was renamed the collage named Khrushchev.

By the arrival of the renowned guest, the village, with the support of the district committee of the party, was thoroughly prepared - the tables were broken from drinks and snacks. Khrushchev recognized his relatives and friends, whom he had not seen for 20, 30, 40 years. The dinner continued until the deep evening. Friends of childhood approached the head of the country, talked about what they lived, asked for something. The helper of Khrushchev only had time to write: “Bring a shiffer, nails, cement...”

Conducting Khrushchev to the car, Nikanor Krotov, a childhood friend with whom they grazed livestock, and now the chairman of the farm, spotted the departing guest with a protective bass:
“You Nikita, don’t worry. behave with dignity. Do not let the loops go down. Work honestly for the good of the people and remember – YOU HAVE THE NAME OF OUR COLHOSE!”

Dear U.S. Senators, please include equipment for the production of borderstone on the sanctions list. thank you.

The Major asks:

and washed?

and washed.

He, feeling insecure in my voice, clarifies:

Fuck the laundry?

And here from the whole list of words that ran before me, I chose:

With moderation...

Oh, how many times did he fuck me this “moderate.”

There was an interesting situation with the bubble today.

I always take it for tea, it always cost 10 rubles. I decided to buy two today. I took 20 rubles and went for a bucket. They knock in the box and say:

It is 21 rubles.

I am such:

Eeee what? He was always 10.

I took the money precisely so that there was no temptation to buy something else, therefore, I did not have too much ruble. The bucket was worth 10. 90 and copies are always rounded.

Okay, let’s get one, I say.

The cashier calls that type:

Zinnah, do the cancellation.

Comes "Zina" conducts the cancellation, they knock me through a bucket, I give 10 rubles, I get a bucket and a check. And here I am:

Now you can break another one.

The eyes that looked at me will not be forgotten for long. I am pleased with the two bats.

The paradox is that a former criminal is doing honest business.

An interesting arithmetic for future doctors.

Now is the time of entering the universities. I decided to look at what happened with my admission to my native First Honey, from the walls of which 20 years ago I came out as a young and enthusiastic doctor. The course remains the same – 300 people. Do you know how much budget there is? You’ll never guess, I’d never believe it. That is 10% of all.

Do you know how much you want to do in those 30 places? You can’t guess 3000. Here’s how many young people who want to help people can’t do that, because not everyone has 200 thousand a year for 6 years.
And it is not necessary to say that there is a maternity capital, and in Western countries pay much more, etc. and etc. A doctor in Europe or America knows that after graduating from the university he will receive a decent salary, which will quickly repay the cost of training. And our doctor knows for sure that a good salary will be considered 1 (one) thousand dollars per course, and give god that the course does not throw out a fort like in 1998.

Doctors, teachers... an eternal theme. In our God-saved country, those who sincerely want to teach and treat for the money that our dearly beloved government wants to pay them, this very government should bow down and kiss hands, and not fall into the pocket at any opportunity. But to close the majority of district hospitals across Russia and fill the road with purchased equipment on which no one can work, a couple of exemplary institutions are much easier. And call it modernization, optimization and innovation.

Once again, I ask a question that has already filled me: how do the rulers wake up in the morning and look in the mirror? Who do they see there? Where do they find the strength and determination to steal and lie so wretchedly?

Some people continue to naively think that they never buy or eat outdated foods.

Every government would be fine if it weren’t for the people.

A 17-year-old brother late in the night, drunk in the sludge, was pulled home by the police. The father helped bring him to bed, the mother talked to the authorities, signed some papers. He was laid in bed, divided, and laid to sleep. In the morning, a beginner alcoholic came into my room, carefully woke up and asked if his parents noticed yesterday that he came a little drunk.

The palindrome "A rose fell on the lap of the Azores" is known to everyone, but "Hole the old man's ass" - only in the Pension Fund of the Russian Federation.