I come home from work.

I opened the door, and I was brought by a younger daughter who was alone in the apartment.

My eyes are red, tears flow.

He runs to me and begins to roar, I am in shock, amid the adornments I hear:

“Ic... Some uncles came here... They were in black...Ic...”

I’m already thinking about calling the police, thinking about who it might be.

The creditors? I did not take loans. Just thieves? Brad, we live on the fifth floor, is not the most appetizing destination.

Finally I ask, “And what did they do? “”

They stole a piece of your cake.

How did she think of that, right?

This story was told to me yesterday by my friend Anton, I publish it with his permission.

He built his house five years ago. When it came to the hole, he decided to “give up” to professionals. Called, agreed, came. cool guys, all the bulk - excavator, crane-board, g / b rings and pipes in the set. They did everything quickly and turned away.

Further construction and other mutations extended for two years. And now it is time to install the sanitary, give water, check - everything works, beauty! and. In the evening, after a hard day, he decided to wash, and the water did not go away. He cried, tried and spit, and said that the morning was wiser than the evening. The next day I bought two wires (for a verruche) and tried in vain to clean the fence - it is stuck and it's all here. The water seems to go away, but it is quite dull, without a fire. So another day and another day passed and a bunch of Crot was poured "in the tube" and the result was zero!

In the end, a decision was made - we will dig!

Our homeowner gave the job to the finisher to figure out what it was and find the hole, opening the ground from the house to the side of the hole, and he left. Next Anton - A, finisher - About the whole day "on the phone":

A: What is there for you?

I know it, I’m digging it!

And so once per hour.

Suddenly a contact! The officer himself called:

A: I’m digging I’m digging, I’ve almost reached the pit and here’s the heracle – the pipe is over!

To be honest, I was even dumb at first. Where is the tube? And here it came to me! The new tubes were not enough! And they didn’t bother to grind everything as it was. Go into the hole, it is dry, and there is no hole for the pipe!

This is a lesson for all of us, comrades. Check the money without leaving the box.

My friend! Tag of mine)

I went to a military and sports ammunition store. What is not there. Half of the shop is clothes. When I was a student and dreamed of traveling, this was impossible to imagine. The size is very large, above average height. I see very nice pants. In the appearance of a classic, excellent material, very dense, you just can't break it. And the main color is decent, very discreet. I see my size. I take it in my hands and pretend to myself. The seller approaches and says: They are women. I answer as I know, but my wife is also a man. In short, I bought it, I’ve been going for three days. Everyone liked it. Especially my wife. He says that at least once in his life he bought himself decent clothes.

A good king must have enough bad boys for every trouble.

In 1987, 25 schoolchildren from the Harvest High School (Kazakhstan) were encouraged with a free trip to Leningrad. I am lucky to be among them. We stand in front of the Ermitage. Just like in the mausoleum. Dozens of groups mixed at the entrance, guides argue, we are waiting for the second hour. And then one of our guys, Serega, approached the female administrator and said, “We are standing for the second hour, and we have, by the way, a Vietnamese in the delegation!” The woman said, “Where is he?” Sergey pointed to the only Kazakh guy in our group, Manas Kagenov, who really, as everyone immediately seemed, smiled at the Vietnamese. The administrator picked up Manas and asked him strictly, “Are you a Vietnamese?” He was not confused and issued a tirade in Kazakh language: "Kezekte t

He was such a rare creature that he came to the ark alone.

Ten or twelve years ago, when we were close to 18, we and a friend were drinking beer at his entrance.

The first days of January, we celebrate the ng.

Five-storey, but windows with a showdown, you're with the showdown on which we sat.

At four in the morning we went to the store for water. Really on the water.

They came out of the courtyard, crossed half the road and saw a beetle in the distance.

They ran back into the yard.

The car behind us.

We made a circle and ran into the entrance, climbed to the fifth floor and, miraculously, sat down in a chair.

In five minutes I look at the wall above the window, and there the icon hangs, somewhere 50x50 cm.

I tell a friend, do you see the icon?

He sees.

I thought it was a sign.

The next night they remembered it, and decided to watch it sober.

They went up, and the icons, of course, did not.

There is no chair.

It wasn’t a little by itself.

We still remember that story.

We were not blue. Under the degree.



Okay, shit history, badly read

The people who have fallen are those who have found their top at the bottom.

On Monday, the daughter goes to the garden, some quiet. He usually talks without silence, and there is only silence. In the car he asks:
Is it really possible to find a way out of any situation?
The truth.
I will not go to the garden anymore.
Why is?
- We have a new boy Antoshka, he invented nicknames for everyone and then annoyed. His teacher Nina Ivanovna already made an observation to him, and he is still upset.
“Let’s go, daughter, I’ll ask her not to do that anymore and I’ll tell her parents.

We came to the garden, just in the dressing room this boy is dressing up. His father with him. We arrived, we met. My father is so sociable and positive.
He says:
"I will talk with Antoshka, of course, but you don't make a tragedy, it's kids, they'll get upset and stop.
In the evening my daughter asks:
How are the names invented?
Is it annoying?
and yes.
Add the first consonant word to the name. For example, a potato potato.
I will say immediately, I did wrong. “Alger com Alger.”

The next evening, the phone call from Antonov's father, judging by the voice, was positive.
“We talked to your son, he won’t be upset anymore, but let your daughter not be upset anymore.
of course. How does she annoy him?
by Anton Carton. The boy is upset, crying, does not want to go to the garden.
Be calm, they are kids. They will forget and forget.)
- We went to school in a year, it was not enough for this nickname to stick.
Of course, my daughter will also go to school in a year, maybe even in one class.
I understood you.

Fuck, Antonia, don’t give your name a nickname.

I walk like a poor man, in whole jeans, and there is no money for the robberies.

To my classmate in class at 7-8 began to attach ourselves our common classmate. Then let the joke go, and touch the Norwich. A classmate complained to her mother. My grandmother is a powerful grandmother, she went to understand. On the shift, she pressed the poor man in the corner in the corridor and asked, "No, get what you wanted to show my daughter there. I’ll see if there’s something to show or if it’s yet to grow.” The whole red, almost in tears, barely broke out.

This kind of thing will not run with a shit, immediately the article, and then everyone was pleasant) by the way, helped.

Just just. A man passes by the church. is stopped. to be baptized. It rolls and runs through the four-band prospectus 50 meters from the pedestrian crossing. It has survived, what!

How my grandmother married me.

When my grandmother was 14, she went to church in a neighboring village. Returning home to her village, she told her mother that after the prayer, an adult woman approached her and asked her what her name was, what her name was and from what village. She then asked if she would marry her son Daniel. The girl responded with consent. My mother asked if she knew this woman. The girl replied that, of course, does not know. So how did you agree to answer unknown to whom? But you’ve always taught me how to talk polite to adults!

A week later the bridesmaids arrived and the wedding was held. In the end, they had 16 children. Some of them died in the First World War, others in the Second. As an adult, I knew three of her daughters (one of them my mother) and one son. The total number of grandchildren is unknown. I knew a small portion of them. The village of Tula. There is no more on the map. Although I remember her very well.

My grandfather’s granddaughter is almost 80 years old.

My wife went to work. I told the kids that now they’re going to have to work, too, with homework in mind. They silenced a little, then the younger asked:

When is the interview?

It was necessary to exchange a small amount of rubles for euros. I went to Sberbank, took the ticket, I waited. By the way, in addition to me there was another 5 person waiting, but on the box (as I later proved) was only I. The absurdity was that the box window was clogged, and no one was sitting there. After 10 minutes in empty waiting for nothing and no one, I go back to the machine with coupons and take advantage of a consultant's asset (it was loaded by a certain Gypsies at this time), dumbly take 4 new coupons in a row to the box office (I didn't have time anymore, because the consultant was upset).

It wasn’t even 40 seconds as the box window opened and my number lit up. I change and I leave.

How everything was simple.

I went to the local therapist for the first time. The doctor examines me, the nurse fills out the card and suddenly screams, “Oh, and at this address my Illyusha lives! Are you his sister?“”

So I found out that my husband was sleeping with the nurse.

I watched it all up to the age of 15: Requiem in a Dream, On the Needle, about Gilbert, the Witch of Blair, the Wise Will, yes, they made an impression, but they did not undermine the psyche.

Another thing when I was 5-6 years old I watched the hunters for ghosts. I was especially scared when the ghost came out of the crane. I was afraid to stay alone in the bathroom when the water poured out. But the apogee of my horror was the moment when my grandmother pushed my armor into the bathroom, closed the door and left. Suddenly, the crane groaned, began to shake and brown rusty water flowed from there. I cried and knocked at the door. This is a lifelong injury. :D

We sit in the coffee shop, discuss the results of experiments on readers - the research objects lie in front of us on the table.

A small puppy runs from the neighboring table, he looks like he is five years old, but he is already like a hundred (need to fit), so he does not ask, but even demands:

I want to see!

Since he is small, he will not understand the refined mat, so we answer briefly, "Don't, don't interfere, go to your parents," the fool shakes, pulls out of the table one reader and eats! He crashes into an unfortunate waitress and lies! A mouth on the floor, and the reader flies into the wall. Shut up! Screenshots are out! The fool whispers, we rise from behind the table - only to help the waitress get up, and not at all to kick off the fool, as his parents whisper, walking along the "busty" waitress and expressing an opinion about "fools" who "do not let children eat peacefully with their toys."

The pale, trembling daddy swirls five thousand and a couple of thousand onto the table and with the hurricane they and their mommy disappear from the coffee shop - catching up with their small asshole, but forgetting to pay for food...



But if he had just tried to apologize, he would have learned that the reader was already half dead, and it would have been enough for us to buy beer.

It is not so scary that a generation of fools has grown, it is scary that they are about to begin to give birth.

As you know, our pensions are paid from the salaries of working citizens. and anonymously. Who is paid from your personal salary is a big secret. The important thing is not you. This is not the biggest stupidity. We have a state with working pensioners. Imagine that people actually pay the so-called pension themselves without burdening the budget. For this, their beloved state with a "social" hunt once a year "indexes" their pension. Do you think it is proportional to how many people paid taxes? Naive people, be prepared. Even if a pensioner honestly gave the budget a million rubles, the state will push him from his generosity to retirement up to 3 points or no more than 243!!!! The ruble. They are not idiots, they are fools, because they have made very different rules for their loved ones. But it is a completely different story.