bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №89587
 11.11.2013
I came from a business trip, I make an advance report in Excel. I decided to enter personal expenses under the form of transport expenses... I record, and he issues "LOG"! I was sitting in a stool, shamed by the computer. It turned out that I just made a mistake in the formula, but the amount still did not fit...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №89586
 11.11.2013
If at work at work start storing not only cups and tapes, but also charging from the phone, then you can safely claim that you have a relationship with work=(

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №89585
 11.11.2013
I noticed an interesting thing in people - it is worth one to mock wherever, immediately there will be a second, who will hit the same place, others will try to clean up, then they stop coping, but continue to maintain the state that was before the first bunch... but gradually the original place becomes where they go to mock, bowl, plow, and so on... so happens with entrances, parks, with forests, rivers, lakes, and a simple and obvious example - people, you have mocked the old humorous resource!!! Do you have little contact?? to

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №89584
 11.11.2013
An acquaintance squeezed from the elevator in which he was stuck.
I sit in the elevator and almost fall asleep. I hear a voice coming upstairs and saying:
The elevator, the button is down again.
It’s not the button, it’s the elevator.
What did you take?
I sit in it...

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №89583
 11.11.2013
Is the source weak? Or the main
to defile your country, and the truth or not -
by Pofig?
There was such a court. There is an article on
judgment, and that the accused
submitted to the cassation. Google to help. About
Statement of claims to judges,
issuing such sentences.
The country here is not important.

and----

Guys, it may be enough. Let’s turn the hose again.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №89582
 11.11.2013
Share the invention:
Now, when I open a new pack of cigarettes, I don’t throw away a piece of foil.
which covers the filters, and slightly bend to the desired size and
I swear under the cellophane, closing the scary picture.
Just don’t tell anyone, or they’ll start printing a scandal right on this piece of foil.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №89581
 11.11.2013
Difference between a man and a woman:
M is going on a day trip. It specifies whether there is a toothbrush in the hotel, and then "I am slightly, the brush is not even where to put".
He goes on a day trip. It specifies whether there is a toothbrush in the hotel, and then "my suitcase no longer fits".

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №89580
 11.11.2013
He is absurd!! to
And what is this?
Yes to everyone!
Well for example?
Well, for example, it changes the volume on the telephone and leaves it no more than two or five. It can leave the volume at 11 or 23 or 17. The horror! He may also eat children.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №89579
 11.11.2013
The inscription on the leaflet, glued near the computer in the duty part of one district department of the Ministry of Internal Affairs: "The duty! Check the mail every 2 hours.

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №89578
 11.11.2013
Degal: I think it doesn’t have to be hot in hell. It can be roughly as dirty, ugly and monochromatic there as it is now on the street. The sinners in such hell are not cooked in boilers, but kept in ponds with cold water. Particularly bullish, not to hesitate, forced to slide a frozen cane, specially installed next to the bench. There are no screams there either, only the knock of the teeth of the trembling sinners and the quiet sad whisper of the rusted clothes, whispering in the wind. The devils there are white and furry, like a mixture of a polar bear and a horned martyr. They do not stumble on anyone with whores, but they water the sinners with cold water from water pistols.
The most exemplary of such hell is sent once a year for a couple of weeks to the ordinary hell, where it is bright, light, warm and dark. From there, they return burned, with fire in their eyes, and bring magnets to the puddles.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №89577
 11.11.2013
There are no tanks in zombie films, because these films reflect the profound dependency of people who have the opportunity to go to movies about zombies, from modern social institutions, and exploit their fear of the rapid and irreversible destruction of such institutions, primarily the army and police, with the subsequent archaization of interpersonal relationships, including the transformation of the vast majority of people around them into unconditional enemies... In general, there was a tank in the Walking Dead, but happiness he did not bring anyone.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №89576
 11.11.2013
X is : Where can I buy a golf clutch?
U to : What you don’t like about baseball?
X is : I am Esther...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №89575
 11.11.2013
Remember, how did the accounting dispute over VAT end last week? I haven’t read all the publications.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №89574
 11.11.2013
You won't see it on YouTube, because my friend - a fan of all kinds of radio and the like, will not post this video because of the "I don't want to burn the installation site". So then. Right in front of its windows is a number of capital garages, one of which is his. Near these garages are parked and those who have no garages or are far from home.
The cables to the garage are carried out secretly and cannot be noticed. He installed a video camera with night vision function (which writes on its own) and a speaker that is located behind the ventilation hole. Why did the speaker not know until recently:
The night. He decided to check the situation on the street without rising from the couch, so to speak. See, and next to the machines rubs a suspicious type and looks inside in search of magnets or video recorders. And then a friend to the whole courtyard in a loudspeaker said the unknown phrase "Here is no fish!". I’ve never seen such a fun run.)

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №89573
 11.11.2013
Comment on the fact that the guard of Asgard’s door is black:
The guy has a harmful job, he is open to the suns of all nine worlds!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №89572
 11.11.2013
Commentary on the demotivator with a crawling horse:
XXX: It was hard, but I was underwhelming

You have an impressive sense of duty and iron will.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №89571
 11.11.2013
When a user calls for support and explains the problem in his or her own language, he is a user, a teaser, a loch, and a quotation hero.
And when the patient calls the ambulance and says what happened - the whole country stands up in his defense, shaming our medicine with shame.

and parade!
— — —

It is easy! The patient speaks in a simple language: “I hurt here when I do this.” If the patients were to speak as users, it would sound like: "I have a neocortex broken up, pyramid neutron reuptake does not work." This is the case with neutrons instead of neurons and sulfur. Come understand what I wanted to say.
The Users! Speak simple language, don’t be afraid to seem stupid. We are sad and funny by your wise words.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №89570
 11.11.2013
This is the Peter Wars.
Episode VI: The Return of Boyarsky
Go to the Petrograd side, we have a rooster!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №89569
 11.11.2013
Neighbors have little to do with the heterosexual pidarasses, who listen to music day and night, as well as with strange things: when they are completely cooked with chanson, I cut them off electricity in the shield, and they are like rats sitting in silence and darkness for an hour or two and only then go out and turn on...

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №89568
 11.11.2013
Read Strugatsky "The inhabited island". (I immediately warn you that until the hands of the screenwriters touched it, the thing was remarkable) So, there, the inhabitants of the planet Saraksha were convinced that they live on the inner surface of the ball. Only they logic a little "corrected".
___________
I also immediately remembered Strugatsky ("The refraction here, however, is monstrous!"). I could never have imagined such an atmosphere with a suitable air for a person... It’s all fantastic. So the curvature of the line of the horizon is not such a bad argument, for the Orthodox will come down (those hardly read the "Godmother" fantasy) ;)
Z is. In Saraksha, the concept of the form of peace was contradicted by ballistics (which did not prevent the military from believing in the World Light, and shooting "out of the horizon"). On Earth, ballistics confirms the concept. For believers, however, there is no proof of the error of their faith by definition.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna