bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №151685
 29.01.2019
My parents bought me a house in the village. The father began to rework it little by little, removed the old partitions and to prevent them from disappearing, collected a dog bucket from them. I didn’t know about it and was a little surprised to see the dog in the cabin with glued wallpapers.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №151684
 29.01.2019
After the painting "Crimea" was stolen in Russia, it would be worth paying special attention to the protection of Vereshchagin's painting "Kuril Islands".

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №151683
 28.01.2019
Customer: On one of our computers it looks darker and on the other lighter, so we tend to the lighter.

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №151682
 28.01.2019
There is such a myth that a man can become smarter.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №151681
 28.01.2019
not my own. Just found it on the net.
Today I want to tell you about the new way of divorce by the DPS employees. In this case, you will not have a chance to prove your right, because they have everything caught and prepared in advance. That day I went shopping in the city. Parking at the 5th floor, as usual. After 20 minutes, he left the supermarket, threw his bags into the trunk and went home. Approximately 500 meters later, I see the DPS car and the inspector, as the naked stopped me. He first asked for documents, and after inspection asked to get out of the car. He asked to approach the hood and pointed to the numbers. The numbers were covered with paper.

I was just confused, I didn’t know what to say about the surprise. The inspector read the text of the article that I broke. 12.2 part 2 of the Code of the Russian Federation on the management of vehicles with state registration marks equipped with special means preventing identification. A fine of 5,000 rubles and deprivation of rights from 1 to 3 months. An employee of the DPS threatened with deprivation of rights and a fine of 5,000 rubles, asked to enter the car where his colleague was sitting. He said that the protocol will be drawn up now. Of course I did not admit my guilt, but how can I prove my right? Immediately it is clear that this is an understatement. And I can only help with surveillance cameras, they are probably installed on the parking lot of every store. After all, that’s where I closed my number, it’s 100%. Do you often look at your car from all sides before you take the ride? That is what is calculated. But you understand that in order to obtain the viewing of video cameras, an investigation must be started. And it is not the fact that the camera recording will exist at all.

While one of the inspectors started drafting the protocol, the other asked me to get out of the car, and there decided to offer this option. Let what happened be a lesson for me, and the amount of 1500 rubles will be an adequate penalty, so that I do not stick my number again.

And I didn’t have any sense in clinging, I couldn’t prove that the number was not closed by me personally. So think for yourself who needs to close the registration number of the car, except the owner himself.

Unfortunate situation for the goats. A thousand and a half had to be paid. That’s better than paying $5,000 on a receipt. In principle, you could pay a fine with a discount of 50%, but it would still be a thousand more. Now, when I leave any store, I always check my numbers both in front and behind.

Next week I went to the store again. I turned to the security guard to find out if the cameras were working on the parking lot. It turned out that a month did not work. An amazing coincidence. The security guard does not matter.

This time I didn’t see the goats there, but they’re not stupid to pasture in the same place every day. I think there is a well thought out scheme with different points. The work scheme is simple. A store with a suitable parking is selected, where buyers can park their vehicles so that when they leave they will not see the front of the car. The suspect, most likely for a certain amount, glues a sheet of paper onto the victim’s car, after which, 500 meters from the store, a GIBDD employee stops the car with a glued number and begins to write out a fine. Proving anything is almost impossible. You can not count on the camera at the store, it is either not, or it is strangely not working or turned off. In this regard, everything is clearly thought out. No one will listen to your excuses in court. Who needs to stick the number on the car, except the owner himself, who wants to avoid fines for excess speed recorded by cameras. Naturally, it would be wiser to agree to 1500 than to pay much more on the receipt.

Tell your friends and acquaintances, share this post on social networks. Drivers, be careful, always check the numbers before you get into your car. Per the method is not so popular yet, but from getting into such a situation no one is insured, and tomorrow in my place you can provide.

[ + 34 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №151680
 28.01.2019
Vladimir Soloviev, the head of the Kremlin’s anti-Russian anti-Russian group, responded to a new round of anti-Russian sanctions with the purchase of another villa in Italy.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №151679
 27.01.2019
When reading news about attacks on women, at least most people always see a man as the attacker. Have you heard a lot of stories where a woman was the assailant? I never heard of it, but I experienced it on my own skin.

It’s been almost a year, and I’m still afraid of the passers on the street. It was a winter morning, I was quietly going to work (I was doing rehearsals with the children). A woman came out of the road with me. I quietly headed to the house of the girl I was working with, talking on the phone. This woman went after me, well few others in the same direction as me. And here she holds me by the hand. A strange conversation begins between us.

J: With whom are you talking? Just try to say that you saw me, I will kill you hate.

I am a woman, who are you? I do not know you.

Q: Are you stupid? Tell him that you saw me.

“Woman, what did you smoke?”

And I get my fist in the skull. I was so upset that I started crying. She, of course, was not confused and started to hit me in the head, I only had to cover my head with my hands. A grandmother passed by. I started screaming, something like: Ah, you hate such things, the slugs are fighting here! My attacker immediately found what to say: Yes, grandmother, it seems the girl attacked me, her teeth raised me (showing her smile in the form of a fence). And under the screams of the grandmother, she washes in an unknown direction. I scream, my neck hurts, my grandmother hurts on me. At home, the child with whom I was going to work, I was calmed and sent home. For some reason I was so ashamed of myself that I was in this situation. It’s been a year and I’m still afraid of people on the street. Be careful, women are animals too.

[ + 36 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №151678
 27.01.2019
I am changing the right to elect the president to the right to get rid of him somehow.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №151677
 27.01.2019
The trainer.
I have a maid. Our good grandmother. She lives almost 100 km away from us in a former military town... That is not a bad and a good story... ;)
But someday she became quite bored and she decided to press our conscience... the saying “you don’t come at all”, “I am bored”, “I am lazy sometimes even to get out of bed” and all that... “I would at least have a dog or a cat”...
Well... we have the most beautiful curbobik (Courillian bobtail), with a stunning brick colour... and she wanted something like that...
We, of course, with some calculation decided that a friendly cat-friend-courbobik would not hinder us and for the New Year gave my grandmother such a cat...
My cat is almost 3 months. All so kind and positive. Grandma is pleased. She read “the whole internet” and stated that “courbobics are dogs and are easily trained.” And before that, she “raised two cats who were taught to walk on their own needs exclusively to the toilet”... And she started training!
The cat after going down to the bowl - was squeezed in the bowl, the bowl was squeezed into the toilet, then the cat was squeezed there and everything was washed off with a light press of the bowl button...
After a while, my grandmother calls me with all her emotions. The cat was trained. Now she, when she goes down to the bowl, jumps onto the toilet bowl and presses the wash button... All... hit not for anything... But the problem is that the toilet is unfortunately not made in Europe and her cat’s weight is not enough to normally press the wash and the valve moves... Now the water in the toilet lies until the grandmother covers it...
I tried to stick the button with false means. It does not help. The cat fanatically breaks everything and presses the button.
The problem is that my grandmother has a water meter to save money. With that savings it is not all right now.
I don’t know how she’ll get her back...
Be careful with the cockroaches, set them the right goals.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №151676
 27.01.2019
A man bought his wife several identical pants of the same color.
They are exactly the same! Why did you buy them? People will think I don’t change underwear!
What kind of people?

[ + 3 - ] Comment quote №151675
 26.01.2019
True love is when a loved one is not forgotten even during intimate intimacy with another.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №151674
 26.01.2019
It was a long time...
My husband worked as a grower. It opened holes with a positional admission from a cell to a micron and a precise diameter.
I didn't have enough money, moved to Chelyabinsk, arranged for ChTS.
The master comes and brings the iron:
- Listen, I have a hole here - and the fingers show the diameter.
The Comrade:
Damn, where is the drawing, what is the permit?
The Master:
“Bl@#$, I tell you, THIS is here and THIS is... they’ll come from the aircraft, bl#$%....it’s a tractor. The only thing he can do is stop!
I have to get used to the new reality.)

[ + 38 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №151673
 26.01.2019
The costs of security, courtage, gasoline and the delivery of Medvedev for the opening of a kindergarten in Krasnodar were one and a half times the cost of the kindergarten itself.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №151672
 25.01.2019
The king’s treasury must be kept away from the servants of the people.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №151671
 25.01.2019
I remember seeing a grandmother at the train station a few years ago behaving completely hamsky (I don’t remember the details). When she tried to cut it down, she said, “Nothing, I’m 80 years old!” - Exactly until she stood on a nice, noble grandfather who said, "You know, I just turned 94. So... get out of the road, little girl!”

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №151670
 25.01.2019
Former U.S. Marines Paul Willan said in court that he came to Moscow to admire the domes and spires of Moscow cathedrals. The ugly plagiarist.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №151669
 24.01.2019
Any form of progress is an insult to someone’s religion.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №151668
 24.01.2019
When I was 14, I wanted to have a cat and my parents were against it. The usual tears did not help.
The case helped. My classmate is pregnant. Mom came from the parental gathering where this shocking case was dealt with, impressed by the news. In the mid-1980s, it was just nonsense. I approach her and ask with a quiet voice:
“Mom, who do you want me to bring home: a little girl, a little boy, or a little cat?”
The next day, a cat came into our family.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №151667
 24.01.2019
Chubais said that electricity prices would need to be raised twice, but Russia is a poor country, and it cannot be raised.
Zakharova said he was lying.
Chubais admitted that Zakharova was right and surrendered.
So it was scientifically proven that Russia is a rich country, and prices can be raised!

[ + 38 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №151666
 23.01.2019
At four and a half years old, my son read. I did not learn the alphabet. We lived in the dormitory then. The walls are painted and painted, as in all parade houses. Every time I went down the stairs, Goshka pointed to me a letter with the question, “What is your name?”



On the way to the metro was built a highway, flanked by a high fence of shields. On one of the shields, with large letters with a height almost from the son, was written an inappropriate word. It was good that the zebra was nearby and I hurried to move Goska across the road. For a week we studied the wall booklet, and I did not suspect that at the end of the day, a child will still put together the booklets and give the word. At least not so early. It happened literally in a week. Also, in an accelerated pace, she moved her son by the hand across the road. There were a lot of people on the street, everyone was in a hurry to do their business. And suddenly the air shakes: “Mom, I read. This is Dharma.”



You can’t imagine how I wanted to fail at this moment in the ground. People forgot where they went. Everyone looked at the young reader. Later, the son on the walls of the hostel already knew that Masha "does not give" Sasha and that Tsoy was alive.

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