The beginning of history:
The Saturday. I lie on the couch - "I hurt", I torment the phone. A neighbor with a perforator went upstairs and has been methodically perforating something for about a month. From the nephig to turn on the phone "blue tooth", which immediately finds someone's pipe. Trying is not torture: I am renamed in settings like "off, drop, perforator: заебал" and send a request for connection. A second after five, the perforator is silent and wild rust is delivered from above. The neighbor has been two days as I can’t hear 😉

Here is the continuation:
How far has progress been made. I decided to save on repairs and do it on my own. I fold the wall and here by the edge of my eyes I notice the flashing screen of the mobile phone. I take the mobile phone in my hands and there illuminated - you want to take the data from "off, the perforator fell: got stuck?". I am in Aachen!! to

You found each other. xD

As soon as you start to look sober at this world, you immediately realize that you shouldn’t do it.
c) Sj

Yesterday, the police detained people not only in the Manage Square. My friend and I had a funny story in a quiet bedroom area.

We walk in the streets, we talk, we don’t touch anyone. It is already dark, under my feet in the light of the lights shines a gloomy ice. A winter evening, an ordinary evening... At some point two ments pass by quickly, looking suspiciously. We don’t feel guilty, we go on. Five seconds later, a whispering whisper from behind:
Okay, and stand still!
We stand. I quickly guessed what could be the case. Probably for recruits. I have no soldier with me. That is OK. This is what a friend without a student and did not serve is much worse.
- The sergeant of the militia of the Shepherds, - presented the patrol.

A police officer explained that twenty minutes ago a woman was attacked by two unknown people of small height and took a bag with a large sum of money.
- In me a meter eighty-five, comrade police officer, - unobtrusively
I noticed.
Sergeant Pastukhov laughed and said that my friend had just a meter with a cap (this is true), and if so, it was his duty to bring him to the OVD for interrogation. And whisperingly added that for low disclosure they are about to be deprived of the prize. He seemed to still want to shoot us a cigarette, but we both didn’t smoke.

My friend was taken to OVD. I promised him to wait, but, frankly, I’m not a fan of standing two hours in the frost. There was a movie theater in front of the department, and I went to the evening session. I just come back from the movie - I see, my friend tosses. Happy and laughing. I was even scared for him - suddenly this is hysterical?

“You won’t believe,” he said, “the mints drink champagne!

This is how it was: my friend was brought to the OVD along with a dozen of the same "robbers" - among the detainees were two boys of fourteen years old; one dry, crumbled old man, who if he attacked a woman, he would have been struck by her on the spot and could not escape far; three Tajiks (these are suspected always, regardless of height, gender and age) and other characters. Finally, after half an hour, some young mints were brought into the cage... a liliput.

Investigators, seeing the liliput, stunned.
Where did you get him?
Yes, I was walking on the street. Growth is small, so we took it.
Liliput looks at the police officers, the face is wicked, almost spit.
Why have I been detained? and whisper.
The investigator was upset by this reaction. He decided to joke — his eyebrows moved and said to the liliput with a threatening bass:
Specifically, you have been arrested for theft. You will not become
To deny that you are a dangerous recidivist?
For the robbery? He quietly asked Lilith. X is good. I understood everything.

15 minutes later, when fingerprints were taken from everyone, investigators decided who to question first. I decided to start with lily. That one once all sinked after the scream, the face became sad and sad, and the look will cry. He was taken to the camera for interrogation. Something he has been sitting there for a long time. Ten minutes passed, twenty... Finally, a detective comes out of the chamber with three sheets of paper — joyful, all shining:
Do you know who we caught? It’s my carpet, it’s me.
He wrote pure!

The entire police department fled. Liliput turned out to be an untouchable apartment thief Mitey, who cleansed more than forty apartments and institutions in Moscow - his small height allowed him to smugly penetrate inside through the forks. And he wrote with the full confidence that since the investigator so harshly threw him in the face of the accusation, he was detained without excuse, on hot tracks.

All the suspects were immediately released, and the party began in the police department. Not only awards, but also promotions.
is guaranteed.

Wife and husband in the store. The Wife:
Don’t forget to buy condoms.
The husband:
Eighty rubles for three times.
My wife is confused:
Does anyone give you cheaper?

Article in Mail:
The head of the Russian government Vladimir Putin sat in Vyborg in the high-speed train Allegro and together with the President of Finland Tarja Halonen headed to St. Petersburg. The train, which operates its first flight from Helsinki, arrived at the Vyborg station strictly on schedule. The Prime Minister of the Russian Federation met Halonen on the perron and gave her flowers.

Can anyone tell me how many people we have in the country? I don’t understand Nihil...

Soon the Chinese will be able to influence the Earth’s climate by simultaneously exhaling.

The shark who bit people near the shores of Sharm al-Sheikh regrets and says it needs treatment. Twice a year she has such crashes.

by Vova Pu:
"We had no other choice. Either import used foreign marks, or kill the responsible automotive industry!"
Kill me so that I don’t suffer.

My girlfriend is studying economics in the fifth grade. time of practice. He came to us in the universe. And of course (!) She was determined to read lectures to our stream.
Now every sexual act begins with the words: "you fuck me for accounting!" Ah woman....
The right is the right!! I have been dreaming all my life.)

I walk on the street home, seeing Father (O) with a child of 4x(R):
R – Dad, and you know, what we are doing right now is not called walking!
P – (apparently in shock) in the sense? How to call it?? to
R - This is called going from the garden to the house on foot!! to

and smiling))

Enormous spacecraft are flying to Earth. Photographs and coordinates"

and UGU. In a few years, they are visible in the sky with an unarmed eye. The world is covered by hysteria, xenophobia and crowds of fans with posters "Welcome". They are FIGAK! They flew by stupidly. This is offensive...

in a pair. The prepod checks the student's work and it is seen that he is quietly whispering. Student apologizing: Well, I don’t have a color printer at home. But there are black and white and flomaasters :DDD

Are you jealous?
No, I’m jealous that your grandmothers write to you, but I don’t.

<r0fL> yes
<r0fL> 1 step to start writing the course I did
<r0fL> put in aske guy with a helmet
<r0fL> now is the time to rest

The family...
They brought a newborn brother. Dad took him, and let him cry.
Dad says, don’t cry, you who, I don’t offend the little ones!
Then he thought a little and added, "Look, you grow up - then fuck you!

I went to an erotic massage course.
- Bgggg, and other ways to fuck there is no shale?
They don’t fuck there!
So the meaning?
The fucking! There is nothing to answer, really :(

A month after the wedding.
I quietly crawl to my husband and begin to crawl. Husband, not turning: "Dear, the demo version is over! You must pay for further use. Where is my dinner, mill?and "
O_O

HHHHHH :
Listen, I am increasingly surrounded by Catholic believers.

HHHHHH :
What would this be?

WOWU :
to the fire?

Do you really believe that they get into Moscow through the bed?
If you are on the train, yes.

Julian Assange is accused of raping the United States.