bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 96 - ] Comment quote №29298
 27.04.2010
Today I came to one of the offices to arrange for work with Sisadmin. Fill the questionnaire. It was made up of three people - a personal manager, a psychologist and the chief aitišnik. In the beginning, there were standard questions, such as date of birth and education. Then there were some psychological questions, the tree had to be drawn somehow... Then there were a few questions on specialization and it ended up with two questions, after which I hanged for a short time, because I did not expect to see them in such a serious document:
Who is the owner of the proverb "What is done is done"?
Have you ever gone into the abyss?
Dnepropetrovsk

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №29297
 27.04.2010
The role of so-called bodies in the proceedings between the criminal and the victim is reduced to the extortion of money from both sides.

[ + 60 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №29296
 27.04.2010
It’s not a funny story, but I want to tell you a story like this.
I will tell you about my grandfather.
First about one and then about the other I was small and loved to dig into his medallions.
(Glory, Two Red Stars, and seems to be the Great Patriotic War)
Only he never wore them for any parades... just sometimes wearing a plank, he didn’t like to brag with iron like he told his grandmother.
I remember the lessons of courage in schools, veterans came with a bunch of medals... they told about all kinds of cases... but I remember somehow they were all staff rats, for some reason I didn’t believe them very much. They loved to talk.
And I did not ask my grandfather how much... he told me nothing about the war... He kept silent and all... he treated his rewards with disrespect... If not my grandmother, everyone would have grown up. But here is the prize of his front friend (this nobody left alive when he died) guarded like a pupil of the eye.. and when I some order of his friend took to play - he greatly punished me and forbade any time to approach them.
Even though he allowed him to play as much as he could.
I grew up and already when my grandfather disappeared... I still learned a few stories... from my father Grandfather Bory was an ordinary soldier.
At the airport service battalion. In 1941, when they retreated, the pilots, like everyone else, had a very tough time. They were flying day and night, almost without rest. The same goes for all the airport staff.
One day, the squadron went on a mission. All returned – except for one pilot with whom my grandfather was friends... At that time the German infantry and tanks came out to the airport. Everyone hurried away - the aircraft lifted up the people on the cars and hurried back to the rear border (as often happened in the first year of the war).
There was only one grandfather with his half-tooth. Why is? He decided not to abandon his car and wait until the end of his combat companion. He drove a truck into some woods and sat alone with a rifle. The Germans were in control of the airport.
And at that moment, my grandfather saw his plane going to the airport to land. Grandfather on full gases wandered through the airfield and in the field, meeting the plane, moving his hand out of the cabin. The pilot realized that things were bad and went further east through the forest and further to the fields. Grandfather turned his column and followed his footsteps. It came to pass that the Germans at the time were naughty and were not especially stressed. They opened fire from machine guns - the car is all in the roof but by some miracle on the move and the grandfather is alive.
The Germans did not catch up. An hour later, my grandfather found the plane and the pilot in a field on the outskirts of a forest. The plane was damaged by gasoline zero. The pilot refused to drop the plane, and the grandfather refused to leave his companion.
For a week they wheeled in the rear... with the plane attached to the tail to the truck (the wings were removed and placed in the body). It was a miracle to find gasoline. encountered the Germans. We left at night. There was an infantry surrounded.
I will not list all the details. They chose their own. rescued the plane.
No one was waiting for them in their hometown.
He was later awarded the Order of the Red Star. The pilot was awarded.
There were several other moves. I will tell you about it if the story is supported.
Grandfather was a healthy and strong man... and very desperate... and the character was tough and he did not like staffs. And when he was presented to the arena of fame after another feat (I understand the order of the highest distinction for the ordinary staff) - the papers of the staff were safely lost.
Then he was presented to the same order for the second time... for another heroism... and again something failed with the headquarters. A couple of decades later, they were rewarded.

Grandfather Bora, you often mocked me because I was a fool... I didn’t listen to you.

But I always remember you... and I remember your simple rule – do not abandon comrades.

[ + 47 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №29295
 27.04.2010
One day a father laid his three-year-old daughter to sleep, and she said:
“God bless my mom, dad, grandmother. “Goodbye Grandpa.”
Why did you say so? Asked my father.
“I think it will be right,” the girl replied.
The next day my grandfather died.
This is a coincidence! My father thought.
A few weeks later, lying down in bed, the girl said, “God, bless mom and dad. “Grandmother, say goodbye.”
The next day my grandmother died.
Is my daughter connected to the afterlife? My father was surprised.
Shortly afterwards, before going to bed, the girl said, “God, bless my mother. Farewell to Dad.”
My father panicked. He didn’t sleep all night, came early in the morning to work and locked himself in the office, shaking from every shock. Finally came midnight. “Now it’s probably gone,” the father thought and went home.
You are so late. What happened? The wife asked.
- I do not want to talk about it. It was the worst day in my life.
Do you think you had a terrible day? My wife parked. What here
It was! The Santechnik died right at our doorstep.

[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №29294
 27.04.2010
I ordered in one fishing store woblers, 3 weeks have passed, they don't call, I think I'll go and ask, maybe they forgot about me.
I say to the seller (P):
I: I ordered the woblers 3 weeks ago, come?
Q: No, not come, 4 cars with the goods already came,
There were no woblers, not to see in the warehouse.
I’m upset: Is there any hope?
A: Hope is a weekend today.

[ + 82 - ] Comment quote №29293
 27.04.2010
They told the story:
They arranged a walk in their tent camp in Kerch. Two men, already decently subdued, went to the sea, and there, with the First World War, the wire was rolling.
One man climbs back into the camp and says a snake has bitten me. And all already drunk... They scratched, in short, the man’s leg, drowned the poison as needed, poured and burned, so that it would heal faster.
And in the morning Anton woke up from the wild rust behind the wall. It turned out to be this: little that no one bited the man, and he scratched the wire, so they scratched him the wrong leg.

[ + 86 - ] Comment quote №29292
 27.04.2010
We sit in the evening with mine at my house, we watch "The Wolf Man", a new filmmaker that, recently released...
So we sit, I embrace her, the light is turned off to create a more intimate atmosphere... and here the door to the room opens, the mom goes in, drops to the side of the warehouse... and so, don’t notice:
And that’s you holding for her, scary, isn’t it?


[ + 117 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №29291
 27.04.2010
Our business partner (a lawyer by profession) has been getting worse and worse lately with telephone spammers, because his direct mobile hangs on the site like a contact phone.
The Standard Spam Call:
SPAMER: Hi, can I talk to an employee reporting in your company?
Partner: You know, we do not submit tax reports.
C: How is it? And the accounting?
Q: We are working black, deceiving our state. We don’t need an accountant.
Q: What if I call the tax office?
Q: We will come to you and shoot you.
There were no more questions.

[ + 86 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №29290
 27.04.2010
YYY: And I’m actually a cat!
XXX: How is it? Do you smell badly?

[ + 90 - ] Comment quote №29289
 27.04.2010
I was at IKEA yesterday.
Leah: and how?
The tampons are delicious.
Have you forgotten the gap somewhere?

[ + 74 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №29288
 27.04.2010
Urya, today taught the child to smoke, now we are two such in the house, my wife will kill me.

[ + 69 - ] Comment quote №29287
 27.04.2010
About how good it is to be hungry, untreated, lonely, childless, unnecessary single, you begin to understand when nothing can be changed.

[ + 68 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №29286
 27.04.2010
Random: bought a car?
Uncle_Sure Yes
Random: What do you like all the real guys did not make in contact album "my baby" with photos of yourself near the car?
Random: and definitely a photo where you are sitting on the corks in front of the car and pointing to it with both hands
Uncle_Sure: you need to find a real photographer, with a cell phone normal, so that the photos are clear, fucking!

[ + 80 - ] Comment quote №29285
 27.04.2010
Yesterday, my wife and I were driving, looking at a new sanitary. Everything was photographed along with the values. The camera was in the mode of automatic selection of the shooting program. So, when shooting each toilet, he confidently switched to the portrait mode, "recognizing" in the roundings of white posts human faces.
I thought a lot.

[ + 73 - ] Comment quote №29284
 27.04.2010
Alterviper: To cook pellets, what do you need? is correct. You need to get the fireplace, pour water into it, soil, wait for the water to boil, and... PULMENY, SUCK, DO NOT Forget TO BUY!

[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №29283
 27.04.2010
The tender for the supply of fresh pork for Kaspersky Lab won the Minsk meat combination.

[ + 90 - ] Comment quote №29282
 27.04.2010
to this:

Living in a small military town where everyone knows each other and where, for this reason, to walk 500 meters takes an hour, in connection with the fact that EVERYONE stops talking, sometimes you want to go out with a pre-made poster: How are you doing? – Okay; I will not give money to get sick; When I will be given an apartment – I don’t know; I work; Minister of Defense – Gondon; Yes, they’re sure;

____________________________________________________________

Make your shirt like this.

[ + 80 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №29281
 26.04.2010
- Yesterday caught a cat when he broke the bag - eaten 2 cucumbers and snack with a strawbar :) Fish, which was lying next to him, did not touch...
Are you sure you have a cat?

[ + 73 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №29280
 26.04.2010
What a caramel is so tasteless!
YYYYYYYYYYYYYY My thumbnail!! to

[ + 65 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №29279
 26.04.2010
Many people say: I want to live in Moscow, I want to live in Peter... Well I don’t know, I live in Oslo and I don’t want to leave here!

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