bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142184
 14.06.2017
- Hi, Janis Petrovich, what is the temperature of the water in the Baltics today?
Hi Comrade! What is the temperature of the water in degrees - I have no idea. If you look at the thermometer, you cannot leave the house at all.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №142183
 14.06.2017
xxx: I’m looking at my last script and I don’t understand. XXX: Is this a masterpiece or is it a cadastre?

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №142182
 14.06.2017
2 years ago I wake up in the morning, my girlfriend shows me a phone with some record in notes. He tells me that at night I woke her up and began to say that I needed to buy a cellulite ointment called “Prosonony,” I forced her to write it down on the phone, and when she recorded it, he said the name was written in English. Well, actually, in her phone and it was recorded in Russian, and then - "Prozononstvostvo". What I dreamed, the fuck knows.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №142181
 14.06.2017
At first glance, I realized that the second is no longer needed.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №142180
 14.06.2017
More about housing and housing. I heard this story from a famous Spanish physicist.

During his youth, which came to the end of Franco's reign, Spain lived rather poorly. His family did not swim in money either. His father, as a Republican, was included on the shooting lists in the Civil War. After the war, there was an amnesty, but he was still not allowed to teach (he was a talented teacher). “I don’t have money for your university,” he said to his son, “go to work at school.” His son decided to get a higher education. He worked, helped his mother, lived hungry, but went to study in another city. He took a cheap room, made a pledge, a room on the shore, paid on time. When he decided to move, the owner refused to return the pledge. “There’s damage, here’s a stain, and there’s scratch,” he said, smiling. The student was upset - these scratches and spots were when he entered. “I don’t know, you’ll get a shirt, tomorrow you’ll take the clothes,” the owner replied. The student tried to talk to the master, but he laughed at him. The sum was noticeable, especially in his circumstances, but the hero of history was most outraged by injustice. Then he made a decision. He went to the store and then picked up his things. In the morning on the day of departure, he got up early and began to methodically crush the room with a hammer. He broke the dishes, broke the furniture, made inlets on the floor and walls, broke the door. Then he took his things and left. “Was he so angry?” I asked. “No,” he replied to me, “I was very upset, but I didn’t crash out of anger. I am tired of breaking it all. I just decided that the next time he would think three times before stealing another guest. He took a pledge from me for damages - well, I provided him with damages. I only doubt that even a triple pledge was enough for him to repair."

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №142179
 14.06.2017
The Buddha and his disciples sat by the river and waited for the boatman. There appeared a yogh, who crossed the water several times, and with a pathos turned to the Buddha with the question:
Well, and you, the Enlightened, can you?
What Buddha asked:
How much time have you spent achieving this?
I spent almost my whole life learning, spending a lot of time in harsh asketics.
The boatman came and the Buddha asked him:
How much does the transit cost?
“Three pennies,” replied the boatman.
Buddha, turning to yoga, said:
Have you heard? That’s what your whole life is worth.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №142178
 14.06.2017
xxx: brought to the threatening department, put in the corridor. And there are all the walls in the holes of some and the doors in the wreaths, the surge is natural. I rushed to take pictures, but I was burned and almost taken from my phone.

xxx: They had to delete all the photos from the department, even with the cat ("this is our employee").

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №142177
 14.06.2017
I asked a comrade from Turkey how they called the turkey, then you beat the turkey. It was Hindi.
But this is not the end of the story, because in Hindi this bird is called Peru.
XXX And on this trail is broken, because they do not live in Peru. The nearest neighbors, who have it, call this bird easy and understandable, huexolotl.
xxx "In Cherokee (Tsalagi) it is called Gv-na(guh-nuh)."
Yyy Gwadvyšt (in Abazin) is also a beautiful name. Although not as beautiful as eey... xolotl

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142176
 14.06.2017
> knew the benefits of personal and the Internet, they could be reproduced in the 1950s

It could have been in the 30s. The triodes were dorogi, but the one-bit (consecutive) nucleus was real. But the operation on the magnetic rings would have had the whole family, shorting the winter evenings at the seamless radio. Spinning mirrors, console keys, yellowed sheets of machine codes... and chats instead of VMV %)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №142175
 14.06.2017
Do you want to help me fall asleep?
Of course I want. Snooping in the cheek. Have a good night.
Well, I meant the oral loves.
I said it with my mouth.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142174
 14.06.2017
At Stalin's funeral, many people were saved thanks to the stuzbeikearms that overcovered the streets
yyy: "Studebakerarm"...Studebaker for stitch, armored? Probably some secret Soviet modification.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №142173
 14.06.2017
In Kazan, they draw a mark on the roads, which was supposed to remain from the universiade, but not about it.
I dreamed when they draw stripes along the road in Aviastrad... We have one place where 4 stripes of norms, but from for the expansion of the macdake cars climb into 6 rows, and already at the lighthouse are rebuilt in 4 rows, the competition of pedras in general. So I dreamed when they were drawing these fucking four rows... They were drawing a fucks three... Fuck the one who was drawing when he didn’t ride this road at 6 p.m.
Two left to left
The right bus
Chess and Mat

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142172
 14.06.2017
Currently I work in an institution, in a small office, which I share with one of the bosses. Like all bosses, he can afford to appear in the office at different times (well, a business person, meetings and weeks). I’m traditionally at 8:30 already at work. So, this morning (remember, a little over 8:00) another time in the office several people waiting for the consultation of the boss. I quietly approach, I open the closed cabinet with the key, I take the jacket out of the closet... and people in turn with an interval of 30 seconds come into the cabinet asking the question “Is the boss here?” Yes, these were the people who stood in the corridor. What about Kaaak? How is? Where should he appear? He jumped out of the 5th floor window. Or on the rope staircase from the roof? Or was he locked up in the office all night? Or I locked it there. Γ Where is the logic of these people?

And it would be nothing, but twice a week it happens exactly, and sometimes more often...

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142171
 13.06.2017
xxx - QA engineer

The younger daughter is trying to remember what my profession is called. "Mom, do you have a quala?"
YYY: With the voice of Drozov: and here we see a young kuala climbing the branches.
XXX: In Search of a New Bill
YYY: The most juicy bill

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №142170
 13.06.2017
If you take into account the size of the animal, the loudest creature on Earth is the squirrel insect. They live in the waters of Europe. Its size ranges from 1.5 to 15 mm, but the volume of its sounds is 99.2 dB (as in the back rows at a rock concert). Such loud sounds are produced during the coupling period. An interesting fact is that they create such a sound with the help of their genitals, passing them through the abdomen.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №142169
 13.06.2017
From the vacancy website:
"Content Manager
Responsibilities:Filling websites with content
Requirements: Medical certificate required"
Apparently not to accidentally bring the virus to the site during work)))

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №142168
 13.06.2017
yyy: "The choice of this topic is due to the influence of two factors."
This is the spirit in which everything should sound.
YYY: Well the norm then. Strong of course)
XX: When I watch a movie in Anglican, I think about it all day. When I write courses
xxx: full 24 hours after the completion of the writing process, the author communicates with the social environment (incl. The so-called "chancellery language", which does not allow for ambiguities and duality in the interpretation of conclusions.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №142167
 13.06.2017
Everything is called fashion. Previously, they just said - in the garden appliance clayed
Natasha: And here is master class, decoupage

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №142166
 13.06.2017
A acquaintance said:

We found a photographer, a group in contact, forks in the style of "a la fairy tale". The beauty is incredible, the processing is super, the characters are just from the pages of children's books.

The choice was obvious, recorded on the photo set.

I got the final photos - the usual photo correction and that's all. I asked the photographer why there is no such processing as in the group.

So I’ve been over those photos for a few hours, over each. It is for the portfolio!

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №142165
 13.06.2017
The case happened four years ago, in a regular Moscow trolley bus.
At the stop came a tired woman with bags and a noisy little boy. They were given one place, where the boy immediately entered. A grandmother was sitting in front of him. She looked at him long and tenderly, and then said:
How old are you?
and eight!
Eight years and a child.
A child with an offended mouth shouted:
I am not a child! I am a man!
and yes? Grandma was surprised. Men don’t sit when their mother stands. The man is a strong, mother’s protector.
After a short time of thought, the boy tears from his seat, and no one could convince him to sit back. This is how our elders approached children.)

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