Strange thing, but many confuse an active civil position with a convenient place next to some satiate feeder.

All the opera plots are reduced to the fact that the tenor and soprano tend to sleep, and the baryton prevents them.
Bernard Shaw

I went to a shop with a friend to buy her new shoes.

The girlfriend is a thin natural blonde with long loose hair and very correct facial features.

She used shoes very peculiarly - put on her leg and froze. I didn’t go, I didn’t go, I just froze.

A second after ten “disappears” and says – she, I think, squeezes a little.

Some young aunt, passing by us, suddenly with a whispering "AAAAAAA" shakes away, almost sitting on the neighboring banquet, then loudly to us: "Tyfu you, I thought you were a mannequin."

I have one very famous acquaintance. Once she was walking with her six-year-old son and he hit his head on a playground. There was not even a clot on his head, but the acquaintance was afraid that he might have a brain shock. Even after she laid the child to sleep, from time to time she walked into his bedroom, woke his son and asked his name. When she went back to him again, she saw a sticker glued to his forehead. On the label label was written:

“My name is Artem.”

I waited for my wife near the TC and decided to go to the grocery store to buy home. I bought everything, but I can’t find the eggs. I see a man standing in sight like a shop worker, then my dialogue with him:



You have eggs.

The man thought a little and answered with a smile.

Yes, I have eggs. But I do not work here.



It wasn’t as clever to be honest :) but at the same time it was funny.

In the midst of the reconstruction, the Americans began to travel to us. At the time, the exhibition "Informatics in the life of the United States" was opened. The line went through the whole territory, it was necessary to stand for three or four hours. Not only were there real computers and live Americans, but they also gave a fresh issue of America magazine at the entrance and the most important thing! Plastic package with pepsicola advertising. At that time, it was valued hardly more than a Louis Whitton bag. I just entered the institute, there was a lot of time, so I was at this exhibition several times.

But I went there not so much for western goods, as to talk to a girl at one of the stands. Jennifer spoke Russian well, she previously practiced at the Pushkin Institute of Russian Language and Literature, which was near our community, she was alive, sociable, interested in Russian history and literature, and she was beautiful. So I spent most of my time next to her stand, along with a crowd of our fellow citizens. Sometimes time was not enough and in the evening, after the closing of the exhibition, we walked around the VDNH.

On the third or fourth day she had to leave for twenty minutes, and she asked to replace her by looking behind the stand.

She left, and the people continued to approach, looking at the exhibits and asking questions. And the questions in general were roughly the same and repeated regularly, the answers to most I already knew.

“What do you have here? »

I explained.

What is the average salary in America? »

“Two thousand dollars.” (I can’t remember the exact numbers)

What is the pension of Americans?

“1200 dollars.”

“What do you think of Solzhenitsyn?”

“He’s a good writer, but he has a very archaic language.”

Sometimes there were compliments: “How well you speak Russian!”

“It’s because my ancestors were from Russia.”

“Are you virtually ours? ! to »

“Well, I can probably say so.”

Some tried to speak English, but I immediately tried to stop such things: "You can ask in Russian, it is useful for me to practice."

And at least one doubted that it was not a real American who was talking to him, but a self-proclaimed man!

For some reason, nobody thought about the fact that the Russians who drive and the Russians who drive quickly are completely different people!

He helped a doctor carry medical equipment. The trunk and the rear seat were stuck and the demonstration skeleton I sat on the seat, attaching it to the belt so that it didn’t talk. On the way I saw a lot of eyes. At one intersection, a man in the car on the side looked so surprised at my passenger that I could not stand, dropped the glass and said:
Take him to the doctor’s office.
The Man:
I think it is too late!

Medvedev was concerned that Zelensky would have to "solve the most difficult social problems that today are so acute for millions of Ukrainians" that it could be thought that the problems of millions of Russians Medvedev has already solved. Or is he hoping that they will also be decided by Zelensky?

Today he bakes in the summer, so at the end of the run he pulled off the wind, remaining in the maid. I approach my entrance, and from there comes out a neighbor with a baby three or four years old. The girl looked at me and said to her mother:

Look at the dressed man!

Not my uncle, but my uncle, teaches my mother.

“No,” said the girl, “I only have one uncle, Uncle Mish, and the other uncles.

“You still need to say uncle, and ‘uncle’ is uncultural,” Mother objects.

“No, mom, all the relatives are uncles, and the rest are uncles, even Dima from your work, who comes to visit us! She reveals all the secrets of the girl.

I say goodbye to the woman and go into the entrance, and I hear a voice from the closed door:

Don’t tell anyone about Uncle Dime anymore.

Recently, our driver had a holiday - 15 years of marriage with a slightly inadequate on the ground of jealousy wife. In the morning I asked and went to meet her from the night shift, decided to make a surprise. He sat next to the shop, so he was waiting. Here on the front passenger seat sits a girl aged 20-25, calls the address. I didn't have time to explain that he wasn't a taxi driver, the driver's door opened and the angry wife shouted, "I thought he was at work, and he was riding with the prostitutes!" He begins to slide him on the back. The prostitute jumps out of the car and runs away at sunset, which further aggravates the victim’s situation.



PS: In the evening, the driver again asked - to celebrate the happy 15 years in the restaurant.

xxx: I once found a cassette from my parents, with that, and while my parents were not at home I decided to look, everything went well, until after ten minutes the light was cut off, (previously it was often so) I almost sat down from fear, because the parents had to come back in an hour! So I first disassembled the screw on the screws, and quickly assembled) the cassette back only the next day wrapped so that they did not burn)

YYY: Fighting for fame

The food supermarket. I went out with my husband for food, and already running to the box office, they remembered that they forgot to take bananas. I leave my husband in a line (before 2-3 people), I quickly go for bananas myself.

We take bananas often, I know they lie next to self-service weights near the box office, respectively, I plan for seconds after 40 to return to the row.

I take bananas, put on the weights, tick the right buttons, stick the price card and see two men running to me, and after them a shelf of alcohol.

They put me a bag of tomatoes and said:

And to us, and to us!

I ignore the absence of "please", it's not difficult for me to help, especially I know that the older generation is not too friendly with these weights.

I put a pack on the scales, choose the tab "Vegetables" and ask:

What are tomatoes?

The men are not ready to answer this question, one of them points somewhere and says:

There are those who lie.

There are three types of tomatoes.

You must know yourself! Come and see, says the man.

I flatter from this turn of events, silently leave a bag of tomatoes, take my bananas and go to the box office.

Following me fly insults, threats to write a complaint about me in a complaint book and get my dismissal. And only then I realized that I was somehow miraculously taken for a supermarket employee while the staff shape was green, and I was in a siren shirt. Alcoholic ways are unconfessable

Pedagogical University, practice in school. I sit in the dining room, I prepare for the lesson, at this time all the students are in class.

The director (D) comes in with a swipe and approaches my table.



Q: Why are you not in class?! to

I: - I have a lesson only in 20 minutes will start.

Q: What class is it?

I – 7V

D: So you have physics now, why do you walk?

I: - You don't understand, I am a teacher, practice at your school. English at 7B is only the next lesson, I’m just preparing here.

D is AAA. Well yes.

D: - Look how well dressed, decent, as a teacher and appropriate. Go to...



Sweat gently cuddled, and they left. And I’ve been thinking about not looking very good at 12, when you’re 20 years old.

We share the entrance with one unpleasant woman aged 35 (Let’s call her Galina).

I met her when she was trying to get her wheelchair down the stairs and I decided to offer help.

I go to her with a smile and not having time to open her mouth, she screams:

G – You’re watching, you’re looking at me and you don’t even want to offer help?

I am what? I came to you to help you.

If I didn’t say, you’t think.

I - Okay, I went, good luck

G and help?

I say goodbye.



I never greeted her again, but a few days ago she surprised me even more.



I sit at home, make a pickup, enjoy the weekend. knock at the door. I did not wait for the guests, I go and look at her in the doorstep.

Well, maybe I want to reconcile, okay, I’ll open up.



Do you have Wi-Fi 12345?

I say hello, yes my, and what?

G - Write me a password please (although you said)

I – Why? What about yours?

D - Disabled for non-payment, shit

Am I long for you?

G – In what sense? You won’t get worse if I’m connected to him.

Do I pay 50/50 you offer?

Is it 50/50?

I - You came to ask me to provide you with the internet at your own expense?

Of course, there are some rocks around.



And she left... I’m almost sure, she doesn’t even understand what she’s doing wrong in this life.



All good neighbors!

It was 10 years ago. Worked in the factory. I was always late to change in the morning. I was late on the bus again, waiting for the bus. A dozen of them appeared to be colleagues. I hold my hand, I brake. The car stops, I open the passenger door, I look - the driver is unknown. He looks at me with a similar face.

Fuck, I was wrong.

Fuck, I too. Sit down, we are going.

I: And where are you?

He: Well there, in the same place. You are there too, right?

I : Well yes.

We sat down, we arrived. I was able to change)

Money is not the most important thing in life. As long as you have them.

Once a month I come to visit my parents. It is sacred. On this arrival, Peter met me with a pretty pleasant weather and I decided to walk around the places of my youth. The memories flooded like a huge wave: here we walked, here I cleaned someone’s mouth, and there they cleaned me.
Young man, can you help me bring my bag to the stop? An unknown voice brought me back to reality.
I turned to the voice. She was an old woman, but well dressed. Next to her was a large bag on wheels, red, in a cage. With such bags, older people usually go shopping. The bag lacked one wheel.
“She came out of the store, went down the stairs and it fell,” she said with regret, as if apologizing.
– Where are you going? – I asked and took the handbag.
The upper part of the bag moved away a little and I saw a large bag of cat food. The bag was quite heavy and, in addition, the absence of one wheel made it quite difficult to move. I imagined how she would continue to drag her...
“Your cat has a good appetite,” I joked and sneered at the food. The old lady was a little confused.
“I have seven cats at home, and they also have a very good appetite – I got my iPhone and showed her my home zoo.
“I’ll take the bag to the nearest stop, and how are you going with it?” I asked and suggested.
My car is parked nearby. Let me take you home. Who else will take care of us besides each other?
After a short deal, she agreed and we went to the car. We talked along the way.
The war caught her, a six-year-old girl and her mother in Ukraine. The local population did not pay foreigners very much, so my mother decided to try to return home, if not to Leningrad, then at least to the territory of Russia. In addition, her father was an officer and the Germans encouraged the local population to give them military families.
The world is not without good people and in one village they were sheltered for a few days. When the Germans entered the village, she hid her mother. During the sudden inspections, they were dropped into the basement. In order for the girl not to be afraid of rats, the owner dropped a cat with her. The warm and furry animal heated and calmed the urcha.
They managed to get to Ryazan, but the happiness was short: in a short time the Germans occupied the Ryazan region. It was difficult time. Not my aunt. Food was not always there, and when it was, it was not always enough. She went looking for food on the street and at the laundry near the market, where the sellers dropped the garbage.
“It’s a bit of me for my mom,” she said as if apologizing to the street cats, who were also looking for food there.
Sometimes cats left her waste, and sometimes they fled with them. At this point, she, a six-year-old, promised herself that if she and her mother survived, she would always help the homeless cats.
They and their mother survived and the six-year-old still keeps her promise. She took out a thick notebook from the pocket of the bag where a careful emphasis was recorded how many cats, in what yard and how much food is needed.
After pulling the bag to the door, I abandoned the tea offered, quickly said goodbye, wished good luck to the cats and returned to the car. I knew the apartment number. Just throw a envelope in your mailbox with the signature "This is for your cats."
If one of you, walking around Peter, sees an old lady with a bag on wheels and a thick notebook whispering under her nose:
Candle street, house 20 - 3 cats, Kolomenskaya 9 - 2 cats, just help her bring the bag. She is really heavy.

At the Safe Internet Forum, commenting on the latest sovereign Internet law, Mizulina cried out that “Prohibition is freedom.”
In my opinion, it’s as if she came to the doctor, complaining about the pain in the heart, and he said to her, “Well, you, blue girl, disease is health!

at work. I ask the gardener (Tajik by nation)

“Ali, tell me a joke about the Russians and the Tajiks, and you’re morring with each other.”

Ali: “Well listen to it!” and ;

He says, “It is building. The Russian. and Tajikistan. The house.”