bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №137581
 06.01.2017
Brain explosion is when in comments to the news that the obedient killed the monastery's princess, it is seriously discussed that the satanists are to blame for everything.

[ + 48 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №137580
 06.01.2017
The cat poured water, the water froze, the cat licked the ice. We discuss what is better to add to the water, that it would not freeze, salt or alcohol...

WOW: hmmm... and drink a cat at a plus temperature - this possibility was not considered?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №137579
 06.01.2017
When I was a child in the village, I was a rare hooligan, I loved to smoke. My parents went to town and left me and my aunt. My aunt went to the garden, wiped the carrots/corns, and of course she took me with her, not leaving one of the demons.



In the garden I ran somewhere, then hid, which caused my aunt to be angry. Then I got a “good” idea.

In the garden was excavated a boiler with water for irrigation. And next to the cottage grown a hill of land from cottage. I calmly approached the cottage to see my aunt play. And then, when she turned away, I picked up a large stone and threw it into the pebble, wildly crawled and hid behind the hill. After a scream, the stone with a loud rush went under water. And after that, her aunt cried out, she was so frightened that she rushed through the whole garden on a super-sound to rescue her nephew who allegedly fell into the cave... When she ran, I stood up from the hill with such a satisfied smile, as if I had just crossed the bustling track of 400 grandmothers.



My aunt did not share my fun and poured me a lullaby. Then the parents came and when they learned about what happened, they added fun and ringing counters to me. My aunt refused to take care of me.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №137578
 06.01.2017
"Eating bouquets from *name of designer*
Giving such a bouquet you pay attention to the person, and in the evening from it you can prepare a delicious salad.
Pictures with vegetable bouquets
and no. And cooking...
need such that would immediately - not like - crust on the mouth, and this olive and not hurt

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №137577
 06.01.2017
There was once a boy studying with me in the village in the school, Vitya. And this Vitya was so thin and small that it was painful to look, a vividrist and only. Everyone was over it all the time, but I was normal with him. And here in the sixth grade he moved with his parents to the city and disappeared, neither hearing nor spirit from him.

And recently I went to the city for business and someday met Vitin's father. He was delighted, immediately invited home, told about himself, about Vitka. He tells us how they moved to the city, Vítka became very dedicated to sports, he had some awards, titles...



In short, we came to them in the apartment, the father from the threshold immediately shouts, saying, "Vitok, go out, see who has come." And then a healthy child comes out of the room, I am lost, I look at him in shock like this:

Thou thou thou thou?? to

He smiles confused.

I hugged him and hadn’t seen him for 12 years. And Father Vitin says to me:

“No, Sanj, this Vitya is our son-in-law, and it is your former friend.

Here out of the kitchen comes a real Vitya, the same livestock as in school, from the sixth grade only grown little. He was engaged in chess, chess.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №137576
 06.01.2017
Please imagine yourself in my place, in the place of a healthy and quiet person who is the chairman of the TSO in his residential house. I recently had a fun incident, I sometimes drink sleeping pills (sanval), because I sleep very poorly. And here on Friday I came home after work, my wife at night (a doctor), took a couple of bottles of Czech beer, done the housework, walked out the cat and changed the toilet for the dog. I go to bed and drink a sleeping pill. I sleep. I woke up from the sound of the entrance door, the clothes. I want to point out that the door is such that if you shut it out, you can only open it with a key. Well, here - I wake up and understand that I closed the door on myself, why then leaving the apartment - I came out of this quarry completely naked. Do you know the state of despair and hopelessness of those few minutes when you quietly say out loud, when you want to cry, but understand that you are 28 and you are a man, even if you are naked? In this state, I decided what to do next, no phone, no keys to the car that is below - nothing. Only the naked ass and the temperature of the atur is about 5 plus. (In the Czech Republic, the entrances do not melt)



The option to stay behind the entrance and get stuck in the corner did not come - the neighbors in the morning will start to come out and fuck me. There is no way to run out of the street either. There are no alternatives - a deadlock, a failure. But no, the brain went away from shock and sleep and I began to think to whom can I from the neighbors I can knock on asking for help in the middle of the night (as I then found out was 3 o’clock) naked into the apartment? He picked all the options, and an old grandmother from below and a young couple from above, and a widow with a 10-year-old child. Finally I realized that the most painless thing for me would be to break to a neighbor from the 2nd floor, who was a fan of the soft-talk whom everybody held aside in our house. A neighbor from Latvia. Well, then, as I went to his apartment, looking around, I became more and more convinced of the correctness of my decision, and with the first hardly heard knock, I heard his voice whispered there, when he opened the door and looked at me, he began to laugh and let me without talking, also without talking he poured me in a glass of red wine, threw my blanket and gave me a PS3 joystick in his hands, leaving the FIFA. This is how I waited for my wife, in the morning began to look out the window, played with the Latish until the morning, the wife met quite drunk, thank God the Saturday, thank God the Latish.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №137575
 06.01.2017
My aunt is writing to me now (her daughter is three and a half years old)
With Bill of Gravity Falls, if a poster hits you, go out. I hang on the toilet door.
I was already in "the elevator".
When I go to the bathroom, a little passenger comes to me, closes the door and asks, “Which floor are you on?”
Then he pretends to press a button.
And here is the type we go - I am on the push, she stands next to me.
"We come", we say goodbye and we leave.
And so every time.
here on the door to hang such a poster, she is afraid of him, maybe at least hurt normally will give

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №137574
 06.01.2017
This is the story of a jeep and a gas balloon. From which finger did this hernia dry? The Jeep weighs 2 tons. He will remove the light pillar. Hren with him with a jeep, the ordinary rotten jiggull can take down the light. And the lighting is probably more reliable than a gas balloon in the yard.
...
But this is easily treated - sweetheart, take a knife, find a written bottle for oxygen content and drink until the wall appears full propyl and look at the thickness of the steel (not just iron, like a light pillar) wall - this is the first experience. Then take the largest hammer, better quavalda and herakni, with all of it first on the balloon, and then on the lantern pillar and compare the results.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №137573
 06.01.2017
In the question of the American landing on the moon, the most powerful witness in the case is the USSR. Which, first, with the United States was in mutual dislike, so that covering the mystification did not start, second, powerfully and paranoidly monitored near-Earth space, so that he could not be unaware, third, at the time, ahead of the United States on the space program, but was forced to overturn his moon landing project because of the fact that the Americans were ahead. Not everyone in the Union liked the United States, but no one even doubted the authenticity of the landing. Who is in doubt? The buchu about the "falsification" was raised by several of the most ordinary Americans, not once specialists in the field, who did not decide to make a name on the noise (one even got in the mouth of the astronaut, when he used with the requirements to swear on the Bible - and the court refused to accept a lawsuit on the fact of a stroke in the mouth). To Russia, as is often the case with the already a hundred years as disproved scandalous theories, the theory of mystification reached years after ten, or even twenty, when confidence in one's own greatness and competence no longer became, but the emotional side retained non-love at the level of "amelia noncholasia, let me give her at least one hundred and a half" - to criticize other people's achievements became in certain circles almost a good tone.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №137572
 06.01.2017
What is this "Reddit"?

UUU : - This is a symbiosis of crack and drive.))
This is when everything is in the cloth, in the dribbling, in the feathers and feathers - but with a fire! ))))

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №137571
 06.01.2017
This is:

Explain Heisenberg’s principle of uncertainty in the simplest possible language.
I take any two particles, measure their backs, and ALWAYS the result of the measurements will be opposite? If not, how do you understand this principle?

Q. What kind of stuff in your head? The uncertainty principle has nothing to do with spins, it speaks about the coordinates and pulses of a particle.
The back is Paulie’s principle. He says there cannot be two fermions!(not any particles, but only with a half-whole spin (1/2, 3/2...)) in the same state. Thus e. If you take two electrons in one (!) And the same "floor", and with the same energy, then yes, they will necessarily have opposite backs.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №137570
 06.01.2017
KWN (Pyatigorsk)
Robin Hood, I will fulfill your wishes.
Robin Hood: I don’t want to be poor.
Robin Hood, all the poor are dead!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №137569
 06.01.2017
Viking is not a new blockbuster.

This is an ordinary, lazy crawl on Wiki...

Surfing, Viking, that’s all

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №137568
 06.01.2017
KennyGin: Bad analogy is like a cat with a door

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №137567
 06.01.2017
And recently he bought a license for publishing and dreams of publishing something mine. I just quietly squeezed myself under the table: maybe I dream of all this?In general, I gave him the last manuscript not yet interwoven, − the first extrasensitive took with me. And two days later the businessman angrily called that in vain he contacted me because there was nothing to eat in the house. His wife and father-in-law fight for each leaf, and he is advised to look into the refrigerator himself. And if I don’t immediately bring something to eat to his office, he doesn’t know me.I remember, I brought him a chicken foot with a cake, a salty cucumbers, and six months later, with a five-thousand edition, the novel saw the light.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №137566
 06.01.2017
classical
If you have a problem and you decide to use regular expressions to solve it...
YYY: You already have two problems.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №137565
 06.01.2017
In 15 years of friendship, I can’t get used to words such as "Pactal", "Shash", "Loll" in the messages of a teacher of Russian language and speech culture, a candidate of philological sciences.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №137564
 06.01.2017
Interview with Powerwolf.
And what do you think of all these stamps and archetypes of style – swords, dragons, magic, magic, and other nonsense, from which you just get upset?

"Honestly, what these bands sing about... I respect their work, but I personally don't believe in dragons, wizards and such nonsense, so it would be idiotic for me to write texts about witches..."

... said a group that sings about the twinkle and vampires.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №137563
 06.01.2017
HHH: I went to the car today, even went off.
What about the car? Went to?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №137562
 06.01.2017
I slept somehow during the day. When I opened my eyes, I realized that I was talking on the phone with my mother, and I was telling her about a kind of bracelet that was sold along with bread. And then it turned out that before I came back to myself, I spoke for 6 minutes. My mom thought at first I was going to do something.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna