bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №130259
 04.07.2016
I had a friend (D) who wanted a beautiful body, bronze muscles, so that every t-shirt in the store went to him. And then it was a month, two, three, and he was getting thicker and thicker. The fat has already begun to deposit on the sides, so that it could not be overlooked. I could not stand and asked.

Tim, what kind of shit? You fat, where are all those muscles you talked about?

D. Blin, yes, I can’t understand myself, like I drink geiner, everything as written. A glass in the morning, a glass at night.

How much – how much already?

D is what?

I am a stang. What is more? You are going to the catch. Why do you drink Gynectrol?

D – What? What else do I need to go on the go? ? to ! to ! to



It turned out that he thought that in order to pump, you just need to drink a geyser and keep sitting behind the comp. What he did!

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №130258
 04.07.2016
I remember writing a website for one office (tourism) So, did not pay. Naturally, all the logins and passwords remained with us, customers did not even dare to change them (although in this case the hole was left).

After 2 weeks, after the agreed payment period, I go to the hosting, quickly knock the page with the inscription "The site is temporarily blocked due to non-payment to developers" And in 10 seconds there is a redirect to the site of their competitors: )

Over half an hour has passed since I received an SMS to fill the bill. A penny in a penny was in line with the agreed amount.

Changed all back Customers didn’t even call.)

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №130257
 04.07.2016
In Russia, all user manuals should start with the words: Well, broken?

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №130256
 04.07.2016
Neradence: Nere needs a new brain. This does not clearly work out.
First I put the ice to freeze in the bakery, now I put the clothes to wash in the refrigerator. Hero, I will tell you, washes the refrigerator, right here does not cope with the responsibility assigned to him.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №130255
 04.07.2016
<CAPS ALLERGY> All foods are the same. Dogs smell each other's ass, people look at each other in profiles.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130254
 04.07.2016
The Law of Jarov, the Law of Jarov.
But I will write a script, so that he poured gigabytes of files encrypted with a random key on the file storage - let the FSB then sit, decrypt, do business. It is not on helicopters to ride.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №130253
 04.07.2016
This is the difference between the mentioned prostitute and the prostitute - the latter at least tries for the payment she receives. And she doesn’t want to do anything at all. Hopefully, the pinch under her back was finally given.
And about "learn to fuck" - and what, a girl should not try? My legs moved, and that’s all. So this is not a man anymore, it is "the rubber Zina".

If a girl will try for herself, it is not the fact that you will like it. Suddenly, she, for example, does not like oral sex, and in the traditional she needs a certain posture and not less than half an hour of prelude. Suddenly she tried to talk about it five times, and then decided that the man is generally good, and without sexual satisfaction women lived for centuries, and nothing. It would be nice to have herds of men walking around who fuck well, and she, like a fool, holds on to it. So the overwhelming majority are now learning sex from porn, so you will have to change shilo for soap.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №130252
 04.07.2016
A three-year-old daughter asked to sing a song "about mom". He started singing the song of the mammoth. The girl – "No, the other one! Mom, mom, what will we do!"
The right education, I protect =)

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №130251
 04.07.2016
I didn't understand - what, was it hard to throw my T-shirt into the machine along with my topics?
I just wiped out my stuff!! I am not a laundry for you!! I am a girl born for love!!! You do not appreciate this!!! to
The Ball: Oh how! Okay, let it be so. I, fucking, will not say now that it is me, fucking, paying for the house, the puddle and half of your pieces, and it would not be bad for you to do something in return. For love, so for love. Then tell me, what fucking, in those eight months that we live together, you, fucking, have not even learned how to finish? I, foolishly, put myself out every time as an athlete at the Olympics, and your maximum is to stretch out as a sea star and not give signs of life. What fucking thing, is asked, a girl created for love does not know how to do this love? I’m not even talking about the mine, it’s not yours at all.
She is a goat!! It is foolish!! Go to the village!! I will not give you any more!!!! to
So, shake up all this. Next semester you meet in the community.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №130250
 04.07.2016
XHHH: Stay still Today is Saturday. Why don’t you go to Dacia? Is the fire extinguisher in the car deadline expired?

It’s so much worse, haha.

The entire Moscow garrison has been transferred to "Enhanced readiness".

In connection with the established hot weather, i.e. patrolling of forest park zones, reservoirs and places of mass rest, propaganda of fire and rescue activities, carrying out a set of measures to ensure the safety of people.

All the living and dead were put into service.

I walk in shape and look at drunk degenerates who climb into the water and do not want to swim out - which is absolutely contraindicated on the site entrusted to me.. This story will drown, and he is well, and I for the spoiled statistics of the report and explained to write until loss of consciousness.

Nothing... it is already dark, soon you can remove the seedlings... Or the swimmers have split up, the mangalists have scattered, but the nits to the bushes are pulled.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №130249
 04.07.2016
Midfielder Roman Neustedter, who recently received Russian citizenship and left the German football club "Schalke 04", refused to sign a contract with the Kazan "Rubin"
The main reason was the wife of footballer Mona, who categorically refused to move to Russia, threatening her husband with divorce.
Now Neustadter, apparently, will become a player of the Istanbul club "Fenerbahce".
What a wicked woman.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №130248
 04.07.2016
I wish the developers and manufacturers of computers and software that every new woman is incompatible with their genitals and requires surgery for upgrading, that their wives each year demand more and more powerful resources both financial and physical in bed, that their children digest all resources and grow in geometric progression occupying all the free space, and that their pets bring new viruses and infect the whole family each day by digesting all the food and furniture in the house.
Take an example from an electric light bulb - a lot of different technologies (coal thread, tungsten, mercury lamp, neon, diode, halogen and only two standards for ordinary users - ordinary and minion, and not so many industrial (for lamps, auto, etc.). You have some progress with backward compatibility (USB 1-2-3) and several other standards such as CD diameter and only. Make at least adapters or switchers. So it is necessary to pursue profit if progress in the same games and so makes you change the iron once every 1-2 years. Wouldn’t it be better if a lot of people would often change part of the iron than rarely everything at once?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №130247
 03.07.2016
XX: in the courtyard a man screams to someone "you hear, came here quickly" and "che, the coolest you have".
XX: for now I think how many people and who are going to lynch, as well as how soon they will be taken and where...
XX: I look and see a huge dog who does not want to go back home and his owner’s fun outside.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №130246
 03.07.2016
Is that what we have for a fucking people? I am standing at the train station and buying a ticket in the automate. There are eight working free machines. A woman comes up and comes up after me. By the behavior, it can be seen that her electricity will soon go away. Until I told her that in another machine she would get the ticket faster, she stood behind me.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №130245
 03.07.2016
Again about stupidity.
Especially angry when you go somewhere in MEGE... the nose is pumped, and there are kilometres of queues, and everyone is waiting for someone to come out, and half of the cabins are just free!
I walk around, I walk through the free room, they start to scream: where, shit, without a turn?
Well, if you want to be in these specifics, then stand.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №130244
 03.07.2016
But it was worth traveling through Semipalatinsk, and here began the most legendary Kazakh road. Complete repair, the road is covered by sections on both lanes of 150-300 km, and the technology is on some fifth floor and something is doing very slowly. And everywhere on these sections a mark of 30 km. This, of course, is not our method to move at such a speed. And not the method of Kazakhs, who fly at a speed below 80-100 km per hour. And this is what to do, because fines and other horrors from the Haishnikovs are inevitable? The solution is very simple: settle for the Kazakh and go without overtaking. When he still manages to break away, not understanding why behind him is a black jeep with Russian numbers, we find a new Kazakh and so on to Alma-Ata. When the Kazakhs are out, we strictly observe the speed regime in anticipation of the new Kazakh.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №130243
 03.07.2016
XHH: This is not a computer graphic.
WOW: You’ve borrowed your Pindos language!
HHH: And how then? A computing bulldozer?

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №130242
 03.07.2016
The words of a friend.

I was driving from work, I saw a car standing on the side, next to her a girl, the wheel broke. I stop to help. I say:

I: Girl, let me help you.

She: Are you married?

I: Yes

She: Yeah, I’ll ride myself.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №130241
 03.07.2016
The frequency behaves somehow not as described in his instructions.
We discuss with colleagues. Include the cleaning wherever possible at home. Track everything you can.
There are no bright ideas. Version - bug in the frequency firmware.

I would like to find out the source of his firmware, it would be more understandable...
Can’t you get inside it?
I can get through the ventilator.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130240
 03.07.2016
I mean, no one is putting anything on us. (
I: why nobody, except your mom and mine laughed ;-)

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