bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №130059
 29.06.2016
Are you going to watch the Olympics marathon?
Yyy: Marathon – Thousands of people run after five Kenyans on the streets of the city.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №130058
 29.06.2016
In the third grade I decided to leave the house. I wrote a letter to my parents about the fact that their refusal to take the dog from the street made me crazy and now we and Tuzik will live separately. I took a suitcase from under the sewing machine (everything you had was the same: brown with a fabric pad). She put her bags and went into the yard. She hanged it all on the child's bed under the tree and began to play with her dog.

By evening I was tired of it and I went home. Mom came from work and was surprised to see a suitcase with laundry stuff in the hallway. I hid the letter on the table. No one knew about my protest.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №130057
 29.06.2016
One company renewed the staff and hired a new CEO. The new boss was firmly determined to get rid of all the hollowers and scatterers.

Once in the hall, he noticed a guy who leaned to the wall and lazyly forged a light bulb in his teeth. There were other employees in the room, and the new director decided to arrange an indicative dismissal.

He strictly asked the man:

“How much do you earn a week? »

The guy looked at the director and said, “I’m earning $400 a week. »

The director said to me, “Wait here.”

He went to his office and returned in a few minutes with the money in his hand.

After giving the guy $1,600, he strictly stated, “Here’s your payment for 4 weeks. Now get out of here and never come back again! »

Satisfied with his deed, the director-general looked at the hall and asked a loud question:

"Can anyone tell me what this fool was doing here? »

A voice from the depths of the room replied:

“Of course, it was a guy from the pizza delivery service, he was just waiting to be paid! »

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №130056
 29.06.2016
Arcadia plays in the jacuzzi
With a lovely model.
The German Lincoln Bismarck
Three hundred to one.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №130055
 29.06.2016
Do you think students are not cleaning up in class? I have a lot of memories related to it.

For example, one day, my friend and I decided to wash the float floor. They took and poured out two bins of water on the floor, and then let it go there and there with swabs. Then the librarian came down to us. As you can see, it was running out of the ceiling.

Another time, we placed all the chairs on the sides so that when they fell, they clinged to each other like a domino. And it had to be done so that all three rows in turn hit straight, without our help. And we managed! This time the director came. Before the completion of the perfomance. But he did not stop and listened to the whisper with us until the end. Then, of course, the challenge of parents and all the business, but we managed! And the poor, how will they live now?

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №130054
 29.06.2016
The case was in 2010, at the time I lived in Russia for two years. Naturally, he began to acquire acquaintances, because man is a social being. One of the comrades invited me for my birthday, there were fifteen people, of whom I knew three. At the height of the seating in the forested terrain, I noticed that the people in turn drove away to the lake, the heat was terrible.

Well, not being a fool, I approach a girl who was sitting on a barrel near me:

and Andrey

Violet is

Let’s go to the lake with you?

Not too early?

Looking at the clock.

No, the water should be warm.

Go to (Hickey)

After 15 minutes, it changed direction.

Well, I think they came.

Wait for the lake.

There has never been a lake.

Such cases

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №130053
 29.06.2016
I live on the first. Neighbors from the 4th floor are big lovers of bustling. And about the existence of the urn under the dishwasher in the kitchen, they don’t seem to know. All the devastated tar is sent straight into the fortress.

As a result, after yesterday’s evening, under my window was a whole storehouse of joy for a business lady on plastic. Six empty half-toll breasts of strong beer and two bottles of vodka.

honestly? Tired of this landscape. I picked up my garbage bag, went out to the yard and gathered. and. and. And I hear a contempt from the second floor: “What, pig, is it ashamed? Clean it up!”

Should I have to raise my image in the eyes of my neighbors?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №130052
 28.06.2016
by 20770:
The PDD does not prohibit parking on the bike path if it is part of the road. Such rules, yes
Regarding the sidewalk, did you, lady, go there? The same regulations strictly prohibit cycling on the sidewalk, if there is a possibility to drive on a bike path or roadway (excluding children under 14 years of age). And take your bell deeper: the sidewalk is a pedestrian area and you should not be there, and if that happened, then you must move with pedestrian speed, giving the advantage, imagine, to pedestrians (again PDD, yes).
Imagine a motorist or motorcyclist who sits behind the wheel without knowing the rules and periodically rows on the sidewalks, signaling pedestrians with the demand to give up the road. was presented? It’s you, only the vehicle you have is technically easier.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №130051
 28.06.2016
XXX is Hi. Do you make translation stickers?
YYY: No
XXX: What is the thickness of the transparent PVC sticker?
YY: 80 grams
XXX is gram.? to
YYY: in sq m
YYY: please give 80microns
XX: Thank you for putting my brain in place. Or I was going to come to you. Liter by 3)

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №130050
 28.06.2016
kakawajazz: Well, I went into a wiki article about America. I think I’ll go out of Wikipedia in about four hours on some article about the laptop.

Xenon: If you get to the video of a little girl giving birth to a sheep – know, you swam on YouTube.

On the contrary, at two o’clock.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130049
 28.06.2016
To all who have stumbled on the debtor’s debtor – read the news.

Today the Tsar-batyushka signed the law on "anti-social behavior". Now it will be possible to punish and put on preventive account for actions that violate generally accepted norms of behavior and morality. "Norms of morality" will be determined by police and "volunteer patrol". It is also permitted to monitor the potential violators of these very "norms of morality".

Prepare, soon there will be a lot of such "morals" and the law is already on their side.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130048
 28.06.2016
It is after going through the hard road with a woman and having achieved success that many men change an old wife for a young one, because the old wife will always remind you of years of poverty.
— — —
But let us say the “truth” to the end – it is those who change the “old” wife, and do not put a new thing in a penny. Because they need a new one purely for self-affirmation, so that they admire how cool he is and has achieved everything.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №130047
 28.06.2016
Iceland before the match with England:
Could we get stressed and play in nothing?
Well, go on, we won’t win the English anyway. Better to drink beer.
But not all players understand the word "zabe" correctly. Even our players would have misunderstood it.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130046
 28.06.2016
I send my husband with a hint:
Girls love drama. That she screamed "Ah yeah? We break up, and she runs around the apartment, and her hair is like that, and you catch her like that, and I will not let you go. And you press it to the wall, kiss it, and it looks like it breaks out, but it is no longer. And then like sex. Here are the shows for girls like a cat cream".
Husband:...you’re not that...you’re too... I don’t even know how to say, but you just get off and you’re going to run...

In the meantime, the cream is broken :(

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №130045
 28.06.2016
The EU is now like a bus – then the question is:

Are you going out?

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130044
 28.06.2016
Practice shows that changing a woman for a more resilient you are not worth anything, despite years of support and support.
A few days ago I literally read "War has no female face" Alexievich, and I occasionally remembered something from there. For the accuracy of the formulations I do not guarantee, you can swallow yourself, the pieces in the burn were laid out. Many women who fought on the same level as men, who sat with them in the same barracks and pulled them out of the battlefield, after the war were unnecessary. Because men wanted something beautiful after the horrors of the war, there was femininity. And the uniforms, which were seen only in male shape and stitched boots, did not resemble the best. Probably not to blame them for that. But to hope for them, to hope that the "stone wall" will not collapse on its hill - it hurts a lot of honor.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №130043
 28.06.2016
...and for wearing lifts under the dresses.

Where are these “writers” recorded? Is the jump worth?

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №130042
 28.06.2016
Why does the Russian Federation not insure its planes? Or was the whole point in getting insurance and so much more from Turkey?
VFB: Tell me, dear man, which company can insure my armed forces...

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №130041
 28.06.2016
Black high socks in scarring, living with you not the first year, with an extended silky heels and in heels - throw out or leave until winter, if you have gentle feelings for them. Plastic shells and Vietnamese - only on the beach and in the pool.
Beach shorts in Hawaiian color, which are an alternative to sweaters, and purely sporty copies are used in appropriate conditions.

A combination of these three points is never allowed!

Now we buy minimalist leather sandals in the classic style. It is thin (!) uniform smooth socks 3-4 fingers above the bone. Ideally, they are not black, but colored (dark blue, brown, brown, grey) given that they will be covered with dust in the city for a day. With these records, the socks are changed daily and checked for traction and holes. And we buy straight-cut shorts, without a bunch of pockets, smoothies and other things, made of cotton, linen or jeans. Such shorts easily turn into old pants with wiped pants, which a caring wife / mother seeks you on the palm above the middle of the knee.

See also "Friends" You have already borrowed your dress codes.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №130040
 28.06.2016
My wife and I had a financial accounting program. Added category "Beauty". Previously, there was manicure and all sorts of spending on cosmetics. Recently somewhat jumped through. Today I saw a bottle of martini in this section. She will come home beautiful.

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