bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №156257
 06.05.2021
The beginning of zero, I am 5-6 years old. I go to the bar and ask for fireworks.

Children’s fireworks are not toys. The seller responds.

Give me a lighter.

Here is hold. So much of you.

After removing the light bulb, I still thought for a long time, what is the fundamental difference between the light bulb and the light bulb? And why can I arrange, in her opinion, the end of the world with the help of the light bulbs, but not with the help of the light bulb? I still do not know the answer.

[ + 41 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №156256
 06.05.2021
30,000 new churches built over the past 30 years and one semi-unconstructed cosmodrome. Yuri Gagarin would be surprised.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №156255
 06.05.2021
But we are still alive – those who have heard the stories of their grandmothers who survived the war.
Here is one of those stories.
We went to give bread. It was autumn and I came home late. I come home and I hear them crying. I heard the heart trouble. Neighbors and neighbors are crying, crying. Without words I understood: my dead. But I do not want to believe. I cannot! I am being informed of his death. She took him in her hands, her legs crashed, fell. When she recovered, the neighbor said, "Your at least had time to send a message before he died. And my unknowledge disappeared...” – “What news?” I ask. She gives me a letter "Together with the notification came! Now read it, do not read it, it will not be resurrected.” I began to read the letter... and joy! He is alive!
My grandmother kept this letter as holy. I read him. It says that the entire company, where my grandfather was, was killed in the attack. And he, wounded, lost consciousness, lay until night, and then, coming to himself, popped in the rear and stumbled upon our spies, who brought him to the sanatorium. There he met with the staff writer, who informed him that notifications about the death of the entire staff of the company had already been sent. “Don’t believe the news,” the grandfather wrote. I am alive, I am alive! This letter I write after the notification of my death was sent. I am alive! I’ll come back, I’ll definitely come back...”

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №156254
 06.05.2021
Even if you do not know about the author of Perro, it is easy to guess that "Red Hat" is a foreign fairy tale. We usually go with cakes from grandmother, not to her.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №156253
 05.05.2021
The southerner the Russian region, the stronger the economy there tries to stay in the shadow.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №156252
 05.05.2021
I am on vacation. After passing the registration, I approached the plane, and now together with everyone I climb the stairs. When I entered, I found that I was in a trap. Most sit in chairs, and some whose seats are closer to the tail, stand in the passage. I don’t know the reason, but it doesn’t matter. Sometimes it happens. Behind me, some aunt is loudly outraged, which is quite fair. She demandingly knocks me in the back, and loudly demands to pass, not to stand like a buried. I turn to her and with the utmost kindness, I propose to go ahead of me. I will wait. There was a loud laugh among the passengers. For the first time I saw a woman silently red, out of anger, but can say nothing.

[ + 30 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №156251
 05.05.2021
And remember how in 1974 the entire civilized West fell on Turkey after the annexation of Northern Cyprus? He fell asleep with sanctions, recalled diplomats, overturned economic relations, expelled from NATO and took military bases from Turkey, stopped selling weapons... Remember? I also do not remember.

[ + 10 - ] Comment quote №156250
 04.05.2021
Yesterday I was walking with my daughter, passing by her children. The garden, told me how the day before they went to lay flowers on a small memorial to the employees of the REB fleet, who is located directly near the garden. Then I am I, D is my daughter.

D: Dad, let’s come and look at the flowers that we and the kids from the group laid yesterday.

I: Let’s go, and where to go?

D: Yeah, for that, like him, the charge!



Ahah, the car was barely holding back so as not to explode. I explained, of course, that such a word is somewhat inappropriate, in relation to the memorial, although the word formation is quite logical.

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №156249
 04.05.2021
You read - the optimizers of medicine, and you think - the seals of cemeteries.

[ + 39 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №156248
 04.05.2021
A friend told a story.
His acquaintance gathered on the theme of Slavicism and unity with nature. It looks roughly like this:
The call. Ivan (let it be Ivan) takes the phone:
Hi dear man. A small gift to you. What do you need?
At that end, the subscriber is mad: Ivan, leaving, forgot to turn off the crane at home and now on several floors the entrance is poured down from his apartment.
Ivan, quietly listening to this, advises:
- You, good man, go up to the upper floor and turn off the stand there. I’m not home now, but I’ll come back in 3 hours and help you as much as I can. And honey is healing, all diseases will be removed with the hand... Ah, ah... Well, God help you.
After that, he returns to the interrupted conversation and continues: “Well, you’re drinking a good quas and you’re riding.
My friend, hearing the conversation, is in shock: How can you talk so calmly? I’d throw a bullet home now, knowing I’d throw people.
Ivan replies, "You know, I put my hand to the heart and I feel: the heart is calm. So everything will be fine.”
Having spoken slowly and having resolved the main questions (he was selling honey to a friend this time), Ivan asked: "You, good man, are leaving the city on Lenin's street, so throw me home along the way.
During the trip, Iwan was called by the phone. He said, “A low tribute to you, good man. “Yes, and thank God.”
Ends the conversation and reports: it turns out to be wrong and not in his apartment and not even in his entrance, the breakthrough occurred, and with the phone number mistaken. “I immediately felt in my heart that everything would be fine. So I did not worry.”
That’s how I met a real dude, summarized my story my friend.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №156247
 04.05.2021
Tomorrow, relatives will come to visit, we need a couple of glasses in the morning, or I can't stand that the enemies are around, and we have the best president.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №156246
 04.05.2021
I often go to the mountains and understand that in principle one careless step separates death and you can long on the slope of a mountain you can crawl to the valley itself, if you give up. This video is an additional warning to me.



YYY: One day in 2008 I fell from a slope and ran around a tree. Blood in the brain with hematoma. Now a programmer. Without Sarcasm



zzz: I got somewhat easier into programmers.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №156245
 03.05.2021
At the age of 17, he ran into a store near his home. A store of those who buy 1-2 houses in the house and open a store with a separate entrance. Overall, it’s quite normal and sellers are mostly familiar in the face.

I bought somewhere for 500 rubles, paid, I go out and look at the check machine. Two bottles of beer, which I did not remember. I go back to the store, I say, you accidentally broke my beer here. The saleswoman stunned, saying, I don’t know anything, bla bla bla.

I get a passport, I show, I say - in this case you sold beer to a minor. I have never received such a quick refund.

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №156244
 03.05.2021
Xxx: There was a case, too, in youth years. Swimming in the lake near was an abandoned archery. Here is a girl whispering to my ear, "Let's go alone in the bow." I said, “Don’t ask the question.” We go into the archery, we take off the swimsuits, well, and caught it) She oh yeah. And here through her breath is hichikanya. I turn my head, two girls stand smoking almost near us at five meters) Just when they ran into the bow, they did not see them, their eyes were not accustomed to the dark) But most importantly, my lady didn’t even understand what it was and continued to sneeze! They picked up the bullets and bullets from there. It was awful, and the adventures did not end. We decided to continue our sinful fall for the bow in the bushes, and only then after sex noticed that in the urticaria)

Yyy: The girls seem to have smoked in the process of contemplation. Lovers of the beautiful.

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №156243
 03.05.2021
Xxx: once lived with my wife in the same city, and to work I went to the neighborhood, and there I filmed (or rather, he was removed from solitary times) a house, a minimum of amenities, no household appliances, just wash, eat and sleep. suddenly introduced increased control, called home, warned his wife that he stayed for the second day. I went somewhere in the shoes for 60 hours, well, at 24 years it is not so fucking perceived. But the point is not that. Late in the evening, changed, disarmed, dropped 50 grams of cognac for heating (in the winter, the stove did not melt). Electricity at home in the morning. He came into the house and stumbled. I woke up from an incomprehensible hell. At three o’clock in the morning, on the right and on the left of two or three houses, the lights burn. My unseen with a tail! He knocks his shoe at the door! It turned out that she was struck by the betrayal that I did not stay at work, but decided to go to the left in such a non-combustible way. She sat on the passing train, ran to the house, and then decided to take the tail, which was lying in the yard near the wood, and knock on the entrance door, periodically running around the hut, but I am the mistress through the window will fuse, here she is on the back of her head and fucking! The astute plan gave a bit of a crack when I did not hear her knock for the first 10-15 minutes, but then dementia and persistence did break through my fatigue. I didn’t even make it, honestly. He let her go into the house and then went to bed, giving her the opportunity to search for the facts of hypothetical betrayal until morning. Yes, divorced, but later, and it’s a different story.

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №156242
 03.05.2021
Director of the FSB N. Patrushev spoke in defense of Tsar Ivan the Terrible.
Now we are waiting for a law from the State Duma of Russia on criminal liability for the discreditation of ophricity.

[ + 36 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №156241
 03.05.2021
What you can learn about a person while the elevator goes to the 8th floor

By nature I am positive.
I always catch a bag from my grandmother or grandfather who is at the entrance, trying to open the door and bring it to the elevator.
Sometimes bacon with water or half a bag of potatoes.

So it was this time, seeing from the back of the acquainted women with a cradle under the right hand I grabbed the shopping bag, opened the door to the entrance and we went under the pen to the elevator.
Thank you huge.
Now is the time that everyone should help each other, if neighbors and relatives stop helping, then how to live that?
- And I have no one, husband and son in Orléans (cemetary)
God, I was able to speak out of surprise. How is it?
There were tears on the neighbor’s face.

The son was thirty years old, died in the SPB on an operation. He was young and healthy, not sick. 5 Deputy Director. He did not go to work, his wife was called from work, she came and he lay on the floor. I called an ambulance. Two operations in Pskov, two in SPB, during the second operation died. So nobody could understand what happened. They did analysis, here and in Moscow, nothing was clarified. So they were buried.

While I was thinking what to say about it, and what to say here, she continued, fearing that the elevator would soon arrive and she would be banal with no one to talk to.
And my husband said in the morning, I want sour cheeks. He went to the market, bought meat, cabbage. I cooked, sat down to eat lunch, he was like swallowing, all shifted back, bleached, crushed and died. The doctors said there was a foreign object in the throat.
The doors of the elevator opened on my eighth floor. In a hurry to finish, the neighbor spoke quickly.
- I even sold the apartment there, could not there more, I bought it from you.
At that moment I was already out. Although I ate almost immediately, I don’t remember what she said. Well, what can be said, when this is the last 10 years of a human life, and the most tragic, in 40 seconds, from the entrance to the 8th floor.
The weight remains.

I remembered my grandmother sitting on a bench in the yard in the summer. I remember whose conversation that grandmother was a hero of labor, 30 years worked in Peter at the factory "Red October", if I am not mistaken or "Red Triangle", I do not remember exactly. I know someone is red.

I can’t remember if my grandmother had ever been there. And she really loves to talk, a couple of times I sat down with her on the bench when I was walking with the child and there was no better event for my grandmother than a conversation with someone from the neighbors.
There was a grandfather who played the harmonium, but then disappeared somewhere, as a couple of years.
No one has ever come to him either.

And how it should be scary and grievous to sit on a bench, watching people walk, take care of children, and you have no one and no one needs you. Not even talking to anyone. Everyone runs by, plunging into their problems, and we don’t pay attention to such grandparents sitting alone on the benches. They can be and are heroes.

In our small gardens, I know four such people.
I took the rule, if I see him sitting wherever I go, and if I have at least 5 minutes, I sit down and talk. They already know me by name.
Serena and Hello. You know I found a very instructive film here, about teenagers, write down the title and watch with the children.
– And Sereza, hello, and I’ve broken the radio, I wanted to listen and it...

What is most surprising is that no one speaks badly about the government, does not compare communists and capitalists, does not insult Putin. Discussing current issues, these grandparents are often involuntarily transferred to the time when they were young, during the time of the USSR. Maybe because then they had everything: family, work and communication, in general, everything that is not now.

The difference is that they existed then and they exist now.
If you have the opportunity, talk to such a grandmother or grandfather and you will understand how spiritually rich and good these people are than we are.
Give them at least 40 seconds, 40 seconds from the entrance to the 8th floor of the elevator.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №156240
 03.05.2021
In some countries, extremists explode and poison, while government agents fight corruption, and in other countries, the opposite.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №156239
 02.05.2021
I went home with my daughter on the train from my grandmother. In the morning, I wake her up, I say we come in, Daddy will meet us now, we need to gather. While she turned the bedroom to collect, the daughter began to wake the man from the neighboring shelf and a child's "shuff" on the whole car - uncle, get up sooner, daddy will come, you have to dress! No one slept anymore, we were accompanied out of the car under a friendly whistle, but the daughter of just a good uncle, who served her sweets in the evening, wanted to introduce her dad.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №156238
 02.05.2021
My wife took a toy from her hand. When I arrived at the home, no one answered. I call the number, the woman says she went to the store, soon will be.

I wait for 15 minutes and see a woman with a boy of five or six years. A package of products. I approach the entrance, asking you, you are from such an apartment. I get a positive response. I asked for help in delivering the package.

The woman gives the package, opens the entrance door. The dialogue continues, and the dialogue continues:

Q: Are you in our house?

I : Yes.

We enter the entrance.

C: Oh, you have the same package as us.

I: Yes, that is the same.

We approach the elevator.

Q: Uncle, what floor are you on?

I am on the sixth.

C: This is our floor.

We get up and go to the apartment.

Q: What apartment do you have?

I: Here is this.

A: This is my apartment.

The woman opens the door, we enter.

The boy turns around, looks at me and says:

Uncle, we don’t have to stay overnight. I have a dad.

Okay, I will not.

He laughed with a woman, took a toy and went.

And then how it came. I thought long.

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