A wife of soul:
and dear! I forgot the towel.
Man (without breaking away from the monitor):
Remember to...

I was divorced a long time ago. There were scandals, clarifications of who was to blame, flights of chairs on me, me on the floor, on my side of objects. There were bouquets of roses in my face when I refused to tolerate.



In one of his flights, the chair hit the heater standing next to me, leaving an impressive blur there.



The divorce took place, my son and I marked it with ice cream and swimming in the fountain and began to get used to the usual normal life. My son went to kindergarten, I went to work, we got well.



At the beginning of the year, I was asked about divorce. I was very upset, but I told you something. Including a chair and a heater. In response, my boss told her story, very similar, in which the chair flew into a luster.



And then, thinking, she added, "There was something that I doubted whether it was worth divorcing. After divorce, she sometimes regretted. And you know what helped me stay with my opinion? I got a luster that I never removed. The broken luster, which should have been my head instead.



Twelve years have passed since my divorce. There were many things, there were doubts and regrets. But I still keep that old terrible heater with a deep inhalation.



And you know, it helps.

Xxx: No doctor will tell a patient at the examination.



Yyy : Why? My gynecologist told me that I have a lovely whisper 😂



Xxx: Brother, such loud statements and without a photo, in a decent society to do is not accepted. So let’s, so to speak, provide evidence. At the same time, local specialists will check if it is not swollen, or how)



Yyy: I won’t buy it anymore!!! to

Do not disappoint! After all, you just need to want one wish you will have more.

About the rescue on the waters 3 (there was a joke if anything).
Run away, run away...
Or about unusual methods to high sporting results.
In my childhood I was often sick. Once 10 walked in the hospital with pneumonia and, as the doctors said, "the rich man will not grow up." Luckily, however, there was a clever doctor who advised me to go to some sport with aerobic loads. So I got into the light athletics section. At the time, anyone was taken there, the main condition was the absence of bad grades in school. I did not show any special talents there, I didn’t run fast, I didn’t jump far, so I was appointed a steward. The specialty was obliged to wave a billion circles through the stadium three times a week. Over time, I even learned to sleep on the run. By the way, running is the most convenient under a dull speech-distracts and less tired. My favourites were Winnie Pooh and Yellow Submarine.
After six months, I became a completely healthy boy, good sporting results began to appear. Six years later at 16, I got my first adult discharge and progress ended. The coach explained it by the fact that I reached my plateau. The KMS was 35-40 seconds at 5 km. He asked to run until the end of school, he had some accounts there. This has stopped...
For the New Year, the school organized a cool disco for us, not as usual in the gym, but rented from the heads of the DC. A joint event was planned for three neighboring schools. I wasn’t a fan of such activities, but I got caught up in such a megacity. I’m dancing with a girl and suddenly I see my friend beaten by three bats. He is a big guy, under 90 kg, and these are half heads lower and quite dead. Nevertheless, he does not resist them. As he approached them, he also had time to pour a glass of soda on his head. The OFP in our section was at a high level, and everyone was able to fight at the time. One immediately cut off, the second caught behind the neck and pressed to the floor, the third escaped. It seems to be a pure victory, but a friend is not happy and with the claim: "Why used, I could figure it out myself, now you Vova pi....".
What he meant I understood after the disco, when we were met on the street by a man of ten, many with armor in their hands. As it turns out, I "stumbled" on the beloved eight-born brother of the local Spanish leader. As a "serious" person, he can't forgive such a thing, his mother-in-law with a folder and his brother-in-law will cease to respect.
Shortly, I was "featured" very well, and the friend of shit left. They let him go, as if he was the right guy, not what I was.
I was very offended. Therefore, when they finished with me and went to smoke, he quietly got up, approached the headquarters from behind and gave his strong athletic leg a very delicious penny. Then he turned on his maximum speed and ran home. The pursuit was swift, where they would pursue me.
In the morning, my sister smashed my broken womb with some makeup and I went to school.
The class was very anxious, everyone was aware of what had happened and guessed what would happen next. Those who know everything told me the unhappy news that I humiliated a “very cool man” who has 100,500 frostbite and I have cranes. Those who know everything in general said that behind the frostbite is an even more "cool figure" - some authority of the Slippery or the Slippery, and maybe the Purulent. The former friend did not look in the eyes and tried not to light up. I’t beat him (I would be). It was immediately apparent that each classmate represented himself. I have to pay tribute to the guys, most have offered to help if needed. 12 people against 100500 did not stand and I refused. School and family, and especially the militia in our time to interfere in their problems was considered a "blunder", although then this word was not used.
My lifestyle has changed in a coordinated way. I used to go on training, now every day. They guarded me every day and in different places. My run was continuous, where before me was Forrest Gump. The only place where I felt peaceful was school. There on the guard was constantly the cleaning lady of Aunt Tasya with a wet cloth and the entrance to the friends was securely closed. I think if aunt Tase had to defend the Fermopolitan Pass, she would have done better than the Greeks.
In a couple of weeks, I got used to my position and started to look. What I was doing now is called trolling. For example: having the full opportunity to get rid of the persecution, did not do this, but kept a short distance. What exhausted the opponents to complete depletion and moral degradation. The cries and curses delighted me as a child with a new toy. A few times there were fools who ran faster than the others. They carelessly broke away from the peloton and got into the "bubble" after I sharply stopped and we turned out to be one-on-one.
All this bodyguard stretched to the May holidays, how they were not lazy I do not understand.
I had no options, and they?
It all ended in one day and immediately. What happened I do not know now. Those who know everything in general said that the "most important" Shiny or One-Eye, or maybe Sharp or Broken and the company, "settled" on the article, like diletants. I was used to being constantly vigilant and it no longer bothered me. Nevertheless, the habit of moving rush did not last long.
Four months of running did not go without a trace. At the end of May, I went to KMS. The coach was happy, began to be proud of his method and believed in himself.
Every investigation has a reason. The consequences of those days I felt a year later with a little when I entered the institute. The necessary scores at the exams I collected, but when enrolled it turned out that Rabfak needed additional seats on the day faculty and, part of those who passed the exams on the scores in front of them, on the full-time do not fall. I was among them, and in autumn I was 18, and I was definitely going to the army. This is where the sports qualification is needed. Gender ratio is 70/30 in favor of women. I was asked: you are ready to defend the honor of the institute in sports battles. Yes, I answered, and I was counted. And then, by the wicked irony of fate, I kept running for four more years.
P.S Funny, but it turns out that I am who I am, thanks, among other things, to the frozen spinach.
N.B The statements of the Gopnik have been translated by me into a language understandable to the reader, as far as I can of course.
The events took place from late December 1981 to May 1982.
by Vladimir.
Written and sent on 27.10.2022 at 17.00. of Yekaterinburg.
Someone clever managed to attribute and publish in his own name.

The third day I was alone with the cat. You know, a creature that only eats and sleeps is a company. The cat is boring.

xxx: A friend told that his ex-wife with moral principles typically does not change in the relationship, on the second date when they were at his house and everything was already going to sex, straight on the bed they were, she went to the bathroom and minutes after 5-7 returned and they started to fuck, one then and didn't give any importance, well apparently what hygienic procedures she did or what, and only after 5 years she told him why she went there, at this point she still had a guy to whom she called to say that they are separating, literally a minute before jumping on a new guy)) but technically yes, in the relationship she did not change

At the age of 18-19 in our company there was a girl, so to say, "easy behavior". We all knew about it, her friends and I. My boys and I even determined the order. The case is young. So I got the right to the first “Night.” In general, I invited her to myself, a sher-shevel, kisses, hugs began. Suddenly she stops and seriously says, “I’m not a prostitute, I only sleep with my boyfriend!” From surprise, I even stunned, but she immediately said, “Will you be my boyfriend?” What I still have to answer, 18 years, the "gun" is lifted. Of course, I agree with everything.



We did what we gathered for and she left. The next day, my friend came to her. She calls me and honestly says, “Sasha offered me to meet here, let’s break up? “” I generously give good to Divorce. Everyone is happy, the girl followed the principles, we followed the order.

Xxx: I went to the army in a plateau on a sidewalk. I was down, and on the upper shelf the grandmother was ugly. She said nothing to me, not even hinting how it was difficult for my grandmother to climb up, she went to the conductor, and she went to the lieutenant who brought us up. And all three came to me with almost a ride to say I gave up my grandmother's lower regiment. I was a little distracted by the situation, but reluctantly agreed, the more the lieutenant insisted a little. Since one hernia lower sidewear is not a gift too, especially in the compartment next to the door to the tampon (toilet there). Well, in fact, in the evening, someone of the passengers was drunk with wine, he became ill and he in an attempt to bring to the toilet covered his mouth with his hand and on the way the pressure exceeded and he bled all the place and her including. I’ve never been so happy with the upper side of the toilet.

Once in Sweden, such a case happened (it was told in a reality show on television). One man told him why his conscience tormented him:

When I was a kid, my friend and I decided to run a hamster on a parachute from the balcony of a high-rise house. We smashed the basket, parachuted, put hammer in the basket and let go. But the unexpected happened. The wind picked up our parachute and took it somewhere far away. I still cannot forget that. How could I have done so...? Suddenly there was a phone call in the studio. The caller asked:

Did it happen in that year? The man replied affirmatively.

When was the summer holiday in Stockholm?

“Yes, yes,” the man hurried.

I know what happened to your hammer.

What happened to him?” I could not believe the surprise guest.

“My daughter asked for a hammer for a long time,” the woman continued. I told her once, don’t even ask. We will have hamsters only if God Himself gives you them. The little girl raised her hands to heaven and said:

God, give me a hammer! We went to the city for a party. Suddenly my daughter says:

“Mom, I think God has answered the prayer! Look at it!” And right from the sky on the parachute, a hamster in a basket fell into her hands.

Women, remember: no gloss for the lips will ever compare in effect to the gloss of the eyes!

I have a friend. Since childhood, I counted every penny, hid everything and gave it to no one. The age did not change him. I tolerated this disadvantage, nobody was perfect, but he was still fun and kind. I went to the hospital and the car crashed. My parents are in another country, can’t come, I don’t have money, I call him. In an hour he was already with me, all my procedures were paid, and there were 200 thousand! After spending the whole day with me, he left with the words, “To you on your birthday.” I hadn’t even eaten sweets before.

Imagine that we have no corruption.
Has corruption already been overthrown?! to

Not when the past is with us, but when it is ahead of us.

She carried a cat in the plane in the cabin, while she fell asleep, he escaped. All the passengers are asleep, I walk through the cabin, quietly whisper, so as not to wake anyone up and get what the cat has released. The stewardess approaches and says:
“Don’t worry, he’s with the pilots, they’ll bring him back closer to landing, we’ve fed him. and rest.

The warning of the Ministry of Health on a pack of cigarettes "Smoking leads to impotence" is ineffective. “Impotence leads to smoking.”

I spoke to my girlfriend recently and she said:

I don’t understand why guys love porn so much. What’s so interesting about watching two people have sex?

I answered:

Two of them??? The people! → So, and I’t watch.

I come somehow to arrange in one office, which is a regional department of a large company.



Interviews a young man who suits me as sons.



Given my age, I decided to start off.



He begins to ask dumb questions and tests for first-class students. And likewise, all kinds of tricks like getting up from a chair without bending your legs under it and not bending your body, catching a bill flying between your fingers, etc.

In short, all those tricks that the students of 9th grade who know physics at least a little bit.



I looked at the case, and I say.



Can you do these tests yourself?



- What a family, I am the head of the department, call me Ivan Ivanovich.



“Ivan Ivanovich, you will be when you are my boss.

I repeat again. Can you do it yourself?



Of course, I work here, so I have passed all these tests.



I doubt, because these tests cannot be performed because of the laws of physics.



When I realize that I no longer have any light here, I begin to troll it.



Now let me introduce myself. Sergey Semenovich I work in your main Moscow campaign "secret buyer". I travel through regional representative offices and check their work under the guise of a visitor or candidate for employees.



And if you do not now complete all the tests that were required of me, you will be fired for incompetence.

(I would like to remind you that it is not possible to perform them physically.)



That was the look. I have seen such horror in my eyes only once before.



Having said that I’m coming tomorrow and he has the whole night to train, I dropped out of there.

I think it was the longest night in his life.

Xxx by Metro. Hour of Pick. There is not yet an old man sitting on the edge. On the contrary - a couple of students or just young office dentists.

A struggling aunt. She looked at the man:

The young man! Give up the lady!

Madam, are you not an officer? - Just moved forward his stick, hinting that he can't stand, - take off the young man.

They’re going to be foolish, and you’re intelligent.

The smoked man:

Are you serious about not sending me? Go go you fuck!

Pure theoretically, if a person is perfectly easy to spend money, it means that he has no problems with earning money. But the theory is a false fool!