bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №123534
 25.01.2016
Medium is pleased.
Offers a game:"Let you, mom, be a monster and you will pursue me and I will run away!"
I am:"Let me go. What kind of monster am I?"
son: "Eye...and let you be very terrible...HABBUL!"
I (restrained from the last strength):" And what does it look like and what does it do" :D
Son: It looks like a terrible big gorilla with nails. He runs after everybody, cries and cries!and "

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №123533
 25.01.2016
Patriarch of Moscow and All Russia Kirill on Monday, January 25, Tatyana's day, congratulated Russian students. Today, looking at modern students, you, my dear ones, I wish you not to be lazy. Do not regret yourself in your studies, do not be distracted by all the flow of excessive, rubbish information, which overwhelms you every day", - says the address of the patriarch on his page in the social network "In contact"."
Yyy: In particular, my dear ones, do not read all the shit I write in contact.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №123532
 25.01.2016
Interview with the bodybuilder:

Is there an official Bodybuilder Day in the year?

and no. We came from Podolsk, our local bodybuilders celebrate their holiday on Chemical Day.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №123531
 25.01.2016
1: Yesterday, the silver-colored DPS car, turning on the flashes, caused us to stop and then crashed into our back without having time to stop.
2: Looking for the details! deprived of the right? Is it caught in the cage?
3: And they will probably be given a medal for the most dangerous pursuit and tarantula!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123530
 25.01.2016
From the forum...
How to teach a husband to suck in the shell?
Hang the shell 10 cm higher.

[ + 12 - ] Comment quote №123529
 25.01.2016
I stand on the balcony, smoke, drink whiskey, dawn, grace...
Suddenly I see out of the dark window in front of the cockroach, and falls on the passing man under the windows.
The dialogue struck me with its simplicity:
"You are out!?" from below
"Let me walk under the windows at five in the morning!"
"I will go up and fuck you" - from below
"And I will go down and fuck you" - up
"I would get up, the current read me lazy, I’m tired" – from below
"I would go down, the electricity is reading me up... Okay, while the guy"
"Okay, so far, it was nice to meet" - from below...
I don’t understand the lies are all to blame, the intelligents have fought.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №123528
 25.01.2016
Sometimes I tax. A man calls at night, asks to pick it up from a bar and take it home at such an address. But after 5 minutes he calls back and then the phrase: "Oh, sorry. It turns out I’m already home and I don’t have to go anywhere" =)

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №123527
 25.01.2016
Survey: Who is more dangerous, vegetarians or feminists?
With vegetarians at least you can be sure that they won’t eat you!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №123526
 25.01.2016
Again the question of the purity of the Russian language.

I don’t understand why we should use foreign words (such as inflation and devaluation) if their literal translations (suppression and devaluation) are perfect in their meaning.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №123525
 25.01.2016
He filled my bed with roses today.
YYY: Why are you sad then?
He did this in the morning when I slept in that same bed! I woke up with the feeling that something cold and humid was falling on me, and I was scared... I opened my eyes – there were roses on me. Well, I say, very nice... and then I got up, kissed him and started collecting them... He asks me if I ever slept on roses, I don’t, I say, and he said to me, “So sleep!” and looked like if I don’t fall on these roses right now and sleep, he will put them on me next time with the stems.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №123524
 25.01.2016
As the saying goes, if the mountain does not go to Mohammed, then Mohammed goes to the mountain. The Jews did not want to go to the Middle East, settled in Germany. So the Arabs go to them.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №123523
 25.01.2016
He was called into the army (1962). Distributed to training for missile troops specialists. 3000 students in various specialties (I am a radiologist). Officer teaching staff. Daily lessons on theory and practice. Everything is normal, but there are also their "pleasures" in the form of sergeants, ensuring order, order, sports training, etc. Sergeants are a special people (although they did not hear about grandparents at the time). Get up in the morning! And while the lighthouse is burning, the students have to get up, dress up and get up! If you failed, repeat it! And so on... In order to maximum results, the sergeant could have extinguished the lighthouse earlier. This is a chronometer! The students were fierce, but humiliated. However, they finally decided to stop this case. While the lighthouse was burning, all 70 students went out, dressed on the march. The sergeant at this time stood in one of the passages between the two-storey beds and waited. The students appointed the healthiest (Ivan of Donbass) to the role of the exhibitionist. He was supposed to "inadvertently" push the sergeant out of the passage to the way of the flying students. Furthermore, 70 pairs of boots (there was something to recall) went through the tormentor's legs. The group was built on the street near the barracks - there is no sergeant! They stand, the system does not leave. Eventually, the sergeant was in the sanctuary. They didn’t kill, but it didn’t seem. The next day, the colonel (the head of the school) built all the students and long explained what to do and over-execute, but not to the same extent. All the other students of the school thanked us for the soldier’s cleverness. The officer took note. It continued to get better.

[ + 39 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123522
 25.01.2016
Reading the fungal reference book, I noticed that poisonous mushrooms have one common feature – YUPCA on the leg. I was struck by a terrible guess...

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №123521
 25.01.2016
One person appeared to us today, such people are called "autoledi". All such light, air, non-terrestrial, and other but with an exhausted battery. She picked a battery and began to make a purchase.

And here this lady says:

"And put it to me in exchange for the old one, right here, on the street, what are you standing, you're a man?

In response, I asked her to sew me a hangover and wash my dirty dishes while I was changing the battery, but I heard the angry-irritating, "Which is it that I should sew the hangover and wash the dishes?"

She was asked, “Why are you a woman?”

From the lady there were many words about the male goats, the type of knights translated and so on, the purchase did not take place.

I am for what? If you want equal rights, you get equal responsibilities.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №123520
 25.01.2016
The idea for the film in the genre of family drama: A young couple, consisting of a man and a woman, lives soul-to-soul, despite the small scandals and tricks that are inherent in any relationship. The only problem they have on their way is the infertility of the woman, and as a consequence, the inability to conceive the child they so desire. After they have tried the ruins of courses and methods of treatment, they decide to turn to traditional medicine. On the advice of one acquaintance, they go to a healing mountain lake, a dive in which heals, according to the stories, any ailments. After the woman completely submerged and got out of the water - the affairs of the family went on. After the birth of the child, even small scandals disappeared from their lives. A few years later, early in the morning, a man receives a message that as a result of the earthquake, the water from the lake has gone, and not his bottom found the body of his wife.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №123519
 25.01.2016
What kind of sexual education can be discussed if a mid-aged aunt (never married and no children) declares that all the troubles in Russia came from condoms
and birth rate from them dropped (not from the standard of living, which dropped sharply in the 1990s)

And the youth they corrupted and they began to have sex, and before it was only for the birth of children (on the number of abortions in the time, they persistently remain silent).

PS has been and will be at all times.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №123518
 25.01.2016
xxx: I begin to suspect that every application of Windows updates when restarted goes through a personal confirmation from a Microsoft employee, and he has been thinking for a long time whether to apply them.

[ + 11 - ] Comment quote №123517
 25.01.2016
Continuing on the topic of the Mushroom.

The men went on the snow trail.
The master of the mountains, Bars, attacked their crowd.
His fate is sad!

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №123516
 25.01.2016
So I thought. Why is everyone talking about DiCaprio? Was he hurt because of his decency? At the dawn of his career, when he was a cute sweet boy, he rejected the offer of some hasty star-growth, and he vowed not to see him an Oscar as long as the lover of boys was alive.
The fact that some reward has been received may mean that the old star is still dead.
Nobody knows, there, last year, nobody suited to throw off the cloves?

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №123515
 25.01.2016
A conversation between two web developers.
xxx: how do I want the introduction of the death penalty for the curved sites, the nerves are lacking
YYY: So we would have been dead.

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