bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №122394
 29.12.2015
I pass through the skyrim and now at the moment when he was making a pilgrimage to the High Hrothgar. For those who have not played and forgotten: The game itself says that on the way you need to overcome 7000 steps. And in the head comes the thought that there is a man in love... well, in general, their 6755, ambassadors.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №122393
 29.12.2015
Two servicemen came to my parents to connect the internet. While they walked from the shield home, pulled the wire, my mom began to cramping - the guys came pretty early, at 8-30.



When I saw my mother running around the apartment, splashing covers and pillows over the cabinets, one of the cable workers said to me quietly:



- Wherever we come, at what time we do not come, everywhere we get to the cleaning time at the client.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №122392
 29.12.2015
It is better to be the boss of a company than its soul.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №122391
 29.12.2015
Yuri Nikulin was once asked what place he occupies in the Soviet circus.
Nikulin said, “I’m the second clown in the Union.”
Who is the first? I asked him in response.
The first is fucking, he said.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №122390
 29.12.2015
Instead of criticizing the government’s work, they would take it and try it themselves.
Okay let me try.
This is a call for the overthrow of power.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №122389
 29.12.2015
The Employee:
management created to NG "rules of conduct for employees"
There is all kind of fancy about tolerance, not mating in slavery, business style of clothing, and so on.

The violation of the rules is punished by collective moral condemnation.

We sit reading, here the employee (well, Petrovich cast out of the anecdotes) says:
That means I will be placed on a pioneering line and will scream "shame! The shame! It is shameful!"
Do you want to "go on"?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №122388
 29.12.2015
From corporate chat:

Konuhoff has joined the server at 12'07"03.
NickSoid228: Oh, Tyumen is awake! The Sup! On the dild fly, you said the statistics to the whales failed. What happened there?
Konuhoff: Something unpredictable in the leadership! The whole outlet in the ball lies in the directory with a dock. Including a copy of the case.
Veloniger-1972: Fuck all our branches already know what is unpredictable. One of the cockroaches rolls into the server.
NickSoid228: Because you’re a humanitarian fucker, and I’m deadline.
Konuhoff: Well, we’re here nerds of our homeland fucking. I have two techniques.
Veloniger-1972 [to all]: Gentlemen, you didn't get the chat with questions: in the glorious city of Tyumen, a local advertising deer wiped out the minor daughter of his lover. That’s why he got the agenda and fucking at the same time. Therefore, the glorious proud tumeen before ng in the ass by indicators. Now working, black people, the sun is high.
NickSoid228: Director of Affiliate Webb Minor Daughter of His Lover
NickSoid228: We have become too sharp in Europe.
RoSeBuTtErFlY: In addition, somehow too sharply Europe became Tyumen.
Konuhoff: Go to the whales. We are a model of morality. And the fools and perverse are sent to Moscow to PMJ. Since the year 1586.
NickSoid228: Apple is dismissing MS employees for the same reasons.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №122387
 29.12.2015
The first copy of the Pagani Huayra has been put on sale. It is worth $2 million, despite the name.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №122386
 29.12.2015
The Truth:

Moreover, there is this most monstrous tolerance only in the Russian-speaking segment in the form of a scare...bla-bla-bla...And the Europeans don’t know.

Tell my niece in Munich. Refugees were admitted to the school, and advertisements were posted everywhere that girls should now dress more modestly. The natives of Bavaria, fucking, in their native Munich village of Puhaum, are instructed to wear long sweaters and cover their hair, so as not to offend the feelings of the visitors!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №122385
 29.12.2015
volohonsky: Read "Doctor Zhivago" What else to read about depression?
Scukonick: Source of the Linux kernel.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №122384
 29.12.2015
News on the Tape: "The 15-year-old boxer Ike Ibeabouchi decided to resume his career". It would be strange with such a name to be a pocket man. What kind of career does he want to resume?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №122383
 29.12.2015
Dukar: — From the point of view of the student of teaching for 30 years - deep old people))
KillerV: – Stop... Don’t confuse with kindergartens.
Phisic: – Satisfactors probably don’t think so.
Twuk: Seriously, 30 for them is retirement, menopause, erectile dysfunction and that’s all.
KillerV: – Nea, classmates, I remember trembling in orgasm cramps, when a nice couple led the pairs. That’s why I went to graduate school.
Triumph: That is the motivation!
KillerV: - Then I bought VTX, I was given and I quit science.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №122382
 29.12.2015
insight> How to behave if you hear from the management - "You are just a coder"? I do not suffer from excessive HSV. Middle is me.

PaulYoung> Boss: "You are just a coder!" Middle: "What-o-o-o-o???!!and "

mad_nazgul> Chef: "You are just a coder!" Senor: "Ura-a-a-a!!!!!!and "

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №122381
 29.12.2015
Fifth floor with balcony. From the window opened for the frost, attracting the attention of passers, a thick white smoke rushes through the pillar. Just below the window is a bright poster with large letters:

Stop calling the firefighters!!! to
It is steam, not smoke.
On the balcony electric grill, boiling steak.
P.S I want to be silent."

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №122380
 29.12.2015
A box fell on my head.
What was in her?
– Nothing
In the box?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №122379
 29.12.2015
Review of "The Force Awakens"

You will release me and leave the door open.
I will release you and leave the door open.
Throw the machine on the floor.
I will throw the machine on the floor.
The voice from the room: and a big potato fries, please

(Stay in the bed)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №122378
 29.12.2015
In cheap mathematical analysis textbooks, logarithms are used instead of natural logarithms.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №122377
 29.12.2015
Call of the ambulance at 2 p.m. on the occasion: "a stroke of the face, bleeds from the mouth, cannot speak." We come: a young family couple, a wife about 30 weeks pregnant, her husband has all the signs of a fracture of the lower jaw. While he was gathering, the circumstances of the injury are clarified: it turns out that his wife broke him from the elbow, because she was very angry that he was on her... breathing!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №122376
 29.12.2015
I participated in sports competitions and the following conversation occurred at the time of registration (I-I, O-organizer):

A: The name of the name?

I: Tsymbayev, through y

A: I am not stupid, I know the rules of Russian language

I: so according to the rules must be through and

(She looked at me very badly and put something under her nose.)



After the competition I get the literature, and in it: Tsimbayev

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №122375
 29.12.2015
And whoever is of good reason shall go to Israel for three or four days.
Yyy: We travelled for three full days to Jerusalem. And, by the way, a couple of years before that for the same 3 days to India - for the sake of the Taj Mahal. Who needs something...
Zzz: And I drank alcohol royal at the time. But that doesn’t characterize me as a man with a healthy mind.

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