On the archive of the Camedi Club you can see how a person grows fat!

X: I ordered a MacBook in America, the package came bite. Yes yes exactly. The square box was bitten a corner, along with the macbook, they managed to bite a piece of aluminum. But the coolest thing is something else. The package was insured and I demanded compensation for the damage. They weighed the package and paid compensation from the calculation the amount of compensation is proportional to the amount of the bite. As a result, someone bitten a piece of MacBook and it cost them only 8 thousand.

Xy: Why are you lying so strangely?
xx: I am an androidoscope, I lie as comfortable as my charge.

(Discuss possible problems with the tomograph)
xxx: Well, now I know that the loss of consciousness by the patient and the leakage of the roof is one collar for doctors.
YYY: There were still items “Patient wrapped on the tomograph,” but we decided not to go into details.

A smart girl will always give up her values for the values of a rich man.

On the subject of the written customs spaniel.
We and the service dog visited once, the owners offered to "check the dog", said, will find something or not. It was assumed that the dog would show hunting bullets on the table or a safe with a rifle. But the first was the room of a 19-year-old son, at whose bedroom the dog was lying. In the box from the disc was found grass. In general, what was the baby - I don't know, and I missed a bottle of martini and a huge box of candy, and the dog - a layer of beef cutting almost its weight.

The Islamic State has stopped the car of a Christian couple.

The Islamic State: “Are you a Muslim?”
The Christian says, “Yes, I am a Muslim.”
ISIL: “If you are a Muslim, read the Qur’an.”
A Christian told a poem from the Bible.
ISIS fighter: “Okay, you can go.”

After a few minutes, the wife, barely translating the spirit, says to her husband, "I can't believe how you took such a risk. Why do you say we are Muslims? If he knew you were lying, he would have killed us both.”

“I was terribly worried. If they knew the Qur’an, they would never have killed people.”

I watched the movie "The Martian". I liked the movie in general, although not much of the book. One moment is incomprehensible and disappointed even to some extent(((( This is Sean Bean. He didn’t die in the movie.? to

Bosses like to threaten: there are no irreplaceable ones. This also applies to bosses.

A good joke, but where did you find such a West?

All the difference between our and Western mentality can be seen from the turnikets in the subway. The western system turbines are closed, but they will open immediately as soon as you pay for the ticket. Soviet turnikets are always open, but if you do not pay, they strangely and painfully beat below the belt.

I don’t know about the entire western system, but in Germany, for example, there are no turnikets in the subway. Entrance is free (not to be confused with free). Check in the car once a month.

optimism - hanging on the cafeteria-dining room in the commercial area advertisement "fourchets, banquets". I imagine a dialogue somewhere before the wedding.
I found a great restaurant on the English coast.
- No, I want a wedding banquet in the cafe near the pipeline plant No. 27!

When do you have a diploma protection?
YYY: in November
XXX is November 23
Oh... Oh... I forgot...
Xxx (facepalm)

My wife and I drink beer and talk.
I: Americans have almost no children, they have such a specificity of age restrictions that even Limp Bizkit does not hear until a certain age.
Wife: Hear, their children drive a car from 14 or there 16. They marry anybody!

I always like how you dress, but your wardrobe is somewhat... strange.

Memento_mori: I don’t have a closet – I have a costume.

Voice at work:
An admin who became a seashnik is like a man who became a member of the parliament.

XHX: Not cushions, but highly specialized software solutions

From the smoker:
She touched the brain.
Okay, she is a psychologist.
“No, you didn’t understand, she physically touched them, speaking like a plasticine by feeling.

News on Yandex: Roskomnadzor blocked four articles of Wikipedia due to drugs. What drugs prompted Roskomnadzor to block Wikipedia articles?

A thousand bucks in a license is a scam! I worked in a software office and there the marketer originally solved the problem of piracy and increasing sales - he persuaded the bosses to throw a pre-release beta with glucs and some shortcomings on torrents (without specifying this, of course) and in the agreement to indicate the information about the premium.
Is it necessary to say that in the official version there was nothing like this, but those who read this - ran to buy the license, because. In principle, it should have been more...

He sharply and unexpectedly sneezed for himself during the shaving. Gillette, thank you for living.