bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №121192
 29.11.2015
In short about the essence of U.S. culture: The grabbing of a turkey on Thanksgiving is when one turkey is grabbed and all the others are cut.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №121191
 29.11.2015
The power of words.

One day, young Thomas Edison returned home from school and handed a letter from a teacher to his mother. The mother read the letter to her son out loud, with tears in her eyes: "Your son is a genius. This school is too small, and there are no teachers here who can teach him anything. Please teach it yourself.”

Many years after his mother’s death (Edison was already one of the greatest inventors of the century at that time) he once reviewed the old family archives and stumbled upon this letter. He opened it and read, “Your son is mentally retarded. We can no longer teach him in school with everyone. So we recommend you teach it yourself at home.”

Edison wept for a few hours. Then he wrote in his diary: "Thomas Alva Edison was a mentally retarded child. Thanks to his heroic mother, he became one of the greatest geniuses of his century.

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121190
 29.11.2015
Two Odessites look at the Statue of Liberty.
– Sho don’t say, but this is a monument to Aunt Sonne. Only she could go out to welcome guests with a compulsion in one hand and receipts for the apartment in the other. In the night and in the bikes.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №121189
 29.11.2015
Satrap: I decided to make a hamon. I first salted my two legs - for the third week as they are weeping. The smell is empty.

Saddam XY: A nightmare! They mock the bodies of animals and taste them! Here I did not go down to my cellar for 8 years, and here I went down recently, and there are 4 bunkers of cucumbers and 2 bunkers of sour cabbage. Cucumbers are like new! This is Hamon. I can share breakfast. Take it?

Satrap: You can, only the third is needed: one with a hamon, the other with cucumbers of 8 years old, and the third - a balsamizer with its mummy, and you can peel.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121188
 29.11.2015
(The culinary discussion

I also like salad with mayonnaise ;D Especially silk under the shirt, I think :P
But I want, trees, times of diversity!

Cacüentó: Cucumbers, brins + tomatoes + tuna + sweet rye onions. Fertilizer - olive oil, vinegar by taste, peppermint and pumpkin seeds.

Greek girl: fucking, I read this as: Ingredients are corn, brunch, tomatoes... Where do they get corn??? ;D ;D ;D

Bobrika: Fuck, I’ve read it five times – and it’s really a cowboy. Then I realized that it was a treat ;D

Nicole White: I've gotten my brain off until I realized it's a nick ;D

Kukuška: Good that I didn't take the nick of Rediska ;D Otherwise the people would be broken to make redish salads with tuna ;D

Kmp2013: That’s the idea! There is something else to add and you can try. At least it will be original.

cagüentó: Gosh.. coconut, sorry for the inclusion in the recipe. It is so good that my head boils. I’m not going to fix it, I’m going to be proud of it ?

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №121187
 29.11.2015
In a large package (for eighteen or twenty-four flomasters) there is a pink-beige for the contour of light skin and a light-brown for the contour of smooth skin.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №121186
 29.11.2015
I locked up with my husband in the bedroom. Children think we are doing love, and we are dealing with their New Year’s gifts and hiding them.

[ + 14 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121185
 29.11.2015
On a ferry to Crimea, a man approached the local and asked - where, here you can take a photo of the bridge. He replied, “Only on TV.”

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №121184
 29.11.2015
For a long time in the internet looking for information and choosing between the counterflow and the fortan (additives such as in the engine), now advertising on the sites a complete repair of engines, boxes and hydroamp;... it seems that Yandex knows some undocumented function of these additives! Oh, somewhat linked because I already put it in the engine...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №121183
 29.11.2015
Lectures of literature.
We will discuss what you have read. So why do you think Raskolnikov killed the old lady?
The spoilers!

[ + 20 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121182
 29.11.2015
The political situation in the world at the moment: We kill people who kill people because killing people is bad.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121181
 29.11.2015
Quotes from NGU teachers

Has anyone done it at home? Well, such as personal growth, individual development, faith in a bright future, humanity wants to Mars. No one? Of course, humanity will wait and Mars too.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №121180
 28.11.2015
Man is fired. The director puts an extreme signature on the round sheet. The man taking the paper says:
- You know, Mikhail Petrovich, but in the Middle Ages you would not have lived a few days?
Why is?
Because then the pirates were immediately burned on the fire.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №121179
 28.11.2015
<Dima_server2> No, Mishan, you are not right at all ) Strings it is convenient, and breathes everything )
<kaivolker>... I didn’t know you were breathing this.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121178
 28.11.2015
I want to confess. I think I’m the brother of that guy with dollars.

A few years ago I dreamed of a motorcycle – put off, borrowed, bought for 10,000 and in three weeks there was a sale and it was only worth 8.
Then I got to work in a good office, where there were normal conditions and salaries. Two months later came the masks-show, the entire "top" was placed or heavily fined.
Two and a half years ago, I began to think how good it would be to gather friends, and next year, in the fall, with a large crowd, to organize a motorcycle race around the country, to go to Crimea for a month... And Crimea no longer belongs to my country.
Two and a half years ago, checked a good deal with real estate for a couple with a comrade, he asked what is better for you to pay - in hryvnia or dollars, because of this. They counted on us and that and that. I decided the grills, tk. He had to repair his house and had to buy a lot of materials. Literally a couple of months later, the hryvnia rose to 12, then to 16, and then generally to 30. I have never bought any building materials.
A year ago, one of my acquaintances called to Hungary or Germany, to choose. International company, good position, living conditions, prospects to quickly get a residence permit, move a family. He began to learn the language, prepared the documents, began to undermine all the affairs at home, and then it turned around, all Europe is unstable.

I have two questions, guys.
1) What else should I mention?
Brother with Dollars, find yourself!! to

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №121177
 28.11.2015
What a tolerant tiger.
The love of evil...

[ + 15 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121176
 28.11.2015
Applicants of the Institute of Hydrodynamics named after Lavrentiev.
- "Mom, I decided to go to ISIS!"

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №121175
 28.11.2015
Congregatio: And it’s true—who said that you can’t get good about people? By the way, one of the first works about the captain was the Gospel. There was a cool guy under the year fashion. Normal book is done.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №121174
 28.11.2015
>>> as some husbands do, it is better to fuck with a borsch

I wonder - is it so strong principle of "no sex before the wedding" or are they doing some special magic that instantly and irrevocably turns your spouse into impotent? Otherwise, how do you marry a man who is so dissatisfied with you? According to the principle "the main thing is that a person is good"? So don’t worry, you didn’t order sex. Or does his fucking potential decrease already in the process of family life? If so, don’t you think it’s not just your husband’s fault?

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №121173
 28.11.2015
We are asked who in Russia will be called fascists next week?

- The biggest chances to get this title have Russian long-distance drivers.

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