bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №117632
 22.08.2015
If the mints want to get you, and you are lucky - they will throw arms and drugs, and not luck - cheese and chamomile.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №117631
 22.08.2015
In the near future, one of the Nobel Prizes will be awarded for the invention of methods:
to develop it;
to recognize;
to hear.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №117630
 22.08.2015
Rowling once wrote that she was sitting on the GP forum, she was asked in an interview: "Did you not be offended there?" She: "Well... how to tell you. In the discussion, I was told that I did not know the canon".

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №117629
 22.08.2015
In the department of seven people four Leny. In order not to be confused, they are called by name. It seemed like everyone used to it, but yesterday one phrase still broke my brain:

Elena Nikolayevna, Elena Ivanovna called. She is in trouble with transportation and is 20 minutes late. Give Elena Petrovna, or her cell phone is turned off.

Voice from the corner:

“No, if I have a daughter, I will only call her Dzdrapperma, and no other!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №117628
 22.08.2015
xxx: so Denisca led you to hysteria)) what? Again about dynamic routing for a romantic dinner?)
YYY: Yes, I agree with that already. admin became a sanitary technician - well, it happens, but when he said with a smart look "judging by the logs of the reservoir, he has at least three babies" - here I stumble and drowned

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №117627
 22.08.2015
Literally half an hour ago.

In the store, a considerable room is quite tightly filled with long stands with samples. The narrow passages are narrowed even more by the product just received. A metre away from me, near the exit passage, the seller (P) unpacked and unpacked the boxes. Beyond it, two buyers carefully slip into the remaining free narrow space. The seller bitterly breathes and complains in the space:
Q: Well why would everyone pass here, tightly, boxes, go into another passage?
I: (looking there) There are big bags, and also tight
Q: Well, you would see - a man stands, fights with the goods
I: There is also a man.
P (surprisingly looking at me): This is the buyer!

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №117626
 22.08.2015
We were now out of the forest. Right on the road is a writer. And the dog has never seen such a uncle. She is terribly afraid of the incomprehensible. Here is here. A man with a strange detail.
Agriculture and Agriculture!! The dog wept out of horror.
Remove it! My uncle is rattled.
Can you clean it first?
Do I have something to clean?! to
“Not God knows what, of course, but there are kids walking here,” I said politely.
Here the uncle for some reason came into the feeling and shouted: "Fuck! There are two people!"

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №117625
 22.08.2015
The new toilet cat will not only kill the microbes under the toilet, but it will also be nice to spit the eggs.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №117624
 22.08.2015
Tomorrow at 5 p.m. a family gathering. Appearance is mandatory. The officer will check it personally.
Comrade Lieutenant, I have no one to do.
Take the prostitute.
and expensive.
Rubles for two hundred.
For two hundred I’t even introduce myself to your brother.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №117623
 22.08.2015
Hi my friend! How many winters! How do you live, who are you currently working for?
Yes yes, a little bit. The job is easy, sometimes I even hold millions in my hands without noticing it.
Wow, nothing to do! Not that I work hard, but I have one penny in my pockets. What kind of work do you have?
Tickets are sold at the lottery.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №117622
 22.08.2015
I need a cat filler.
This is a taxi shop.
I am aware.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №117621
 22.08.2015
I brought to my parents souvenirs from Belarus - 3 kinds of sausages of different shapes: a stick, a wheel, and such a small stick half the usual size.
I gave my father souvenirs and went to work.
After a while, a call from my dad:
Q: I found the sausage, so I chose the smallest to try. You know why?
I : No
Q: Mother will come, I’ll show her the sausage, I’ll say it’s very delicious, and I’ve eaten half-fingers.
I’ll hear what she tells me about it.)

O_O

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №117620
 22.08.2015
Eight legs in the bar are delicious. When they open a big bowl and fly with sauce
Yyy: And I thought the chopsticks were baked under the cheese.
I don’t know much about how to make chopsticks. In fact, all I know about the chopper, I have eaten in the hentai.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №117619
 22.08.2015
@Ryjipes
@svetachalova Can you name a dog?

@svetachalova
@Ryjipes Robin

@Ryjipes
@svetachalova is a girl, daughter of what on the profile

@Ryjipes
@Svetachalova Must be on A to start.
Do I ask for a passenger?

@svetachalova
@Ryjipes No, not the norm. It can be called Ahueno.

@Ryjipes
@svetachalova Ohuen's name is "Ahuenno". This is like on the street:
“Ahueno, Ahueno, to me Ahueno!

@svetachalova
@Ryjipes have you seen Ahuenno? Give me a foot! Ahuenno is lying! Ahueno is dead!

@Ryjipes
@svetachalova If I get caught up, I will not give you up anyway

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №117618
 22.08.2015
"Military camouflage "Berezka" looks at this phrase with some confusion, if decently expressed."

The MO looks at the military in camouflage "Berezka" with great surprise. Because in the 99th year, this colour was replaced by the "Kamish", which successfully lasted until the appearance of the "Numbers".

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №117617
 22.08.2015
E-V-S: Cheaper in Russia can only ruble.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №117616
 22.08.2015
People become especially honest when they see someone stealing more than them.

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №117615
 22.08.2015
There was one man who was remarkably calm in every situation, both in the home and in the business. Situations that took anyone out of themselves, but not him. One day someone asked him why he was calm and he revealed a secret: “When I get into an anxious situation that can pull me out of myself, I remember one of the moments of my life. I remember a voice with a southern accent from a loudspeaker: “Russian landers, I propose to surrender. Everyone is guaranteed a light death.” When I recall this incident, I realize that the worst moment of my life is behind me and there’s nothing to worry about.”

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №117614
 22.08.2015
Coming from the village, father and son go to the theatre on the "Leban Lake". Ballet in the middle. Son to Dad:
Why are they all on chickens?
I do not know, son. A lot of spiders. Probably the whole garden in shit.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №117613
 22.08.2015
What about Indaykin and Yachkin?
* * * * * * * * * * * *
In the presence of my dean. Students came to work. I scream a call. I recalled all and shouted the last name (and I see that one student remained unrecalled, i.e. It should be it.)
I am an egg.
and silence.
I am (a little louder) an egg!
Silence and hiccups.
I (already loudly, and about myself) - Yaichenko!! to
She (modestly so) – maybe Yashchenko?

Yes, the lists were written then (in 1995) by hand, young people do not understand...


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